Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • MSE Sarah
    • By MSE Sarah 6th Jul 17, 10:41 AM
    • 101Posts
    • 56Thanks
    MSE Sarah
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?
    • #1
    • 6th Jul 17, 10:41 AM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent? 6th Jul 17 at 10:41 AM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    Since I started working, my mum has charged me £100/month in rent to keep living at her house, to help out with bills. Now after around a year she suddenly wants to increase it to £200/month, but I’ve stayed on the same salary. Is she being unreasonable for bumping up the rent money or am I being tight?

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

    If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!

    This Forum tip was included in MoneySavingExpert.com's weekly email!
    Last edited by MSE Luke; 07-07-2017 at 10:28 AM.
    Grab the latest MSE Deals
    Follow the Deals Team on Twitter: @MSE_Deals
    Get Martin's Money Tips
    Join the MSE Forum
Page 6
    • svain
    • By svain 13th Jul 17, 12:15 AM
    • 196 Posts
    • 348 Thanks
    svain
    This is a hard one ! I think far too many people are having children and living off child benefit and tax credits. When that finishes the parent then needs that income to continue so then charge their child rent !

    Now myself and husband will not be charging any of our four children rent ! As they're not renting from us. It's their family home and that will never change. However if they're working full time, they will be responsible for their toiletries, clothes and material things they want and if course specific food. They can stay in their room and use the electricity, hot water etc and i certainly will not be looking for a penny.

    It's a topic you won't ever get agreement on. But that's my opinion and stance on it. I just feel adults need to make more provisions for themselves and their budget.
    Originally posted by Aced2016
    Absolutely spot on.
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 13th Jul 17, 12:35 AM
    • 17,025 Posts
    • 44,761 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    I pay more than what the OP is being charged for a room in a shared house (and i'm up north so £70 is cheap), and i dont get the luxury of someone doing my laundry or buying me food!

    I nver moved back home after uni but if i had my parents would have charged me board and as an adult i think thats completely reasonable, if im an adult and working i should be contributing to the household i'm living in.
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    weight lost: 1lbs
    • gloriouslyhappy
    • By gloriouslyhappy 13th Jul 17, 6:45 AM
    • 349 Posts
    • 680 Thanks
    gloriouslyhappy
    This is a hard one ! I think far too many people are having children and living off child benefit and tax credits. When that finishes the parent then needs that income to continue so then charge their child rent !

    Now myself and husband will not be charging any of our four children rent ! As they're not renting from us. It's their family home and that will never change. However if they're working full time, they will be responsible for their toiletries, clothes and material things they want and if course specific food. They can stay in their room and use the electricity, hot water etc and i certainly will not be looking for a penny.

    It's a topic you won't ever get agreement on. But that's my opinion and stance on it. I just feel adults need to make more provisions for themselves and their budget.
    Originally posted by Aced2016
    Not everyone has the luxury of being able to afford to continue providing for adult children, and after all, an important part of raising children is bringing them up to provide for themselves. It's not about making money off them, but getting them to pay their fair share once they're earning. If something happens to the parents, how do dependent adult children cope, if they've not been raised to be self-sufficient?
    • Aced2016
    • By Aced2016 13th Jul 17, 7:11 AM
    • 225 Posts
    • 442 Thanks
    Aced2016
    Not everyone has the luxury of being able to afford to continue providing for adult children, and after all, an important part of raising children is bringing them up to provide for themselves. It's not about making money off them, but getting them to pay their fair share once they're earning. If something happens to the parents, how do dependent adult children cope, if they've not been raised to be self-sufficient?
    Originally posted by gloriouslyhappy
    But what will the cost be? They'll have their room which is just sitting there. They will use a few plug sockets and a light when home from work a few hours. And a shower in the morning ! That's buttons in what it would cost me a shower and some plug sockets.

    Myself and husband wear different clothes everyday, so I would be do washing every single day as we also use clean towels every day. So sticking their clothes amongst it again isn't costing me anything. If I'm cooking a meal for example chicken, baby potatoes and broccoli, then again I'm cooking and would be using this food so makes no odds to put them out a plate.

