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  • FIRST POST
    • snickpan
    • By snickpan 15th Jul 17, 10:27 AM
    • 53Posts
    • 8Thanks
    snickpan
    moral question, what to charge girlfriend!
    • #1
    • 15th Jul 17, 10:27 AM
    moral question, what to charge girlfriend! 15th Jul 17 at 10:27 AM
    Well: a lodger in my HMO down the road was paying £500 a month, bills inc. Now she is my girlfriend, thinking of asking her to move in with me...haven't a clue what to charge her, if anything at all!
    I have money in the bank following a house sale, and I take her out for dinner 4 or 5 times a week, and a couple of holidays.
    I'm still a businessman, I still need income from property, I daresay she'd be pleased if I offered her a £300 discount per month. But she'd be more pleased if I waived rent entirely
    Last edited by snickpan; 15-07-2017 at 10:52 AM.
Page 1
    • SuboJvR
    • By SuboJvR 15th Jul 17, 11:05 AM
    • 343 Posts
    • 238 Thanks
    SuboJvR
    • #2
    • 15th Jul 17, 11:05 AM
    • #2
    • 15th Jul 17, 11:05 AM
    Circumstance dependant IMO.

    My husband and I moved in together when I had a full time job and he was a part time student with no loan or grants. We therefore never split things 50/50 as I had more income.

    What we have tended to do for no real tangible reason is he pays me half the rent value and that's it. I pay all the bills. He pays for weekend coffees, lunches etc Will be the same on our upcoming mortgage, as although we both work full time my salary is considerably more and he has much higher commute costs.

    It's something you need to both be happy with, remember you're basically setting yourselves up now for potentially a lifetime arrangement!
    • ACG
    • By ACG 15th Jul 17, 11:28 AM
    • 15,389 Posts
    • 7,782 Thanks
    ACG
    • #3
    • 15th Jul 17, 11:28 AM
    • #3
    • 15th Jul 17, 11:28 AM
    Your gf is your gf not a business decision or a lodger. You choose to take her out 4 or 5 times a week, thats irrelevent unless you are looking to recoup some of the money you spend on her.

    Personally I would say half the bills (gas/electric/water/sky etc?). Maybe suggest she also pays a bit towards some of the socialising you do with what she is saving on rent?
    I am a Mortgage Adviser
    You should note that this site doesn't check my status as a mortgage adviser, so you need to take my word for it. This signature is here as I follow MSE's Mortgage Adviser Code of Conduct. Any posts on here are for information and discussion purposes only and shouldn't be seen as financial advice.
    • sevenhills
    • By sevenhills 15th Jul 17, 11:30 AM
    • 481 Posts
    • 182 Thanks
    sevenhills
    • #4
    • 15th Jul 17, 11:30 AM
    • #4
    • 15th Jul 17, 11:30 AM
    I'm still a businessman, I still need income from property, I daresay she'd be pleased if I offered her a £300 discount per month. But she'd be more pleased if I waived rent entirely
    Originally posted by snickpan
    You have phrased it like a businessman, I would word it differently to your girlfriend.
    You will get rent from another tenant in your HMO, you will be quids in
    Just get her to pay share of bills, the wording will be important.
    • Bossypants
    • By Bossypants 15th Jul 17, 11:42 AM
    • 502 Posts
    • 989 Thanks
    Bossypants
    • #5
    • 15th Jul 17, 11:42 AM
    • #5
    • 15th Jul 17, 11:42 AM
    I think it's fair to ask her to split the bills with you. In terms of rent, if she was a lodger in an HMO and you own the HMO, that suggests a significant difference in your personal circumstances. You would be fully entitled to charge her rent, but if you can afford to do so, the kinder thing to do would be to have her open a separate savings account where she would put what she was paying you for the HMO, so that she has a chance to build up a deposit and get on the property herself (which, if the relationship lasts, will also benefit you in the long run).

    Only do this if you feel you can without getting resentful, though. I'm a big believe in kindness over bean-counting in relationships, but not everyone is wired that way, and if you think the situation might annoy you, it's better to just charge her rent IMO.
    Jul-Dec Cookie Jar Goal: £102.37/£600
    • frugalmacdugal
    • By frugalmacdugal 15th Jul 17, 11:46 AM
    • 6,080 Posts
    • 5,230 Thanks
    frugalmacdugal
    • #6
    • 15th Jul 17, 11:46 AM
    • #6
    • 15th Jul 17, 11:46 AM
    Hi,

    if you love her just get her in and enjoy life.

    How much extra is it going to cost you, shower together, no extra cost.

    Sleep together, still the same amount of bedding to wash, no extra cost.

    You dine out 4/5 times a week, so sounds like not much home cooking.

    Only thing will be, you will lose your council tax discount of 25%, she might offer to pay that.

    Get her in, she might even start cooking for you, that'll save you money on meals out, you'll just have to buy the wine.
    Y'all take care now.
    • snickpan
    • By snickpan 15th Jul 17, 11:52 AM
    • 53 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    snickpan
    • #7
    • 15th Jul 17, 11:52 AM
    • #7
    • 15th Jul 17, 11:52 AM
    Some lovely answers so far, thank you everyone. There's always a chance of being attacked with thread like this but it's going ok so far!!
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 15th Jul 17, 12:09 PM
    • 29,761 Posts
    • 17,795 Thanks
    getmore4less
    • #8
    • 15th Jul 17, 12:09 PM
    • #8
    • 15th Jul 17, 12:09 PM
    Charge her rent as live in lover and she starts to get a beneficial interest.

