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Results: Should I be expected to pay for things for my partners house that we share?

Yes, as I live there too

86.36% • 38 votes

Yes, but only if she puts your name in the title deeds

2.27% • 1 votes

No, not if she agrees to pay you back if you split

6.82% • 3 votes

No, it's her house why should you pay for her to profit

15.91% • 7 votes

You may not vote on this poll

44 votes in total.

  • FIRST POST
    • koumas1
    • By koumas1 13th Jul 17, 8:52 PM
    • 11Posts
    • 0Thanks
    koumas1
    Home Ownership / Partner's Rights
    • #1
    • 13th Jul 17, 8:52 PM
    Home Ownership / Partner's Rights 13th Jul 17 at 8:52 PM
    I have been with my partner for 4 years now, since we first met working abroad. We quit our jobs and returned to the UK with the aim of settling down and getting our own place. In order to help us afford a home we moved in with my partners parents as this was the only way we could realistically save money to find a place.
    My partner is very much financially driven and will often go without any luxuries in order to achieve a financial aim, often to my annoyance that she won't treat us to nights out etc because she doesn't want to waste money etc. I on the other hand like to enjoy life now as well as plan for the future and feel we deserve to enjoy life whilst we can and as a result my savings or contributions towards the house has hardly increased in the past 4 years.
    My partner's parents have been kind enough to look after us for 2 years but I want a space of our own and a place to call ours, I have been very pushy towards this as my partner would rather save more money towards the deposit but I think we need a house now - she had save £100k (which is more than enough).
    My partner has since purchased a house using the £100k she saved but wouldn't put my name on the house as I haven't been able to contribute anything towards the deposit. I want to have my name on the house and I have told her that I do not feel like this house is ours as it is in her name - it's her house.
    She has reassured me that it is our house and that it will always be considered as such. We are now in a position where there are various things that need to be done to renovate the home such as a complete new bathroom and the lounge and bedrooms need a modest over haul too. We still need a new TV, washing machine, cooker etc.
    My partner has asked me to help with paying for some of the work that will need to be done which will go into about £3,000 for all the work that will need to be done.
    I don't want to pay anything towards the house because although we have been together for 4 years if we were to split then I wouldn't have any of that money. My partner has also asked that if I can't pay for refurbishments if I could buy things like the telly or washing machine etc but again I don't want to buy these as I would have no way to keep such big items as I would have to move back to my parents or somewhere else if we split.
    I have told her that I will pay for things for the house but only if she puts my name on the house, otherwise I think it's unfair for her to expect me to pay for anything as I will have nothing to show for it if we split. Her reasons for not putting my name on the house is that she doesn't feel financially secure with putting my name on the house because my financial spending is more spontaneous than hers and because in the 4 years I haven't been able to make any savings.
    I think she is being unreasonable expecting me to pay for upgrades to the house or big ticket items as I will lose out. I will be happy to share our bills equally but if she wants to make lavish upgrades or posh items such as TV's etc she shouldn't expect me to pay for them.
    What do you think? Is she being unreasonable?
Page 1
    • beaker141
    • By beaker141 13th Jul 17, 9:17 PM
    • 450 Posts
    • 182 Thanks
    beaker141
    • #2
    • 13th Jul 17, 9:17 PM
    • #2
    • 13th Jul 17, 9:17 PM
    Who pays the mortgage ?

    Who would benefit from lavish things and a posh tv?

