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  • FIRST POST
    • firsttimetom
    • By firsttimetom 6th Jul 17, 8:21 PM
    • 277Posts
    • 315Thanks
    firsttimetom
    Not turning up to work again.....?
    • #1
    • 6th Jul 17, 8:21 PM
    Not turning up to work again.....? 6th Jul 17 at 8:21 PM
    I'm giving genuine thought to simply not turning up to work ever again.

    I am sick of the place, I'm in a typical middle management role where I have all sorts of demands from above and all sorts of demands from below and they very often don't align.

    I don't want to post a massive post detailing how I've ended up in this stage but I'm now at the point where I can barely sleep, I have a continual headache, I have developed IBS and nausea and I swear I can sometimes feel my heart working overtime as my blood boils. My personality has changed I feel I would probably qualify for antidepressants, I have no motivation and I think my girlfriend is becoming increasingly upset with my requests for her to shoot me or end my life somehow.

    I used to enjoy my job and feel that I am clinging onto it because of this. I don't really want an awkward 6 week notice period and do wonder what would happen if I just left my keys and changed my phone number.

    Can anyone offer any advise on what I should do as I am desperately sad right now. It is really not in my nature to even consider wanting to walk out of a job, as I realise it would leave my employer in the lurch, be unfair on my colleagues and burn a lot of bridges. But I also know that things must be bad for me to be considering it.

    My girlfriend is also an employee at the company which obviously complicates things, especially if I announce one morning I'm just not going in. She does know how I feel and doesn't feel dissimilar but I do hide a lot of my day to day woes from her so she doesn't realise how bad things have become for me.

    What else can I do? I am worried that if (when) the final straw comes along I may just walk out on the spot.

    Thank you.
Page 1
    • xapprenticex
    • By xapprenticex 6th Jul 17, 8:31 PM
    • 1,273 Posts
    • 1,185 Thanks
    xapprenticex
    • #2
    • 6th Jul 17, 8:31 PM
    • #2
    • 6th Jul 17, 8:31 PM
    it may be difficult getting a reference if you walk out. Just start looking for a job elsewhere, consider taking a lesser position where you are given a task to do, you do it then go home.

    After a while you may want to go back to management. As long as you are seriously looking, the light at the end of the tunnel should keep you going.

    End of the day, your health comes first. No point dying early or being in misery over a job.
    • karcher
    • By karcher 6th Jul 17, 8:32 PM
    • 1,400 Posts
    • 11,755 Thanks
    karcher
    • #3
    • 6th Jul 17, 8:32 PM
    • #3
    • 6th Jul 17, 8:32 PM
    I'm giving genuine thought to simply not turning up to work ever again.

    I am sick of the place, I'm in a typical middle management role where I have all sorts of demands from above and all sorts of demands from below and they very often don't align.

    I don't want to post a massive post detailing how I've ended up in this stage but I'm now at the point where I can barely sleep, I have a continual headache, I have developed IBS and nausea and I swear I can sometimes feel my heart working overtime as my blood boils. My personality has changed I feel I would probably qualify for antidepressants, I have no motivation and I think my girlfriend is becoming increasingly upset with my requests for her to shoot me or end my life somehow.

    I used to enjoy my job and feel that I am clinging onto it because of this. I don't really want an awkward 6 week notice period and do wonder what would happen if I just left my keys and changed my phone number.

    Can anyone offer any advise on what I should do as I am desperately sad right now. It is really not in my nature to even consider wanting to walk out of a job, as I realise it would leave my employer in the lurch, be unfair on my colleagues and burn a lot of bridges. But I also know that things must be bad for me to be considering it.

    My girlfriend is also an employee at the company which obviously complicates things, especially if I announce one morning I'm just not going in. She does know how I feel and doesn't feel dissimilar but I do hide a lot of my day to day woes from her so she doesn't realise how bad things have become for me.

    What else can I do? I am worried that if (when) the final straw comes along I may just walk out on the spot.

    Thank you.
    Originally posted by firsttimetom
    I can't advise on the legalities, but imho your health and state of mind are paramount.

    See your Doctor and if they feel it necessary they can sign you off work and prescribe anti-depressants if appropriate.

    You will then still be paid or entitled to Statutory Sick Pay.

    Do not burn all your bridges...trust me I completely empathise with your position but much better to call in sick tomorrow, see your GP, then take it from there.

    All the best OP
    • Masomnia
    • By Masomnia 6th Jul 17, 8:32 PM
    • 17,102 Posts
    • 37,729 Thanks
    Masomnia
    • #4
    • 6th Jul 17, 8:32 PM
    • #4
    • 6th Jul 17, 8:32 PM
    Stating the obvious, but you need to find a new job.

    Aside from the reasons you've given walking out puts you at risk of a legal claim (however small). And if you turn out being unemployed for a long period I don't see that you'll be in all that much better a position.

    Suggest you focus your energy on finding a new job and hopefully that in itself will help you feel better as you're making a positive step and doing something about your problems.

