Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • tawecdl
    • By tawecdl 14th Jul 17, 2:38 PM
    • 1,026Posts
    • 813Thanks
    tawecdl
    Daughter taken out of school.
    • #1
    • 14th Jul 17, 2:38 PM
    Daughter taken out of school. 14th Jul 17 at 2:38 PM
    Hi,

    My daughter has been taken out of school by her mother due to bullying. I am separated from her mother but we have always worked together to bring our two children up the best way possible.

    She is in year 7 and I see this as a vital time to develop her education and social experiences. I supported the decision to remove her from the school she was in for the bullying reason (we went through the safeguarding officer route to no avail). I applied for her to start year 8 in a better school and her mother was happy with that at first. But now she wants to "Home School" my daughter which I am not happy about. I have spoken to education welfare and social services and they have advised me to seek legal advise. I have PR but I don't feel like I have a voice as nobody seems to care.

    I have emailed education welfare and chased it up but no response. I have called them and they have said seek legal advise.

    The mother has told me she is happy home schooling her and the school I applied for is "too much hassle" even though the ofstead reports are really good. I told her I would help with the commute 3 days a week and she can do two days but she refused.

    They went on a 2 week holiday and she is staying at her friends for a long weekend which I know a school would not allow, so why is she allowed to do this? I am also concerned as my younger daughter who is ion year 6 is going to the school that my other daughter was bullied in, so I can see this happening all over again.



    What rights do I have, how can I avoid solicitor fees etc and get my children into a decent school this September.

    Thanks in advance.
Page 2
    • Doody
    • By Doody 15th Jul 17, 12:00 PM
    • 73 Posts
    • 158 Thanks
    Doody
    Schools are very limited by the NC which changes according to the whim of politicians. A young person who has the opportunity to follow a path of learning that really interests them will do far better.

    Your daughter may well find herself in a thriving home ed community. My family are grown up now and I have lost contact with what is going on locally. We had groups doing the activities laid on for schools by museums and galleries etc, we had social groups that were also the basis for educational activities and so much more. we went away together on residential weeks and weekends. Socialising was NOT a worry. I say this because this is one of the biggest myths about home ed. It isn't HOME education, but community based education. In addition there are of course so many community activities that a young person can be involved with.

    Out of interest I had a look at local groups last night. My goodness. They do so much now.

    Of course this is dependent on location, but you might well be surprised in a good way.

    I'd urge you again not to instantly reject the idea. From a negotiating point of view this isn't helpful anyway. Talk through with your ex about her plans. Don't be surprised if she has built in some recovery time. Known in that world as 'de-schooling'.

    The skills one needs to cope with being with another thirty odd people of ones own age are not necessarily the social skills one needs in later life.
    • Doody
    • By Doody 15th Jul 17, 12:12 PM
    • 73 Posts
    • 158 Thanks
    Doody
    http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2017/06/22/why-i-am-home-schooling-my-child_n_7330698.html

    One has to be on the ball of course. Thank goodness for online instant research now. We didn't have it when my eldest was young and we had a list on the kitchen wall of things to explore. Perhaps that in a way made leaning more valuable, perhaps not. We'd take the list and trek off to the library to find books on the subject. Story books that covered the subject are very valuable. We - I say we because the parent learns along with the young person - learned so much from story books. The Little House on the Prairie, all the Arthur Ransome books, the Roman Mysteries, many Peter Dickinson books. Too many to list.That was our man source of information. We also went as a family to most of the workshops at our local museum. So much so that one of the staff said to me that if we didn't turn up they would worry that their publicity had been insufficient.

    I shall never forget the very early morning she woke up wanting to know more about tectonic plates. She was very young, it certainly wasn't a subject her schooled friends - yes she had friends who went to school - were aware of. She also enlightened a family she was travelling about regarding some technical structure of red blood cells.

    I used to be a passionate advocate of home education to the extent of saying it is always preferable to school. Now I see not all parents have the inclination or resources and that it genuinely isn't for all families. Schools have their place but parents should be aware that they are an optional resource.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 15th Jul 17, 12:31 PM
    • 19,424 Posts
    • 31,421 Thanks
    Spendless
    I'm with you OP but I do think you need to choose your battles if you want to win. I would leave this bit alone.


