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  • FIRST POST
    • AlisonCJ
    • By AlisonCJ 31st Aug 17, 11:31 AM
    • 8Posts
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    AlisonCJ
    Wedding Gifts
    • #1
    • 31st Aug 17, 11:31 AM
    Wedding Gifts 31st Aug 17 at 11:31 AM
    We are getting married in October, everything is just fine with one exception. It's stupid, but is now starting to upset me so I just wondered if anyone had any ideas as I'm all out of them!

    We absolutely recognise that weddings cost guests a fair amount, travel, hotels, child care etc etc. For that reason we thought, while it's lovely to receive gifts, we wouldn't request any, or make a list. We included no info on gifts on the invites.

    When people asked, it all started fine..... There's no need, we recognise the cost you've incurred joining us for the day, we'd just like you to come and have fun and enjoy the day, no gifts required....

    However recently it's turned to......'So you resented attending our wedding and buying us a gift', 'But we're getting married next year and if you say no gifts then we have to as well and we don't want that' ... and other similar replies

    I'm not ungrateful for anyone who wants to give us anything, but I just don't want people who've already been to 3 or 4 weddings this year and will have a similar number next year to have more expense when some are still paying for their wedding, or saving for houses, furnature etc. Anything anyone does bring will be received with thanks.

    All we want is our friends and family to come and share our day, but we seem to be upsetting those who've recently married or are all set for next year - without meaning to do so.

    Any thoughts on perhaps a better way of explaining our thinking so I stop offending people that I was really only trying to be considerate to?
Page 1
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 31st Aug 17, 1:23 PM
    • 3,047 Posts
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    gettingtheresometime
    • #2
    • 31st Aug 17, 1:23 PM
    • #2
    • 31st Aug 17, 1:23 PM
    you really can't do right for doing wrong can you lol?


    I don't want to make you feel worse as you obviously meant well but I'm wondering if you phrased it badly and as a result, people have misunderstood what you were trying to say and as a result have taken humbridge.


    I understand what you were trying to say but if I went to a wedding, regardless of my current situation, then I would feel that it was wrong not to give a gift, however small.


    If you really don't want physical gifts because of the expense then why not just put out a round robin email saying that you really didn't want to offend anyone but your main want for the day, apart from becoming a married woman, is that everyone enjoys themselves. However if they really feel that they want to give a gift then a small cash gift would be acceptable....or even a donation to your favourite charity could be made?


    By saying small you're not putting pressure on people to give a fortune & they're happy that they're giving you a gift. And afterwards I would let everyone know what you bought with any cash gifts
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • AlisonCJ
    • By AlisonCJ 31st Aug 17, 3:34 PM
    • 8 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    AlisonCJ
    • #3
    • 31st Aug 17, 3:34 PM
    • #3
    • 31st Aug 17, 3:34 PM
    Thank you! You did make me laugh and yes I'm sure it's probably just we're not really getting the sentiment behind our message across.... all about the words used!

    I just came off the phone with one of my oldest friends who suggested sending a note to all, not mentioning costs anywhere but after saying all the stuff about we just want you to enjoy our special day, adding something like the only gift we would like from you is a message or card so we can build a book of memories or something like that....... She said she'd email me some words because it obviously didn't seem to be my strong point and I'd probably manage to get that wrong too :-)
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 31st Aug 17, 4:53 PM
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    gettingtheresometime
    • #4
    • 31st Aug 17, 4:53 PM
    • #4
    • 31st Aug 17, 4:53 PM
    Thank you! You did make me laugh and yes I'm sure it's probably just we're not really getting the sentiment behind our message across.... all about the words used!

    I just came off the phone with one of my oldest friends who suggested sending a note to all, not mentioning costs anywhere but after saying all the stuff about we just want you to enjoy our special day, adding something like the only gift we would like from you is a message or card so we can build a book of memories or something like that....... She said she'd email me some words because it obviously didn't seem to be my strong point and I'd probably manage to get that wrong too :-)
    Originally posted by AlisonCJ


    Actually that's a very good idea !


    Along the same lines why don't you ask the guests to bring a photo showing you and/or your intended with the guest throughout the ages.


    Then if you can still get them, get the corners that people used to stick photographs into albums and then the guests can stick the photograph into one of those books that seem to be passed around at weddings these days along with a suitable caption.