    Surely the house should have been in joint names, joint mortgage etc, but with her havnig 100k and you having 0k equity at the start. If you split, then you proportion it out in the relevant way ? If the house cost 200k, then your partner owns outright 50% and then half of the other 50%. Hence if in 10 years time its worth 400k and you split, she gets 200k, then 50% of the rest?
    • AndyMc.....
    • By AndyMc..... 13th Jul 17, 9:20 PM
    • 731 Posts
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    AndyMc.....
    • #3
    • 13th Jul 17, 9:20 PM
    • #3
    • 13th Jul 17, 9:20 PM
    If this isn't a wind up you need to go your separate ways.
    • boliston
    • By boliston 13th Jul 17, 9:36 PM
    • 2,385 Posts
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    boliston
    • #4
    • 13th Jul 17, 9:36 PM
    • #4
    • 13th Jul 17, 9:36 PM
    splitting the cost of consumer goods like a washing machine seems fair as you both use it - if you split up then you can check the value on ebay sold items and ask for half of the second hand value. same with tv if you both use it. i think it is unreasonable to expect to own a share of somebody elses house simply by living in it!
    • koumas1
    • By koumas1 13th Jul 17, 10:41 PM
    • 11 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    koumas1
    • #5
    • 13th Jul 17, 10:41 PM
    • #5
    • 13th Jul 17, 10:41 PM
    She pays all the mortgage, paid all the solicitor fees, stump duty etc, insurance, As it stands i haven't paid anything towards the house, the purchase of the house - im just splitting half the living costs.
    I agree that I should have half of whatever is left after her share but she says it cost her over £2500 (Stamp duty, solicitor fees, home buyers survey etc) just to be able to buy the house and that as I didn't help towards any of this then this would be money she "would lose" if I had a share as I never contributed to any of it and so why should I benefit from all her hard work if I won't contribute anything at all to the house?
    • beaker141
    • By beaker141 13th Jul 17, 11:01 PM
    • 450 Posts
    • 182 Thanks
    beaker141
    • #6
    • 13th Jul 17, 11:01 PM
    • #6
    • 13th Jul 17, 11:01 PM
    She pays all the mortgage, paid all the solicitor fees, stump duty etc, insurance, As it stands i haven't paid anything towards the house, the purchase of the house - im just splitting half the living costs.
    I agree that I should have half of whatever is left after her share but she says it cost her over £2500 (Stamp duty, solicitor fees, home buyers survey etc) just to be able to buy the house and that as I didn't help towards any of this then this would be money she "would lose" if I had a share as I never contributed to any of it and so why should I benefit from all her hard work if I won't contribute anything at all to the house?
    Originally posted by koumas1
    As you dont pay half of the mortgage I'd recind my earlier comment of having half after her share (which at this point is nothing as its mortgaged!) - youre basically a lodger, and I guess a rent free lodger at that!
    • boliston
    • By boliston 13th Jul 17, 11:05 PM
    • 2,385 Posts
    • 1,962 Thanks
    boliston
    • #7
    • 13th Jul 17, 11:05 PM
    • #7
    • 13th Jul 17, 11:05 PM
    Who pays the mortgage ?

    Who would benefit from lavish things and a posh tv?

    Surely the house should have been in joint names, joint mortgage etc, but with her havnig 100k and you having 0k equity at the start. If you split, then you proportion it out in the relevant way ? If the house cost 200k, then your partner owns outright 50% and then half of the other 50%. Hence if in 10 years time its worth 400k and you split, she gets 200k, then 50% of the rest?
    Originally posted by beaker141
    I don't understand the maths here - If I start with a 0% share of an asset that doubles in value I would expect to retain my % share in the asset NOT come away with a different % share.
    • beaker141
    • By beaker141 13th Jul 17, 11:13 PM
    • 450 Posts
    • 182 Thanks
    beaker141
    • #8
    • 13th Jul 17, 11:13 PM
    • #8
    • 13th Jul 17, 11:13 PM
    I don't understand the maths here - If I start with a 0% share of an asset that doubles in value I would expect to retain my % share in the asset NOT come away with a different % share.
    Originally posted by boliston
    Yes - I think thats what he has now - a 0% share which will only ever be a 0% share unless he starts pulling his weight a bit!

    My point was, if house was 200k, person 1 put in 100k, person 2 0k then a mortgage for 100k - at that point person 1 has the 100k equity (50% of the house value) and they both then pay the mortgage equally - therefore jointly liable for the mortgage (and equity increase) for the other half.

    After say 10 years, the house is worth 400k (doubled in value for simplicity) and the mortgage had been paid jointly as a partnership then in the event of a split it should go:-

    Person 1 - gets 50% of 400k = 200k to reflect the gain their 100k made.

    That leaves 200k from the sale, image the mortgage had 50k left and gets paid off - thats 150k left.

    That 150k is then split 50/50 (to reflect the joint share of the other half of the house).

