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    • andygb
    • By andygb 2nd Sep 17, 8:46 PM
    • 11,672Posts
    • 25,097Thanks
    andygb
    Tring to lose weight - accusations and blame
    • #1
    • 2nd Sep 17, 8:46 PM
    Tring to lose weight - accusations and blame 2nd Sep 17 at 8:46 PM
    I know that that sounds a bit strange - but
    We are both trying to lose weight, and we were both managing to do that, until we both found new jobs.
    I was able to keep on going to the gym each day and keep fit, as long as I stuck to my personal diet (too complicated to explain, but basically a mix of carbs, fibre and prtein which worked for me - as it had done 30 yeqrs previously as an athlete).
    My OH has not been able to keep on going to the gym (as I fully understand, given her journey, the fact that she is kncakered when she comes home).
    So, I have been eating my usual food, including cashew nuts (which I love), and have been slowly cutting my weight down (in spite of my office job).
    My OH has been doing no exercise (has not joined the cheap works gym), has been eating the same food (more cals less exercise) and yet blames me for her weight gain, because she eats nearly the whole packet of cashew nuts each day, despite my best efforts to hide them from her.
    What should I do??????
Page 3
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 5th Sep 17, 9:11 PM
    • 15,353 Posts
    • 8,737 Thanks
    motorguy
    I'm all for people losing weight together, but its difficult when one partner isnt pulling their weight.
    You are not special. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
    • zagfles
    • By zagfles 5th Sep 17, 9:21 PM
    • 12,238 Posts
    • 10,169 Thanks
    zagfles
    When my wife turned 40 she committed to walking a mile a day to help lose weight.

    Shes 46 now and i've no idea where she is....
    Originally posted by motorguy
    Around Istanbul I reckon...
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 6th Sep 17, 12:39 PM
    • 1,162 Posts
    • 1,189 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    Weight loss is a really personal thing. Its great to encourage each other but be careful of criticism or blaming her for not sticking to the agreement. Everyone handles it differently and whats easy for one, might be a real challenge for someone else. I am overweight and posted a few months back about feeling down because of constant ( well intentioned) comments about my weight. My mum would always comment - you don't need that cake / you would feel better if you lost weight / here is an article about weight loss/ go for a walk this afternoon / you used to be slim / your husband deserves a slim wife / you will get diabetes/ your clothes will fit better..... Simply put I feel she is embarrassed by me. What started as a weight issue has now really knocked my self esteem.
    So what I'm trying to say is your well intentioned comments could lead to upsetting her and making the issue worse. I started over eating in secret for example.
    Maybe also don't buy nuts? Some trigger foods are best just not had in the house. Over eating can be an addiction so don't have temptation around. Try and boost her confidence too. A happy person who believes in themselves will do better than someone who feels a failure.
    Last edited by Fireflyaway; 06-09-2017 at 12:39 PM. Reason: R
    • OldMotherTucker
    • By OldMotherTucker 6th Sep 17, 2:39 PM
    • 7,061 Posts
    • 15,565 Thanks
    OldMotherTucker
    Weight loss is a really personal thing. Its great to encourage each other but be careful of criticism or blaming her for not sticking to the agreement. Everyone handles it differently and whats easy for one, might be a real challenge for someone else. I am overweight and posted a few months back about feeling down because of constant ( well intentioned) comments about my weight. My mum would always comment - you don't need that cake / you would feel better if you lost weight / here is an article about weight loss/ go for a walk this afternoon / you used to be slim / your husband deserves a slim wife / you will get diabetes/ your clothes will fit better..... Simply put I feel she is embarrassed by me. What started as a weight issue has now really knocked my self esteem.
    So what I'm trying to say is your well intentioned comments could lead to upsetting her and making the issue worse. I started over eating in secret for example.
    Maybe also don't buy nuts? Some trigger foods are best just not had in the house. Over eating can be an addiction so don't have temptation around. Try and boost her confidence too. A happy person who believes in themselves will do better than someone who feels a failure.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    Whilst I agree to a point, I wish people had been a bit more upfront when I started piling on the lbs a few years back!
    Should have joined Borrowmydoggy.com
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 6th Sep 17, 2:46 PM
    • 2,743 Posts
    • 6,115 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    Whilst I agree to a point, I wish people had been a bit more upfront when I started piling on the lbs a few years back!
    Originally posted by OldMotherTucker
    Didn't you notice your clothes were getting tighter or that you had to buy bigger sized clothes?