    Good luck.
    “I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.” - P.G. Wodehouse
    • offtheradar
    • By offtheradar 6th Jul 17, 9:15 PM
    • 19 Posts
    • 38 Thanks
    offtheradar
    • #5
    • 6th Jul 17, 9:15 PM
    • #5
    • 6th Jul 17, 9:15 PM
    You need to start job hunting as it will be much easier to find something else whilst working. It will be hard, but not impossible, to find something if you do decide to not go back, but it will limit your choices.

    Maybe you need to have a really good think about what you want to do rather than focus on the negatives your currently experiencing. I'm currently working my notice due to being in a similar position to yourself. The turning point for myself to finally make the decision to leave was simply to name what I liked about my job, colleagues, workload, etc, and more negatives than positives were highlighted.

    At the end of the day, your spending a significant amount of time not enjoying life and life is far too short to stay in that place for any significant amount of time before it starts affecting other aspects of your life.

    All I can say is follow your gut instinct, make a decision and stick to it. You may find your employers want to assist and help you to stay by improving matters. You also need to consider that they make accept your notice so you need to be resolute in your decision making.

    Good luck.
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    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 6th Jul 17, 10:02 PM
    • 18,784 Posts
    • 19,087 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    • #6
    • 6th Jul 17, 10:02 PM
    • #6
    • 6th Jul 17, 10:02 PM
    Yes, get yourself signed off, and use the period to job hunt. If you take the firm resolution to get yourself a job you enjoy more, you will be able to bear a few more weeks between the end of sick leave and the start of your new job.
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

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    • sangie595
    • By sangie595 6th Jul 17, 10:11 PM
    • 4,056 Posts
    • 6,566 Thanks
    sangie595
    • #7
    • 6th Jul 17, 10:11 PM
    • #7
    • 6th Jul 17, 10:11 PM
    Absolutely do not walk out. See your doctor. That's the first port of call. Resigning is not a solution, but a new set of problems. If you want those problems, fine - but put them off for a while. Why rush. You may find that things are not so bad with a bit of perspective. After all, if you went off sick, are they going to get any worse? No? Then don't rush in where angels fear to tread.
    • gonebust
    • By gonebust 6th Jul 17, 11:24 PM
    • 168 Posts
    • 625 Thanks
    gonebust
    • #8
    • 6th Jul 17, 11:24 PM
    • #8
    • 6th Jul 17, 11:24 PM
    Please please please don't walk

    Ring your GP and get an appointment for Monday or even an emergency and walk in and tell him what you have told here

    Do not whatever you do resign or just not turn in. Your GP will possibly sign you off or say take a few days off self cert. If it's self cert, then book in again before that runs out and discuss if the situation in your mind has changed.

    Do tell your GP exactly how you are feeling. Don't be ashamed, don't think anything of it then asking for the help you need to get better

    If things are too much ATM then the Samaritans are there 24/7. You don't have to be suicidel to call, there's no problems too small that they won't listen too

    Get to see your GP ASAP That will if nothing else give you breathing space

    Take care and good luck
    • Takeaway_Addict
    • By Takeaway_Addict 7th Jul 17, 6:36 AM
    • 5,640 Posts
    • 6,433 Thanks
    Takeaway_Addict
    • #9
    • 7th Jul 17, 6:36 AM
    • #9
    • 7th Jul 17, 6:36 AM
    I'm giving genuine thought to simply not turning up to work ever again.

    I am sick of the place, I'm in a typical middle management role where I have all sorts of demands from above and all sorts of demands from below and they very often don't align.

    I don't want to post a massive post detailing how I've ended up in this stage but I'm now at the point where I can barely sleep, I have a continual headache, I have developed IBS and nausea and I swear I can sometimes feel my heart working overtime as my blood boils. My personality has changed I feel I would probably qualify for antidepressants, I have no motivation and I think my girlfriend is becoming increasingly upset with my requests for her to shoot me or end my life somehow.

    I used to enjoy my job and feel that I am clinging onto it because of this. I don't really want an awkward 6 week notice period and do wonder what would happen if I just left my keys and changed my phone number.

    Can anyone offer any advise on what I should do as I am desperately sad right now. It is really not in my nature to even consider wanting to walk out of a job, as I realise it would leave my employer in the lurch, be unfair on my colleagues and burn a lot of bridges. But I also know that things must be bad for me to be considering it.

    My girlfriend is also an employee at the company which obviously complicates things, especially if I announce one morning I'm just not going in. She does know how I feel and doesn't feel dissimilar but I do hide a lot of my day to day woes from her so she doesn't realise how bad things have become for me.

    What else can I do? I am worried that if (when) the final straw comes along I may just walk out on the spot.

