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  • FIRST POST
    • mothernerd
    • By mothernerd 28th Jun 17, 10:56 PM
    • 2,158Posts
    • 22,105Thanks
    mothernerd
    NST Joyful July
    • #1
    • 28th Jun 17, 10:56 PM
    NST Joyful July 28th Jun 17 at 10:56 PM
    Ninja Saving Turtles

    We are now half way through the year and how are we doing with our annual goals?


    Congratulations to those on target with debt busting / diet and exercise and any other goals. Keep it going remembering to revise your target if your current stepping stone is getting too comfy.


    For those who have drifted from their path (hangs head in shame) there are still six months of the year left. You have time to wipe the slate clean and make a fresh start. Be honest about why things have not worked out. Were your original goals too tough? Did things go to pot when everyday pressures kicked in? Did you have a beautiful plan with all the details worked out but then failed to apply them (me again)? Remember Hope is not a strategy.


    If you are reeling from the blows that life has dealt you (hugs, more hugs and a sympathetic ear) just hang in there turtles. Revise your goals or write an emergency strategy if needed, do what you can – you will still get there, but for now you have to use the B roads not the motorway.


    The turtle gang are all here to help, advise, celebrate with you, commiserate with you, hand out tissues and hugs as required. We even do lycra clad cheerleaders with pompoms.


    So if you are a regular contender (turtle life can be tough and demanding), a recent convert or just finding your way and trying turtledom for the first time, welcome to


    JOYFUL JULY


    JOY Life has been hard recently. I have always found joy in the little things. Some of us find 3 things to be grateful for at the end of each day and you may find it useful too – you can add it to your daily post or just write it down privately. Some days are full of good things, some days are dreadful but if you think carefully you can pick out moments of joy – a ladybird, a child's glasses case in the shape of a shoe, a smile or thank you from a stranger.


    Try to wake joyfully too. It can help to write your 'to do' list (and make other preparations) the night before, so that you have a clear idea of your coming day. If possible take a few moments of peace and calm and take that forward into your joyful day. Make joyful memories with your children during the holidays and share any free/ low cost fun ideas.


    ORGANISE You should know your Debt Free Date or if debt free your savings goal (mortgage free plan/ early retirement goal). If you don't know, work it out or if it is too daunting or too far in the future, set a target for this year. Work out how much you need to put aside to achieve this and live on what is left over. Sort your budgets for the month before July 1st (if possible).


    YOU It starts from here, it starts with YOU, it starts with now.
    I'm sorry but you are it. We may wish we had more money, a better job, weren't in this mess, more abc, less xyz. This is where you are. If you don't like it, change it. You can keep wishing or you can plan, decide what you want to do, set goals, break them down into small steps and start. Every small step helps even when you can't see the bigger picture.


    Know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses.


    If life has steam rollered over your plans, write new ones. Is it just temporary (hold your nerve, do what you can, resign yourself to being in a holding pattern until the crisis is over) or longer term (take a deep breath, eat from the cupboards, check through your annual budget).


    FRUGAL The Frugalwoods are having another Uber Frugal Month Challenge
    http://www.frugalwoods.com/2017/06/19/the-uber-frugal-month-challenge-is-back-july-2017-edition/ . I haven't read a lot of their stuff (some is location specific) but this is a sort of 'how low could you go', cut out absolutely everything you possibly could. I might be signing up and thought it might help some of you facing a difficult month. It won't be for everyone but it might be good to spend some time considering just what you could do without 'if you had to'. I will probably use some of it for daily inspiration.


    USE what you have. Start by auditing the cupboards, fridge and freezer. Make meal plan based on these. Cook from scratch. After sorting out your big bills, the food budget is often the area where you can make great savings.


    LOOK after you. If you are it, it all depends on you, so look after yourself (especially if no-one else is likely to). Make time for a little pampering or just sit and reflect. Mental and physical wellbeing is important.



    JULY Challenge runs from 1st to 31st July.



    UNLESS you have a specific reason (special celebration, no/ least harmful alternative) you should avoid takeaways, restaurants, vending machines, costalot outlets. Take lunch to work (hospital appointments etc) every day. Some turtles have the occasional spend built into their personal/ social spending budget.

    LITTLE and OFTEN is the key for those who are poorly, new to exercise or who have fallen by the wayside. Start with 10 minutes a day, five times a week, rising to 20 minutes in the second week. More if you are young and healthy. Those of you with a well established training routine carry on - you know your needs/capabilities better than I.