    I did but it was only when I looked at a photo of me that I faced the harsh reality of the situation and did something about it
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - the Argos Card!
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 6th Sep 17, 3:51 PM
    • 12,688 Posts
    • 16,881 Thanks
    Gloomendoom
    I did but it was only when I looked at a photo of me that I faced the harsh reality of the situation and did something about it
    Originally posted by gettingtheresometime
    That's pretty much what happened to me. Somebody tagged me on a Facebook photo. Some months later (I rarely look at FB) I saw it and thought "Who's that fat bästard?".
    Advice; it rhymes with mice. Advise; it rhymes with wise.
    • phillw
    • By phillw 6th Sep 17, 4:43 PM
    • 800 Posts
    • 392 Thanks
    phillw
    I don't think the gym is a particularly good place to go to lose weight. Walking in the evening for an hour is good enough and it gives you a chance to talk.

    I found losing weight was really easy when I gave up processed food. I gave up sugar, wheat and potatoes. I was really strict at first, but slowly introduced some gluten/sugar free products. So I occasionally have gluten free bread and probably eat too much gluten free pasta.

    Everything I ate had to be prepared, like carrot or cucumber sticks with hummus. No going to the cupboard and grabbing one bag of crisps or biscuits after another.

    I also stopped eating nuts for a long time, I now buy unsalted nuts and cocoa nibs & use them to make my own snacks.

    I went from my doctor telling me I had to lose weight, to being told I'd lost too much.
    • Angry Bear
    • By Angry Bear 6th Sep 17, 7:57 PM
    • 1,907 Posts
    • 4,662 Thanks
    Angry Bear
    I started losing weight with my (now ex) OH a few years back. I kept at it and he didn't. I never tried to "fat-shame" him or force him in any way but he got quite down about the positive life changes I was making and with various bumps along the way we eventually parted company.

    The only advice I can give you is that people find different things work for them to lose weight and keep it off. For me a combination of 5:2 and lots of exercise works well - I know other people don't like this or can't do it.

    What really helped for me was the fact that due to working times my ex and I only ever ate together at the weekends, we meal prepped large batches and took them out of the freezer to eat on our own each day. Perhaps suggest to your wife that if *your* diet isn't working for *her* that you try eating separately for a while (or at least differently). Maybe agree to have joint meals at weekends?

    And be nice, try to keep your snacking out of sight .
    Women and men do lose weight differently, but women (especially less active women) need to eat less than men generally, if she's eating the same as you without the exercise then it's no wonder she's struggling .
    Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?
    ― Sir Terry Pratchett, 1948-2015
    • OldMotherTucker
    • By OldMotherTucker 7th Sep 17, 10:26 AM
    • 7,061 Posts
    • 15,565 Thanks
    OldMotherTucker
    Didn't you notice your clothes were getting tighter or that you had to buy bigger sized clothes?


    I did but it was only when I looked at a photo of me that I faced the harsh reality of the situation and did something about it
    Originally posted by gettingtheresometime
    I was in a really low place - not looking in the mirror and dressing in stretchy comfortable clothes! - Because I have quite long legs for a short person, my trousers always tended to be too big! Also I wasn't socialising at all!

    I went from 8 1/2 stones to 12 stones in about 12 months
    I knew I'd put on weight but wasn't motivated at that point to do anything about it . . Besides which, no one else seemed to notice or say anything so I was basically getting away with it!

    It was a photo that did it for me too!! I looked hideous and virtually unrecognisable!!

    Happy to say, I lost it very quickly, once I put my mind to it, and with my son's help. He was actually trying to gain weight but healthier eating for both of us and lots of competitive mini workouts did the trick!

    8 stone now and pretty fit considering . .
    Should have joined Borrowmydoggy.com
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