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    • bugzie92
    • By bugzie92 3rd Jul 17, 10:09 PM
    • 167Posts
    • 2,490Thanks
    bugzie92
    Stressed. Debt and LBM
    • #1
    • 3rd Jul 17, 10:09 PM
    Stressed. Debt and LBM 3rd Jul 17 at 10:09 PM
    Hi all,

    Just came for abit of support really, I can see from t his forum there are many on the same journey.
    We are both in full time work and have a little one. Most of my debt mounted up paying for day to day expenses and childcare. I'm very sad that I'm now in 11k debt, and it's really stressing me out now. I earn 22k. My partner is in 16k debt and he earns about 33k a year.
    Most of my debt is for paying for day to day living and £2300 of it is my partners which they have passed to me. I was in the better position of having 0% deals so it seemed sensible at the time. I have now got a debt management app and a spending app on my phone, so I can crack down on this debt and pay it off. According to my debt management app I will pay it all off by Nov 2019. That's paying about £380 a month. I have to make a lot of cut backs. I will be putting money into savings for christmas and birthdays and car insurance. I am leaving myself about £60-£100 per month spare, for the odd days I forget to do lunch for work etc. Does this sound realistic? I should probably add we live in london hence why we needed credit cards to get by. My partners wage has also gone up significantly since we started getting in to debt. I'm determined to pay it but he is abit more lax about it. I think it's horrible to have so much debt. I just wish I had more to show for it. My partner has nothing really to show for his (he wasn't using CC for day to day living like me, he just spent money on rubbish!)
    Anyway I am very determined to pay it off, just wanted to say hello to those on the same journey!
    May total - £1435
Page 1
    • zippygeorgeandben
    • By zippygeorgeandben 3rd Jul 17, 11:05 PM
    • 720 Posts
    • 906 Thanks
    zippygeorgeandben
    • #2
    • 3rd Jul 17, 11:05 PM
    • #2
    • 3rd Jul 17, 11:05 PM
    You're best of posting a full Statement Of Affairs (SOA) - there is a link somewhere.
    Looking over your OP, a few things stand out.
    1)All debt is manageable and repayable so do not stress out about it. Hiding your head in the sand is stressing about it, something you aren't doing. Don't be too hard on yourself.
    2)What exactly has been 'passed to you'? Your partners debts? i.e. you could get 0% deals and he couldn't? That's already a concern if he couldn't get them and didn't think anything of saddling you with his debts.
    3)Living in London means you have to use credit cards to get by? Nonsense. I live in London, you have to budget accordingly.
    4)Great that you are willing to pay your debts but it's so much better if you get the OH on board. Two heads are better than one.
    5)I don't have anything to show for my debts either but what should you have to show? Just because a few holiday aren't tangible times, doesn't mean it wasn't fulfilling at the time.
    Post an SOA and we can tell you where to tighten your belts!
    End Sep 2016 End Nov 2017
    £8236.57 £0
    (Tesco 4.8%) £0pcm
    £6185.75 £0(Zopa 4.0%) £0pcm

    £5344.50
    £2470.04 (Sainsburys 0% until 06/19) £140pcm
    £2000.00 £933.36 (Sister 0%) £133.33pcm

    Total debt
    £19.766.82 £3403.40 Original DFD May 2019.
    • consultant31
    • By consultant31 4th Jul 17, 7:42 AM
    • 4,731 Posts
    • 14,423 Thanks
    consultant31
    • #3
    • 4th Jul 17, 7:42 AM
    • #3
    • 4th Jul 17, 7:42 AM
    Link to SOA:

    http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php
    I let my mind wander and it never came back!
    • bugzie92
    • By bugzie92 1st Oct 17, 3:36 PM
    • 167 Posts
    • 2,490 Thanks
    bugzie92
    • #4
    • 1st Oct 17, 3:36 PM
    • #4
    • 1st Oct 17, 3:36 PM
    Hi all,
    Well a little update from before.
    We had to move house, and I had to take the brunt of it. We were living in a furnished house before, so had to buy a lot of furniture. I also took a little more of my partners debt of him (around £800).
    I'm currently sat at 11,250. He is still around 16k. Not sure how given I have bought most of the things for the new house (well on CC that is) but hey ho!