    YOU will aim for 16 NO Spend Days unless you set a much lower total last month, in which case try for 2 above last month's target. Medical necessities, ys bargains (no other purchases) and filling your car with petrol from a designated petrol budget are exempt (you still keep your NSD). Super organised turtles who never exceed their budget or buy anything on impulse do not count NSDs as they have other ways of controlling their spending.

    Daily Posting is reccommended – keep reading if you can't post. If it all goes wrong, confess or ask for help/ sympathy. Turtles who are on holiday should adjust targets accordingly (posting/ NSDs/ separate holiday budget etc).


    Who is up to the turtle challenge?



    Last edited by mothernerd; 29-06-2017 at 12:02 AM.
    Building a rainbow of happiness and joy
    NST Nov #9 SFD 9/20 Food £91.50/£100 Travel £2.50/£10 DIY £/£30Debt free and EF January 2016 No mortgage Progress through plodding, baby steps and purposeful pottering
Page 15
    • mothernerd
    • By mothernerd 15th Jul 17, 2:11 PM
    • 2,158 Posts
    • 22,105 Thanks
    mothernerd
    FBO I used to find putting little notes in front of the kettle occasionally bore fruit, as it was the first place he went on coming into the house or downstairs in the morning. One thing isn't much but it's one thing less for you and will gice him less time to make more mess.

    Soon after we got together my bf hurt his back. He had to lie flat on the living room floor for about six weeks. He had nothing to read so started reading all the notes from the meetings where I had taken notes - always ran out of energy before he could put them back ing their wallets. He still managed to hobble as far as the kettle.
    Building a rainbow of happiness and joy
    NST Nov #9 SFD 9/20 Food £91.50/£100 Travel £2.50/£10 DIY £/£30Debt free and EF January 2016 No mortgage Progress through plodding, baby steps and purposeful pottering
    • Eager_Elephant
    • By Eager_Elephant 15th Jul 17, 2:26 PM
    • 4,089 Posts
    • 22,580 Thanks
    Eager_Elephant
    Can I start by apologising to Toni'sfriend for ignoring her post - it was not on purpose but I caught up from Sunday and when I got to the bottom of page 6 I thought I was at the end and so posted but having returned I can see that I have missed a whole page out.

    ((Toni'sfriend))
    It is actually dangerous to just give up alcohol completely unless under medical supervision as the body can go into shock.

    Not sure if you read safehouse's diary (can't remember if she is on DFW or MFW) - her husband is an alcoholic and often posts about how she is feeling etc. Unfortunately he will not get help as he doesn't think he has a problem.

    Did C just try to cope with the death of his brother rather than get any bereavement counselling etc? Sometimes men wont speak about how they are feeling and so it's easier to drink to take the thoughts away than it is to discuss it.

    I hope that C can see the damage he has done and get the help he needs.

    In our area you have to self-refer for help with any addiction - we have Turning Point which covers drugs and alcohol. Could you have a google to see what's in your area? Not to make him go but just in case he reaches out and wants your help in this battle.
    Ninja Saving Turtle No. 15 for November
    NSD - 1/15
    (up to 01/11/17)
    My Diary is here - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2175629 (Eager Elephants Effective Everyday Excursion)
    • Lauralozzle
    • By Lauralozzle 15th Jul 17, 2:39 PM
    • 439 Posts
    • 4,128 Thanks
    Lauralozzle
    Was AWOL last night. Another NSD so I'm at 6/14. Today won't be a NSD as I've got to get birthday bits for my dad/step mum. Will probably grab salad/sandwich stuff too but we don't really need much else.

    I've done my overtime for this weekend, so that's sorted. House needs a quickly tidy and I'm struggling with a lazy OH that just wants to lounge on the sofa and snooze.
    October grocery challenge £150.54/£200 | October cleaning budget £75.16/£75 | October NSD 10/15
    Credit Card: £220 (0%) | Car Finance: £8,240 (7.9% APR) | Mortgage: £111,684 (3.99% APR)
    Wedding Fund: £3,564.74
    • mothernerd
    • By mothernerd 15th Jul 17, 2:59 PM
    • 2,158 Posts
    • 22,105 Thanks
    mothernerd
    thrifty (again/ more)

    I know you love your children but on a different thread you once said you were very career focused and had been unprepared for the demands of small children and the devastation they could wreck (to your housekeeping standards?). Your child care costs rise in the holidays don't they and then there is all the who's doing what when that needs to be scheduled and possibly a bit of f0xh0les hostage situation, a fear of being permanently trapped at home with them.

