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    • MSE Sarah
    • By MSE Sarah 6th Jul 17, 10:41 AM
    • 81Posts
    • 51Thanks
    MSE Sarah
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?
    • #1
    • 6th Jul 17, 10:41 AM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent? 6th Jul 17 at 10:41 AM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    Since I started working, my mum has charged me £100/month in rent to keep living at her house, to help out with bills. Now after around a year she suddenly wants to increase it to £200/month, but I’ve stayed on the same salary. Is she being unreasonable for bumping up the rent money or am I being tight?

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

    If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!

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    Last edited by MSE Luke; 07-07-2017 at 10:28 AM.
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Page 5
    • borkid
    • By borkid 12th Jul 17, 3:57 PM
    • 1,444 Posts
    • 2,668 Thanks
    borkid
    Always a good one this ....

    The people that justify charging board as some kind of life lesson always makes me smile. Charge board by all means, whatever you feel suitable but please dont disguise as a "life lesson" ... its not, its about money.

    Then there are the ones that hike prices and justify it to comparing with renting .... give me a break, living at home is nothing like living (or even sharing) away from the family home .... The independence of living away trumps it all, because you can do what you like when you like and with whom you like.

    Then there are the ones that like to justify it by charging a share of home running costs .... when in reality a lot of bills would be no different whether they had children still at home or not.

    Moral of this story is the ones that cry the most about justifying the higher board costs are normally the ones that are the money grabbers.
    The ones that go about it quietly, requesting a nominal amount as a sign of respect have got it right imo
    Originally posted by svain

    Really so you know everyone true motives. When my son graduated over 15 years ago he didn't appear to be making an effort to move out. His last year he was living at home and commuting. Until then we had paid for everything I think something like £600 to £700 a month when he was renting. We didn't begrudge him a penny. As with his sister we said you have 2 months grace to get a job and sort yourself out then we will start charging the going rate for your suite of rooms, 2 rooms + own bathroom + separate phone and internet line + also included all food and bills car share etc. It focused his mind went out that weekend and got a job and a house share in London. If he had been trying to get work and couldn't then we wouldn't have asked for money but just clean etc whilst we were both working. If 'children' want to be treated like adults then they need to act like adults and take some responsibilty. We had planned to save the money for when he needed it later on.

    We still lend him money although he rarely asks, job relocation/ late expenses being credited type thing. Our decision to charge rent was definitely not because we wanted the money.
    • borkid
    • By borkid 12th Jul 17, 4:02 PM
    • 1,444 Posts
    • 2,668 Thanks
    borkid
    Maybe it's not the fact that the OP's Mother is increasing the rent but the fact that she's doubling it.

    Would anyone be happy if their rent or mortgage doubled overnight?
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    We don't know why she is doubling maybe she gave a reduced rate whilst her son got established at work. Maybe her son was told this would happen and 'forgot'.

    Not over night but I do remember mortgage interest rates doubling in the short time we were buying our first home.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 12th Jul 17, 4:14 PM
    • 17,046 Posts
    • 43,036 Thanks
    Pollycat
    We don't know why she is doubling maybe she gave a reduced rate whilst her son got established at work. Maybe her son was told this would happen and 'forgot'.
    Originally posted by borkid
    We don't know a lot of things, including how much the OP is earning, if she's saving, the financial circumstances of her Mum.
    We don't why the amount was originally set at £100 per month.
    We don't know if the OP (male or female?) has memory problems.

    What we do know is that the amount she is being asked to pay is doubling.

    Not over night but I do remember mortgage interest rates doubling in the short time we were buying our first home.
    Originally posted by borkid
    But were you happy about it?

    No need to answer - I worked with enough people who were frantic with worry about mortgage rates increase.
    • kryssykk
    • By kryssykk 12th Jul 17, 4:36 PM
    • 19 Posts
    • 12 Thanks
    kryssykk
    lodgings
    At the age of eighteen you become legally an adult with the vote. You could vote with your feet and move out.
    When our son started work after college we sat him down with the bank account and showed him where every penny was spent and what it was spent on. It equated at the time to approx 1third of income on mortgage and utilities, one third on food cleaning etc and travel expenses and one third was savings to cover holidays, clothing car service and repairs and the odd meal out.
    we therefore agreed he should do the same so one third he gave as his keep one third he saved and what was left was day to day spending. he didn't smoke or drink.
    Incidentally, whenever he got a rise without asking he handed one third of his rise to us.
    He is now in his fifties and has no debt a mortgage that is almost paid in full a successful internet business and has never asked us for any financal help.
    As parents we feel "Lessons learned Jobs Done"
    • Dolly DD
    • By Dolly DD 12th Jul 17, 4:55 PM
    • 16 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    Dolly DD
    Is this post for real?! In 1986 I was paying my Mum £12 a week plus I had to buy my own toiletries, any specific food stuff I wanted that she didn't get in her weekly shop, do my own washing and ironing, I had to do my own ironing from age 14, and I used to rent the video recorder for the house, plus contribute more on special occasions, Easter and Christmas. By the time I left home in 1991 I was paying £20/£25 a week. I didn't feel hard done by at all. I knew I had to contribute. And I was quite happy to. Even though a quarter of my take home salary went on rail fares to travel to work in the first place! I can't believe that in this day and age, someone would think that paying £200 for board and lodging each month is too much!
    Last edited by Dolly DD; 12-07-2017 at 5:00 PM.
    • Lindamary
    • By Lindamary 12th Jul 17, 5:29 PM
    • 1 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Lindamary
    Lindamary
    Yes I think £100 is not enough, £250 per month is more realistic. It's no use paying a small amount,wake up and smell the coffee. What would you get for £100 per month😅
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 12th Jul 17, 5:53 PM
    • 17,046 Posts
    • 43,036 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Yes I think £100 is not enough, £250 per month is more realistic. It's no use paying a small amount,wake up and smell the coffee. What would you get for £100 per month😅
    Originally posted by Lindamary
    I personally don't think it's possible to say what a more realistic amount is without knowing what the OP earns.