    They went on a 2 week holiday and she is staying at her friends for a long weekend which I know a school would not allow, so why is she allowed to do this? I am also concerned as my younger daughter who is ion year 6 is going to the school that my other daughter was bullied in, so I can see this happening all over again.



    What rights do I have, how can I avoid solicitor fees etc and get my children into a decent school this September.

    Thanks in advance.
    Originally posted by tawecdl
    A break for someone who has been bullied during yr7 to the point that she has wanted to be home educated, is quite possibly something needed for her own personal well-being.

    It doesn't matter that this is outside of the school term times because home educators don't have to stick to those times/dates
    • unholyangel
    • By unholyangel 16th Jul 17, 12:15 AM
    • 11,146 Posts
    • 8,397 Thanks
    unholyangel
    Self defence/martial arts lessons. Not to get violent, they'll teach it should be used as a last resort etc and only ever in defence of yourself/someone else. But what it should do is help your daughter carry herself with confidence which will make her less likely to be targeted by bullies. I dont mean anything bad about your daughter, but bullies like easy targets. They gravitate towards them - sometimes purposely and sometimes subconsciously.

    Perhaps suggest a compromise on part-time schooling with a promise of a review in 6 months? Not sure if its possible but people used to do it when I was at school in special circumstances like this. If the homeschooling is going well, she can perhaps do it full-time then? If its not, perhaps your ex & daughter would be more minded to change her attendance at state schooling to full time? Homeschooling can actually be very successful and rewarding for all parties involved - but only if done properly. Have you perhaps pointed out to your ex that getting into the new school might be a "hassle" but it will ultimately involve a lot less time & effort that homeschooling will.

    As others have said though, if homeschooling, social activities are a must imo so she can learn to interact with other people and develop communication & dispute resolution skills.

    Have you also voiced your concerns to your daughter and explained why you're so worried? Perhaps ask her to search online for a forum/chat area so she can speak to other bully victims and perhaps their stories might inspire her? At the moment she probably is loving being off school. You have to remember if she was being bullied at school, it was torture every day for her. She now will feel light, happy, relief etc and associate all that negativity with school.

    Was never bullied myself, but one of my friends was and he still carries it around with him.
    Money doesn't solve poverty.....it creates it.
    • deannatrois
    • By deannatrois 16th Jul 17, 5:39 AM
    • 4,676 Posts
    • 6,619 Thanks
    deannatrois
    I obviously don't know anything about your situation, how well you get on with your ex or your daughter and I'm not trying to pry.

    BUT can you possibly, for the sake of finding out more details put aside your feelings about what is happening, don't express them and just try and find out what is actually in place instead of school. I wonder if you ask, and then there is a big debate/argument on the rights and wrongs of what your ex is doing which blocks you finding out more about what is going on. I understand totally your concern, but you need to find out if there is need to be concerned.

    I have been in a slightly different situation and did investigate what online education facilities there are.., there are quite a lot which are inexpensive to cover English and Maths, up to GCSE level. Science as taught in schools can be quite basic and can be taught in the home with the back up of online facilities. Its not like it was when we were at school were books were the only source of learning.

    If you are not happy with what your wife is doing, as has been suggested, can you get involved and cover some areas? There is nothing like seeing your child's eyes light up (and the satisfaction) because you've explained something new to her and you know she's learned something important.., particularly in terms of critical thinking and how to engage in self discovery.

    My son has ASD, had a lot of problems with school (he is starting secondary School in September though). But he knows much more than most teachers about some areas.., and he teaches himself. It doesn't harm that I am highly educated but anyone can open their child's mind to new ways of thinking and discovery even at secondary school level. A lot of the time my son doesn't even realise he is learning! Which is fun.To him, he's just curious about the world. Because of his challenges he doesn't fit well within a school environment and outgrew primary levels of teaching a couple of years ago.., but the school call that 'special needs' not inappropriate teaching lol. I managed to get my older son through his GCSE's with him periodically attending school but we did far far more work/learning at home than he did at school because he also had ASD and the school couldn't figure out how best to teach him. I did. At one point he was expected to get 2 GCSE's.., he got 7 and he's now going on to University to study what he wants to study. But his attendance at school in the last year was fairly minimal cause I had to teach him because they couldn't.

