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    • By ANNIEHAHA 17th Jun 17, 9:05 AM
    • 451Posts
    • 103Thanks
    Help & advice appreciated on will, properies in husbands name, son from previous rela
    • #1
    • 17th Jun 17, 9:05 AM
    Help & advice appreciated on will, properies in husbands name, son from previous rela 17th Jun 17 at 9:05 AM

    My husband and I do not agree in how the will should be written out. I would appreciate your opinions, here are the facts.

    Husband has 21 year old son from previous relationship, lives with mum 2 hours away.
    We have 2 children aged 17 & 16

    When we met in 1999 husband had a work unit, flat (rented out) and his house, we moved in 2003 and reduced mortgage to £20/25,000

    I was a stay at home mum and we lived on a low income, our income came from the flat and work unit being rented out (around £9000 p/a) topped up by tax credit.

    In 2008 I went back to work and was earning £9,000 p/a

    In 2016 I moved jobs and now bring home £10,000 per year, plus car allowance of £183 p/month. If I go full time (which I hope to) I will earn £20,000 and have a company car.

    Husband is self employed and works as and when, can be long periods of no work and then lots of it.

    My question is how would you write the Will? It's a bone of contention atm as I feel I have been contributing and will continue to us to do so in the future.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this and feedback ��
    Last edited by ANNIEHAHA; 17-06-2017 at 9:28 AM.
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    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 19th Jun 17, 10:07 AM
    • 35,872 Posts
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    I receive rentall ncome until step son is 30, then all 3 properties are valued and split 3 ways and step son given a third. I would then lose the rental income.
    That excludes you completely!

    What happens if one third of the total is more than the other property and means you need to sell.

    I don't see why you should be losing your home just because your husband has a child from a previous relationship.
    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 19th Jun 17, 12:23 PM
    • 3,460 Posts
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    paddy's mum
    I think it's time your husband went to a good solicitor, of his own choosing, for advice on what he can actually do!

    It wouldn't take a competent solicitor more than a very few minutes to point out that what your husband proposes (nay, insists!) on doing is both unfair and very easily overturned by the courts, whether that be upon a divorce or upon a death, where the spouse is to be left insufficiently provided for.

    My personal opinion is that your husband is displaying a very Victorian attitude (what's yours is mine too because we are married but my own remains my own!)

    In your shoes, and I have been there, I would be making it very clear that I choose not to continue in a state of warfare but that from that day on, my money goes into a bank account in my sole name to provide savings, a nest egg and possibly pension provision somewhere down the line.

    The fact that you have not been a major "financial contributor" means nothing given the promises made upon marriage - all that I have I share with you etc. He cannot have it both ways - that you have borne him two children, raised them, run the home, now earning and putting all that into the kitty but still have nothing that is your own, without having to go to law for it.

    I'm afraid, too, that my faith in his integrity would have been severely shaken and you may wish, in light of that, to start salting a bit of a safety net away so that if push came to shove, you would have something of your own to lean on.

    Good luck.
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 19th Jun 17, 12:38 PM
    • 680 Posts
    • 666 Thanks

    In your shoes, and I have been there, I would be making it very clear that I choose not to continue in a state of warfare but that from that day on, my money goes into a bank account in my sole name to provide savings, a nest egg and possibly pension provision somewhere down the line.

    I'm afraid, too, that my faith in his integrity would have been severely shaken and you may wish, in light of that, to start salting a bit of a safety net away so that if push came to shove, you would have something of your own to lean on.

    Good luck.
    Originally posted by paddy's mum
    I agree. No savings, no insurance & no pensions & not even being left the properties & rent. The odds are you will outlive him by 20 years. Will you be able to live on £159/week state pension & maintain the property. Or does he expect your children to take money away from their own children to keep you. You should be contributing around 20% of your income to a pension to even stand a chance of catching up.
    • Brighty
    • By Brighty 19th Jun 17, 12:45 PM
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    • 346 Thanks
    I can understand your husbands concern, if he went first and left everything to you, you could then die intestate or with a will leaving everything to your 2 children, cutting out the step son completely. The fair thing to do is a 3 way split, but how to then look after you.
    Best way to do it would be for him to leave everything to the 3 children, but giving you a life interest, to continue living in the house and receive rental income until you die or remarry (that does though have IHT and capital gains tax implication that would need to be understood), only issue there is that step son has to wait till you pop your clogs to get his share, rather than at 30
    Alternatively, he could leave everything to you, making best use of IHT nil rates. You then make a will leaving everything to the 3 children. Risk there is you could rip up your will or make a new one, cutting the step son out
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 19th Jun 17, 1:26 PM
    • 28,213 Posts
    • 71,777 Thanks
    My husband is 16 years older than me, I'm 40.