    So the way I see it is the cost to me is very little, so therefore I cannot justify charging them rent. Like I said in previous post, if working full time they're responsible for toiletries, clothes, specific food and material goods. I don't need to take their money to save for them as that's treating them as a child. I'll be encouraging them to all save for a deposit for their own houses and to start themselves up on life with best interest savings account etc. And they'll be responsible for keeping their own room tidy. So I cannot justify charging for any of our children to pay me to stay in their room while using a few plug sockets!

    And when you said not everyone has the luxury to do that, myself and husband aren't rich. We've just never had tax credits etc we've relied on our wages, so we've looked after ourselves so our budget will not change when the kids suddenly leave education and get a job.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th Jul 17, 7:34 AM
    • 18,336 Posts
    • 46,971 Thanks
    Pollycat
    But what will the cost be? They'll have their room which is just sitting there. They will use a few plug sockets and a light when home from work a few hours. And a shower in the morning ! That's buttons in what it would cost me a shower and some plug sockets.

    Myself and husband wear different clothes everyday, so I would be do washing every single day as we also use clean towels every day. So sticking their clothes amongst it again isn't costing me anything. If I'm cooking a meal for example chicken, baby potatoes and broccoli, then again I'm cooking and would be using this food so makes no odds to put them out a plate.

    So the way I see it is the cost to me is very little, so therefore I cannot justify charging them rent. Like I said in previous post, if working full time they're responsible for toiletries, clothes, specific food and material goods. I don't need to take their money to save for them as that's treating them as a child. I'll be encouraging them to all save for a deposit for their own houses and to start themselves up on life with best interest savings account etc. And they'll be responsible for keeping their own room tidy. So I cannot justify charging for any of our children to pay me to stay in their room while using a few plug sockets!

    And when you said not everyone has the luxury to do that, myself and husband aren't rich. We've just never had tax credits etc we've relied on our wages, so we've looked after ourselves so our budget will not change when the kids suddenly leave education and get a job.
    Originally posted by Aced2016
    I wonder if your opinion will still be the same if your children don't take your encouragement to save for their own place and are still living with you when you're drawing your state pensions?
    As in this case:

    My son is mid 30s & still living at home. Over the years what he pays has changed a lot. The first year he worked he agreed to save, I agreed for the first year as long as he did save then keep would be free. All I lost was child benefit so not a major issue. Then he started for the next couple of years to pay for food, then the extra council tax. This includes a couple of periods of redundancy where we reduced his payments to just about paying for food.

    He now looks like he is never leaving home (& our electric bill is higher than the power cos consider high). He now pays half of everything except repairs & renewals. We have a spreadsheet so he can see exactly where every penny goes. He has never quibbled about his keep as he can see exactly where it is going. I think this is the key. He can see at any time where the money goes & can do/say something to change that. At the end of the year if there is any money left in the budget then we split it 50/50.

    To put it another way, when they are a child then you treat them as a child, but when they are an adult they should be treated and expected to behave as an adult.
    Originally posted by badmemory
    • Aced2016
    • By Aced2016 13th Jul 17, 7:47 AM
    • 225 Posts
    • 442 Thanks
    Aced2016
    Not everyone has the luxury of being able to afford to continue providing for adult children, and after all, an important part of raising children is bringing them up to provide for themselves. It's not about making money off them, but getting them to pay their fair share once they're earning. If something happens to the parents, how do dependent adult children cope, if they've not been raised to be self-sufficient?
    Originally posted by gloriouslyhappy
    I wonder if your opinion will still be the same if your children don't take your encouragement to save for their own place and are still living with you when you're drawing your state pensions?
    As in this case:
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    Myself and husband are quite switched on people, I moved out and looked after myself at 16. Was at college and worked part time, I kept a private let and myself st the grand old age of 16. So myself nor husband won't just sit back and let them waste life. Our oldest is 12 now and we talk in depth with him about the future and about finances and he's well aware of bills etc. So with our open conversations and encouragement I'm not concerned about any our children in that sense. And the way we've brought them up and kind of people they are I really do not see them taking advantage of us at all!

