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  • FIRST POST
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 5th Sep 17, 12:59 PM
    • 33Posts
    • 3Thanks
    han_nah95
    Boyfriend Not Saving
    • #1
    • 5th Sep 17, 12:59 PM
    Boyfriend Not Saving 5th Sep 17 at 12:59 PM
    Hiya


    Hopefully someone can help and let me know how to approach!


    5 years ago my dad bought a house which he rented out and I would pay him back the deposit (£50,000) Last year me and my partner decided we would both pay my dad back within 5 years.
    We have worked it that we would need to save £350.00 per month in order to do this. All was ok when we suggested it and it was do-able for both of us. He is on a more money and less outgoings, I am finding it tight.


    However we are now 2 months in and he hasn't bothered and isn't showing any signs of starting to save. I have asked him about it to which he replies he can't afford to save the £350 however can afford to buy "luxury" items. When I ask about it he just gets annoyed and says I don't have a say on what he buys. I have offered to reduce the saving and pay dad back over a longer time but says he will have it and to not get involved. I have asked if maybe he doesn't want to buy the house back which is ok I just want the truth.


    I don't want it to get 5 years down the line, I have my half and he doesn't have anything. Last year we were buying the house and then re-mortgaging after the fixed rate and paying dad back that way, he freaked and didn't want to buy it anymore so we are now renting (paying double to what the mortgage monthly costs would have been)


    Is there anything else I can suggest or am I being to selfish asking him about the "luxury" items?


    xx
Page 3
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 5th Sep 17, 7:10 PM
    • 7,789 Posts
    • 26,120 Thanks
    Primrose
    I think your boyfriend has both saving and commitment issues.
    I would set up a savings account in your name, pay any funds to your dad in your name, and have any house rental or mortgages in your name until you boyfriend can come up with a long term history of saving this share of the bargain.


    If he's freaking out at this kind of commitment I'd be very wary of getting involved with him financially in any way.
    • Diary
    • By Diary 5th Sep 17, 10:01 PM
    • 573 Posts
    • 751 Thanks
    Diary
    I really feel for the OP, from what I've read she's being duped by her boyfriend and her dad.

    OP at your young age you really shouldn't have to make your relationship work with your boyfriend - can't bring myself to type 'partner' as he sounds so far removed from that term - he's hiding something or doesn't feel the same way about commitment as you do. Don't get yourself so financially entwined it takes years to remove your boyfriend from your life.
    • goodwithsaving
    • By goodwithsaving 5th Sep 17, 10:12 PM
    • 688 Posts
    • 1,029 Thanks
    goodwithsaving
    We're only hearing the OPs side of the story here.......don't be so quick to judge her boyfriend.
    Every time you borrow money, you’re robbing your future self. –Nathan W. Morris
    • indiepanda
    • By indiepanda 6th Sep 17, 7:11 AM
    • 965 Posts
    • 6,439 Thanks
    indiepanda
    When I was buying my first home in the 90s it wasn't that unusual to be buying your own home that young, but 24 is quite young to be buying a home by today's standards. Maybe he understands the logic of doing so (hence having agreed to it in the first place) but is uncomfortable with the reality and so is rebelling by spending his money frivolously?

    Not saying it's ok and yes he should be talking to you about it, but sometimes people aren't self aware enough to be able to articulate to themselves why they are acting in a certain way, much less explain it to anyone else. Or it could be he is scared to admit how he does feel about it as it's hard to separate commitment to buying the home from commitment to the relationship and he might be uncomfortable with the former but not the latter, and not want to risk losing you.

    I am not the first person on this thread to be confused by the arrangement you have with your Dad and how the finances stack up... which makes me wonder if possibly the issue is your boyfriend too feels like he is being ripped off but is uncomfortable discussing it as it's challenging your father?

    At the end of the day, all this is hypothesis and the only way to find out is to talk calmly about it with your boyfriend, but not from an accusatory "you said you would do X and you aren't doing it perspective" but a "here's what I am observing, and this is how I am feeling as result, and I'd like to understand how you are feeling" Good luck.
    • Kayalana99
    • By Kayalana99 6th Sep 17, 9:16 AM
    • 3,336 Posts
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    Kayalana99
    Why is this so confusing?

