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    • linclass
    • By linclass 10th Jul 17, 5:46 PM
    • 186Posts
    • 74Thanks
    linclass
    Ex Wife trying yet again to bleed him dry. URGENT
    • #1
    • 10th Jul 17, 5:46 PM
    Ex Wife trying yet again to bleed him dry. URGENT 10th Jul 17 at 5:46 PM
    Hello all,
    I'm sorry to have this as an 'urgent' thread, but it's appeared as the proverbial bolt out of the blue.

    My partner's ex wife won virtually everything from my partner when she divorced him 2 years ago. Half his pension, the house and ALL it's value, and contents. He left the marriage with nothing.

    Now - she's VERY money oriented, down to the last 51p, which was the monthly increase to her half of his pension earlier this year - she sent a recorded letter demanding her share. At the end of May this year, my partner received a letter from an organisation (cannot remember the name) informing him he had a very small pension pot, total value £500. The Divorce paperwork stated that it would be a clean break, and that she would have no further monetary claims on him in future.

    She has now approached him, accusing him of hiding this pension. Well, he HASN'T tried hiding anything, because he wasn't aware of it until the letter arrived in May informing him!

    She only contacts him through his son via facebook. At the end of the communication, she confirmed her Solicitor advised her to contact him, and if my partner ignores her message, she will go back to the Solicitor and he will take the matter to court.

    My question is this. SHOULD he ignore her? WILL the matter return to court? He DID NOT hide anything, as I've said. And the whole amount is ONLY £500!!

    What should he do please?

    Thanks very much.
Page 2
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 11th Jul 17, 11:21 AM
    • 18,336 Posts
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    Pollycat
    So when the youngest child finishes full-time education, the ex-wife will either have to buy him out or sell the house?
    • linclass
    • By linclass 11th Jul 17, 11:32 AM
    • 186 Posts
    • 74 Thanks
    linclass

    I agree the ex sounds particularly vindictive and petty - and in the same position I'd probably let her have the £250. Doing so without any argument would probably be exactly what she doesn't want.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    Vindictive & petty, that's not the half of it, Pollycat. This is the woman that went to the younger child's head teacher at school crying crocodile tears and asking that NO information regarding the childs' school progress be passed to it's father WITHOUT her permission. They took her side. Remember, she WON'T speak to him, email him or even facebook him - she contacts via the elder child's facebook page or recorded letter. She never did a day's work outside of the home for the years they were married, but has since found a part time job, which no doubt urked her.
    • maman
    • By maman 11th Jul 17, 11:39 AM
    • 17,002 Posts
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    maman
    So when the youngest child finishes full-time education, the ex-wife will either have to buy him out or sell the house?
    Originally posted by Pollycat

    That's how I understand it too. If OP's partner really did just walk away and relinquish any interest in the house then there must have been reasons or he used a very poor solicitor.


    I can see that this small pension share is petty but if the agreement is half of all pensions then she's technically correct so best to pay up and far more importantly ...shut up!!


    I can't imagine discussing my financial situation in detail with anyone at all other than my DH (and even he has problems keeping up with all my account switching!).
    • linclass
    • By linclass 11th Jul 17, 11:45 AM
    • 186 Posts
    • 74 Thanks
    linclass
    That's how I understand it too. If OP's partner really did just walk away and relinquish any interest in the house then there must have been reasons or he used a very poor solicitor.
    Originally posted by maman
    There was still a Mortgage on the house Maman. Had he allowed her to live in the house until youngest reached age 18, HE would have had to keep up the mortgage payments. As it is, she sold the property and purchased a smaller one, thus wiping out the need for a mortgage. There was no money left over and above the cost of the new property.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 11th Jul 17, 11:52 AM
    • 15,302 Posts
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    elsien
    Vindictive & petty, that's not the half of it, Pollycat. This is the woman that went to the younger child's head teacher at school crying crocodile tears and asking that NO information regarding the childs' school progress be passed to it's father WITHOUT her permission. They took her side. Remember, she WON'T speak to him, email him or even facebook him - she contacts via the elder child's facebook page or recorded letter. She never did a day's work outside of the home for the years they were married, but has since found a part time job, which no doubt urked her.
    Originally posted by linclass
    Then he may wish to remind the school that he has shared parental responsibility and has every right to information on his child's progress, and a complaint will be forthcoming if they do not comply. Relative has insisted he gets copies of any letters/emails that go to PWC so that he is aware of and can attend parents evenings, school plays etc.