    Moving on from that my kids can stay with us until the day I die. I would be sad for them if that was the case, but it wouldn't be an issue. Them living in our house again wouldn't affect my life I wouldn't be restricted from doing anything. They're my children and its their family home for however long they want it to be. But like I say the kind of family we are, the morals we have installed in them etc I have zero concerns. It just doesn't sit right with myself or husband that's all.
    Last edited by Aced2016; 13-07-2017 at 7:49 AM.
    • Jules121121
    • By Jules121121 13th Jul 17, 8:08 AM
    • 3 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Jules121121
    I am grateful that my parents did charge me rent as this taught me to budget my money and that living costs income. When I did move out to my own property ( I was one of the lucky generation able to afford and obtain a mortgage for a home of my own on my low salary at the age of 21 when mortgage rates were 16% albeit I couldn't afford to run a car ) my Mum gave me back all that I had contributed to buy me items for my new home. So no they didn't need the money and were able to afford to do this. I know this isn't always the case as parents loose all benefits such as child benefit working tax credit etc after leaving secondary education and employed or unemployed or at university so it does cost them to provide food and lodgings and they may be on lowincoes themselves !! Why should parents feel that they should have to support children who then can spend all their income on themselves with no responsibilities.
    • Edwina May
    • By Edwina May 13th Jul 17, 8:28 AM
    • 2 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Edwina May
    Yes.
    I think it's fairer to give her a percentage of your salary. My son pays 30%, leaving him plenty of disposable income. We encourage him to save another 30% which would give 40% to spend on whatever. His disposable income is much higher than mine!
    • Edwina May
    • By Edwina May 13th Jul 17, 8:35 AM
    • 2 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Edwina May
    Wait till they are older and actually at work, and if you have boys, quite possibly eating you out of house and home
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 13th Jul 17, 8:42 AM
    • 36,059 Posts
    • 152,307 Thanks
    silvercar
    Not everyone has the luxury of being able to afford to continue providing for adult children,
    Originally posted by gloriouslyhappy
    That is the first difference in view points. I don't think it a luxury to be able to provide a home for my children.

    and after all, an important part of raising children is bringing them up to provide for themselves.
    but you haven't done that, if you need to rely on your children to supplement your living costs!

    It's not about making money off them,
    sounds to me like it is, or why would you be charging them?

    but getting them to pay their fair share once they're earning. If something happens to the parents, how do dependent adult children cope, if they've not been raised to be self-sufficient?
    They will cope well, mine certainly do. They can see the values that we have, in providing a home that is always welcoming to our children. Making sure we can cover our own costs without relying on others. We made the choices on where we live and I wouldn't consider passing on any of the costs of that to my children.
    • Aced2016
    • By Aced2016 13th Jul 17, 9:10 AM
    • 225 Posts
    • 442 Thanks
    Aced2016
    Wait till they are older and actually at work, and if you have boys, quite possibly eating you out of house and home
    Originally posted by Edwina May
    We have 4 kids Edwina two boys and two girls. They already eat a huge amount, which isn't an issue as they're children. When adults they'll be at work all day and eating dinner, fruit etc. I do t buy rubbish as we eat really healthy, so junk etc they'd buy themselves if they wanted it. So again i don't see the cost !

    My council tax is the same wether there is two or twenty people here ! My phone and broadband is the same as well, my gas and electricity will be the same also them having a shower and using a few plug points is not a huge cost !
    • Aced2016
    • By Aced2016 13th Jul 17, 9:11 AM
    • 225 Posts
    • 442 Thanks
    Aced2016
    Wait till they are older and actually at work, and if you have boys, quite possibly eating you out of house and home
    Originally posted by Edwina May
    That is the first difference in view points. I don't think it a luxury to be able to provide a home for my children.



    but you haven't done that, if you need to rely on your children to supplement your living costs!



    sounds to me like it is, or why would you be charging them?



    They will cope well, mine certainly do. They can see the values that we have, in providing a home that is always welcoming to our children. Making sure we can cover our own costs without relying on others. We made the choices on where we live and I wouldn't consider passing on any of the costs of that to my children.
    Originally posted by silvercar
    I fully agree with this
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 13th Jul 17, 9:23 AM
    • 28,545 Posts
    • 72,698 Thanks
    Mojisola
    I just feel adults need to make more provisions for themselves and their budget.
    Originally posted by Aced2016
    Unless those adults are your working adult children who can expect to have their living expenses paid for by their parents?
    • Aced2016
    • By Aced2016 13th Jul 17, 10:03 AM
    • 225 Posts
    • 442 Thanks
    Aced2016
    Unless those adults are your working adult children who can expect to have their living expenses paid for by their parents?
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    No not at all ! They'll be living in their family home, which will cost me the same amount wether they're there or not. My council tax is the exact same price wether they're there or not. Using my broadband that will cost the exact same if they are there or not. They will be in a room which would other wise be sitting empty. They'll have a shower and use a couple of plug points. They will tidy their own rooms, buy their own clothes, toiletries and material goods and specific foods.

