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    • MSE Sarah
    • By MSE Sarah 6th Jul 17, 10:41 AM
    • 101Posts
    • 56Thanks
    MSE Sarah
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?
    • #1
    • 6th Jul 17, 10:41 AM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent? 6th Jul 17 at 10:41 AM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    Since I started working, my mum has charged me £100/month in rent to keep living at her house, to help out with bills. Now after around a year she suddenly wants to increase it to £200/month, but I’ve stayed on the same salary. Is she being unreasonable for bumping up the rent money or am I being tight?

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

    If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!

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    Last edited by MSE Luke; 07-07-2017 at 10:28 AM.
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Page 2
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 12th Jul 17, 8:30 AM
    • 18,278 Posts
    • 46,769 Thanks
    Pollycat
    You should do what my father did when he started working 80 years ago. Give all your wages to your mother and let her decide how much pocket money to give you.
    Originally posted by JuliusCaesar
    'Give'?
    I didn't have a choice.
    When I started work almost 50 years ago, my Mother took my wages off me and gave me money for the bus to get to work and spending money.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 12th Jul 17, 8:33 AM
    • 22,876 Posts
    • 59,023 Thanks
    pollypenny
    If the OP has a good wage £100 is peanuts. We charged DS that in 1995 when was on a year out and earning £8000. He had my car to use for work, his washing and ironing done, his food bought and cooked, even his room cleaned.

    If the OP earns little and has expenses for getting to work or is saving for a deposit, maybe the rent could be negotiated.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

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    • Teacher2
    • By Teacher2 12th Jul 17, 8:55 AM
    • 500 Posts
    • 2,530 Thanks
    Teacher2
    I charge my son £100 a week and where I live that is a bargain. The cheapest one bed flat to buy is £200,000 and they come with very large service charges and ground rent. Rental flats could easily be twice what I charge him.

    Unbeknownst to him I have not spent a penny of his rent but have saved it for a flat or house deposit. I did the same for his sister who has now bought a house with her partner. I sympathise with any parents who need to charge their adult children rent because they need the money for essentials but I find it shocking that parents would charge 'keep' to downsize their own jobs or to spend the money on holidays or selfish indulgences.

    It is not good for young adults to live for free for several reasons:-

    -They need to learn to pay their way and to be financially responsible
    -They need to know their wages are not just pocket money for splurging
    -Without paying 'keep' the difference between price of living at home free and moving out and being totally independent is too much like a cliff edge. It might even prove prohibitive and keep the young adult at home
    -Only children are kept by their parents. Not to encourage a young adult to pay his or her way is to keep them in a state of prolonged infancy

    That said, with the housing and mortgage market the way they are I can see little chance for my son to move out without finding a partner to share a mortgage with.
    • sheperdspie
    • By sheperdspie 12th Jul 17, 8:59 AM
    • 9 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    sheperdspie
    A rather crucial point, which seems to have been overlooked is whether the mother can actually afford to run the household without the poster paying £200 a month ...


    If it's a question of keeping the roof over their heads, or not, then whether or not anyone is being tight doesn't really come into it.
    • Cimscate
    • By Cimscate 12th Jul 17, 9:01 AM
    • 121 Posts
    • 136 Thanks
    Cimscate
    Make the best of it!
    When I started work - many years ago - it was accepted that we would pay 50% of our take home pay into the family pot. I imagine that these days £200 is considerably less than half your take home pay so do the decent thing and contribute to family finances or move out and go it alone. For those who say would never charge their children sorry but they have to learn about life and gain a sense of responsibility!
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 12th Jul 17, 9:02 AM
    • 18,278 Posts
    • 46,769 Thanks
    Pollycat
    A rather crucial point, which seems to have been overlooked is whether the mother can actually afford to run the household without the poster paying £200 a month ...


    If it's a question of keeping the roof over their heads, or not, then whether or not anyone is being tight doesn't really come into it.
    Originally posted by sheperdspie
    It's not been overlooked.

    A number of posters have asked crucial questions.
    However - as in all MSE money moral dilemmas - there will not be any more information/clarification forthcoming.
    • gloriouslyhappy
    • By gloriouslyhappy 12th Jul 17, 9:07 AM
    • 346 Posts
    • 679 Thanks
    gloriouslyhappy
    Yes, you are being tight
    Yes. £200 per month is £46.15 per week. That is an extremely reasonable figure for rent, gas, electricity, house phone, water, council tax, tv licence and broadband, and I imagine, food, cleaning and laundry service too. Perhaps the reason for the sudden increase is it's been a year since you started earning and it's time to apportion costs more realistically, as she let you off lightly in the beginning. Or she's trying to hint it's time for you to find your own place and is preparing you for a more realistic rent than the £23.07 per week you're currently paying. Or perhaps you're taking advantage and not helping out with your share of the household chores. Or she's no longer in a position to subsidise you. (More info needed, as usual.)