    I couldn't work the SOA thing so here is a break down of my outgoings

    Wage: £1230 (I earn 22k but have salary sacrife for my train ticket which was about £2k for the year. I'm also going to opt into childcare voucher scheme so I am factoring that in too)
    Child benefit £82

    Total income per month: £1312

    Outgoings
    Phone: £42 (tied until Dec 19)
    Shopping: £240 - £300 (£60 per week, depending on length of the month! This includes lunches for work, family of 3 by the way, so far budget not going well)
    Gas and electricity: £87 (cheapest supplier I could find)
    Water: £27 (metered)
    Life insurance: £20.41
    Council tax: £125 (over 12 months)
    Union £9.90
    Delivery safer £7
    Extra curricula activity for my son: £50
    Total: 606.99 - 666.99

    I also propose putting £120 in savings for birthdays / xmas / car insurance (I prefer to pay annually as it works out much cheaper).

    So
    726.99 - 786.99

    I am thinking of paying around £400 per month debt. Does this sound realistic? I am quite disciplined and desperate to get out of debt! Even if it's just getting out of my own so I can work on my partners abit!

    Thanks
    May total - £1435
    • determined new ms
    • By determined new ms 1st Oct 17, 5:46 PM
    • 6,609 Posts
    • 38,118 Thanks
    determined new ms
    • #5
    • 1st Oct 17, 5:46 PM
    • #5
    • 1st Oct 17, 5:46 PM
    it does sound realistic but you really need to do a full statement of affairs which takes into account EVERYTHING.

    It sounds like you organise your finances the way I do - I manage one account for all household expenditure that both myself and oh pay a set amount into pcm. It is quite tight but I try to achieve economies from it to build up a little buffer for emergencies or when something is needed - in the last month we got a super king size bed & mattress, a kettle and a washing machine and this all came from the buffer.

    I then have my main bank account. I have set amounts I put aside for various annual spends. I do know roughly how much I spend on each category py/pcm and then give myself an *allowance* for spending money which I can spend on whatever I want. I don't have debt, but squirrel off to savings, but it's the same theory. I budget and work out what I can afford for each category and pay those on payday leaving myself my allowance in my account. Throughout the month I try to have economies - spending and groceries are the main areas where I can achieve this. When we had debt then these extra funds would go towards the debt.

    Also look to ways you can increase your income. The more you earn *extra* the quicker your debt will be gone/.

    Good luck
    Last edited by determined new ms; 01-10-2017 at 5:48 PM.
    DF as at 30/12/16
    Wombling '16 £287.33 Roadkill £28.25
    Wombling YTD £2982.2/Roadkill £8.63
    SFDs Oct 13/15 CC saved £2372.50
    • determined new ms
    • By determined new ms 1st Oct 17, 5:50 PM
    • 6,609 Posts
    • 38,118 Thanks
    determined new ms
    • #6
    • 1st Oct 17, 5:50 PM
    • #6
    • 1st Oct 17, 5:50 PM
    also get your oh on board it makes life so much easier
    DF as at 30/12/16
    Wombling '16 £287.33 Roadkill £28.25
    Wombling YTD £2982.2/Roadkill £8.63
    SFDs Oct 13/15 CC saved £2372.50
    • bugzie92
    • By bugzie92 1st Oct 17, 8:02 PM
    • 167 Posts
    • 2,490 Thanks
    bugzie92
    • #7
    • 1st Oct 17, 8:02 PM
    • #7
    • 1st Oct 17, 8:02 PM
    I have added all my outgoings, other then entertainment fund, after deducting about £400 it will leave me with a little bit disposable income so I was going to have that as my pocket money so to speak! I just need to work on sticking with it. It's so easy not to bother making lunches for work but then that costs us £6 a day! Last week was the first week we went a full week of taking in our lunches. I wish my OH had the same commitment as me, he gets paid a lot more than I do but he does pay the rent (I pay the bills, shopping and childcare). I know he must have quite a lot left after his bills though. But he is a lot more comfortable with spending more and more with all the debt. I feel like I have a dark cloud over me with my debt. I always worry what will happen if one of us was made redundant or something! I really want to remove that stress from
    My life asap!
    May total - £1435
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 1st Oct 17, 9:46 PM
    • 4,852 Posts
    • 9,173 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    • #8
    • 1st Oct 17, 9:46 PM
    • #8
    • 1st Oct 17, 9:46 PM
    You are going to struggle clearing the debt if your OH is not on board. London is expensive to live but if you need credit cards for day to day living then you are overspending and this is not sustainable.

