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  • FIRST POST
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 5th Sep 17, 12:59 PM
    • 33Posts
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    han_nah95
    Boyfriend Not Saving
    • #1
    • 5th Sep 17, 12:59 PM
    Boyfriend Not Saving 5th Sep 17 at 12:59 PM
    Hiya


    Hopefully someone can help and let me know how to approach!


    5 years ago my dad bought a house which he rented out and I would pay him back the deposit (£50,000) Last year me and my partner decided we would both pay my dad back within 5 years.
    We have worked it that we would need to save £350.00 per month in order to do this. All was ok when we suggested it and it was do-able for both of us. He is on a more money and less outgoings, I am finding it tight.


    However we are now 2 months in and he hasn't bothered and isn't showing any signs of starting to save. I have asked him about it to which he replies he can't afford to save the £350 however can afford to buy "luxury" items. When I ask about it he just gets annoyed and says I don't have a say on what he buys. I have offered to reduce the saving and pay dad back over a longer time but says he will have it and to not get involved. I have asked if maybe he doesn't want to buy the house back which is ok I just want the truth.


    I don't want it to get 5 years down the line, I have my half and he doesn't have anything. Last year we were buying the house and then re-mortgaging after the fixed rate and paying dad back that way, he freaked and didn't want to buy it anymore so we are now renting (paying double to what the mortgage monthly costs would have been)


    Is there anything else I can suggest or am I being to selfish asking him about the "luxury" items?


    xx
Page 4
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 6th Sep 17, 12:42 PM
    • 1,235 Posts
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    pearl123
    As long as the £50,000 is paid back whatever "profit" is made is for me and my bf.
    Originally posted by han_nah95
    Is this real world or monopoly. I sorry but this does not sound right. ?????
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 12:46 PM
    • 33 Posts
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    han_nah95
    Why would your boyfriend want to help you pay of a deposit if there is nothing legally in name?
    I certainly wouldn't.
    Originally posted by pearl123

    Why would you put someone on documents that could walk away with half of it without paying for it?


    We won't be paying dad back gradually, we both have separate savings accounts to which we will give in one go to pay for it. I can understand his reservations if we were paying it back gradually as I would have doubts about someone holding that amount of money
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 6th Sep 17, 1:00 PM
    • 15,128 Posts
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    Guest101
    Why would you put someone on documents that could walk away with half of it without paying for it?


    We won't be paying dad back gradually, we both have separate savings accounts to which we will give in one go to pay for it. I can understand his reservations if we were paying it back gradually as I would have doubts about someone holding that amount of money
    Originally posted by han_nah95
    It may help if you could explain the value of the house on purchase and the value now?


    Is it actually worth more?
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 6th Sep 17, 1:16 PM
    • 1,235 Posts
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    pearl123
    Why would you put someone on documents that could walk away with half of it without paying for it?


    We won't be paying dad back gradually, we both have separate savings accounts to which we will give in one go to pay for it. I can understand his reservations if we were paying it back gradually as I would have doubts about someone holding that amount of money
    Originally posted by han_nah95
    Why would a person pay into something unless there was paperwork to say that in the event of a split they'd get 50% or a percentage back!
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 6th Sep 17, 1:25 PM
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    gettingtheresometime
    So, putting random figures here, are you saying that


    - the house was bought for £200K on a btl interest only mortgage for £150K with a deposit from dad for £50K


    - the idea was to give dad his £50K back and then what ?


    a) you have the house given to you and dad pays off the mortgage by some other means or


    b) you have a mortgage for £150K and give dad back his £50K?


    If it's a) then I can see why the boyfriend may be a little reluctant to save - after all would the house be then put into joint names (would dad be happy with that???) or just yours (would boyfriend be happy with that??)


    If b) then there's obviously some other reason he's reluctant - how long have you been together ? Does he think you're pushing the pace for example?
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 1:53 PM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    So, putting random figures here, are you saying that


    - the house was bought for £200K on a btl interest only mortgage for £150K with a deposit from dad for £50K


    - the idea was to give dad his £50K back and then what ?


    a) you have the house given to you and dad pays off the mortgage by some other means or


    b) you have a mortgage for £150K and give dad back his £50K?