    You are also fretting about your OH's lack of committment to frugality (or even keeping withing budget). So there is a lot going on to bring you down. Try writing them all down as separate problems, work out what, if anything you can do about them, take action where necessary and if there is nothing you can do, try not to dwell on it, spend your energy on things you can change.

    So as you get older you have more health concerns and worries (possible limitations). You have to accept that even if you get superfit you are never going to be 20 again. However you can be the best 'you now'. Eat properly, exercise regularly, use puzzles and problem solving to keep your mind active, keep learning, avoid stress .

    Loneliness is also supposed to be a problem for the elderly (that's not you, hope it's not me yet). I love solitude and am happy with my own company mostly. The survivors from couples who have
    always done everything together have problems and mobility can be a factor (+ 'fear' of violence rather than actual violence, not as common as certain newspapers would have you believe). However old people who remain engaged with others and interested in people tend to thrive. Miserable young people who never have a good word to say about anyone end up as miserable old people.

    Women are having children later and people are living longer (which again means more people living with chronic illnesses) so there is a growing band of mainly (but not eclusively) women trying to meet the needs of growing children and dependent elders at the same time.

    I started the 'Year of Happiness' course last year. I work quite hard at keeping happy (although I think the depression is something I may have to learn to live with). I found the first parts (background) interesting. The amygdala in the brain (hope that is right, keep thinking I've got it confused with someone from Star wars) responds to change. Usually it responds with excitement. However if bad things happen in childhood it starts to respond with fear. The person 'expects' bad things to happen (to them/ others around them) and also takes responsibilty for them (thinks it is 'their fault'). You can retrain your brain to respond with enthusiasm must try phoning the CBT people again).

    Some of the techniques in the course were useful - daily gratitudes for example. However they can be overused (and abused). A positive attitude helps but you need a reality check now and then. I like one of the user taglines on here - "A positive attitude won't always help, but it will annoy enough people to be worth doing."

    I love a cartoon I've seen recently "When I'm old, I don't want people thinking I'm a sweet old lady, I want them to think 'Oh c**p, what is she up to now?'" That's what we have to aim for thrifty and start practicing now.
    Building a rainbow of happiness and joy
    NST Nov #9 SFD 9/20 Food £91.50/£100 Travel £2.50/£10 DIY £/£30Debt free and EF January 2016 No mortgage Progress through plodding, baby steps and purposeful pottering
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 15th Jul 17, 3:03 PM
    • 642 Posts
    • 9,020 Thanks
    Toni'sfriend
    Thanks for the advice EE. I will look into that as it would be useful to know what's available. He didn't get any counselling when his brother died. He actually committed suicide and it was a great shock. The whole family naturally took it badly but C, particularly, blamed himself for not realizing what a bad place his brother was in. I don't know why he felt like this because we didn't see his brother very often. Maybe that was the reason.
    He won't admit he has a problem but I think in his heart of heart he knows he has. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that this has happened. His friends have supported him throughout all that has happened previously so perhaps their reaction might help bring him to his senses. He's known them for over 35 years so I'm hoping that the situation can be resolved. It is preying on my mind, though, and I feel myself getting upset thinking that they might not want to see us again.
    • FurryBeastOz
    • By FurryBeastOz 15th Jul 17, 4:53 PM
    • 1,097 Posts
    • 14,464 Thanks
    FurryBeastOz
    Toni sent you a PM.
    *** Debt Free***
    NST October 1/18
    Goals - Weight loss 0/13lb from 1st Jul 17
    GC To 1/10/17 £2416.17£3,500, 69.03/74.79% of the year. Had to raise budget
    • PlaysNicely
    • By PlaysNicely 15th Jul 17, 7:22 PM
    • 77 Posts
    • 449 Thanks
    PlaysNicely


    Sorry, didn't get on yesterday evening so a double update with today as well ...

    1) NSDs: achieved yesterday & today in respect of home & my budgets so 9 / 16.
    OH did treat me to breakfast out today tho, out of his own wallet as he's received some of his marking money - so there has been a cheeky treat too!

    2) Frugal food shopping: previous week's target met so this week's £35 budget started anew - £13 remaining.
    No additional spends yet.
    Fri - hm pizzas & salad from garden (for 2 extra adults too as we had family over). They contributed dessert & we all played cards afterwards, so very MSE evening of dining & entertainment.
    Today - the brekkie OH bought me was brunch really, so we're just eating leftover pizza & salad tonight, easy & no extra spends.