    If he/she is on NMW - we don't know how old the OP is but we do know they've been paying board for a year since they started working - it could be £7.50 per hour (25 and over) or £7.05 per hour (the rate for 21-24 year old) or it could be £5.60 (18-20 year old).
    We don't know if the OP is working full or part time or on a zero hour contract.
    • svain
    • By svain 12th Jul 17, 6:00 PM
    • 116 Posts
    • 246 Thanks
    svain
    Really so you know everyone true motives. When my son graduated over 15 years ago he didn't appear to be making an effort to move out. His last year he was living at home and commuting. Until then we had paid for everything I think something like £600 to £700 a month when he was renting. We didn't begrudge him a penny. As with his sister we said you have 2 months grace to get a job and sort yourself out then we will start charging the going rate for your suite of rooms, 2 rooms + own bathroom + separate phone and internet line + also included all food and bills car share etc. It focused his mind went out that weekend and got a job and a house share in London. If he had been trying to get work and couldn't then we wouldn't have asked for money but just clean etc whilst we were both working. If 'children' want to be treated like adults then they need to act like adults and take some responsibilty. We had planned to save the money for when he needed it later on.

    We still lend him money although he rarely asks, job relocation/ late expenses being credited type thing. Our decision to charge rent was definitely not because we wanted the money.
    Originally posted by borkid
    The motive to charge to encourage the children to move out and become independent, or get a job etc is a fair motive imo .... especially if they are sitting around on their arses all day.

    I think charging someone who has returned home after living away or break down in relationship is also fair.

    Its the parents with pound signs in their eyes the minute their children get an income and justify it somehow differently is the ones my comment was aimed at.
    • LauraCV21
    • By LauraCV21 12th Jul 17, 6:35 PM
    • 8 Posts
    • 6 Thanks
    LauraCV21
    Cheapskate
    When I lived at home my parents charged me and my siblings one third of monthly pay each. They had worked hard all their lives with little material to show but we never went without. This was a great way to get us ready for the real world so as we each left home we didn't end up in masses o f debt. I've told my child wrenches in full time work she will be doing the same. At the moment she's a student with a part time job and I don't take money from her but she is saving to pay the first year car insurance herself when she passes her test. Kids today have it too easy and don't understand that you have to pay for what you want. The bank of mum and or dad isn't bottomless.
    • Robisere
    • By Robisere 12th Jul 17, 7:02 PM
    • 1,572 Posts
    • 2,321 Thanks
    Robisere
    Haven't read all of this Saga, but here's my twopenn'oth -
    My first job was going to sea, so I paid board when at home: age 16 to 17¾, I paid £1.10 Shillings out of a wage of £2 to £3 a week. Then I worked at a local colliery, first wage was about the same until I went underground for £5. 7 and 6pence. I paid £2 a week board. Later I joined the Army and sent money home, found a partner and lived 'out' illegaly. After I came out and the relationship crashed, I lived with my parents again. In 1976 and until 1988, I paid from £35 to £50 a week.

    That's £200 a month in 1988. A krappy bedsit at the time was around £35 to £45 a week.

    How can this lad feel hard done by? Inflation, food and utility prices have gone up since then by at least a factor of 5, I would think. If he doesn't like it, find a better deal elsewhere, they do not exist!
    There may be more than one way to skin a cat.
    But the result is always inedible.

    • rach_k
    • By rach_k 12th Jul 17, 7:09 PM
    • 944 Posts
    • 1,633 Thanks
    rach_k
    From around 2004, I paid my mum £200/month board and I knew that was a good deal.