    If it's a) then I can see why the boyfriend may be a little reluctant to save - after all would the house be then put into joint names (would dad be happy with that???) or just yours (would boyfriend be happy with that??)


    If b) then there's obviously some other reason he's reluctant - how long have you been together ? Does he think you're pushing the pace for example?
    Originally posted by gettingtheresometime

    Yes that is correct with option B. We have been together for 2.5 years. Last year his tenancy contract ran out on the flat he was renting and it was him who suggested to buy as we both had a decent deposit. I just don't know why he keeps changing his mind when he suggests it. I know that's a his question and he is normally really opinionated and speak out so I'm not sure.
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 1:54 PM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    Why would a person pay into something unless there was paperwork to say that in the event of a split they'd get 50% or a percentage back!
    Originally posted by pearl123

    That would all be documented when we get the mortgage and money is handed over.
    • Hermia
    • By Hermia 6th Sep 17, 2:28 PM
    • 4,114 Posts
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    Hermia
    If we split now then my dad gets the house (as it is his and nothing has been paid back) if we split once we have given back the £50,000 but we haven't mortgaged it will be dads and we get our money back. If we have mortgaged the house and paid dad back and we split then we sell and get half each.


    Why should it be in both my and my bf's names? Dad bought it and we haven't paid anything back. If it was in our names and we split he is entitled to half but not spent anything towards it?
    Originally posted by han_nah95
    Has this been made clear to the bf? And have you promised his name will go on the deeds the moment he hands over his half of the deposit? I wonder if he might be withholding his money because he is worried he could end up with nothing in a split. I have known parents really turn against their child's partner in a split (especially if the partner was to blame for it) and encourage their child to give their partner nothing. He might feel the odd one out if you are close to your dad. Or he might just be wondering if he is still too young for all this.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 6th Sep 17, 2:41 PM
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    gettingtheresometime
    It does sound strange that your boyfriend doesn't want to buy the property, at some point in the future at today's prices but there again I know if I keep on pressing a point, then hubby will go into stubborn mode with an argument soon following - and tbh I'd predict that if you keep on at him, I wouldn't be surprised if you split up.


    It may be as something simple as I'm 24 I don't want to be saving and not having fun or having a mortgage. He may, as hubby sometimes does, agreed with you to buy the house because it gave him a quiet life


    My advice would be to drop the 'we'll pay dad off in 5 years' tack and take up the 'we'll save £50,000 as soon as we can and see what we decide then' attitude


    You may decide that you don't want to live in the house by the time you've saved up this amount, or that you do and you want to buy it off your dad - after all the price isn't going to go up is it?
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • phillw
    • By phillw 6th Sep 17, 2:43 PM
    • 937 Posts
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    phillw
    We're only hearing the OPs side of the story here.......don't be so quick to judge her boyfriend.
    Originally posted by goodwithsaving
    Does that matter? They don't seem suitable for each other.

    Why should it be in both my and my bf's names? Dad bought it and we haven't paid anything back. If it was in our names and we split he is entitled to half but not spent anything towards it?
    Originally posted by han_nah95
    If it's in both your names then you'd have to specify what the split of the property was when registering with the land registry, the standard is 50:50. Having a different split would likely probably need agreement from the mortgage provider though.

    If it's registered 50:50 but he's not paying into it then it gets messy if he decides to sue you for half.
    Last edited by phillw; 06-09-2017 at 2:54 PM.
    • Sambella
    • By Sambella 6th Sep 17, 2:55 PM
    • 346 Posts
    • 322 Thanks
    Sambella
    If you are giving the £50k to Dad won’t you still need a deposit to get a mortgage on the amount you need to borrow (reduced by £50k) to buy it?
    • phillw
    • By phillw 6th Sep 17, 2:59 PM
    • 937 Posts
    • 555 Thanks
    phillw
    If you are giving the £50k to Dad won’t you still need a deposit to get a mortgage on the amount you need to borrow (reduced by £50k) to buy it?
    Originally posted by Sambella
    I assumed it was the same 50k.

