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    • MSE Sarah
    • By MSE Sarah 6th Jul 17, 10:41 AM
    • 84Posts
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    MSE Sarah
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?
    • #1
    • 6th Jul 17, 10:41 AM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent? 6th Jul 17 at 10:41 AM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    Since I started working, my mum has charged me £100/month in rent to keep living at her house, to help out with bills. Now after around a year she suddenly wants to increase it to £200/month, but I’ve stayed on the same salary. Is she being unreasonable for bumping up the rent money or am I being tight?

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

    If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!

    This Forum tip was included in MoneySavingExpert.com's weekly email!
    Last edited by MSE Luke; 07-07-2017 at 10:28 AM.
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Page 7
    • ThriftyWoman
    • By ThriftyWoman 13th Jul 17, 5:35 PM
    • 2 Posts
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    ThriftyWoman
    I'm stunned by the selfishness of anyone who expects to only contribute £50 per week or even less to household expenses - including rent, bills and seemingly food, washing etc. I gave my parents all my wages - £3 per week, when I started work at 15 over 50 years ago and they gave me 38 pence back for pocket money but paid for my clothes & bus fares. I got a £1 per week rise a year later which I kept but I then paid for my own clothes & bus fares. This was normal practice for young people starting work. I was also more than happy to do my share of housework.
    • donny jim
    • By donny jim 14th Jul 17, 12:57 PM
    • 36 Posts
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    donny jim
    Rent
    Well I assume she pays all gas electric and food you eat plus council tax, ( if she lived alone would get 25% discount ). Cooks your meals, washes your clothes, and probably makes your bed for you. If you moved out the rent alone would be at least 400p.m. Then you would have everything else to pay on top, plus you would be shopping,(food)cooking, washing, ironing etc. You would be independent, but is it worth it ?. You decide.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 14th Jul 17, 1:21 PM
    • 17,358 Posts
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    Pollycat
    Well I assume she pays all gas electric and food you eat plus council tax, ( if she lived alone would get 25% discount ). Cooks your meals, washes your clothes, and probably makes your bed for you. If you moved out the rent alone would be at least 400p.m. Then you would have everything else to pay on top, plus you would be shopping,(food)cooking, washing, ironing etc. You would be independent, but is it worth it ?. You decide.
    Originally posted by donny jim
    How can you assume all the above in bold from this?

    Since I started working, my mum has charged me £100/month in rent to keep living at her house, to help out with bills. Now after around a year she suddenly wants to increase it to £200/month, but Iíve stayed on the same salary. Is she being unreasonable for bumping up the rent money or am I being tight?
    Originally posted by MSE Sarah
    Not everybody who lives with their parents don't lift a finger to help in the house.
    Maybe the OP buys all his/her own food.
    Maybe he/she is the one who does all the washing and ironing.

    We simply don't know.
    • Jules121121
    • By Jules121121 14th Jul 17, 4:57 PM
    • 3 Posts
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    Jules121121
    That is the first difference in view points. I don't think it a luxury to be able to provide a home for my children.


    Making sure we can cover our own costs without relying on others. We made the choices on where we live and I wouldn't consider passing on any of the costs of that to my children.
    Originally posted by silvercar
    Please do take into account that some folks genuinely do have more of a struggle to make ends meet due to various circumstances and having to still provide a home for the adult children will make it a luxury they genuinely can't afford to keep doing without 'charging' board. I suspect the majority of people may be able to cover their own costs in a smaller residence however moving would probably mean the adult child moving into a different place and paying more.
    Like me You are one of the fortunate ones and can/could afford to run the family home without any contributution however I know not everyone is in as a good financial situation as we are. If it was a case of losing the home or "charging" the adult children honestly what would you do?

    I did expect my finished education and working adult children to contribute for their own good also my situation could have changed as no one knows what life will throw at us!. I was able to keep the money aside to surprise them a few years later to help them set up their own home. However had I needed that money for running the family home I would have had no qualms in using it to keep a roof over all of our heads.
    ( By the way they both can save and budget their money very well in debt to no one but the mortgage company)
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 14th Jul 17, 5:35 PM
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    silvercar
    Please do take into account that some folks genuinely do have more of a struggle to make ends meet due to various circumstances and having to still provide a home for the adult children will make it a luxury they genuinely can't afford to keep doing without 'charging' board. I suspect the majority of people may be able to cover their own costs in a smaller residence however moving would probably mean the adult child moving into a different place and paying more.
    Like me You are one of the fortunate ones and can/could afford to run the family home without any contributution however I know not everyone is in as a good financial situation as we are. If it was a case of losing the home or "charging" the adult children honestly what would you do?
    Originally posted by Jules121121
    Totally agree with you. If you need to take a contribution from your children then there is nothing wrong with doing so. But then it would be an open discussion with your child, explaining that you are not self reliant and need their contribution in order to avoid moving. This does beg the question as to what you would do when your offspring want to move out, if you are totally reliant on their contribution to balance the books. It also squashes the argument that some are making about teaching your offspring to budget carefully if you yourself need their contribution to balance your own books.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 14th Jul 17, 6:13 PM
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    pollypenny
    But what will the cost be? They'll have their room which is just sitting there. They will use a few plug sockets and a light when home from work a few hours. And a shower in the morning ! That's buttons in what it would cost me a shower and some plug sockets.