    So don't give up hope, find ways to help make sure your daughter is as educated as you want her to be. She may well decide she wants to go back to school in the near future.., leave the doors open. Don't let this become a battlefield because she won't be able to turn to you without feeling like she is betraying her mother. Her mother probably has her own reasons for taking her daughter out of school, which you may not be able to change (if she left school early). But don't get into arguments about it. Just concentrate on supporting your daughters learning in any way you can, be that on a personal level, paying for courses, suggesting online resources or teachers.

    I suspect pursuing legal means of forcing the issue will be expensive and there's no guarantee it will be successful. And you won't be casting yourself as supportive but as the antagonist, with your daughter being piggy in the middle.
    Last edited by deannatrois; 16-07-2017 at 5:48 AM.
    • JadedAngel88
    • By JadedAngel88 16th Jul 17, 6:35 AM
    • 35 Posts
    • 92 Thanks
    JadedAngel88
    She is 12 years old, she is loving not having to go to school. I believe a lot of children her age would be the same.

    I did not think we lived in a society where ultimately a child gets to decide if they want to go to school or not... I did not get the choice when I was a child.

    I have spoken to her a lot about this and she is happy being home educated. My heart sinks and my stomach turns to know I have got to watch my daughters education deteriorate over the next 5 years and there is nothing I can do about it.
    Originally posted by tawecdl
    I home educated my daughter, and it was the best thing we ever did.

    She taught herself Japanese also she did her GCSE's at college and got excellent grades in them. Don't think that your child's education will deteriorate, it is hard work but very much worth it.

    I took my daughter out of school for kind of similar reasons and I had everyone tell me that she would amount to nothing, when we got her GCSE results I wanted to shove it in their faces, say this is nothing. She is also hoping to go to university but due to a serious illness and difficulties with the college, it will take a bit longer.

    I know it looks like your childs mother and your daughter are making a big mistake and, admittedly, home ed is not for everyone, just give it a chance. What do you have to lose?
    Treat lifes stresses like a dog does.... if you can't eat it or f**k it, just pi** on it and walk away.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 16th Jul 17, 6:35 AM
    • 15,713 Posts
    • 39,329 Thanks
    FBaby
    In Home Education, the parent's role is more to facilitate learning, rather than teach everything themselves.
    This always puzzles me. Why is that teachers have to hold a teaching qualification to teach because anything else is not good enough, but home educators only need to know where to look?

    Surely it's all about the outcome and home ed kids getting the same level of education so that they are getting the same opportunities to progress.

    Or are we saying that it doesn't matter if a child's opportunity to advance education and a professional career are compromised as long as they are home educated?

    I do think home ed can be very valuable in specific circumstances, when the parent home educating know exactly what they are doing and it is not just for the purpose of avoidance. I find it concerning when the decision is made because of an issue unresolved when the consequences of that decision can result in a loss of future opportunities because the parent doesn't have the skills to take the child where they need to be to access them.
    • tawecdl
    • By tawecdl 16th Jul 17, 10:05 AM
    • 1,026 Posts
    • 813 Thanks
    tawecdl
    Thank you all for your responses, very helpful.

    I will attempt to sit down with mother and daughter and try and get some reassurance for myself and find out how I can help.

    I am slightly concerned as when I ask for home education welfare officer contact number she says she is too busy or ignores me. I think she knows I am unable to do anything about it at this stage and she is burying her head in the sand. A few more things have come to light, that she is looking after mothers other son (3 years old) while mother is at work during the day. I am sure this is basically down to money and lazyness on mothers part but I will not stop trying to improve my daughters education expectations.

    I have asked her to sit down with me and daughter to show me what they have done do far, show me what they are doing going forward and I will see how I can help. She read the message and ignored it.

    I have decided I will buy daughter a diary. I will ask daughter to write in each day what she has done towards her education and how she feels about each day and go from there. I have my children every weekend so I can keep an eye on this.

    Can anyone advise if there are rule regarding term breaks when home schooling? I have a feeling she will not do any education over the summer holidays as other daughter is not at school. I see this as a opportunity to catch up with what she has fell behind with.
    • Skintmama
    • By Skintmama 16th Jul 17, 10:51 AM
    • 457 Posts
    • 1,498 Thanks
    Skintmama
    Can anyone advise if there are rule regarding term breaks when home schooling? I have a feeling she will not do any education over the summer holidays as other daughter is not at school. I see this as a opportunity to catch up with what she has fell behind with.
    Originally posted by tawecdl
    Home education is not confined to school hours or terms. You can therefore give your daughter some great educational experiences whilst she is spending time with you. Look at the educational potential of outings and turn them into field trips where she is learning and perhaps doing a project.