    They give 50k to conveyancer, mortgage company gives the rest. The mortgage company money pays off the dads
    mortgage, dad gets the 50k.
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 3:07 PM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    It does sound strange that your boyfriend doesn't want to buy the property, at some point in the future at today's prices but there again I know if I keep on pressing a point, then hubby will go into stubborn mode with an argument soon following - and tbh I'd predict that if you keep on at him, I wouldn't be surprised if you split up. For the last couple of months I've just left it and hoped he would do it on his own, I admit I was probably too pushy at the beginning when he first suggested it (i think i was a bit too excited) but I backed off quite quickly as soon as I realised if he was pushing me I probably wouldn't like it.


    It may be as something simple as I'm 24 I don't want to be saving and not having fun or having a mortgage. He may, as hubby sometimes does, agreed with you to buy the house because it gave him a quiet life I'm starting to sense this may have been the case - but what I'm struggling with the most is he suggested it so what has changed his mind? The realisation of having to save? Although we both looked at finances and agreed a amount we would both be comfortable with.


    My advice would be to drop the 'we'll pay dad off in 5 years' tack and take up the 'we'll save £50,000 as soon as we can and see what we decide then' attitude This is the approach I have taken with the if we can see it going up each month it will keep us motivated


    You may decide that you don't want to live in the house by the time you've saved up this amount, or that you do and you want to buy it off your dad - after all the price isn't going to go up is it?
    Originally posted by gettingtheresometime
    Nope, price isn't going to go up. We either pay the money back and have the house or we use it for a deposit for another house, we wont have lost anything.
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 3:12 PM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    Does that matter? They don't seem suitable for each other.



    If it's in both your names then you'd have to specify what the split of the property was when registering with the land registry, the standard is 50:50. Having a different split would likely probably need agreement from the mortgage provider though.

    If it's registered 50:50 but he's not paying into it then it gets messy if he decides to sue you for half.
    Originally posted by phillw

    It is currently in dad's name and as soon as money is transferred it will be in both of our names with a 50/50 split
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 3:17 PM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    Has this been made clear to the bf? And have you promised his name will go on the deeds the moment he hands over his half of the deposit? I wonder if he might be withholding his money because he is worried he could end up with nothing in a split. I have known parents really turn against their child's partner in a split (especially if the partner was to blame for it) and encourage their child to give their partner nothing. He might feel the odd one out if you are close to your dad. Or he might just be wondering if he is still too young for all this.
    Originally posted by Hermia

    Yes, and we are both now thinking of it as we are saving for a £50,000 deposit (we already have £20,000) for a house whilst renting the house we are in (i try not to say dads house incase that's the problem) I'm thinking maybe he has thought about it and has decided against, but he is normally really open so I'm not sure.
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 6th Sep 17, 3:28 PM
    • 15,128 Posts
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    Guest101
    It is currently in dad's name and as soon as money is transferred it will be in both of our names with a 50/50 split
    Originally posted by han_nah95
    You will still need a mortgage! This is the bit that keeps cropping up
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 3:32 PM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    You will still need a mortgage! This is the bit that keeps cropping up
    Originally posted by Guest101

    I assumed it was the same 50k.

    They give 50k to conveyancer, mortgage company gives the rest. The mortgage company money pays off the dads
    mortgage, dad gets the 50k.
    Originally posted by phillw



    Obviously it may be different by the time with the world and everything for us to actually get a mortgage but we could get a mortgage last July with a £20,000 deposit on this house so anything is possible. But I am aware things may change drastically
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 6th Sep 17, 3:43 PM
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    pearl123
    In a thread on 19th July this year said that you had a mortgage and and brought the property off your Dad!
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 3:56 PM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    In a thread on 19th July this year said that you had a mortgage and and brought the property off your Dad!
    Originally posted by pearl123

    That was the plan - halfway through the process bf "freaked out" and decided not too. Hence we are now renting it and saving again to buy it. Maybe I should just accept a year down the line even if he suggests it, it wont happen?!
    • Kayalana99
    • By Kayalana99 6th Sep 17, 4:16 PM
    • 3,337 Posts
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    Kayalana99
    You will still need a mortgage! This is the bit that keeps cropping up
    Originally posted by Guest101
    Yes, she has actually mentioned that she will get one multiple times! Given they have an excess income of £700 to save + rainy day money + paying £750 a month I think they will be fine!!

    The mortgage isn't the issue at all!
    People don't know what they want until you show them.
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