    3) Try to up my own income in some way (legally of course)! Achieved with new weekend job (in tomorrow)!

    4) My NST health goal: 10,000 steps a day (as total of 70,000 across a week)!
    Did silly thing yesterday - as we had visitors we didn't get to bed till late and my old pedometer resets to 0 at midnight, I missed checking what my final tally was for the day. So I can only go with the last total I looked at which was around 3700 - not ideal! So total for week of 8th - 14th was around 63,900 / 70,000 - up on last week but not quite there yet! Determined to meet this goal at some point in July.
    Fresh start today for week 15th - 21st ... 10km early walk out with OH & dogs around local reserves this morning (& hence lovely OH brunch treat) gives me 15,361 but just having our supper then we're back out for a walk we know well to see if I can get some barn owl photos. That'll be another 5,000 steps (min) so I'm happy to be chalking up 20,000 already for this week!

    5) No FleaBay shopping for the whole month - achieved yesterday and today. So far this month: 14 / 31 achieved, 1 glitch!

    6) Frugal focus: sourcing instead of spending: busy day, nothing else achieved yet as yesterday & today so busy ... remaining work in progress ...
    * Valance in progress - one panel hemmed, still needs sewing to base.
    * Doggy glove puppet in progress. ... just needs a tail, ears and sewing up (may watch a bit of TV after owl walk this eve tho & hope to get a bit more done)!

    Simple pleasures across both days:
    Lovely low cost social evening yesterday.
    Lots of free fresh air today
    OH has made apricot chutney from super cheap apricots he bought Thurs - 6 jars, including some for gifting at (shhhh, Crimbo)!
    No work today!

    Hugs to Toni'sFriend hope things turn out OK in a grotty situation.

    Quick question if I may?
    I'm really thinking about a diary somewhere on here because these forums really help with the frugal focus. However, I don't really know where to put it! The thing is, we're low income / not quite retired inbetweeners, rather than in debt, so I'm not sure we'd fit the DFW diaries, lovely tho everyone is!

    The MFW board has great diaries, but we no longer have a mortgage thank to our downsize - was our major debt removal technique at the end of 2016 - sell up, pay off, shrink everything down to frugal proportions once we realised poo was headed propellerwards.
    I actually used to have a MFW diary for a while and it really made the difference in overpaying the mortgage which gave us just enough equity when we sold to get our now home and shed the debt. I really feel like we need that focus again, really, as his occupational pension will be low as he was late into the career!

    Essentially, OH has since lost his job so we're living on what I bring in & what we've still got left from house sale (4 figures and shrinking fast) until he gets his occupational pension Spring next year. He's just done a bit of marking and may think about supply when he starts to feel a bit better, but he's very anti the idea of signing on & we don't claim anything. So our goals relate to pensions, savings & frugal living, but the pensions board doesn't seem to be diaryland apart from a few where there are friendly people but some big numbers bandied and lots of info about investing etc about that our situation & finances just don't really fit with.

    Meanwhile, the over 50s board doesn't seem to have many diaries either, so I'd really appreciate any advice on where to park myself, you're all awesome, btw!

    Thanks for putting up with what turned out to be a life story post too, sorry about that!
    PN x
    Last edited by PlaysNicely; 15-07-2017 at 7:37 PM. Reason: Well I messed it up, of course!
    £1000 Emergency fund challenge #236 - £147 / £1000 365 day penny challenge - £142.00 / £667.95 30 Fridays savings pot = £ 105 / £465
    NST July #23 - trying to build up EF & savings (as above)
    • abundant1972
    • By abundant1972 15th Jul 17, 7:25 PM
    • 1,177 Posts
    • 8,598 Thanks
    abundant1972
    Evening all

    Good few days here.