    The Dad bought the property to rent to his daugther so in future she could buy it, it was never a gift, it was him giving her a helping hand as she (them?!) wanted the house so they choose to do it this way so he put a large chunk of money into buying it.

    I can only assume, that if they were renting another property it would be on par with £750 in rent. Why should the Dad give her a discount off a rental property? He's got money invested in this property that he could easily be charging someone else £750 so why should he just HAND her £100's a month that would have been in his pocket if someone else was in the house?

    Are parents really expected to pay for their children even through adult hood? He's spent 18 + years paying out for day trips, food, roof over her head ,yet all he gets is bashed for now (hopefully) using his money to enjoy his life with the freedrom that comes from not having kids and not giving them more handouts (which they obvouisly don't need if they can afford £750 a month in rent + £700 to save)

    Honestly OP, I'd make no plans for him to have half the house or get married anytime soon.
    Last edited by Kayalana99; 06-09-2017 at 9:19 AM.
    People don't know what they want until you show them.
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 6th Sep 17, 10:08 AM
    • 15,128 Posts
    • 14,763 Thanks
    Guest101
    Why is this so confusing?

    The Dad bought the property to rent to his daugther so in future she could buy it, it was never a gift, it was him giving her a helping hand as she (them?!) wanted the house so they choose to do it this way so he put a large chunk of money into buying it.

    I can only assume, that if they were renting another property it would be on par with £750 in rent. Why should the Dad give her a discount off a rental property? He's got money invested in this property that he could easily be charging someone else £750 so why should he just HAND her £100's a month that would have been in his pocket if someone else was in the house?

    Are parents really expected to pay for their children even through adult hood? He's spent 18 + years paying out for day trips, food, roof over her head ,yet all he gets is bashed for now (hopefully) using his money to enjoy his life with the freedrom that comes from not having kids and not giving them more handouts (which they obvouisly don't need if they can afford £750 a month in rent + £700 to save)

    Honestly OP, I'd make no plans for him to have half the house or get married anytime soon.
    Originally posted by Kayalana99


    The reason it's confusing is because the OP says in the first 4 years she paid £3,600, which is approx. £75 a month.


    The second reason is that we don't know what happens to the mortgage once they have the £50,000 together.


    No parents aren't expected to provide free housing. BUT parents shouldn't look to profit from their children either. That's my opinion anyway.
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 10:18 AM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    The reason it's confusing is because the OP says in the first 4 years she paid £3,600, which is approx. £75 a month.


    The second reason is that we don't know what happens to the mortgage once they have the £50,000 together.


    No parents aren't expected to provide free housing. BUT parents shouldn't look to profit from their children either. That's my opinion anyway.
    Originally posted by Guest101

    I paid £200 a month for 18 months!


    I either buy the house off my dad £50,000 less or I put it towards a deposit for another home.
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 6th Sep 17, 10:32 AM
    • 15,128 Posts
    • 14,763 Thanks
    Guest101
    I paid £200 a month for 18 months!


    I either buy the house off my dad £50,000 less or I put it towards a deposit for another home.
    Originally posted by han_nah95


    So there is absolutely no benefit to you in this deal? How would the house be valued? What happens to the mortgage?


    I feel sorry for your boyfriend, you are impossible to talk to!
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 10:43 AM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    Why is this so confusing?

    The Dad bought the property to rent to his daugther so in future she could buy it, it was never a gift, it was him giving her a helping hand as she (them?!) wanted the house so they choose to do it this way so he put a large chunk of money into buying it. This was the decision me and my dad made when he originally bought it. I would have a starter home in the future to move into to be able to buy it off him minus whatever I had paid back. However with my bf suggesting last year to move into it happened sooner than expected.