    Leave her in the HMO paying rent and have her as a guest in your own home.
    • frugalmacdugal
    • By frugalmacdugal 15th Jul 17, 12:15 PM
    • 6,080 Posts
    • 5,230 Thanks
    frugalmacdugal
    • #9
    • 15th Jul 17, 12:15 PM
    • #9
    • 15th Jul 17, 12:15 PM
    Hi,

    you could move in with her, you'll still get the rent and freebies, and you could let out your own place, double whammy.
    Y'all take care now.
    • LadyL2013
    • By LadyL2013 15th Jul 17, 12:19 PM
    • 147 Posts
    • 96 Thanks
    LadyL2013
    You're making her sound like a business transaction to be honest. If you're taking her out that's your choice, you shouldn't do it to then expect something back....
    But to give you the benefit of the doubt. She can pay bills whilst you pay mortgage or whatever is fair based upon your earnings.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 15th Jul 17, 12:20 PM
    • 2,567 Posts
    • 2,514 Thanks
    cjdavies
    Half of the bills expect mortgage.
    • usefulmale
    • By usefulmale 15th Jul 17, 12:35 PM
    • 2,301 Posts
    • 4,246 Thanks
    usefulmale
    You sound like a real catch. I bet she is thrilled.

    Unless, of course, you haven't mentioned your plans yet.
    Originally Posted by MSE Forum Team
    We’ve had to remove your signature because what you wrote was true and sensible and there's no room for that here.
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 15th Jul 17, 12:39 PM
    • 13,422 Posts
    • 36,573 Thanks
    moneyistooshorttomention
    Half of the bills expect mortgage.
    Originally posted by cjdavies
    Modified to "half of the bills except mortgage" and I would think that's fair to her.

    Being fair to you = don't accept any money towards mortgage or any work on house (other than something very minor - such as repainting) - so she doesnt acquire any "beneficial interest" in the house. In case the relationship breaks up and she turned out to be one of those people that thinks a former relationship is an excuse to go after someone's money.
    If there's "4 tendencies" type of people (Gretchen Rubin) = yep....Questioner type here
    - Meets an expectation only if they believe it's justified and resists anything arbitrary or ineffective
    • Bossypants
    • By Bossypants 15th Jul 17, 12:40 PM
    • 502 Posts
    • 989 Thanks
    Bossypants
    You sound like a real catch. I bet she is thrilled.

    Unless, of course, you haven't mentioned your plans yet.
    Originally posted by usefulmale
    I don't think the OP is being unfair here, they're still reasoning out what to do. Mentioning meals out as if it's a business expense is a bit off, but sometimes people need to go through the motions in their heads before they reach a sensible conclusion.
    Jul-Dec Cookie Jar Goal: £102.37/£600
    • SparksAlive
    • By SparksAlive 15th Jul 17, 12:46 PM
    • 49 Posts
    • 254 Thanks
    SparksAlive
    I'd ask her for maybe £100-£200 to cover bill increases and food shopping. Otherwise, I wouldn't charge for rent. It sounds like your circumstances are pretty different and if you're already managing alone, you don't need the money. If you eventually move and get a bigger place together, then it'd make sense for her to pay more.
    • glasgowdan
    • By glasgowdan 15th Jul 17, 3:53 PM
    • 2,390 Posts
    • 2,670 Thanks
    glasgowdan
    She's your girlfriend...ask her.

    OR

    Show her this thread, see if she still wants to move in then
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 15th Jul 17, 4:33 PM
    • 13,422 Posts
    • 36,573 Thanks
    moneyistooshorttomention
    The one thing to be sure and certain of is = don't make assumptions about how things will be between you financially.

    It's astonishing just how often - in any circumstances - one person has made one set of assumptions and known that "Of course that's how things are/that's what everyone does/etc/etc" until the day they meet someone that is also thinking "Of course that's how things are etc etc" based on a totally different set of assumptions.

    Even slightly different background or from slightly different area of the country and ...bingo....there are probably two different sets of assumptions there about how life is and one needs to have a discussion about something.
    If there's "4 tendencies" type of people (Gretchen Rubin) = yep....Questioner type here
    - Meets an expectation only if they believe it's justified and resists anything arbitrary or ineffective
    • snickpan
    • By snickpan 15th Jul 17, 5:14 PM
    • 53 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    snickpan
    yup! Just seeing if there was a firm line of answers before I pop the question.
    • Geoff1963
    • By Geoff1963 15th Jul 17, 6:44 PM
    • 1,063 Posts
    • 667 Thanks
    Geoff1963
    If there is an agreed financial arrangement between you, then there is a word for her status relative to you ; and it isn't "girl-friend".
    • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • By ScorpiondeRooftrouser 15th Jul 17, 7:00 PM
    • 1,879 Posts
    • 2,794 Thanks
    ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    If this is what's going through your head, don't ask her to move in.
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