    End result - Person 1 gets 275k, Person 2 gets 75k
    • PasturesNew
    • By PasturesNew 13th Jul 17, 11:22 PM
    • 59,969 Posts
    • 350,557 Thanks
    PasturesNew
    • #9
    • 13th Jul 17, 11:22 PM
    • #9
    • 13th Jul 17, 11:22 PM
    You're right that it's "a bit cheeky" to ask you to pay for things you couldn't take if she chucked you out.... on the other hand, what might've been a good idea would've been for you to save a theoretical rent value into your own account each month as your "walking money" should that ever happen, so you're not left with no money and no options.

    Should things work out that money could then be used to put into the house.

    You do come over as a bit of a whining financial liability who doesn't share her vision/aspirations though ... which is probably why she's got it all in her name as she's not entirely sure she can depend on you.

    Right now you're living rent free ... without any responsibility. You've effectively lived rent free and without any actual responsibilities for 4 years. On balance .... it's probably not unfair for you to dip your hand in your pocket, even if you do walk away with "nothing" should you ever be chucked out.

    But, I bet, dipping your hand in your pocket will send a good message to her that you DO want to be part of the journey and not just as a passenger and you'll build some trust in the eyes of your long-suffering, financially aware, hard working, responsible partner
    • boliston
    • By boliston 13th Jul 17, 11:27 PM
    • 2,385 Posts
    • 1,962 Thanks
    boliston
    I think I get this - one person puts in 100k cash and they get a joint mortgage on the remaining 100k so the equity share is 150k:50k (75%:25%)

    The house doubles in value over 10 years and if it was then sold the cash would be split 300k:100k (75%:25%) they would each owe 25k of o/s mortgage reducing the cash proceeds to 275k:75k
    • wealdroam
    • By wealdroam 14th Jul 17, 12:15 AM
    • 18,648 Posts
    • 15,549 Thanks
    wealdroam
    Oh, a multiple choice poll.

    So, I can vote yes and no... brilliant.
    • seashore22
    • By seashore22 14th Jul 17, 8:02 AM
    • 546 Posts
    • 1,127 Thanks
    seashore22
    I would put good money on this being a load of nonsense, but can't resist speaking my mind anyway.

    The ones I feel sorry for are the parents. They housed you for two years and you saved nothing! Then you do nothing to contribute financially to your life with their daughter beyond the bare minimum. They must be delighted with her choice of partner.

    Edit - there isn't a box for "should my girlfriend dump me and enjoy the fruits of her labour without me". There should be.
    Last edited by seashore22; 14-07-2017 at 8:06 AM.
    • koumas1
    • By koumas1 14th Jul 17, 8:31 AM
    • 11 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    koumas1
    Thanks for the majority of the rational answers so far.
    I don't want to be deemed/treated/thought of as a lodger, tenant or whatever - I should be a homeowner, we should share things and without my name on the house it just will never feel like it's my home, it will always be hers.
    Her point is that if we were both to have rented - we would both have to share the rent cost, the bills etc equally and if we did buy stuff for the place like TV's etc or if we were to do any redecorating or improvements to the place - then again those "upgrades" would be costs we both share and we wouldn't get a share of the landlords place when we left and the TV we buy etc wouldnt be worth a lot if we had to sell it.
    The reason I haven't saved is that it didn't feel like this house was going to come anything soon. It's took 2 and half years to get to this point since we've been back in the UK and it just didn't feel like it was ever going to happen. I know I would save now and be more careful with money if I were and owner too cus it would be my house and I would want to look after and care for it etc - but as it's hers and just don't see why I should bare all the risk.
    For those those who think this is a wind up or should be on Jeremy Kyle or something I am sorry and we are both not the stereotypical type of couple one would presume to be on such a show - this is a genuine issue that I am tryical to sensibly resolve - thank you to all who have been so kind to write a reasoned response!!!
    • comeandgo
    • By comeandgo 14th Jul 17, 8:33 AM
    • 1,809 Posts
    • 2,404 Thanks
    comeandgo
    You sound such a good catch. You have lived cheaply with her parents, you want her to treat you and take you out, you won't contribute to any of the house repairs. You could buy a washing machine and at least make it look like you are committed to this relationship.
    • Niv
    • By Niv 14th Jul 17, 9:16 AM
    • 1,517 Posts
    • 1,326 Thanks
    Niv
    Thanks for the majority of the rational answers so far.
    I don't want to be deemed/treated/thought of as a lodger, tenant or whatever - I should be a homeowner, Why? You haven't put a penny into the house. we should share things and without my name on the house it just will never feel like it's my home, it will always be hers.
    Her point is that if we were both to have rented - we would both have to share the rent cost, the bills etc equally and if we did buy stuff for the place like TV's etc or if we were to do any redecorating or improvements to the place - then again those "upgrades" would be costs we both share and we wouldn't get a share of the landlords place when we left and the TV we buy etc wouldnt be worth a lot if we had to sell it.
    The reason I haven't saved is that it didn't feel like this house was going to come anything soon.bull, you haven't saved because you spent it all, there is no reason you couldn't have saved for your future, with you at the helm a house will never come anytime soon as you wont save until its coming soon?? It's took 2 and half years to get to this point since we've been back in the UK and it just didn't feel like it was ever going to happen. I know I would save now and be more careful with money if I were and owner too cus it would be my house and I would want to look after and care for it etc - but as it's hers and just don't see why I should bare all the risk. what risk are you baring? This risk of losing your rent free place?
    For those those who think this is a wind up or should be on Jeremy Kyle or something I am sorry and we are both not the stereotypical type of couple one would presume to be on such a show - this is a genuine issue that I am tryical to sensibly resolve - thank you to all who have been so kind to write a reasoned response!!!
    Originally posted by koumas1