    The property we live in is left to me through the will.

    I receive rental income until step son is 30, then all 3 properties are valued and split 3 ways and step son given a third. I would then lose the rental income.
    Originally posted by ANNIEHAHA
    So, if his son is already 30 by the time his father dies, the properties will have to be sold immediately - won't that leave you in a difficult position?
    • Keep pedalling
    • By Keep pedalling 19th Jun 17, 4:46 PM
    • 3,571 Posts
    • 3,844 Thanks
    Keep pedalling
    I understand divorce would give my half but this is not a rotue i am considering.

    I appreciate all your views and opinions. Was curious to know how others view this scenario.

    My husband had these properties before we met, I believe he views it as I did not contribute at the beginning and by moving to the country the mortgage was reduced by £100,000. Therefore I have not been a big contributor financially.

    My argument is I have worked since 2008 and will continue to do so and contribute to the house inprovements (my dad completed a wonderful drive for us) and lifestyle so I should be recognised.

    I'm not asking for a property or 50% in fact I don't really know what I am asking for. Just recognition I guess... but he always comes back to his first som having a third, which is his perogative I understand that.
    Originally posted by ANNIEHAHA
    By that argument his children have continued even less. Sorry but I find his attitude towards your worth appalling. I can understand him wanting to be fair to his oldest son, but considering the assets he owns that should be easy to do and still be fair to you.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 19th Jun 17, 4:57 PM
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    Since you asked "how would you write the Will" - ideally I would leave one third to your step son and the other two-thirds to you. There is then a risk that you meet a young stud named Pedro and rewrite your Will to name him as your sole beneficiary, which leaves children B and C with nothing while A has had his share. But that risk can be mitigated by being as generous as possible to all our kids while I am still alive, so that if you do run off with Pedro they won't have been too hard done by.

    Equally, there is no reason why it should be unfair that A gets his share on my death while B and C have to wait for yours as you can gift any surplus funds to B and C after I am gone. Indeed it would likely be more tax-efficient, and much more satisfying, than hanging on to them and leaving them in the estate.

    There are any number of reasons why this might not be desirable or practical and I've assumed that A isn't going to be inheriting anything from his mother. I'm just illustrating that it doesn't have to be complicated.

    To me this sounds like more of a marriage counselling issue than an Inheritance one. If your husband values your contribution to the marriage so little that he doesn't put any value on ensuring you are provided for when he is gone, then you have a much bigger problem than inheritance.

    I understand women should be able to provide for themselves
    You were providing for yourself. People who stay at home so that their spouse can earn more money or they can spend it on food rather than childcare are providing for themselves. Marriage is a joint enterprise. How much you "contributed" is a red herring this far in.
    Last edited by Malthusian; 26-06-2017 at 9:14 AM.
    • Smiley Lady
    • By Smiley Lady 24th Jun 17, 11:27 PM
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    • 9 Thanks
    Smiley Lady
    It sounds as though your husband is not acknowledging that you have maintained him financially many times throughout your marriage? How very hurtful for you! Why are you not inheriting a 1/4 of his estate if he dies before you? How are you supposed to maintain his 2 children by you? Would their inheritance not be in trust for them - if so, you could not use for the cost of their upbringing? What a horrible situation you are in. Your earnings give you a better lifestyle than if you did not work in paid employment. He is not acknowledging that he also benefits. I have been in a similar situation. Good luck and I hope a solution is found that you are happy with. Xx
    • By ANNIEHAHA 25th Jun 17, 3:17 PM
    • 451 Posts
    • 103 Thanks
    Family home is left in my name, but classed as part of the thirds for our 2 children. Solicitor advised about leaving me with rental income for some time in order to maintain property and pay bills. If I needed to downsize I can, it is not in trust. However if I move to release money I'm effectively spending our children's inheritance.

    Thanks for all your replies, nice to know I am not being greedy or unfair in what I am asking.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 25th Jun 17, 3:48 PM
    • 28,213 Posts
    • 71,777 Thanks
    Family home is left in my name, but classed as part of the thirds for our 2 children.
    Originally posted by ANNIEHAHA
    So, if you have to sell the family home to finance a long stay in residential care, two of his sons won't inherit anything?