    Thank you.
    Originally posted by firsttimetom
    As has been said...go to the dr because if you read what you've put with a clear mind you'll shock yourself. Don't make any decisions until you have had a chance to rest mentally.
    Don't trust a forum for advice. Get proper paid advice. Any advice given should always be checked
    • andygb
    • By andygb 7th Jul 17, 7:57 AM
    • 11,878 Posts
    • 25,621 Thanks
    andygb
    Yes, get yourself signed off, and use the period to job hunt. If you take the firm resolution to get yourself a job you enjoy more, you will be able to bear a few more weeks between the end of sick leave and the start of your new job.
    Originally posted by jobbingmusician

    I would second this advice, because it will give the OP time to clear their mind, whilst they look around for other opportunities.
    Really make good use of the time, because if you find another job, your notice period will go very quickly.
    Good luck.
    • Slinky
    • By Slinky 7th Jul 17, 8:00 AM
    • 4,703 Posts
    • 20,366 Thanks
    Slinky
    I'm all for checking things out with your doctor, but have you actually spoken to your boss about these conflicting pressures? I had something very similar happen to me, I blew up in the end and walked out. I phoned my old manager who still worked in the group and told her what I'd done. She emphasised to me to go and have a meeting with my boss and explained the way I FEEL. That every darned problem from above and below was landing in my lap. Management cannot argue with the way a situation makes you FEEL, even if they don't necessarily agree with your perception.

    You say you used to love the job, don't just walk away from it without seeing if something can be done to fix it first.

    Good luck.

    We managed to sort things out and I carried on working there for another couple of years before partner's job took me away from the area.
    • ohreally
    • By ohreally 7th Jul 17, 10:35 AM
    • 6,318 Posts
    • 4,841 Thanks
    ohreally
    Is the situation beyond sitting down with your manager and simply asking for help to manage your working environment?
    • keepcalmandstayoutofdebt
    • By keepcalmandstayoutofdebt 7th Jul 17, 11:29 AM
    • 2,915 Posts
    • 1,513 Thanks
    keepcalmandstayoutofdebt
    Don't do anything ridiculous - especially if you've been there any real time and moreso if the partner is connected.

    You are best trying to think how do I explain this away, potentially, in a couple of years time, if a job comes up that I'd really want.

    I'd soonest want to explain a dismissal any day over why I quit and walked out having been at xxxx so many months/years which I can't take of the CV.

    (If it was days in to starting employment, my advice would be different.)
    "If you are caught in a rainstorm, once you accept that you'll receive a soaking, the only thing left to do is enjoy the walk"
    • ViolaLass
    • By ViolaLass 7th Jul 17, 12:24 PM
    • 5,076 Posts
    • 7,047 Thanks
    ViolaLass
    I don't want to post a massive post detailing how I've ended up in this stage but I'm now at the point where I can barely sleep, I have a continual headache, I have developed IBS and nausea and I swear I can sometimes feel my heart working overtime as my blood boils. My personality has changed I feel I would probably qualify for antidepressants, I have no motivation and I think my girlfriend is becoming increasingly upset with my requests for her to shoot me or end my life somehow.
    Originally posted by firsttimetom
    These are all things you NEED to say to your doctor.
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 7th Jul 17, 7:10 PM
    • 4,921 Posts
    • 6,148 Thanks
    theoretica
    I also think you should have a talk with your doctor. Also consider it is possible that instead of just your job causing health problems the opposite could be happening. Something else (or just one of those things) could have caused health problems which are making it so hard for you to cope with the job you used to love.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
    • shortcrust
    • By shortcrust 9th Jul 17, 2:29 PM
    • 1,419 Posts
    • 1,865 Thanks
    shortcrust
    Over the years I've quit two really 'good' jobs that were making me ill, but worked my notice for both and left on good terms. I didn't have other jobs lined up. I just wanted out and had enough savings not to worry about money for a while. Felt great at the time and I've no regrets.

    Edit: Oh yes, and go to a doctor.
    • ACG
    • By ACG 9th Jul 17, 4:56 PM
    • 15,783 Posts
    • 8,074 Thanks
    ACG
    As an employer (although not the size of your employer), if someone felt bad enough to just leave their keys and not come back I would be a little peeved.

    I would much prefer them to come and say they cant handle the pressures and they are leaving over the next few days and will not be working their notice. At that point I would probably try to sort out some sort of arrangement, ie they clear their workload/notify customers/suppliers etc. Basically remove as many off the stresses as possible but to not leave everyone else in the lurch.

    I have left a couple of jobs and as soon as my notice went in, I went from hating the job to just counting down the days and getting a lot less work on my desk.

    I would try to do it the right way and if it does not get easier then just tell them you are not coming back maybe?
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 9th Jul 17, 5:16 PM
    • 1,300 Posts
    • 1,323 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    I've felt like this a few times and also seriously contemplated walking out a few weeks back. I'm now glad I didn't because finding a replacement job has been harder than I thought. 7 interviews and still no luck! If I left back in Feb when it was really bad I'd be 4 months with no money. Hopefully you will find a job sooner than me. All I'm saying is think ahead because quitting might solve one issue but could cause multiple bad ones to arise ie a bad reference, financial issues and a knock to your confidence if you can't find work straight away.
    Take some time out. Book a week or 2 off to clear your head and if you think you are actually depressed, go and see your gp. Once you start working on your CV and applying for jobs you might feel better. I know I felt more empowered and in control.
    Try to remember that as bad as it seems now, this will pass. You will get out of there and feel happy again. This is just a temporary phase.
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