    I would urge you not to panic about this, many children have their school attendance disrupted for reasons of injury, serious physical/mental health problems etc. and still do well. Thankfully, these circumstances don't apply to your daughter, although I don't underestimate the trauma of being bullied. She may just choose to go back into school before long anyway, or your wife may find the challenge of HE too much.

    There seems to be a recurring assumption through this thread that home educated children have their options and educational acheivement limited by it. This hasn't been my experience, having home educated my children for varying lengths of time. One has vocational qualifications and has always been in full time work. The other, who was home educated for longest, was able to graduate with First Class Honours. They are both fantastic young adults with great social lives and I know that this is not an anomaly.

    If you want to make sure that your daughter is getting some formal tuition you could consider paying for a couple of hours with a Maths/English tutor each week. Try to choose someone who doesn't just go through worksheets but actually teaches.

    I wish your family well OP and hope everything works out for your daughter, however she continues her education.

    PS My only concern is if she is being used for childcare. That isn't home education.
    GC March £100/£100 GC April £140.47/£150
    GC May £150.16/£150 GC June £187.40/£200
    GC July £190/£200 GC August £200
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 16th Jul 17, 11:17 AM
    • 1,509 Posts
    • 4,076 Thanks
    Red-Squirrel
    I'd be tempted to sit down with your daughter and come up with a list of jobs that she might like to do when she's grown up. It might help to make suggestions too, for example if you know she loves animals ask her if she might like to consider being a vet as one possibility for her future. If she used to talk about being a nurse or a doctor when she was little, remind her of that.

    Then take the list to the mother who will be home educating and ask how she is planning to ensure that all the options on the list remain possible for your daughter, and that none of them are closed off to her or significantly harder for her to access because she didn't have the same educational opportunities as other children.

    If she can answer satisfactorily, that would be great and might put your mind at ease. If not, maybe your daughter and her mother will be more open to other solutions?
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 16th Jul 17, 4:08 PM
    • 22,775 Posts
    • 87,597 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    She is 12 years old, she is loving not having to go to school. I believe a lot of children her age would be the same.

    I did not think we lived in a society where ultimately a child gets to decide if they want to go to school or not... I did not get the choice when I was a child.

    I have spoken to her a lot about this and she is happy being home educated. My heart sinks and my stomach turns to know I have got to watch my daughters education deteriorate over the next 5 years and there is nothing I can do about it.
    Originally posted by tawecdl
    It depends on how traumatic the bullying was for her. If it was really bad, which removing her from the school implies was the case, being at home could be better for her mental health than forcing her into another school just at the time that things tend to get the most difficult between students. That can escalate into a kid at 15 being a total school refuser, increases the risk of mental health issues and makes them far more vulnerable to all sorts of hideous things.


    There's also the point that she presumably hasn't hit what is called 'being a teenager' yet. When that point comes, it might be a blessed relief for both for her to go back to school. Or she could thrive in the home education setting, despite your misgivings.


    By all means, ask the court to decide, but I'd recommend that you try and phrase it as non critically as you possibly can - not implying your ex is thick, but that you disagree and would rather it was decided by a professional judge than risk it becoming a source of tension over the coming years.


    Some kids are home educated up to 16 and then choose to go to college in order to get qualifications, and this can work very well, whether the parent concerned is a highly intelligent graduate following a rigid structure of tuition or not.

    I'm not coming out in favour of either position here - but, from working in a secondary school and also experiencing the kind of things that go on as a kid myself, I have to say that teenagers can be and frequently are truly vile to the more vulnerable kids and whilst you may feel sick that your daughter isn't necessarily going to be same as what you feel 'everybody else' is, the emotional impact of being bullied means that she isn't the same as them already, which would make me far more nauseous. In my case, no matter how horrendous it was at school, it was still better than being at home, so I continued going, but at least your daughter has a home environment that she obviously feels safe in.