    Unless there's something you're not telling us with regards to PR and contact with his children?
    Last edited by elsien; 11-07-2017 at 11:54 AM.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • PeacefulWaters
    • By PeacefulWaters 11th Jul 17, 11:54 AM
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    PeacefulWaters
    It's fairly obvious that had he been aware of this modest fund he would have disclosed it and she would have got half the value.

    Therefore if anybody goes legal he will have to pay half. Additionally, if it gets as far as a judge he will likely get clobbered with costs well in excess of the value of the fund.

    A simple covering letter with a cheque for £250 (and any loose pennies) along the lines of "this is in full and final settlement of your share of xxx pension scheme".

    Retain a copy of the letter. Photocopy the cheque too. Don't enter into any further debate on the subject.
    • maman
    • By maman 11th Jul 17, 11:54 AM
    • 17,002 Posts
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    maman
    There was still a Mortgage on the house Maman. Had he allowed her to live in the house until youngest reached age 18, HE would have had to keep up the mortgage payments. As it is, she sold the property and purchased a smaller one, thus wiping out the need for a mortgage. There was no money left over and above the cost of the new property.
    Originally posted by linclass

    So in that respect I can understand him going for the 'full and final' route. Obviously I don't know the maths involved but he's traded paying the mortgage on the old house for half the equity if it was sold when children become 18.
    • linclass
    • By linclass 11th Jul 17, 12:22 PM
    • 186 Posts
    • 74 Thanks
    linclass
    Unless there's something you're not telling us with regards to PR and contact with his children?
    Originally posted by elsien
    Absolutely NOTHING that's been left out, elsien. NO restraining orders or similar are in place. My Partner phoned the school some months back, asking re the child's progress and they flatly REFUSED to discuss anything with him. They suggested when he said he would raise a complaint, that it be sent to the Board of Governors (?) who would decide whether he could be informed. Strange thing is, the ex was TOLD that partner had been in touch. Why would they do that I wonder?
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 11th Jul 17, 12:31 PM
    • 15,118 Posts
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    Guest101
    Absolutely NOTHING that's been left out, elsien. NO restraining orders or similar are in place. My Partner phoned the school some months back, asking re the child's progress and they flatly REFUSED to discuss anything with him. They suggested when he said he would raise a complaint, that it be sent to the Board of Governors (?) who would decide whether he could be informed. Strange thing is, the ex was TOLD that partner had been in touch. Why would they do that I wonder?
    Originally posted by linclass
    No you complain to the council, and you make it official
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 11th Jul 17, 12:35 PM
    • 28,545 Posts
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    Mojisola
    https://uk.practicallaw.thomsonreuters.com/5-386-2098?transitionType=Default&contextData=(sc.Defaul t)&firstPage=true&bhcp=1
    Rights of absent parents
    Everyone who is a parent has a right to participate in decisions about a child's education, even though the school's main contact is likely to be the person with whom the child lives on school days.

    Unless there is a court order limiting an individual's exercise of PR, such as an order preventing the absent parent from having contact with the child, the school and local authority staff must treat all parents equally.
    • maman
    • By maman 11th Jul 17, 1:00 PM
    • 17,002 Posts
    • 101,658 Thanks
    maman
    Absolutely NOTHING that's been left out, elsien. NO restraining orders or similar are in place. My Partner phoned the school some months back, asking re the child's progress and they flatly REFUSED to discuss anything with him. They suggested when he said he would raise a complaint, that it be sent to the Board of Governors (?) who would decide whether he could be informed. Strange thing is, the ex was TOLD that partner had been in touch. Why would they do that I wonder?
    Originally posted by linclass
    That's the correct advice. He should write to the Chair of Governors at the school address explaining that he has shared PR and that his ex refuses to share information in an informal way. If that approach is unsuccessful then he can take it further by going to the Local Authority.

    They probably told him that the ex had been in touch by way of explaining their current practice. They aren't responsible for any lies she may have told them. He could ask for reports although most newsletters giving details of parents evening and other events are usually online.

