Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • lily78
    • By lily78 12th Jul 17, 3:08 PM
    • 3Posts
    • 2Thanks
    lily78
    Do I have to invite all my friends/family's children?
    • #1
    • 12th Jul 17, 3:08 PM
    Do I have to invite all my friends/family's children? 12th Jul 17 at 3:08 PM
    I have a reasonably large family (8 cousins, all married, most with 2 kids each). Some of these kids I've only met once or twice, they range from 2 to 21 years old and there are 14 of them.

    Ideally I'd like to invite the little ones (under 10s) as they will be able to play with my nieces (5 and 8) but not the older ones as:
    a. I don't know them
    b. They will be classes as adults by the venue and cost me a small fortune
    c. As teenagers I don't think they'll want to come/play on their phones all the time and generally be ungrateful I've shelled out £50+ each for them

    Also we'd like to invite some close friends kids, but not other friend's kids.

    How do I tackle this with my cousins/friends who's kids aren't invited?
    Last edited by lily78; 12-07-2017 at 3:48 PM. Reason: missed out info
Page 1
    • cashewnut
    • By cashewnut 12th Jul 17, 6:51 PM
    • 323 Posts
    • 568 Thanks
    cashewnut
    • #2
    • 12th Jul 17, 6:51 PM
    • #2
    • 12th Jul 17, 6:51 PM
    Don't think it'll go down well with the ones whose kids aren't invited. We chose not to invite any children at all - would have added at least 16 to the guest list and we didn't know any of them well.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 12th Jul 17, 6:59 PM
    • 27,986 Posts
    • 71,148 Thanks
    Mojisola
    • #3
    • 12th Jul 17, 6:59 PM
    • #3
    • 12th Jul 17, 6:59 PM
    Ideally I'd like to invite the little ones (under 10s) as they will be able to play with my nieces (5 and 8) but not the older ones

    Also we'd like to invite some close friends kids, but not other friend's kids.

    How do I tackle this with my cousins/friends who's kids aren't invited?
    Originally posted by lily78
    You can invite whoever you want - but be very specific on the invites so that people know whether their children are included or not.

    Be ready for people to be upset that other people's children are invited but theirs aren't!
    • DigForVictory
    • By DigForVictory 12th Jul 17, 7:30 PM
    • 6,922 Posts
    • 18,550 Thanks
    DigForVictory
    • #4
    • 12th Jul 17, 7:30 PM
    • #4
    • 12th Jul 17, 7:30 PM
    This is your wedding, at your expense. You are allowed to invite by name those whom you'd like to attend.

    The only hitch comes when on the day people realise their little darling(s) didn't make the cut & don't feel that a day without child enjoying a wedding is absolutely worth it.

    The only path I can see that saves your bacon is to deploy your mum (or whomever can talk to Everyone involved without making you seem like a screaming Bridezilla) and persuading them according to a clear list either that they want to bring their little dears or that on mature considerations, they really do not. That's quite a lot of negotiation, but it may prevent WW3.
    • MysteryMe
    • By MysteryMe 14th Jul 17, 12:19 AM
    • 1,689 Posts
    • 2,084 Thanks
    MysteryMe
    • #5
    • 14th Jul 17, 12:19 AM
    • #5
    • 14th Jul 17, 12:19 AM
    It's your day and your decision but be sensitive to the fact you may experience a much longer period of resentment and friction.

    Some cousin's kids are OK but not others, some friend's kids are OK but not others. A 9 year old is OK but not an 10 year old.

    If it was me I'd stick to the nieces only as presume they are bridesmaids/flower girls. That way no one can get the hump and you are saving even more money.

    It's a difficult one for sure. Good luck!
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 14th Jul 17, 9:19 AM
    • 27,986 Posts
    • 71,148 Thanks
    Mojisola
    • #6
    • 14th Jul 17, 9:19 AM
    • #6
    • 14th Jul 17, 9:19 AM
    If it was me I'd stick to the nieces only as presume they are bridesmaids/flower girls. That way no one can get the hump and you are saving even more money.
    Originally posted by MysteryMe
    Someone will - we've seen it on here - "If my children aren't welcome at the wedding, I'm not going either!" - mind you, that's more money saved.
    • KateySW
    • By KateySW 14th Jul 17, 11:52 AM
    • 94 Posts
    • 133 Thanks
    KateySW
    • #7
    • 14th Jul 17, 11:52 AM
    • #7
    • 14th Jul 17, 11:52 AM
    Gosh it's a minefield with weddings, isn't it?

    In all honesty, in your situation, I just wouldn't invite the children of the cousins at all - if you start segregating by age then it just gets even more awkward than it already is!

    Prepare for them to potentially get the hump if you invite your friends kids but honestly, don't let it bother you. You don't need to justify it but if you wanted to, your nieces are bridesmaids and the few other kids are those of very close friends (if it were me I'd be very selective with that though if I didn't want them to get really annoyed) and you are very close to the kids themselves too, but the wedding budget simply couldn't stretch to include everybody's entire family unit. That's it.

    I sympathise, it's awkward but be polite and firm from the start and leave it at that. If they don't like it, that's sad but it's their problem and you can't put yourself out of pocket just to keep them happy on your wedding day!
    • Topcat1982
    • By Topcat1982 17th Jul 17, 12:27 PM
    • 340 Posts
    • 376 Thanks
    Topcat1982
    • #8
    • 17th Jul 17, 12:27 PM
    • #8
    • 17th Jul 17, 12:27 PM
    You mean you would invite little kids but not their older siblings?

    I don't think you could send out an invite saying little Jenny is invited but little Janey is not.

    Better no kids at all, I think.
    • lily78
    • By lily78 21st Jul 17, 3:26 PM
    • 3 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    lily78
    • #9
    • 21st Jul 17, 3:26 PM
    • #9
    • 21st Jul 17, 3:26 PM
    Thanks for the replies. We've decided on no kids, much easier than having an age cut off.
    • Abbafan1972
    • By Abbafan1972 17th Aug 17, 8:57 AM
    • 5,072 Posts
    • 168,485 Thanks
    Abbafan1972
    I wouldn't invite any children at all to keep it fair - be prepared for people to moan but it's your day!

    eta:- sorry didn't see post above!
    Weight on 01/08/15 - 17st 5lb
    Target weight - 10st
    Target reached - 20/05/17


    Greatest Loser for SW group 2016 & 2017
    Woman of the year award 2016
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

123Posts Today

1,460Users online

Martin's Twitter