    I suppose it was a shock to be asked to pay double the current rate, but £200 is still less than I'd consider fair so instead of complaining about the doubling, think yourself lucky that it's still cheap and you had it at half that previously.
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 12th Jul 17, 7:25 PM
    • 508 Posts
    • 506 Thanks
    badmemory
    My son is mid 30s & still living at home. Over the years what he pays has changed a lot. The first year he worked he agreed to save, I agreed for the first year as long as he did save then keep would be free. All I lost was child benefit so not a major issue. Then he started for the next couple of years to pay for food, then the extra council tax. This includes a couple of periods of redundancy where we reduced his payments to just about paying for food.

    He now looks like he is never leaving home (& our electric bill is higher than the power cos consider high). He now pays half of everything except repairs & renewals. We have a spreadsheet so he can see exactly where every penny goes. He has never quibbled about his keep as he can see exactly where it is going. I think this is the key. He can see at any time where the money goes & can do/say something to change that. At the end of the year if there is any money left in the budget then we split it 50/50.

    To put it another way, when they are a child then you treat them as a child, but when they are an adult they should be treated and expected to behave as an adult.
    • kazt2006
    • By kazt2006 12th Jul 17, 8:43 PM
    • 30 Posts
    • 31 Thanks
    kazt2006
    Another way to look at it is as a % of what you earn.

    15 years ago on graduation I was earning £11k and my board was £140 a month. By the time I moved out 6 years later on double the salary, my board was £250 a month plus most of my own food. My mum's attitude was pay up or find somewhere else to live!

    My 1st mortgage (95% LTV) and bills were 3 times the board I had been paying!

    £200 seems like a bargain to be honest!
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 12th Jul 17, 8:53 PM
    • 2,482 Posts
    • 5,410 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    The motive to charge to encourage the children to move out and become independent, or get a job etc is a fair motive imo .... especially if they are sitting around on their arses all day.

    I think charging someone who has returned home after living away or break down in relationship is also fair.

    Its the parents with pound signs in their eyes the minute their children get an income and justify it somehow differently is the ones my comment was aimed at.
    Originally posted by svain
    I haven't got ££s in my eyes - though I suspect there will be a lot more ££s in my bank account ironically when son has left home
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - the Argos Card!
    • borkid
    • By borkid 12th Jul 17, 8:56 PM
    • 1,444 Posts
    • 2,668 Thanks
    borkid
    There is always the other side which is the self respect the young adult will feel at being able to pay their way and support themselves. I remember when I left uni walking down the road thinking 'wow I'm one my own and I can support myself'. It was great.
    • Haggishunter66
    • By Haggishunter66 12th Jul 17, 9:32 PM
    • 1 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Haggishunter66
    When our kids started earning we worked out the monthly outgoings and split that between all earners. Everyone in house uses electric,gas,- eats food- watches tv, uses broadband,living in home - responsible for council tax and any other bill your home receives. We did this to make our kids appreciate what moving out of the family home would mean. But we didn't want our kids living with us forever - so had no intention on making life easy by subbing their life... no-one did it for us!! ... Ask how your mum gets to that amount - you may be surprised - you might WANT to pay more!!
    • lesbro
    • By lesbro 12th Jul 17, 10:17 PM
    • 35 Posts
    • 30 Thanks
    lesbro
    When my son started work I asked, and got, half his wages and he only worked part time. I used half of that towards an endowment policy that paid out when he was 21. If you don't teach the value of money to your children, how can you expect them to be able to support themselves in the big world.
    • teadeejay
    • By teadeejay 12th Jul 17, 11:29 PM
    • 1 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    teadeejay
    Housekeeping
    Back in the eighties I paid my mum £60 a month. My son pays £80 basic and half of the gas electric a nd water bills. He often buys food as well. He is twenty and an apprentice.
    • El butler
    • By El butler 12th Jul 17, 11:43 PM
    • 2 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    El butler
    I'm finding it offensive that people think it's selfish for a parent to ask an adult living in their home to contribute fairly, let alone this pitiful amount. Imagine the struggles a single parent had suffered to raise her child? My mother didn't have £££'s in her eyes, she was trying to run a house that was in major disrepair, a 28 year old car that barely worked and feed us whilst working full time. She deserved support from the second we could get out to give it.
    • Aced2016
    • By Aced2016 13th Jul 17, 12:02 AM
    • 227 Posts
    • 408 Thanks
    Aced2016
    This is a hard one ! I think far too many people are having children and living off child benefit and tax credits. When that finishes the parent then needs that income to continue so then charge their child rent !

    Now myself and husband will not be charging any of our four children rent ! As they're not renting from us. It's their family home and that will never change. However if they're working full time, they will be responsible for their toiletries, clothes and material things they want and if course specific food. They can stay in their room and use the electricity, hot water etc and i certainly will not be looking for a penny.

    It's a topic you won't ever get agreement on. But that's my opinion and stance on it. I just feel adults need to make more provisions for themselves and their budget.
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