    AppleMuncher - Thanks for the dietary advice. I'll be sure to check out that site. I do feel heaps better - no bloating at all. I thought I would crave bread so much as it's my favourite food... but I haven't. Not even pizza!!! And - I seem full for longer. Long may it last!
    Mothernerd - Thanks for the kind comments.
    Toni'sFriend - Hugs for you and the family at this difficult time. All you can do is offer your love and support, and help enable him to find his way through. Do you do something on the Birthday/Anniversary for your son that passed away? That could be a time to share how you all felt helpless at what happened - but that it was nobody's fault - he took that decision himself. As someone who has been near suicidal at two points in my life - for me - I can honestly say - even with all the love and support around me - it was me who had to find something in life that I wanted to stay for. I didn't think about living to keep other people going - because - you can't live your life totally selflessly, just to keep others happy. People say suicide is 'selfish; and I disagree strongly. We are all built differently and have different life experiences. I still find 'living' a battle and some days a chore despite all the wonders. A huge part of me looks forward to finding a peace I have yet to find in this life. All I can say is - no matter what your other son had said or did, not done or not said - I don't think it would have changed things. I realise suicide is a very sensitive and personal subject, and maybe it is different for everyone - but I hope having an insider's perspective may help take some of that burden off things. I guess him recognising he is struggling is the first step... I'm going to put out there for some inspiration to come yours/his way that will help him move forward. Hugs.

    The last few days I have been grateful for:
    1. My exercise regime and finding a new way
    2. The food in my cupboards and the convenience with which I can access food via stores
    3. The technology and appliances that make living that much easier. A cooker, fridge/freezer and microwave.
    Thursday and today = NSD number 9 and 10
    Friday was a spend day.

    Have a lovely evening folks.
    Last edited by abundant1972; 15-07-2017 at 7:33 PM.
    Repay Car : Phase 2 : £0/£500 by 13/09
    Follow your heart & be true to yourself always
    Help To Buy ISA = £5083.65. EF = £1750/£4500
    NST Dec : NSD=0/16 : Food £0/£100 : Spends £0/£100
    Spiritual Practice =0/31. Exercise Sessions 0/14.
    • lcc86
    • By lcc86 15th Jul 17, 8:36 PM
    • 904 Posts
    • 2,380 Thanks
    lcc86
    Managed to get chores done before worst of the headache/migraine really kicked in, slept for most of the afternoon. Cancelled plans to go out this evening no NSD as had to buy some bits and bobs but all planned (with the exception of painkillers but under the circumstances I think they're allowed!). Hoping it goes by tomorrow in time for riding.

    OH annoyed me a bit earlier. He has some friends who are travelling and they've casually suggested that everyone "pops" to Sydney for Xmas and new year... OH and I are trying to save to go to Oz late next year but his whole attitude was I'm being a downer for not wanting to go... It's halfway round the world and it's the most expensive time of year to go, and we have possible roof repairs and a new oven to pay for... I pay more of the bills as I earn more, but he annoyed me by saying "well where are your savings?". He's lucky I had a banging headache and didn't have the energy to argue!

    Hope everyone has a nice evening
    1/12/14 total £9,140 DFD 30/01/17
    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5124473 - my original DFD

    25/08/17 new total £802 back in debt but determined clear it by February 2018! 17/11/17 - £110 2017 365 day challenge £597 saved for emergency fund
    • FurryBeastOz
    • By FurryBeastOz 15th Jul 17, 8:57 PM
    • 1,097 Posts
    • 14,464 Thanks
    FurryBeastOz
    Yay. NSD finally.
    *** Debt Free***
    NST October 1/18
    Goals - Weight loss 0/13lb from 1st Jul 17
    GC To 1/10/17 £2416.17£3,500, 69.03/74.79% of the year. Had to raise budget
    • thriftylass
    • By thriftylass 15th Jul 17, 9:22 PM
    • 3,093 Posts
    • 25,585 Thanks
    thriftylass
    mothernerd , thank you!!!

    Had a nice day today, run in the morning, grateful for hours of pottering in the garden and happy muddy children (i love when they get dirty and wear no shoes, just a great time like i had as a child) , and now a good book.
    Last edited by thriftylass; 15-07-2017 at 9:25 PM.
    NST Nov 6
    SFD 3/20 spends 401/625 (98/200 xmas)
    Exercise 5/20
    Debt - all 0% 1000 to go from 5290 (80% paid off)
    DFD 2/2018 Mortgage 109343 (04/17) 16 years left
    • mothernerd
    • By mothernerd 16th Jul 17, 9:22 AM
    • 2,158 Posts
    • 22,105 Thanks
    mothernerd
    Joyful July Day Sixteen
    Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things. Elise Boulding
    Building a rainbow of happiness and joy
    NST Nov #9 SFD 9/20 Food £91.50/£100 Travel £2.50/£10 DIY £/£30Debt free and EF January 2016 No mortgage Progress through plodding, baby steps and purposeful pottering
    • f0xh0les
    • By f0xh0les 16th Jul 17, 9:27 AM
    • 1,048 Posts
    • 7,683 Thanks
    f0xh0les