    Could you - non confrontationally - ask whether it's possible for her to be referred to an educational psychologist? To have input from Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services? There will be a waiting list in most places, but they could possibly assist in finding what is the best way to progress.


    Just because going to school is the only way most people do it, doesn't mean it's the only way, or even the best way - the best way is what is right for your daughter's continued emotional health - and that could mean going back to formal education a little bit later, by which time it's changed dramatically from the bearpit that early secondary school can be.


    PS. Looking after a younger sibling seems to be a very effective way of helping young girls decide that, whatever happens, they definitely don't want to have a baby of their own for a good few years yet. And once that LO goes to school, there's another encouragement to do the same.
    Last edited by Jojo the Tightfisted; 16-07-2017 at 4:11 PM.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 16th Jul 17, 5:54 PM
    • 19,424 Posts
    • 31,421 Thanks
    Spendless
    Can anyone advise if there are rule regarding term breaks when home schooling? I have a feeling she will not do any education over the summer holidays as other daughter is not at school. I see this as a opportunity to catch up with what she has fell behind with.
    Originally posted by tawecdl
    There isn't. Times and dates are up to you as home educator. I can think of one poster who HE and her kids didn't tend to have hols off, but the days they did study were shorter than a schoolday, so it pretty much evened itself out and there was always the option of taking a break for longer if needed.

    I'm not against home education per se, the best education mine have ever had has been 1 to 1, when I've paid for private tuition. Mine are in the school system, but I've paid at times when I've felt it needed for whatever reason (not grasping classroom work, subject not on curriculum etc), but this isn't what's coming across in your thread, it seems you believe that what will happen is your child will stay at home and not do anything much education wise. That's the concern you need to be making not that it doesn't adhere to a school timetable.
    • Geoff1963
    • By Geoff1963 16th Jul 17, 9:02 PM
    • 1,000 Posts
    • 615 Thanks
    Geoff1963
    I was "home educated" by my parents, and I think I ended up with some reasonable qualifications. However, this was in addition to, rather than instead of, state education ; just home education, sounds like a very difficult job. As others have said, learning to socialise, is as important as learning the subject ; there are few jobs for a hermit.

    I think the response depends very much on the form of bullying, and where in the process ( travel, class, break times ) it occurs. Is she being picked on for a "difference" that ought to give her legal protection ? Growing up is about learning to cope with the adult world, when it isn't so severe ; bullying also occurs after leaving school, so learning how to deal with it, can be helpful.
    • Loz01
    • By Loz01 16th Jul 17, 9:35 PM
    • 1,378 Posts
    • 2,976 Thanks
    Loz01
    Sounds frustrating OP but if you home school you don't have to abide by any normal holidays/school days. My neighbour home schools and her kids don't have any set days/times for anything they just do as they please and go shopping and play out and go on holidays as and when they like, theres no rules regarding it from anyone. Obviously it will be a fun experience at the moment for your daughter, ask any 12year old if they would like to stay home all day and obv most would say yes. I'd just be worried about her getting in the same learning as she would at school. (Not saying she should be sent back to a school where she is bullied, BTW)
    An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 17th Jul 17, 3:48 PM
    • 5,776 Posts
    • 7,548 Thanks
    TBagpuss
    The short answer is you cant.


    Just like you have rights, so does she. So you want to do things your way and she her way. The only thing you can do is seek a court order.


    That said, there is no law requiring children to be registered in a school, so you need to show that the education the mother would provide would be insufficient.
    Originally posted by Guest101
    Actually, this is not quite correct. It's true that you both have parental responsibility so she can chose to remove your daughter from school without your prior consent.

    However, where there is a disagreement between two people about how to exercise parental responsibility, either of you can apply to court .

    The application would be for a 'Specific Issue Order'. As the name suggests, this is where you are asking the court to make a decision about a specific issue. In this case, whether your daughter should be home-schooled or not and (presumably) which school she should attend if she is not home schooled)

    If you want to go down this route, then it would be sensible for your to do your research, so that you were in a position to put a specific, thought-through proposal to the court.

    e.g. to include:
    - which school you propose your daughter should attend
    - that a place is available there for her
    - what enquiries you have made with the school, and what steps they will be taking to ensure that your daughter doesn't get pulled back into the cycle of bullying, and how they would support her if it did reoccur
    - how any practical issues will be resolved (e.g., are there any practical issues such as transport which will make it more difficult to get to the new school, and how do you propose they are addressed)

    Before you get to that stage it would be sensible to ask your ex whether she is willing to met with you, to discuss her proposal to home school. If you are not already past that point, try to make it non-confrontational, explain that you would like to better understand how she sees this working in practice.