    You have some very funny ideas on what you are entitled to, however I do very much agree with you that you should not pay out for major upgrades such as new bathroom, however painting a room for example is fairly incidental so is fair enough to split (it adds not real value to a house but makes it nicer for you).


    Regarding TV's etc, its fair enough to split them or agree that if one of you buys it it is 'theirs' in the event of a split.


    Don't forget you are living rent free, this s a good situation for you, you must have plenty of spare cash you can save so you can either 1; buy into a share of the house in the future or 2; save for your own deposit if you end up splitting up.
    YNWA

    Mortgage free by 58.
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 14th Jul 17, 9:33 AM
    • 35,890 Posts
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    silvercar
    I don't want to be deemed/treated/thought of as a lodger, tenant or whatever - I should be a homeowner, we should share things and without my name on the house it just will never feel like it's my home, it will always be hers.
    Seriously?

    You are desperate to be a home owner, yet haven't committed a penny to the purchase costs, deposit, mortgage etc and now don't want to commit a penny to the white goods or other big ticket items?

    and now you are offering to pay something towards a TV and washing machine only if you can be a joint owner of the property??
    • d0nkeyk0ng
    • By d0nkeyk0ng 14th Jul 17, 10:01 AM
    • 446 Posts
    • 164 Thanks
    d0nkeyk0ng
    I agree with a lot of the others. I'll also share my situation which you may find helpful.

    In order to help us afford a home we moved in with my partners parents as this was the only way we could realistically save money to find a place.
    Originally posted by koumas1
    Generally a good idea to save money and minimise outgoings.

    I on the other hand like to enjoy life now as well as plan for the future and feel we deserve to enjoy life whilst we can and as a result my savings or contributions towards the house has hardly increased in the past 4 years.
    Originally posted by koumas1
    But the previous point won't work if you're not minimising your outgoings. Both of you should have been doing this, not just your partner.
    My partner's parents have been kind enough to look after us for 2 years but I want a space of our own and a place to call ours
    Originally posted by koumas1
    So what have you done about it? Saved little and spent lots by the sound of things.

    My partner has since purchased a house using the £100k she saved but wouldn't put my name on the house as I haven't been able to contribute anything towards the deposit
    Originally posted by koumas1
    Why haven't you contributed towards the house. You've said you want a house of your own to move into but you haven't contributed anything.

    I want to have my name on the house and I have told her that I do not feel like this house is ours as it is in her name - it's her house
    Originally posted by koumas1
    It's her house because she was sensible, scrimped and saved and was able to build up a deposit for it. Again, what did you do towards saving for a house?

    My partner has asked me to help with paying for some of the work that will need to be done....[but] I don't want to pay anything towards the house
    Originally posted by koumas1
    So your partner bought a house that you both share and live in. You couldn't or refused to contribute to the deposit. Now you want to live there without paying anything towards it? If you were my partner and you acted like that, I would get rid of you.

    My partner has also asked that if I can't pay for refurbishments if I could buy things like the telly or washing machine etc
    Originally posted by koumas1
    So your partner has given you an opportunity to contribute towards the house several times (deposit, renovation, appliances) but you don't want to.