    Myself and husband wear different clothes everyday, so I would be do washing every single day as we also use clean towels every day. So sticking their clothes amongst it again isn't costing me anything. If I'm cooking a meal for example chicken, baby potatoes and broccoli, then again I'm cooking and would be using this food so makes no odds to put them out a plate.

    So the way I see it is the cost to me is very little, so therefore I cannot justify charging them rent. Like I said in previous post, if working full time they're responsible for toiletries, clothes, specific food and material goods. I don't need to take their money to save for them as that's treating them as a child. I'll be encouraging them to all save for a deposit for their own houses and to start themselves up on life with best interest savings account etc. And they'll be responsible for keeping their own room tidy. So I cannot justify charging for any of our children to pay me to stay in their room while using a few plug sockets!

    And when you said not everyone has the luxury to do that, myself and husband aren't rich. We've just never had tax credits etc we've relied on our wages, so we've looked after ourselves so our budget will not change when the kids suddenly leave education and get a job.
    Originally posted by Aced2016


    You clearly don't have teenage boys or young men, playing rugby and eating you out of house and home.

    Our DS ate more than OH and I put together.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • Aced2016
    • By Aced2016 14th Jul 17, 8:28 PM
    • 219 Posts
    • 442 Thanks
    Aced2016
    You clearly don't have teenage boys or young men, playing rugby and eating you out of house and home.

    Our DS ate more than OH and I put together.
    Originally posted by pollypenny
    I do I have two boys and two girls ! Oldest is just turning 13, he plays football as does my other son. They also do swimming and the girls as well as gymnastics. So with 4 of them I am fully aware of food and washings.
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 14th Jul 17, 8:56 PM
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    silvercar
    You clearly don't have teenage boys or young men, playing rugby and eating you out of house and home.

    Our DS ate more than OH and I put together.
    Originally posted by pollypenny
    My boys seem to have a need for another meal about 11pm at night. this generally involves vast amounts of carbs, a lot of clattering around and a messy kitchen!
    • sunnyflower
    • By sunnyflower 14th Jul 17, 10:42 PM
    • 272 Posts
    • 126 Thanks
    sunnyflower
    We didn't charge our children "rent", however we did expect them to take the opportunity to save and to pay for their own clothes / car expenses etc. This enabled them to have some money behind them when they moved on.
    • Sambella
    • By Sambella 15th Jul 17, 1:08 AM
    • 319 Posts
    • 301 Thanks
    Sambella
    My son has just returned from 2 weeks visiting his Dad combined with a fishing trip.

    Itís rare Iím home alone so it was a pleasant surprise to note that my grocery bill almost halved. The Tv was rarely on whilst he was gone and his PC which is on constantly was off. The washing machine was used less as was the dishwasher as I washed my few dishes in the sink. I am expecting this months electric bill to be around £10 less than usual perhaps even a little more.

    Even though he pays me £160 a month I reckon I will save more than that when he moves out. Saving from Virgin tv/broadband alone will be £54.

    My heating bill, rates bill and insurance will not change.

    Itís better to have a gain when they move out rather than struggle to make up for a loss especially if they are overcharged.

    He buys his own clothes/petrol/fishing gear etc.

    He is also taking his dog with him when he leaves so thatís another saving! I will miss her though.

    The sky tv/broadband will also go. Iíll be ok with freeview or the free sky go.

    What I really enjoyed was how tidy the house was when he was gone I cleaned the house from top to bottom the day after he went and for next fortnight all I really had to do was a few dishes. Amazing!!!!
    • march3
    • By march3 15th Jul 17, 11:21 AM
    • 1 Posts
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    march3
    My son pays the 60 extra I pay now he's an adult for my council tax. I had the 25 per cent rebate as a single person. I mentioned the cost of my gas/electric bill the other day wondering if I could get it cheaper. He asked how how much it is and I replied 82 a month. He was horrified. After reading these mails, I think it might be wise for me to sit down with him and discuss the bills. To the son who can pay 200. Help your mum out. I bet she gets you treats too. ��
    • Jackmydad
    • By Jackmydad 15th Jul 17, 12:52 PM
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    Jackmydad
    Never had any offspring myself, but I know how it was when I was at home. Once I was out of education, and no longer an apprentice I was expected to pay for my food, and my share of the bills.
    I thought that was fair enough because I knew how much rent and living cost friends who had flats and bedsits.