    f0xh0les can you not let them slob for a few days. They have been on a timetable all year and need to unwind. Let them sleep late, sit around in their pjs all day to let them adjust. Don't over organise them, give them some say in holiday plans and remember to leave them some time 'to do their own thing'.
    Originally posted by mothernerd
    Sadly they don't lie in bed. They are all up at 6am and want to do a rotation of DS, computer, xbox and then it results in screaming,fighting and tantrums x 4 then DH starts shouting. They won't make their beds or help out in any way. They can't even put a crisp packet in the bin next to them, it goes straight under the sofa cushion or under the desk. They drive me nuts. It would be quite nice if they lay in on a morning, chilled out in their pjs rather than a dressing gown and a pair of pants () they do have nice comfy pjs, they just won't wear them.

    I have booked us to go away for 4 days next week, and then off to visit housebound 78 yr old in Ireland in Belfast for a week (no internet access ) then it is August and they can slob a bit. I dont think it would be so annoying if they were older and I could happily leave them for an hour or so to get on and do the normal household business.
    But when you have to give them the ultimatum of them either collecting leaves in the park for them to wipe their bums on, or coming to the supermarket to buy loo roll it gets quite stressful.

    I love them to bits but they are utterly lazy and unhelpful.
    MFW May 16 £118,340
    October 17 - £109,495.00
    • mothernerd
    • By mothernerd 16th Jul 17, 10:25 AM
    • 2,158 Posts
    • 22,105 Thanks
    mothernerd
    Well we are half way through the month, how did that happen? If you are struggling, I suggest you take a deep breath and make another fresh start (you fall down, you get up again). Read through the challenge, simplify or alter your goals if you need to and press on.

    My freezer is now empty enough for me to see what I need. There is still food in there but it's mainly cheese spread in the fridge and fish in the freezer and those need to be rationed out (fish is good 2-3 times a week but it's an expensive purchase). Going to make up a healthy meal plan later - made a start on Thursday by getting fruit and raw veg to accompany dips.

    Sorry for absence but I was locked out of the forum last night and could not find the little notebook with the password in. Thought I was going to be stuck with the new format.

    EE we can all have our own 'virtual smallholding' by following your adventures. Thanks for the reminder on not going 'cold turkey' on alcohol - safe with heroin, not with alcohol. Same goes for some prescription tranquilisers (not safe so check don't just stop taking them).

    PlaysNicely I would put your diary on DFW. I know of at least one diarist who regularly questions whether she should be on DFW but I think there are lots of us dotted about, on low incomes and living as best we can through to pension age and beyond.

    I am debt free and was never in a position to get a mortgage (bought this house outright with my savings, borrowing a small amount from my mother and a bank loan - through my father, as the bank preferred to lend to him, although we were both customers) but feel that this is my home.

    I tend to go with the attitude of a friend whose husband was a self-employed window cleaner "We've always been 2 pay packets away from bankruptcy." I am debt free, I intend to remain debt free, but that requires constant vigilance and attention, especially as my health is not great.

    Some parts of the forum I have tried can be 'not so nice'. I feel I have a lot in common with the oldstylers (lovely people generally) but if I am not well it exhausts me just reading about the 6 things they did before breakfast including foraging for berries, distilling their own medicine and knitting their muesli.

    Similarly the planning for early retirement with their investments group (again mostly lovely people). I followed for a while then found myself thinking, "You stupid man, you could afford to retire tomorrow (with a few modest adjustments), instead you will die in harness because you haven't yet accumulated enough to keep running your private yacht/ vintage Rolls Royce. As one contributor remarked, none of them had guaranteed good health and even if they had private insurance to cover their needs they might still not be able to play with their toys any more.

    abundance thanks for your advice and for letting us know your history (hugs). DS2 tried to commit suicide just as he was doing his final exams at university. Luckily one of the other boys who shared the house came back for something and found him. He's okay now but he's the one who I worry about most (I worry about them all in different ways). He has his father's addictive personality, drank far too much when he was younger and gambles occasionally.

    Icc86 (sorry, I've been getting your name wrong, I had the screen a bit closer last night). Huge hugs. I am reluctant to give marital/ partner advice (one marriage was one too many for me) but maybe suggest that him going on this spur of the moment trip will cost the same as both of you doing the planned trip.

