Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

    • robowen
    • By robowen 4th Feb 06, 7:47 PM
    • 2,969Posts
    • 1,723Thanks
    Beethoven Joke.
    • #1
    • 4th Feb 06, 7:47 PM
    Beethoven Joke. 4th Feb 06 at 7:47 PM
    A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward ! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
    By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

    By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously.
    "He's decomposing!"

    If only everything in life was as reliable...AS ME !!
    robowen 5/6/2005©

    ''Never take an idiot anywhere with you. You'll always find one when you get there.''
Page 314
    • peter_the_piper
    • By peter_the_piper 16th Nov 17, 1:12 PM
    • 26,211 Posts
    • 33,267 Thanks
    Bill and Ben were council workers tasked with measuring the Flag Pole outsidethe council office. How do we do it says Bill, we don't have a ladder? I don't know says Ben. They looked at it for 5 mins but no ideas came. Young lady comes by and see's their dilemma. Lend me a wrench sh says, they do, and she lowers the pole to the ground, gets out the tape measure. 18ft 6 inches she says,they thank her and she walks off.
    Typical know it all female, when we wanted the height of the pole she gives us the length.
    I'd rather be an Optimist and be proved wrong than a Pessimist and be proved right.
    • 50Twuncle
    • By 50Twuncle 22nd Nov 17, 8:59 AM
    • 7,890 Posts
    • 1,834 Thanks
    Donal Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hades where the Devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

    Donald thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The Devil opened the first room. In it was former President Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing gasping for air, then immediately diving back into the water again, over and over and over. Such was his fate in Hades. "No!" Donald said, "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I couldn’t do that all day long."

    The devil led him to the next room. In it was ex British Prime Minister Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No way, I've got this problem with my shoulder. It would be constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Donald.

    The devil opened a third door. In it, Donald saw former President Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms over his head and his legs spreadeagled. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Donald looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah I think I could handle this". The devil smiled and said...

    "Monica, you're free to go!"
    • Ebe Scrooge
    • By Ebe Scrooge 30th Nov 17, 2:38 PM
    • 4,010 Posts
    • 3,432 Thanks
    Ebe Scrooge
    The Captain makes an announcement over the aeroplane tannoy : “Ladies and Gentlemen, please be aware that one of the starboard engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about, but it does mean that we’ll be approximately half an hour late arriving at our destination”.

    10 minutes later : “Ladies and Gentlemen, I regret to inform you that we’ve also had a failure in one of the port side engines. I assure you there is no cause for alarm, but it does mean that we’ll now be approximately 1 hour late arriving”.

    10 minutes later : “Ladies and Gentlemen, I have to inform you that the second starboard engine has failed. Please be assured there is no cause for concern – this aircraft is specifically engineered to be able to fly perfectly safely on a single engine.However, we now expect to arrive at our destination up to 3 hours later than scheduled.”

    Paddy turns to his friend and says, “Bejasus, if that last engine goes we’ll be stuck up here all day !”
    I may not know much about art, but I know what I like.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

1,835Posts Today

7,179Users online

Martin's Twitter