    I can only assume, that if they were renting another property it would be on par with £750 in rent. Why should the Dad give her a discount off a rental property? He's got money invested in this property that he could easily be charging someone else £750 so why should he just HAND her £100's a month that would have been in his pocket if someone else was in the house? Completely agree, why should he reduce the cost because I'm his daughter. He has already given me £50,000 to pay back over a long period of time. All he cares about is getting the £50,000 back. If when we have that £50,000 and decide or have seen another house we can buy we get the £50,000 back and all profit the house has made goes to dad. If we want to buy the house still we give dad the £50,000 buy the house for that amount less.

    Are parents really expected to pay for their children even through adult hood? He's spent 18 + years paying out for day trips, food, roof over her head ,yet all he gets is bashed for now (hopefully) using his money to enjoy his life with the freedrom that comes from not having kids and not giving them more handouts (which they obvouisly don't need if they can afford £750 a month in rent + £700 to save) My father has worked every hour he can and some would say unluckily for me I have picked that up from him. Everything me and my sisters have asked for we have got (to some extent) we haven't missed out on school trips / holidays. And both sisters also have a house when they are ready. Luckily both me and my bf are in well paid jobs and I have worked full time since leaving school (6 years ago) and looking we both can live comfortably with £750 rent and £350 each of savings plus our regular "rainy day savings".

    Honestly OP, I'd make no plans for him to have half the house or get married anytime soon.
    Originally posted by Kayalana99
    Thankyou and after speaking to dad last night it is best to keep everything in dads name, keep individual savings account and see what happens. Have arranged a "meeting" with bf tonight so hopefully I can get some more answers / opinions from him....
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 6th Sep 17, 10:47 AM
    • 15,128 Posts
    • 14,763 Thanks
    Guest101
    Thankyou and after speaking to dad last night it is best to keep everything in dads name, keep individual savings account and see what happens. Have arranged a "meeting" with bf tonight so hopefully I can get some more answers / opinions from him....
    Originally posted by han_nah95


    That really does say it all, I'm out - goodluck to you and your BF, I really think you'll need it.
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 10:49 AM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    So there is absolutely no benefit to you in this deal? How would the house be valued? What happens to the mortgage?


    I feel sorry for your boyfriend, you are impossible to talk to!
    Originally posted by Guest101
    Mortgage is in buy to let so we would have to "buy it" from my dad minus the £50,000 and the profit the house makes me and my bf receives. Dad just wants his £50,000 back.
    The benefit is me buying a house off my dad at a lot cheaper rate - me currently paying £750 for rent is nothing to do with my dad and what he is making. That was both of our decisions to rent it for that cost to cover the mortgage.


    Luckily your not my boyfriend if I'm impossible to talk to! However this is typing not talking and communication is something I find hard to do over a computer
    • Kayalana99
    • By Kayalana99 6th Sep 17, 10:56 AM
    • 3,336 Posts
    • 5,967 Thanks
    Kayalana99
    Mortgage is in buy to let so we would have to "buy it" from my dad minus the £50,000 and the profit the house makes me and my bf receives. Dad just wants his £50,000 back.
    The benefit is me buying a house off my dad at a lot cheaper rate - me currently paying £750 for rent is nothing to do with my dad and what he is making. That was both of our decisions to rent it for that cost to cover the mortgage.


    Luckily your not my boyfriend if I'm impossible to talk to! However this is typing not talking and communication is something I find hard to do over a computer
    Originally posted by han_nah95
    I think there is a difference between not being clear and them not agreeing with the situation and scrutinising it.

    I agree my Dad worked very very hard to be in the position he is in today and he has helped me out through the years given me the odd 1k gift here and bought me a car when I first past my test etc, he also has rental properties but I'd never dream of asking him to live in one at a discounted rate as these are his investments.

    Money is a funny thing and people have strong views about it unf, but I still don't understand this view of parents should just hand out to their kids like that. Only result would be spoil kids who don't want to work!
    People don't know what they want until you show them.
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 11:08 AM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    I think there is a difference between not being clear and them not agreeing with the situation and scrutinising it.

    I agree my Dad worked very very hard to be in the position he is in today and he has helped me out through the years given me the odd 1k gift here and bought me a car when I first past my test etc, he also has rental properties but I'd never dream of asking him to live in one at a discounted rate as these are his investments.