    I think this effort to keep in touch with the children is more important than the tiny pension. I forget, does he get to see them?
    • meer53
    • By meer53 11th Jul 17, 2:24 PM
    • 8,950 Posts
    • 12,989 Thanks
    meer53
    Absolutely NOTHING that's been left out, elsien. NO restraining orders or similar are in place. My Partner phoned the school some months back, asking re the child's progress and they flatly REFUSED to discuss anything with him. They suggested when he said he would raise a complaint, that it be sent to the Board of Governors (?) who would decide whether he could be informed. Strange thing is, the ex was TOLD that partner had been in touch. Why would they do that I wonder?
    Originally posted by linclass
    Why would they NOT tell her ?

    To be fair, she's hardly trying to bleed him dry by asking for the small amount of pension, she's obviously still very bitter and may be for some time yet, if he has no other pensions or anything to come, then it might be better to pay her and move on, then it's all done with.
    Last edited by meer53; 11-07-2017 at 2:27 PM.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 11th Jul 17, 2:36 PM
    • 28,545 Posts
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    Mojisola
    Why would they NOT tell her ?
    Originally posted by meer53
    It's nothing to do with the resident parent if the NRP contacts them about the child!

    It sounds as if she has either lied to the school (and they haven't asked for paperwork to prove that they shouldn't involve the father in the children's education) or she has friends in the office.
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 11th Jul 17, 3:19 PM
    • 1,900 Posts
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    Red-Squirrel
    There was still a Mortgage on the house Maman. Had he allowed her to live in the house until youngest reached age 18, HE would have had to keep up the mortgage payments. As it is, she sold the property and purchased a smaller one, thus wiping out the need for a mortgage. There was no money left over and above the cost of the new property.
    Originally posted by linclass
    Surely he wouldn't have expected to retain ownership of the house without paying anything towards the mortgage?
    • Dasa
    • By Dasa 11th Jul 17, 5:32 PM
    • 317 Posts
    • 597 Thanks
    Dasa
    It's nothing to do with the resident parent if the NRP contacts them about the child!

    It sounds as if she has either lied to the school (and they haven't asked for paperwork to prove that they shouldn't involve the father in the children's education) or she has friends in the office.
    Originally posted by Mojisola

    My husband went through similar with his ex-wife and their children.The school were supposed to keep him informed but never did. He had to be on at them all the time.

    Things changed when the headmaster got divorced himself!
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 11th Jul 17, 5:33 PM
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    • 989 Thanks
    badmemory
    Won't 75% of this money be taxable. As it is such a small amount it may not have tax deducted at source, but it is taxable income. So she isn't going to get the full £250.
    • linclass
    • By linclass 11th Jul 17, 7:48 PM
    • 186 Posts
    • 74 Thanks
    linclass
    Surely he wouldn't have expected to retain ownership of the house without paying anything towards the mortgage?
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    Couldn't afford to pay a mortgage AND accommodation for us, Red-Squirrel,
    • linclass
    • By linclass 11th Jul 17, 7:51 PM
    • 186 Posts
    • 74 Thanks
    linclass
    Why would they NOT tell her ?

    To be fair, she's hardly trying to bleed him dry by asking for the small amount of pension, she's obviously still very bitter and may be for some time yet, if he has no other pensions or anything to come, then it might be better to pay her and move on, then it's all done with.
    Originally posted by meer53
    There's more to it than I've stated here. I won't amplify on the situation, but its not good, she has come out of this very, very much better off than my partner.
    • justme111
    • By justme111 11th Jul 17, 8:03 PM
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    justme111
    There's more to it than I've stated here. I won't amplify on the situation, but its not good, she has come out of this very, very much better off than my partner.
    Originally posted by linclass
    I am sorry to say, linklass, you are coming across too emotional for dealing with it in the best way ; probably it would be best if you left your partner to sort it himself .
    • Sambella
    • By Sambella 11th Jul 17, 8:43 PM
    • 346 Posts
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    Sambella
    Is she really entitled to these increases? Did he contribute to his pension after divorce as surely she is only entitled to half of what the value was at the time of divorce.

    Same with the £500 what was it worth at the time of divorce?
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