    So no they won't be getting kept by their parents at all. I suppose if I was to really cost it I could charge them each £3.00 a week for electricity as that's all they're going to cost me. I'd buy veg and packs of potato, meat etc anyway so no difference all bar a small amount which I wouldn't pursue. So I cannot justify charging my children rent as there's no cost to me as you can see ! And like I say they don't rent from me I am their parent and they are welcome to live in their home, which I chose to buy and chose to have them.
    • scd3scd4
    • By scd3scd4 13th Jul 17, 10:12 AM
    • 522 Posts
    • 419 Thanks
    scd3scd4
    My parents never charged me to live in the family home and I will never charge my child. I think its a weird and quite unfriendly thing to do. If an adult child decides to make a contribution that's great ( and I'd hope they would offer) but a parent actually asking for money? That's your child. Next we know parents will start presenting their kids with an invoice upon their 18 th birthday. £5000 for nappies and milk, £4000 for shoes and school uniform, £8000 for food, £2000 for haircuts, £3000 for laundry services, £5000 for causing parent to get up at an antisocial hour......
    As you can tell I think its wrong. I worked with a woman who was fed up with work so reduced her hours and then promptly asked her son to increase his 'rent' to make up the difference.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway

    Naaaa.............we put our girl through 5 years education after 16. 2 years A lever, 3 years degree. She never paid for anything, ever. Including phones and going out.


    Then she finished Uni, went to work as a nurse and was earning 30k with over-time. She can give her mum £50 a week. While still having her favourite meals cooked and cloths washed and ironed and me used as a mini-cab. A little appreciation never did any harm. She got a big shock when she moved in with her boyfriend!
    • Thrifty Spender
    • By Thrifty Spender 13th Jul 17, 10:25 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Thrifty Spender
    You & your mum need to work the household overheads. If you do not learn to understand how much it costs to live you are going to get a shock when you do come to stand on your own feet
    • GSXRCarlos
    • By GSXRCarlos 13th Jul 17, 1:58 PM
    • 792 Posts
    • 572 Thanks
    GSXRCarlos
    pay it, or move out!

    next!
    • svain
    • By svain 13th Jul 17, 2:19 PM
    • 196 Posts
    • 348 Thanks
    svain
    That is the first difference in view points. I don't think it a luxury to be able to provide a home for my children.



    but you haven't done that, if you need to rely on your children to supplement your living costs!



    sounds to me like it is, or why would you be charging them?



    They will cope well, mine certainly do. They can see the values that we have, in providing a home that is always welcoming to our children. Making sure we can cover our own costs without relying on others. We made the choices on where we live and I wouldn't consider passing on any of the costs of that to my children.
    Originally posted by silvercar

    And there it is!! .... In a nutshell and blows all attempts of justification out of the water.

    If you are charging more than a respectful nominal its nothing more than lining your own pockets no matter how its dressed up!!
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 13th Jul 17, 3:49 PM
    • 3,065 Posts
    • 7,100 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    And there it is!! .... In a nutshell and blows all attempts of justification out of the water.

    If you are charging more than a respectful nominal its nothing more than lining your own pockets no matter how its dressed up!!
    Originally posted by svain
    Well I know for me, until our son came back, I was considering going onto a water meter.


    I'm glad I didn't as he seems to spend his life in the shower !


    Perhaps when we have the next similar thread after he's moved out I can comment as to whether I was lining my pockets!
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • happyinflorida
    • By happyinflorida 13th Jul 17, 4:48 PM
    • 660 Posts
    • 553 Thanks
    happyinflorida
    You've asked the question so there must be a reason for you asking.

    Can your mum afford to continue taking £100 or is she struggling financially?

    Can you afford to pay the increase or will it make things difficult for you financially?

    Are you trying to save towards buying your own place and will this extra £100 put a big dent in your savings as it adds up to £1200 per year?

    Talk to your mum as to why she's increasing, even though you've not had a salary increase.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

315Posts Today

3,912Users online

Martin's Twitter