    Maybe he's doing that 'lad's thing' (sorry abundant, but as mother to three boys + 2 brothers I know some of the really stupid things they can do - I wasn't thrilled when my brother told them about 'stair surfing', take a door off it's hinges and use it to surf down the stairs. luckily they and their friends only tried using duvets) of 'rebelling about being tied to the apron strings. We know that's not how it is, but well men/boys? Tell him he can go provided he finds the money before he goes, without using current resourses - ie he does overtime, finds a second job, does not use credit or any part of your current income.

    We had to talk a young man we knew (extended family) out of booking a surprise trip abroad to celebrate paying off the roof repairs. He was out of work at the time so would have been using his gf's money to surprise her and she had spent many years trying to get him out of debt (different family approaches). We persuaded him she would much prefer a modest weekend in the Lake District with a few thoughtful touches.

    Hope that helps (and does not offend) and if any other more experienced turtles can add any useful advice/ tactics.

    As I said at the beginning of the challenge, all of you struggling to get OH's on board have my deepest sympathy. You are not alone because the turtles are with you, but you are 'it' for now.

    FBO thanks for your contribution and wise words and NSD .

    Thrifty so glad you had a good day.

    Always remember, a good sense of humour helps (and always being able to see something funny in every situation.
    Building a rainbow of happiness and joy
    NST Nov #9 SFD 9/20 Food £91.50/£100 Travel £2.50/£10 DIY £/£30Debt free and EF January 2016 No mortgage Progress through plodding, baby steps and purposeful pottering
    • mothernerd
    • By mothernerd 16th Jul 17, 10:42 AM
    • 2,158 Posts
    • 22,105 Thanks
    mothernerd
    f0xh0les hugs. I do understand (DS3 is 27 and nothing much has changed, apart from the time of day - student hours, awake most of the night and sleeps in the day). I always did a mega shop before the holidays to avoid having to take them with me (and they each had a rucksack and if they wanted to put it in the trolley, it had to carried home in their rucksack - one of a number of techniques).

    DS2 broke his elbow once. It couldn't be put in plaster and school were wary about him being there. He was off for six weeks. If I took him out shopping we had to walk at snail's pace so as not to jog his arm. If I left him home, he would fret if left for more than 10 minutes - he was only about 8 so strictly speaking, should not have been left alone but sometimes you need bread and other basics and it was before the days of home delivery.

    We gradually acquired several small tv's and had different machines set up in different rooms.

    Sometimes they go out with friends (DS2 used to go round in a pack). If they have been at yours for several days, run the supplies down so that you only have boring food left - they do a ring round and go off to th house where the mum has just returned with a carload of crips, pop and chocolate biscuits.

    The early waking (with no consequent early bedtime) means they are intelligent if that helps. As does the ability and tendency to take apart alarm clocks etc 'to see how they work'.
    Building a rainbow of happiness and joy
    NST Nov #9 SFD 9/20 Food £91.50/£100 Travel £2.50/£10 DIY £/£30Debt free and EF January 2016 No mortgage Progress through plodding, baby steps and purposeful pottering
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 16th Jul 17, 11:10 AM
    • 642 Posts
    • 9,020 Thanks
    Toni'sfriend
    I just want to say a really big thank you to you all. FBO - Thanks for your messages. I'll reply to the last one in a little while. EE - Thanks for the advice on not going cold turkey. He usually goes out with a friend on Wednesday and has just said he will still do that this week but stop drinking at home. I think that is probably a good plan to be going on with.
    • lcc86
    • By lcc86 16th Jul 17, 6:19 PM
    • 904 Posts
    • 2,380 Thanks
    lcc86
    Today should've been a NSD but I bought some tickets to a horsey thing. Other than that no other spends. Been out riding, ended up being quite a long one but really enjoyed it. Been a pretty chilled day, and the migraine from yesterday has definitely downgraded to a headache which is positive!
    1/12/14 total £9,140 DFD 30/01/17
    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5124473 - my original DFD

    25/08/17 new total £802 back in debt but determined clear it by February 2018! 17/11/17 - £110 2017 365 day challenge £597 saved for emergency fund
    • FurryBeastOz
    • By FurryBeastOz 16th Jul 17, 6:40 PM
    • 1,097 Posts
    • 14,464 Thanks
    FurryBeastOz
    Grrr. Best laid plans.