    Whatever the reasons, £46.15 is a pittance, and I'd suggest paying up without complaint. By all means, choose a good time and have an unemotional chat about finances, but keep in mind what you would expect to pay if not living with your mum, and remember to factor in all the possible extras such as lifts, prepared meals, laundry, cleaning and general goodwill.
    • gloriouslyhappy
    • By gloriouslyhappy 12th Jul 17, 9:27 AM
    • 346 Posts
    • 679 Thanks
    gloriouslyhappy
    shocking to charge keep?
    I find it shocking that parents would charge 'keep' to downsize their own jobs or to spend the money on holidays or selfish indulgences.
    Originally posted by Teacher2
    Why is it shocking that parents of grown-up children want to spend their money indulging themselves? Having worked all their lives, provided for their families, raised their children and now with the end not that far off, this is definitely the time for a little self-indulgence before the grandchildren come along and a whole new set of responsibilities begin! Being a parent doesn't stop you from being a person in your own right, and as long as your children are earning and staying in the parental home, they should pay their fair share, and whatever the parents choose to spend it on is surely their own business.
    • Amara
    • By Amara 12th Jul 17, 9:29 AM
    • 1,916 Posts
    • 7,216 Thanks
    Amara
    You should do what my father did when he started working 80 years ago. Give all your wages to your mother and let her decide how much pocket money to give you.
    Originally posted by JuliusCaesar
    My grandma has done that to my dad, took all his wages and gave him for bus fare only. His aunt believed it was unfair and talked to my grandma about it, but been told to mind her own business. Aunt offered my dad to move in with her, she lived in town, where he worked, so it was closer for him anyway. He did it and stayed at his auntie's until he married. He contributed to aunt's household, but not as much as his parents. Grandma and aunt were on not very nice terms for a long while.
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    • jen2017
    • By jen2017 12th Jul 17, 9:32 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    jen2017
    Get a grip
    I'm 25 and still live at home whilst saving for a deposit and pay £250 a month which i'm quite happy to do as I know I won't get it cheaper else where and that includes everything and I contribute to the weekly shopping and take my parents our for dinner and lunch when I have the funds.

    I'd be interested to know how much the OP earns as in our house that dictates how much rent you pay. when my pay rise kicks in this month i will be paying £275
    • LeeThomas79
    • By LeeThomas79 12th Jul 17, 9:41 AM
    • 3 Posts
    • 24 Thanks
    LeeThomas79
    I charge my son £100 a week and where I live that is a bargain. The cheapest one bed flat to buy is £200,000 and they come with very large service charges and ground rent. Rental flats could easily be twice what I charge him.

    Unbeknownst to him I have not spent a penny of his rent but have saved it for a flat or house deposit. I did the same for his sister who has now bought a house with her partner. I sympathise with any parents who need to charge their adult children rent because they need the money for essentials but I find it shocking that parents would charge 'keep' to downsize their own jobs or to spend the money on holidays or selfish indulgences.

    It is not good for young adults to live for free for several reasons:-

    -They need to learn to pay their way and to be financially responsible
    -They need to know their wages are not just pocket money for splurging
    -Without paying 'keep' the difference between price of living at home free and moving out and being totally independent is too much like a cliff edge. It might even prove prohibitive and keep the young adult at home
    -Only children are kept by their parents. Not to encourage a young adult to pay his or her way is to keep them in a state of prolonged infancy

    That said, with the housing and mortgage market the way they are I can see little chance for my son to move out without finding a partner to share a mortgage with.
    Originally posted by Teacher2
    100% agree with this and putting the money aside for them to use as a deposit on a house is exactly what I would do if my sons decide to stay at home whilst working. Like you say, not everyone is in a position to do that and I sympathise with those that are not. Like you say, your child shouldn't be subsidising your lavish lifestyle.