    You husband really hasn't thought all this through.
    • Linton
    • By Linton 25th Jun 17, 4:09 PM
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    I suggest you have two separate problems to resolve:

    1) What end result are you both trying to achieve for each of the various scenarios regarding the deaths of the people concerned?

    2) How do you write your wills to achieve this?

    Until you can agree on (1) there is no point in trying to sort out (2). So forget about the wills, try writing down all the possible scenarios of people dying and then agree on who should get what in those circumstances.
    • Sambella
    • By Sambella 25th Jun 17, 6:58 PM
    • 329 Posts
    • 307 Thanks
    What I would consider f I was your husband is that upon his death his son from previous relationship gets the flat. You get the family home and the work unit.

    You also start make your own pension provision from now.

    The reason I say this as you can then cut ties with the son afterwards if neither of you would be inclined to keep in touch after your husbands death and he then doesn't have to wait for you to die to release his inheritance.

    So rather then having the kids all have a third he simply ensures his first son has a place of his own to do with as he wishes and you have everything else which would perhaps reflect your contribution. These assets would grow in value over the years and can then be passed on to your two children.

    Presumably the house is worth a fair bit more than the flat and some rental income would also come from the work unit.

    Just throwing this into the mix to broaden out the possible options.
    • sleepymans
    • By sleepymans 25th Jun 17, 7:06 PM
    • 604 Posts
    • 891 Thanks
    Get a full time job and keep all your own money and make your own will.
    • Kynthia
    • By Kynthia 29th Jun 17, 9:13 PM
    • 4,963 Posts
    • 6,935 Thanks
    The fact your husband wants to leave all his three children the same is fine with me and something I agree with. However I have a massive problem with how he's treating you. You should own half of everything as this is a long term marriage where you have both contributed whatever was needed (money, childcare, housework, emotional support, helping care for relations, etc).

    If you owned half now, not waiting to inherit any of it after his death, then he could leave his half to his 3 children, you would be financially healthy once he's gone, and tgen you coukd leave your half to whoever you wanted although I'm guessing you'd leave it to your two children. Your husband's first child will have less than your children when you are both gone but he'll know his dad treated him the same and he'll also probably inherit from his mum.

    Your husband not valuing you, not financially looking after you in the event if his death, and leaving you with less than if you divorced him is disgusting and not what I'd expect from someone I considered my partner and love of my life. You should have half the assets in your name now, and if that doesn't happen you need to consider prioritising yourself over the household and start putting money away, taking out life insurance on him with you as the beneficiary, etc.
    Don't listen to me, I'm no expert!
    • honeyend
    • By honeyend 14th Jul 17, 8:25 PM
    • 6 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    I have been the 'other child' and I have made great pains to make sure that my children is not in that situation.
    Never assume which spouse will die before the other and plan as if you are going to die tomorrow.

    As I understand it you inherited your home and it is your main asset. If you have not done so get will written as soon as possible and do what is legally possible to make sure your two children inherit as much as possible. All your insurance policies, pensions what ever you have, and do not tell your husband.
    He could contest it but as you are entitled to half of his assets if you divorce he is entitled to your on your death, in writing a will , will make your wishes plain right from the start and what ever happens your half will go to your children. Put your money in your own bank account and start putting a line in the sand, pleasantly.
    When you are ready I would then tackle the other bit.

    I love my husband very much, and we have worked as a team for nearly 40 years. He has always earned more than me and when he came up to retirement his pension suddenly became his although we had both decided to cash in my pension 35 years ago to invest in a house. I have always worked and looked after our children and he had not done any washing, child care for all our marriage. My work fitted in with him.
    I threatened to divorce him and I would have done to get control of assets, we all get old and we all have to eat. I would only have a state pension where as he gets more than some people earn in a good job.
    He soon realised I could live on half his pension, but he could not. So now we agree.
    Our wills are made, we are tenants in common and a trust is made for the benefit of our daughters. He can do what he like with his half when I am gone but my children will get my half, and no one else's.
    I am going to upset some men now.
    Men of a certain age and some solicitors have a very traditional view of what a women is, does, and should expect. So you have to be very clear what you want and do not be deterred. Even though I expressed that I wanted my children to be the beneficiaries of my estate the assumption was it should go to my husband. Both our wills were written at the same time, and there is a letter explaining this and both our daughters have copies of the wills.
    I suppose there could be some wiggle room but he would look an a*se.
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