    My new job is in the city centre where there is a branch of my gym. I went in to check it out on Thursday and you pay £10 to hire a locker to leave kit in. Duly planned my week of gym trips and packed gym kit/work kit/protein shakes etc so that I could drop it off. Plan was to park, run/walk the 2 miles into town. Go to gym, get dressed and start at 10.

    Went in this morning - we don't have any lockers available.

    So, 0700 tomorrow drop off kit, drive out of town to park, run in etc. Then after work, change at gym, get the bus out with all my kit. I don't know what facilities there are at work so I may be able to leave some stuff later in the week.

    Just GRRRRRRR.

    Meal planning tonight, and prepping for the week. DH had a lovely weekend away with the army. He hasn't had a shower since Friday despite hill runs - he's off there now!
    *** Debt Free***
    NST October 1/18
    Goals - Weight loss 0/13lb from 1st Jul 17
    GC To 1/10/17 £2416.17£3,500, 69.03/74.79% of the year. Had to raise budget
    • apple muncher
    • By apple muncher 16th Jul 17, 7:38 PM
    • 6,550 Posts
    • 47,915 Thanks
    apple muncher
    Today I am so grateful that dd has been able to move classes, and that she has much more energy now that she doesn't have to expend it on anxiety. I am also grateful for a friend who will paint mum's house for us over the summer, for getting a seat on all my trains today, for moving up to shred level 2, for spotting a parakeet this morning, for big sis and I being 'of one mind' with clearing mum's house, for finding an old small ready meal in the freezer (as I only arrived after all the shops here had shut), for trying to live in the moment and enjoy it, for mothernerd's great quotes.
    NST November #; NSD 13/17; Ex 9/12; craft 19/30 (247); remove 601
    2017 MFW#63 Pay off: £3484/£4050; 2
    017 sell 174

    Mortgage £23,486 (01/14: £78,201; 01/15: £59,629; 01/16: 39,915; 01/17: 27,295) MFWDate Dec 2018
    • PlaysNicely
    • By PlaysNicely 16th Jul 17, 11:03 PM
    • 77 Posts
    • 449 Thanks
    PlaysNicely



    Evening all! Cheeky update ...

    1) NSD - not achieved today, despite snaffling free parking for work! After a restless and itchy night's sleep yesterday, turns out I'm riddled with insect bites following twilight owl walk last night, so had to go into B00ts on way to work & see pharmacist who piled me up with antihistamines & instructions to see GP if one of them carries on swelling ... lots of strange bites around at the moment apparently! So NSDs still 9 / 16.

    2) Frugal food shopping: previous week's target met so this week's £35 budget started anew - No additional spends yet. Mushroom risotto & stir fry spring greens for dinner, followed by rest of ice cream desserts from Friday night.

    3) Try to up my own income in some way (legally of course)! Achieved with new weekend job - all went well today & have been offered extra days when others are on holiday over next month.

    4) My NST health goal: 10,000 steps a day (as total of 70,000 across a week)!
    Total after extra twilight walk yesterday, 24,313.
    Today 8,762, not quite the 10 but happy with this.
    Total so far this week 33,075 / 70,000,

    5) No FleaBay shopping for the whole month - achieved today so 15 / 31 achieved, 1 breadbin shaped glitch!

    6) Frugal focus: sourcing instead of spending: busy day, nothing else achieved yet as yesterday & today so busy ... remaining work in progress ...
    * Valance in progress - one panel hemmed, still needs sewing to base
    * Doggy glove puppet in progress. ... just 1 1/2 ears and sewing up

    Simple pleasures:

    Lovely chats with gallery customers.
    Good walk this evening.
    Antihistamines kicking in!
    Last night's owl walk resulted in seeing barn owl & two tawny owls, but too dark for photos!

    Mothernerd, thanks so much for your comments re:diary, your experiences of the pensions threads sound similar to mine, some great people but their situations and priorities seem very different to our own! Will really consider being over here, I think! Thanks again.

    Applemuncher, your parakeet comment made me smile: when we were walking the dogs around 7 we were convinced we could hear a Little owl hooting. Turns out someone on the nearby campsite has their parrot with them and it mimics all the birds it hears, been driving the local Twitchers mad apparently!

    Hugs to all who need them & hope everyone has a good week to come! PNx
    Last edited by PlaysNicely; 16-07-2017 at 11:05 PM.
    £1000 Emergency fund challenge #236 - £147 / £1000 365 day penny challenge - £142.00 / £667.95 30 Fridays savings pot = £ 105 / £465
    NST July #23 - trying to build up EF & savings (as above)
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