    Money is a funny thing and people have strong views about it unf, but I still don't understand this view of parents should just hand out to their kids like that. Only result would be spoil kids who don't want to work!
    Originally posted by Kayalana99

    I didn't want to come across rude towards "Guest" but I wasn't sure how to respond :/


    Essentially it would have been a lot simpler if we just bought it last year, mortgaged further down the line for his £50,000 given it back and sorted However my bf freaked didn't want to go through with it so here we are renting a property to save for another property. Just so happens to be my fathers.


    Maybe the alarm bells should have been ringing when he freaked initially.


    Thank you xx
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 6th Sep 17, 11:12 AM
    • 15,128 Posts
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    Guest101
    Mortgage is in buy to let so we would have to "buy it" from my dad minus the £50,000 and the profit the house makes me and my bf receives. Dad just wants his £50,000 back. - But he still needs to pay off the mortgage

    The benefit is me buying a house off my dad at a lot cheaper rate - me currently paying £750 for rent is nothing to do with my dad and what he is making. That was both of our decisions to rent it for that cost to cover the mortgage.


    Luckily your not my boyfriend if I'm impossible to talk to! However this is typing not talking and communication is something I find hard to do over a computer
    Originally posted by han_nah95
    Fair enough, but the numbers just don't seem to add up.


    If the house was £200,000, you would still need a mortgage for £150,000 for your dad to pay off the loan.
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 6th Sep 17, 12:07 PM
    • 1,232 Posts
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    pearl123
    So if you split who gets the house once it is paid off? Is it in both you and your boyfriends names? If not then I'm not surprised you partner is not contributing.

    It sounds a right mess and I'm not surprised its as muddle as a result.
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 12:20 PM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    So if you split who gets the house once it is paid off? Is it in both you and your boyfriends names? If not then I'm not surprised you partner is not contributing.

    It sounds a right mess and I'm not surprised its as muddle as a result.
    Originally posted by pearl123

    If we split now then my dad gets the house (as it is his and nothing has been paid back) if we split once we have given back the £50,000 but we haven't mortgaged it will be dads and we get our money back. If we have mortgaged the house and paid dad back and we split then we sell and get half each.


    Why should it be in both my and my bf's names? Dad bought it and we haven't paid anything back. If it was in our names and we split he is entitled to half but not spent anything towards it?
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 12:26 PM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    So if you split who gets the house once it is paid off? Is it in both you and your boyfriends names? If not then I'm not surprised you partner is not contributing.

    It sounds a right mess and I'm not surprised its as muddle as a result.
    Originally posted by pearl123
    Is it in both you and your boyfriends names? If you were renting and saving to buy a property (regardless of if it was the one your tenants in atm) would you request for the house to be put in your names? This is essentially all our situation is..?!
    • Ames
    • By Ames 6th Sep 17, 12:29 PM
    • 16,467 Posts
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    Ames
    I think I'm as confused as everyone else!

    If you're living there and paying rent to cover the mortgage repayments, who is getting the benefit of the mortgage going down and therefore equity going up?

    You keep saying you haven't paid anything towards it, but then you say you're paying rent to cover his mortgage. While you're doing that the value of your dad's asset is increasing.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.

    Reading the alphabet in 2017. 21/100
    ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
    • han_nah95
    • By han_nah95 6th Sep 17, 12:37 PM
    • 33 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    han_nah95
    I think I'm as confused as everyone else!

    If you're living there and paying rent to cover the mortgage repayments, who is getting the benefit of the mortgage going down and therefore equity going up?

    You keep saying you haven't paid anything towards it, but then you say you're paying rent to cover his mortgage. While you're doing that the value of your dad's asset is increasing.
    Originally posted by Ames

    It is on a buy to let interest only mortgage - so the mortgage won't be going down monthly.
    Were paying the £750 rent just like any other tenants.
    As long as the £50,000 is paid back whatever "profit" is made is for me and my bf.
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 6th Sep 17, 12:38 PM
    • 1,232 Posts
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    pearl123
    Why would your boyfriend want to help you pay of a deposit if there is nothing legally in name?
    I certainly wouldn't.
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