    If she agrees to meet up, listen to what she has to say, and ask questions.

    For instance, is she planning to work with your daughter towards taking GCSEs. Has she looked into costs? Which things is she planning to teach herself, and how is she planning to cover other subject?Has she found a homeschooling group locally? Does she have plans for ensuring that your daughter does take part in some 'out of school' activities or activities with other home schooled kids so she has a peer group.

    You could also do some research to see whether there are any support groups for parents who are home-schooling in the local area, and whether any of them would be willing to meet with you, or indeed with you and your ex together, to share their experiences (good and bad) .

    if your ex has thought this through and has good plans in place, then having these conversations may help you feel more comfortable with the plan, and even to think about what you can bring to it. If she hasn't, then constructive questions and information from people who have been down this route may help her to understand what she is taking on and whether it is the best thing for your daughter.
    • tawecdl
    • By tawecdl 18th Jul 17, 7:06 AM
    • 1,026 Posts
    • 813 Thanks
    tawecdl
    Actually, this is not quite correct. It's true that you both have parental responsibility so she can chose to remove your daughter from school without your prior consent.

    However, where there is a disagreement between two people about how to exercise parental responsibility, either of you can apply to court .

    The application would be for a 'Specific Issue Order'. As the name suggests, this is where you are asking the court to make a decision about a specific issue. In this case, whether your daughter should be home-schooled or not and (presumably) which school she should attend if she is not home schooled)

    If you want to go down this route, then it would be sensible for your to do your research, so that you were in a position to put a specific, thought-through proposal to the court.

    e.g. to include:
    - which school you propose your daughter should attend
    - that a place is available there for her
    - what enquiries you have made with the school, and what steps they will be taking to ensure that your daughter doesn't get pulled back into the cycle of bullying, and how they would support her if it did reoccur
    - how any practical issues will be resolved (e.g., are there any practical issues such as transport which will make it more difficult to get to the new school, and how do you propose they are addressed)

    Before you get to that stage it would be sensible to ask your ex whether she is willing to met with you, to discuss her proposal to home school. If you are not already past that point, try to make it non-confrontational, explain that you would like to better understand how she sees this working in practice.

    If she agrees to meet up, listen to what she has to say, and ask questions.

    For instance, is she planning to work with your daughter towards taking GCSEs. Has she looked into costs? Which things is she planning to teach herself, and how is she planning to cover other subject?Has she found a homeschooling group locally? Does she have plans for ensuring that your daughter does take part in some 'out of school' activities or activities with other home schooled kids so she has a peer group.

    You could also do some research to see whether there are any support groups for parents who are home-schooling in the local area, and whether any of them would be willing to meet with you, or indeed with you and your ex together, to share their experiences (good and bad) .

    if your ex has thought this through and has good plans in place, then having these conversations may help you feel more comfortable with the plan, and even to think about what you can bring to it. If she hasn't, then constructive questions and information from people who have been down this route may help her to understand what she is taking on and whether it is the best thing for your daughter.
    Originally posted by TBagpuss

    Thank you, this is actually what I am doing at the moment. I have spoken to daughter and she want to go to school but I think her mother has a new job meaning she wants daughter to babysit her other son while she is at work. The school my daughter wants to go to is full, but I have found one with places availabe.

    Mother does not want to discuss anything, she stated she has bought her 3 gcse books, (english, maths and science) and she lets her research the internet "what more can I do?" she said.

    I am extremely concerned now, there appears o be more to this than I don't even know, so that being said I am applying awaiting a reply from the school in question (they had nearly 30 places available in Feb this year) and I will go down that route.

    I am still in shock how social services and educational welfare are not 0.01% interested in my side of things, they stated that it is her mothers decision. I thought there would be checks in place or something but it appears any parent can take their children out of school for whatever reason and whenever they want.

    I will not stop persuing this, I very much doubt a judge will allow this but you never know. I need to continue with this school application, ensure my daughter is on side then the second mother tries to put a stop to it I will apply for specific order with the court.