    I would not have taken on £2300 of your OHs debt if he is not bothered about clearing it. Just concentrate on your own until he faces up to it. You can always build up some savings to help you feel more secure after your debt is cleared. Otherwise you are just enabling him to carry on overspending.
    1 week to go until early retirement. Debt free and mortgage free.

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • armchairexpert
    • By armchairexpert 2nd Oct 17, 3:07 AM
    • 726 Posts
    • 4,720 Thanks
    armchairexpert
    • #9
    • 2nd Oct 17, 3:07 AM
    • #9
    • 2nd Oct 17, 3:07 AM
    Does the rent cost more than the shopping, bills, childcare and council tax?

    Or, as I suspect, are you paying for two thirds of the household expenses on a significantly lower income than your OH, as well as paying off the debts he racked up on personal spending?
    MFW diary here. 1 Feb 2017 $229,371 - MFD Feb 2043 aiming for May 2028
    14 August 2017 - Refinanced: $220,000
    November 2017 - $216,000.00 Current MFD 31 July 2035
    • bugzie92
    • By bugzie92 2nd Oct 17, 8:52 AM
    • 167 Posts
    • 2,490 Thanks
    bugzie92
    Nope rent is 1225 😤🤒. But he does take home well over 2k so it evens out. When we sorted our bills we both ended up with the same amount of disposable income. I just utilise mine abit better. Drives me mad when we go for a McDonald's or something and he pulls out a credit card! I end up paying when he does that (he ain't daft!).
    He just hasn't had that moment yet I don't think.
    May total - £1435
    • andydownes123
    • By andydownes123 2nd Oct 17, 9:50 AM
    • 120 Posts
    • 200 Thanks
    andydownes123
    Nope rent is 1225 😤🤒. But he does take home well over 2k so it evens out. When we sorted our bills we both ended up with the same amount of disposable income. I just utilise mine abit better. Drives me mad when we go for a McDonald's or something and he pulls out a credit card! I end up paying when he does that (he ain't daft!).
    He just hasn't had that moment yet I don't think.
    Originally posted by bugzie92
    Your rent is v.high compared to your wages. Thought about moving?
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 2nd Oct 17, 11:12 AM
    • 8,232 Posts
    • 43,616 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    Nope rent is 1225 😤🤒. But he does take home well over 2k so it evens out. When we sorted our bills we both ended up with the same amount of disposable income. I just utilise mine abit better. Drives me mad when we go for a McDonald's or something and he pulls out a credit card! I end up paying when he does that (he ain't daft!).
    He just hasn't had that moment yet I don't think.
    Originally posted by bugzie92
    OK - point 1, when you are between you £27,000 in debt, why are you going to McDonalds?

    Point 2 - you HAVE to tackle this as a family unit - and most certainly he has to stop thinking it's acceptable to palm debt off onto you when in fact he can't be bothered to do anything about his own finances.

    Andydownes mentioned the rent question - but if you live in/around London area that's actually pretty decent isn't it - I can see his point about it being high compared to your income though.

    You've got to put together a full budget that actually balances - if you have anything around £400 a month you can throw at debt you have to question why you're saying that you've "needed" credit cards for day to day living - it doesn't sound at all like you "need" them for that, to me - it sounds like you've been good at frittering the money that should cover your costs and form a surplus, though!

    1) Proper budget - make it balance, and then learn to live with it
    2) Spending diary - write down EVERYTHING you spend on a day to day basis
    3) Cut up any remaining credit cards - you don't need them and having credit available to you is clearly not helping matters!
    4) Incorporate savings towards an emergency fund into your budget - this will stop you falling back onto credit when something is needed for the house or whatever, but also analyse whether the thing you "need" for the house is actually something that you "want" - before you buy it!
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    Sainsbugs 0% card: 22/12/16 £1229.00/£702.45 (20/11/17)
    SOA Calculator for DFW newbies: Stoozing.com SOA Calculator
    • sourcrates
    • By sourcrates 2nd Oct 17, 11:22 AM
    • 12,700 Posts
    • 12,042 Thanks
    sourcrates
    Unfortunately the stoozing calculator is no longer working correctly.