    Mum and dad certainly weren't rich, and I have two younger brothers who were still at school then, but neither were they hard up.
    As an adult living at home why wouldn't I actually want to pay my own way?
    I appreciated living there, and I had all the comforts of home like mum doing cooking and washing.
    • Forevergrateful
    • By Forevergrateful 16th Jul 17, 9:14 AM
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    Forevergrateful
    I don't think there's anything wrong with charging your independent adult child rent or asking for a financial contribution towards the household. My 18 year old son recently started an apprenticeship. He doesn't get a lot of money but he gets more than the basic amount. We are asking him for £10 a week. He's not asked to do anything around the house and the £10 we're asking doesn't go anywhere towards the actual cost of his keep. However we both feel it's important for him to understand now that he's earning that he should budget part of his weekly wage as a contribution towards his living expenses. At first he couldn't understand why he was being asked to do it, his argument being that £40 a month would be more detrimental to him than beneficial to us because of his low wage. My reply being that was exactly why it was only £10 a week! He also knows this will be reviewed next year when he starts the second year of his apprenticeship and his weekly wage increases. I think it's important for him to understand and appreciate the costs involved in running a household. Incidentally, he doesn't know this but everything he pays us will be put into an account and given back to him when he's ready to get his own place.
    • Jackmydad
    • By Jackmydad 16th Jul 17, 5:38 PM
    • 318 Posts
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    Jackmydad
    ---Incidentally, he doesn't know this but everything he pays us will be put into an account and given back to him when he's ready to get his own place.
    Originally posted by Forevergrateful
    I reckon that's a great idea for anyone who doesn't actually need the extra money.
    It still teaches the lesson that living isn't "free", and it's a great way of saving something towards a first home.
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 16th Jul 17, 6:40 PM
    • 3,054 Posts
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    LilElvis
    I reckon that's a great idea for anyone who doesn't actually need the extra money.
    It still teaches the lesson that living isn't "free", and it's a great way of saving something towards a first home.
    Originally posted by Jackmydad
    Alternatively, you could treat them like adults and tell them that they can live rent free as long as they save money into an account themselves. That's a real lesson, rather than treating them as though they're still children who can't be trusted to act responsibly so Mummy and Daddy will lie to them and save the money for them under the pretence that they're paying rent.
    • Jackmydad
    • By Jackmydad 16th Jul 17, 6:49 PM
    • 318 Posts
    • 235 Thanks
    Jackmydad
    Alternatively, you could treat them like adults and tell them that they can live rent free as long as they save money into an account themselves. That's a real lesson, rather than treating them as though they're still children who can't be trusted to act responsibly so Mummy and Daddy will lie to them and save the money for them under the pretence that they're paying rent.
    Originally posted by LilElvis
    Again, very true. It depends on your POV. (I realise I'm disagreeing with myself, but I felt that at least that way they're not getting the impression that living is "free".)
    Personally, I dislike the thing of still treating offspring as children once they reach adulthood. Obviously some parents feel that way, but should they treat them that way?
    My own parents were great, but once I was an adult, I was treated as that and paid my way as I said earlier. I will say that I had a great time there. I certainly didn't feel "hard done to"
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 16th Jul 17, 7:13 PM
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    silvercar
    Again, very true. It depends on your POV. (I realise I'm disagreeing with myself, but I felt that at least that way they're not getting the impression that living is "free".)
    Personally, I dislike the thing of still treating offspring as children once they reach adulthood. Obviously some parents feel that way, but should they treat them that way?
    Originally posted by Jackmydad
    As someone who is happy to have my adult children living at home without charge, you are not portraying my attitude accurately.

    My view is that this is the home that we chose to buy to bring up our family. You (the offspring) are a part of that family and therefore you are welcome to live in this home, this does not stop just because you have finished your education.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 16th Jul 17, 7:31 PM
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    pollypenny
    I do I have two boys and two girls ! Oldest is just turning 13, he plays football as does my other son. They also do swimming and the girls as well as gymnastics. So with 4 of them I am fully aware of food and washings.
    Originally posted by Aced2016



    13? Just you wait............?
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • Jackmydad
    • By Jackmydad 16th Jul 17, 7:41 PM
    • 318 Posts
    • 235 Thanks
    Jackmydad
    As someone who is happy to have my adult children living at home without charge, you are not portraying my attitude accurately.

    My view is that this is the home that we chose to buy to bring up our family. You (the offspring) are a part of that family and therefore you are welcome to live in this home, this does not stop just because you have finished your education.
    Originally posted by silvercar
    I'm not trying to portray your POV. I'm giving mine.

    What you and your family do is of course entirely up to you.
    • Starlin35
    • By Starlin35 17th Jul 17, 12:24 PM
    • 1 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Starlin35
    I am a single parent and have been for 15 years, eldest is 19 in uni living at home, youngest is16 just starting college. I do not charge my children to live here, i do not get benifits except reduced council tax. I work full time.My children help around the house and we take it in turns to cook. When they finish education and get a job i would only charge for things like the loss of single discount on council tax. The electric should go down when they work as at the moment their courses are computer based and they go through electric. They are welcome to stay as long as they need to however they are aware that any additional costs for bills they may need to chip in for and pay for their own mobiles, clothes, takeaways etc. They are happy with this and my eldest now does pay for their own material goods shall we say and offers to pay for things around the house like food if i am close to pay day and they want something that we do not have in the kitchen already. I also do not see what relivance how much they earn should have on what you set as a amount if you do charge, it should be based on your extra costs for them being there, a landlord would not base his rent on how much you earn however what he wanted for the place so i have never understood why you would charge someone based on what they earn. However each to there own no right or wrong way i guess just we are all different in our views.
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