    One thing I would do differently is rather than set a fixed amount I would set it at as percentage of their earnings, probably around a 1/3. What they give to me goes up as and when they get pay increases. This is more aligned to the "real world" of pay rises and inflation. I'd also encourage them to save some of what's left of their money so they learn the value of putting money aside for when it's needed or they want to treat themselves, and not relying upon credit.
    • meknowalot-51
    • By meknowalot-51 12th Jul 17, 9:45 AM
    • 163 Posts
    • 83 Thanks
    meknowalot-51
    Your mums not being unreasonable by doubling your rent,as i see it she's starting to prepare you for the real world and the costs your going to be paying when you move out.Although £200 a month isn't going to go far on rent,then the usual household bills,plus food,cooking,cleaning and the usual socializing at weekends.Sit down with a pen and paper then add all this up,go up to your mum with the £200,apologise with a smile and tell her how great she is.In 76 i payed 20%(£6) rent at home which covered everything,moved out in 83 payed 30% for rent only.What the % is today i'm not sure,but i bet it's not as low as 30%,how lucky we was.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 12th Jul 17, 9:49 AM
    • 3,516 Posts
    • 7,724 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    I was paying my parents £25/week 30 years ago (out of about £90 take home I think), the OP paying the same now is getting an absolute bargain.
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    Home is where my books are.
    • crmism
    • By crmism 12th Jul 17, 10:06 AM
    • 79 Posts
    • 44 Thanks
    crmism
    Paying your way
    You haven't said how much you earn, how old you are, or whether you're saving hard for a mortgage - all you've told us is that you're on a salary rather than a wage. In that case, I will assume that your equivalent weekly take-home pay is rather greater than the average wage packet.

    £50 per week is dirt-cheap. The food and drink you consume in that time probably costs as much as that. Add on your mother's washing and ironing of your clothes, your use of electricity and gas and doubtless the use your own room, and it's pretty clear that you have been under-charged for some time.

    Of course, you have a choice - you can either cough up and pay a fair amount for your keep, or you could look for somewhere else to live, and pay a commercial rent. I don't think, however, that you'll find any landlord willing to agree to what you're paying now.
    • onlyroz
    • By onlyroz 12th Jul 17, 10:16 AM
    • 13,573 Posts
    • 25,830 Thanks
    onlyroz
    Round my way a single room in a shared house would be a minimum of £400 a month. £200 a month is a bargain. £100 a month is insulting.
    • tallgirld
    • By tallgirld 12th Jul 17, 10:35 AM
    • 469 Posts
    • 306 Thanks
    tallgirld
    I do not feel qualified to answer this one
    When I was at home I had to pay £40 a month (which was nothing).
    I made a HUGE fuss about it and got it reduced to £25 (which was taking the mick!)
    When I left home I realised how lucky I was to have got away with paying such an insulting amount!!!!
    Bills, Bills, Bills.....awful
    • chipp
    • By chipp 12th Jul 17, 10:35 AM
    • 136 Posts
    • 40 Thanks
    chipp
    When I first started work more than 40 years ago I gave my parents one quarter of my take-home earnings. As I got pay rises, so did my Mum.


    Nowadays I live fairly frugally (old habits die hard) and don't eat meat. I still spend well in excess of £100 pcm on food alone.
    If you can't think of anything nice to write, say nothing. Rudeness isn't clever.
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 12th Jul 17, 10:37 AM
    • 7,611 Posts
    • 16,788 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    You should do what my father did when he started working 80 years ago. Give all your wages to your mother and let her decide how much pocket money to give you.
    Originally posted by JuliusCaesar
    'Give'?
    I didn't have a choice.
    When I started work almost 50 years ago, my Mother took my wages off me and gave me money for the bus to get to work and spending money.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    I'm quite glad it's not 80 or 50 years ago now then. Things are, quite thankfully, different.

    My grandma has done that to my dad, took all his wages and gave him for bus fare only. His aunt believed it was unfair and talked to my grandma about it, but been told to mind her own business. Aunt offered my dad to move in with her, she lived in town, where he worked, so it was closer for him anyway. He did it and stayed at his auntie's until he married. He contributed to aunt's household, but not as much as his parents. Grandma and aunt were on not very nice terms for a long while.
    Originally posted by Amara

    I'm with your aunt.

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

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    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 12th Jul 17, 10:40 AM
    • 7,611 Posts
    • 16,788 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    When I first started work more than 40 years ago I gave my parents one quarter of my take-home earnings. As I got pay rises, so did my Mum.


    Nowadays I live fairly frugally (old habits die hard) and don't eat meat. I still spend well in excess of £100 pcm on food alone.
    Originally posted by chipp
    That's how I did it, plus if I wanted any special food or some beer I bought it.

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    #JC4PM
    • revjamesp
    • By revjamesp 12th Jul 17, 10:42 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    revjamesp
    I have a daughter living at home (1 of 4 daughters). So as not to be 'unfair' to the others, we charge £70 a week - a bargain compared to living on your own or in a shared house. Have since spoken to others in the same situation and the best suggestion has been 20% of takehome pay after tax (which seems a good idea)!
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