    I'm sure there would be a lot of fun looking at you both throughout the years !
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • Timpu
    • By Timpu 31st Aug 17, 7:37 PM
    • 237 Posts
    • 283 Thanks
    Timpu
    • #5
    • 31st Aug 17, 7:37 PM
    • #5
    • 31st Aug 17, 7:37 PM
    Donations to charities, give people a few to choose from that mean something to you both. Difficult to argue without looking a bit mean.
    • AlisonCJ
    • By AlisonCJ 31st Aug 17, 8:37 PM
    • 8 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    AlisonCJ
    • #6
    • 31st Aug 17, 8:37 PM
    • #6
    • 31st Aug 17, 8:37 PM
    Lol at the photos, that's a real cool idea.

    I don't dislike the charity angle, but the whole point was trying to stop people spending money so I'm thinking this whole memory thing might be the way to go...

    And may well be quite funny - or highly embarassing, but hey if we can't laugh at ourselves......!
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 31st Aug 17, 8:50 PM
    • 3,047 Posts
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    gettingtheresometime
    • #7
    • 31st Aug 17, 8:50 PM
    • #7
    • 31st Aug 17, 8:50 PM
    Lol at the photos, that's a real cool idea.

    I don't dislike the charity angle, but the whole point was trying to stop people spending money so I'm thinking this whole memory thing might be the way to go...

    And may well be quite funny - or highly embarassing, but hey if we can't laugh at ourselves......!
    Originally posted by AlisonCJ
    Have a great day!
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • Jodzz
    • By Jodzz 13th Sep 17, 2:49 PM
    • 33 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    Jodzz
    • #8
    • 13th Sep 17, 2:49 PM
    • #8
    • 13th Sep 17, 2:49 PM
    We live in E. Yorkshire and getting married in North Wales, so expecting folk to make quite a trip. We've lived with each other for years now so we need nothing. I have made sure on our invites to put something along the lines of "having you at our wedding is a gift enough for us, so don't feel you need to splash out on a gift, we are happy with just your presence blah blah"

    I feel it says well enough that we don't expect anyone to buy us anything, but I haven't said strictly speaking no gifts, so hopefully it won't offend anyone nor stop stop anyone if they would like to buy something small.

    I'm hoping that sorts our similar issue out to yours but I'm yet to hand out our invites, have only just handed out the save the dates!
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 18th Sep 17, 12:57 PM
    • 2,508 Posts
    • 6,099 Thanks
    ska lover
    • #9
    • 18th Sep 17, 12:57 PM
    • #9
    • 18th Sep 17, 12:57 PM

    However recently it's turned to......'So you resented attending our wedding and buying us a gift', 'But we're getting married next year and if you say no gifts then we have to as well and we don't want that' ... and other similar replies
    Originally posted by AlisonCJ

    'and one day, you will have a shock when you realise the planet earth revolves around the sun, and not you' - Would be my response to these people



    This kind of thing really gets my goat - its about other people trying to put themselves in your situation and turn it round to be about them, somehow. It's a bit narcissistic


    To be honest I would definitely un-invite these sensitive souls
    Blah blah blah.
    • lika_86
    • By lika_86 18th Sep 17, 9:56 PM
    • 1,182 Posts
    • 4,221 Thanks
    lika_86
    Are you readers? I've suggested this on this board to people before, but if you like books, why not suggest people gift you their favourite book? That way it's a wrapped gift to pacify people who want to give something but it's going to be of limited cost to people. Plus, books!
    • Fuzzy_Duck
    • By Fuzzy_Duck 1st Oct 17, 7:06 PM
    • 1,550 Posts
    • 1,554 Thanks
    Fuzzy_Duck
    I'm shocked you have to deal with that kind of nonsense to be honest. I didn't mention gifts on my wedding invites for the same reason. We had a few people ask us what we wanted, and explained that it wasn't necessary. Not a single person took offence by it. If anyone makes such a daft comment again I'd point out that no one should feel obligated to do the same things you did at your wedding.

    If anyone else asks, I would just say there's nothing you really need but they're welcome to bring a gift of their choosing if they don't want to come empty handed. A lot of people gave us money for our honeymoon so that might be a good suggestion. I think a lot of guests these days consider money the easiest option, especially as it takes up no space and they can just slip it into a card.
    • AlisonCJ
    • By AlisonCJ 8th Oct 17, 10:27 PM
    • 8 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    AlisonCJ
    Great day.... lots of cards and (I think) 6 bottles of champagne as gifts! Though a couple of very longstanding old friends have said something will turn up when we least expect it.
    I left it to my mum in the end, who seemed far better at explaining than me!

    All it came down to was us not really needing much and recognising the fact that with exception of 3 couples, everyone had travelled, most had booked hotels, some had come from overseas - and all that, plus outfits, babysitters, taxis back at midnight all costs enough without needing to spend more. We were just happy that our friends and family could join us, which really really was all we wanted.
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