    I have told her that I will pay for things for the house but only if she puts my name on the house, otherwise I think it's unfair for her to expect me to pay for anything as I will have nothing to show for it
    Originally posted by koumas1
    But you have nothing to show why you deserve to have your name on the house. You didn't want to or couldn't afford to build a deposit and you've refused to contribute in any way, shape or form.

    she doesn't feel financially secure with putting my name on the house because my financial spending is more spontaneous than hers and because in the 4 years I haven't been able to make any savings
    Originally posted by koumas1
    If you want your name on the house, the mortgage company will re-assess your partner and you. They'll want financial outgoings listed. If there's too much outgoing, then they will refuse. So unless you start saving up, there's no point even trying.

    if she wants to make lavish upgrades or posh items such as TV's etc she shouldn't expect me to pay for them.
    Originally posted by koumas1
    But you've said earlier on that you prefer to enjoy life. I'd argue a TV in this day and age is more necessity than luxury. Luxury would be going for a huge !!! widescreen curved 4K model. Basic would be a bogstandard TV.

    I'm just splitting half the living costs.
    Originally posted by koumas1
    You are essentially a tenant. If you had paid towards the mortgage and then split, I think you would then be entitled to some portion of the house if it is sold (but you would need to double check this).

    I should be a homeowner
    Originally posted by koumas1
    Then you should have contributed to it.

    The reason I haven't saved is that it didn't feel like this house was going to come anything soon.
    Originally posted by koumas1
    But you said at the beginning that you wanted to move out of your partner's parents' house, and that your partner had been saving. Yet you did nothing and now act surprised that you've moved out? Confusing.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 14th Jul 17, 10:13 AM
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    Mojisola
    I have been with my partner for 4 years now, since we first met working abroad.

    We quit our jobs and returned to the UK with the aim of settling down and getting our own place. In order to help us afford a home we moved in with my partners parents as this was the only way we could realistically save money to find a place.

    I on the other hand like to enjoy life now as well as plan for the future and feel we deserve to enjoy life whilst we can and as a result my savings or contributions towards the house has hardly increased in the past 4 years.

    she had save £100k

    My partner has since purchased a house using the £100k she saved but wouldn't put my name on the house as I haven't been able to contribute anything towards the deposit.

    Her reasons for not putting my name on the house is that she doesn't feel financially secure with putting my name on the house because my financial spending is more spontaneous than hers and because in the 4 years I haven't been able to make any savings.

    What do you think? Is she being unreasonable?
    Originally posted by koumas1
    She's being very sensible in keeping the money she has saved in her name.

    What I can't understand is why she still wants you around.
    • d0nkeyk0ng
    • By d0nkeyk0ng 14th Jul 17, 10:18 AM
    • 446 Posts
    • 164 Thanks
    d0nkeyk0ng
    My story as promised:

    I met my partner a few years ago. After about two years, we decided to get married and look for a house. Date of wedding was fixed first and we worked around everything else.

    Unbeknownst to me, my partner's brother was looking for a house for my partner's family (father had died so he was left trying to manage despite being in his early 20s). Partner offered to help him buy a house which meant putting her name on the mortgage even though she wasn't going to contribute in any way. It caused problems in the relationship but was temporary only so things settled.

    I bought a house in my name as mortgage advisor said we couldn't buy together as partner had just gone through mortgage application. Partner was initially upset but understood.

    Since we've been married and living together, I've paid the mortgage but wife has paid everything else - council tax, utility bills etc. We plan on doing some major work and my partner will be contributing 50-75% of the costs. When her brother's mortgage comes to switching time, she will come off his and come on to mine. But she has earned that by contributing fully to the household. Had we bought the house together, I would have expected my partner to pay her share of the bills and mortgage.

    Similarly, if you want to be on your partner's house, you should be expected to contribute towards the mortgage and outgoings. If you're not willing to show commitment yourself, why should your partner do anything?
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 14th Jul 17, 10:58 AM
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    silvercar
    I have moved your thread to the housing board as it is more relevant here than on DIY.
    I'm a Board Guide on the Debate House Prices & the Economy, House Buying, Renting & Selling, Mortgages and Endowments, In My Home incl DIY, Overseas Holidays & Student boards.
    I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge threads there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an abusive or illegal post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com.
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