    I dont know when, or if this will be fixed, as its out of our control.

    I have posted a copy and paste version of the SOA, that can be found here :

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=73192124&postcount=19

    You will need to calculate it manually though.
    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Credit File And Ratings, and
    Bankruptcy And Living With It, boards. "I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly".
    Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an abusive or illegal post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

    For free debt advice, contact either : Stepchange, National Debtline, or, CAB.
    For Legal advice see : http://legalbeagles.info/
    • bugzie92
    • By bugzie92 2nd Oct 17, 6:28 PM
    • 167 Posts
    • 2,490 Thanks
    bugzie92
    Most of my debt was built up before my son went to school, childcare was costing me £60 a day. Now I only pay £170 a month for school club. I've just opted into a childcare scheme to save more with this too. (Gutted I didn't do this before, would have saved a fortune!) I haven't built up any debt since he started school, well other then having to buy furniture for our new house. I do agree though, about wasting money on McDonald's and the like! I can happily go without those things and focus solely on my debt. My partner is abit more hard work though, his argument is that we still have to live a little while we get our debt down. However, his debts sat around the same mark for a couple of years now! He hasn't got it down at all, which is disappointing as he has always had the extra £500, £600 after his bills each month. I really don't know how he managed to get into so much debt.
    I will have a good chat with him about all of this, it's too stressful.
    Our rent is high but we do live in London. For the area it's good though.
    May total - £1435
    • Mnd
    • By Mnd 2nd Oct 17, 7:33 PM
    • 262 Posts
    • 291 Thanks
    Mnd
    I know that everyone is different but I really can't see how partners in life have separate money.
    You live in same house, go on same holidays, eat same meals..when my wife and I moved in together all her (fairly minor) financial problems became ours, and we're settled by our savings. The fact that her mortgage outstanding was 3 times the size of mine was no issue, we bought the house together and from that day all money issues became joint, both in and out
    Last edited by Mnd; 02-10-2017 at 8:26 PM. Reason: Spelling
    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 3rd Oct 17, 10:57 AM
    • 10,763 Posts
    • 56,354 Thanks
    edinburgher
    I know that everyone is different but I really can't see how partners in life have separate money.
    You live in same house, go on same holidays, eat same meals..when my wife and I moved in together all her (fairly minor) financial problems became ours, and we're settled by our savings. The fact that her mortgage outstanding was 3 times the size of mine was no issue, we bought the house together and from that day all money issues became joint, both in and out
    Originally posted by Mnd
    I hear you, but we need to be respectful that others have different choices from our own.

    What is reprehensible, however, is the fact that the partner earns more, but still thinks it's ok to burden OP with additional debt. What the hell is that about?!

    OP, I respectfully believe that you can make your family financial choices work for you, but you need to stop being a doormat.
    • Filo25
    • By Filo25 3rd Oct 17, 12:09 PM
    • 1,194 Posts
    • 1,827 Thanks
    Filo25
    I know that everyone is different but I really can't see how partners in life have separate money.
    You live in same house, go on same holidays, eat same meals..when my wife and I moved in together all her (fairly minor) financial problems became ours, and we're settled by our savings. The fact that her mortgage outstanding was 3 times the size of mine was no issue, we bought the house together and from that day all money issues became joint, both in and out
    Originally posted by Mnd
    Me and my wife do have pretty much split finances, I have a higher wage but it pretty much equalizes out for similar disposable income each after we pay bills, (she pays 40% of the mortgage plus all the council tax, I pay everything else including groceries), gives each of us some independence with respect to our finances, although we would obviously pool everything if one of us lost our job or something similar happened.

    I fully agree it doesn't work for everyone but it does for us, sorry for going off on a tangent.

    With regards to the original post, if you have pretty much separate finances then I certainly wouldn't be taking on any more of your partner's debt (or any of their discretionary spend on cards), if they have the freedom to manage their own finances they also have the responsibility to deal with the consequences within reason.
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