    She knows her stuff she really does, stating things like "that school is not practicle" etc. any secondary is practicle when there is a bus going straight to it.

    Does anyone know the cost of the court process? can I represent myself?
    • Fosterdog
    • By Fosterdog 18th Jul 17, 7:50 AM
    • 3,054 Posts
    • 5,297 Thanks
    Fosterdog
    It's been a while since I went through the family court system with OH for access to his kids but I believe it was around the £200 mark to apply to court with you self representing.

    I'm pretty sure you have to go through mediation first (or at least show willingness to attend if she refuses). Search for family mediation in your area. I don't know the cost of mediation as OH got funding for it and his ex received legal aid so didn't have to pay. I know our local one does an assessment first and will try to secure funding from a relevant organisation, only if there is no funding for the particular circumstances for your mediation do they then charge.

    When filling in the court paperwork it is important to remain factual rather than emotional.

    I'd love to say OH had a good outcome but he applied for a contact order (4 granted but all ignored with no consequences for his ex) a specific issue order for his ex changing kids schools too often (she changed their schools just before the firs day in court so judge said pointless to move them at that stage as they were settling so no need to grant the order) and a prohibitive steps order as she had threatened to leave the area with the children. ( She lied to social services, CAFCASS, and the judge and told them no intentions to move, all believed her so judge also said no to the order as not needed. Less than a month after the final court date she took them out of school and moved them to the other side of the country). I don't mean to put a dampener on your plans, just want you to have a realistic understanding of how these things can go based on my experience. OHs ex just outright lied about lots of things but was just believed even when her stories kept changing. This was six years ago so hopefully there have been some improvements in the system since.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 18th Jul 17, 8:32 AM
    • 15,713 Posts
    • 39,329 Thanks
    FBaby
    I think there are different issues here and you need to separate them:
    - Holidays: If she is going to be home schooled, she is going to adopt a completely different format to learning so going away during term time is irrelevant and has already advised, this should be the least of your concern.

    - The issue of bullying: If the situation is so bad that it requires her to be removed from any form of formal schooling, then I would strongly advise a referral to counselling. My concern would be that DD experienced some issues with socialising (very common at that age) and her mother blew it out of proportion. School is not just about studies, it's also about learning to evolve in a social group. For some kids, this comes naturally, for others, it is a more painful process. However, it is still an important stage of life and taking her away from it could have some serious detrimental impact on her later life. What is your view of what has been happening? Is the bullying a recent event or something she's experienced since primary school? Have you been involved with the school and do you agree that the matter has been poorly dealt with?

    - The issue of her mum potentially using her as a childminder. You need to be careful about this as you could be blowing the situation out of proportion BUT, it is totally unacceptable that your DD should be expected to look after her 3yo sibling for hours on a regular basis. If that is indeed the case, then I think you need to tell your ex that if it doesn't stop, you'll have to report it.

    - The standard of education she will receive at home with her mum: I agree with the above suggestion, the best you can probably do considering the lack of communication from her mum is to provide some tutoring during the week-ends she is with you. Not fair that you should have to pay for this, but at least this will give you some understanding of her progress (as tutor will be able to assess) and some control over it.
    • tawecdl
    • By tawecdl 18th Jul 17, 9:27 AM
    • 1,026 Posts
    • 813 Thanks
    tawecdl
    Am I able to apply for a school as a parent with PR. She lives with her mother, but am I amble to make the application and sign? The application form states

    “Parent/Carer address: (including postcode) at time of application.”
    “What is your relationship to this child:”
    “Do you have parental responsibility for this child?”
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 18th Jul 17, 11:50 AM
    • 5,776 Posts
    • 7,548 Thanks
    TBagpuss
    Yes, you are able to make the application.
    In terms of applying to court, details of fees are available here https://formfinder.hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/ex50-eng.pdf. It would be £215, less if you qualify for reduced fees.

    You can represent yourself but I would strongly recommend that you do get some proper advice.

    You are normally required to have tried mediation before applying to the court, so a reference to mediation now might be wise. If your ex attends mediation then you can try to discuss things with her, if not, you will ned to get the mediator to sign the relevant portion of the form (most will charge for this, typically around £40-£50 but that may vary by location)
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

323Posts Today

4,570Users online

Martin's Twitter