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  • FIRST POST
    • ANNIEHAHA
    • By ANNIEHAHA 17th Jun 17, 9:05 AM
    • 451Posts
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    ANNIEHAHA
    Help & advice appreciated on will, properies in husbands name, son from previous rela
    • #1
    • 17th Jun 17, 9:05 AM
    Help & advice appreciated on will, properies in husbands name, son from previous rela 17th Jun 17 at 9:05 AM
    Hello,

    My husband and I do not agree in how the will should be written out. I would appreciate your opinions, here are the facts.

    Husband has 21 year old son from previous relationship, lives with mum 2 hours away.
    We have 2 children aged 17 & 16

    When we met in 1999 husband had a work unit, flat (rented out) and his house, we moved in 2003 and reduced mortgage to £20/25,000

    I was a stay at home mum and we lived on a low income, our income came from the flat and work unit being rented out (around £9000 p/a) topped up by tax credit.

    In 2008 I went back to work and was earning £9,000 p/a

    In 2016 I moved jobs and now bring home £10,000 per year, plus car allowance of £183 p/month. If I go full time (which I hope to) I will earn £20,000 and have a company car.

    Husband is self employed and works as and when, can be long periods of no work and then lots of it.

    My question is how would you write the Will? It's a bone of contention atm as I feel I have been contributing and will continue to us to do so in the future.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this and feedback ��
    Last edited by ANNIEHAHA; 17-06-2017 at 9:28 AM.
Page 1
    • ANNIEHAHA
    • By ANNIEHAHA 17th Jun 17, 9:22 AM
    • 451 Posts
    • 103 Thanks
    ANNIEHAHA
    • #2
    • 17th Jun 17, 9:22 AM
    • #2
    • 17th Jun 17, 9:22 AM
    Husband wants to split all properties 3 ways. Children get a third each.

    Our bungalow goes into my name and this gets passed to our 2 children as part of their thirds when I die.

    I continue to receive rental income from work unit and flat (around £9000 per annum) until his first son is 30 years old then properties will have to be sold to give his third.

    My argument is although he had everything when we met, I have and will continue to contribute to the household.

    Husband does not agree and it feels his only concern is his first son receiving a third. Making me feel my contribution is not relevant.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 17th Jun 17, 9:26 AM
    • 5,403 Posts
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    thorsoak
    • #3
    • 17th Jun 17, 9:26 AM
    • #3
    • 17th Jun 17, 9:26 AM
    You do not have to have mirror wills. What is yours, you can will in whatever way you wish. And what is there to say that he will die before you?
    • ANNIEHAHA
    • By ANNIEHAHA 17th Jun 17, 9:34 AM
    • 451 Posts
    • 103 Thanks
    ANNIEHAHA
    • #4
    • 17th Jun 17, 9:34 AM
    • #4
    • 17th Jun 17, 9:34 AM
    We can't have mirror wills as I am not named on or own any properties.
    although I understand he may not go before me, my sister was widowed at 33 so I am aware it happens.
    I would like to see what people think of how they may complete this and outside opinions would not be one sided
    • comeandgo
    • By comeandgo 17th Jun 17, 9:39 AM
    • 1,666 Posts
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    comeandgo
    • #5
    • 17th Jun 17, 9:39 AM
    • #5
    • 17th Jun 17, 9:39 AM
    I would agree with your husband, everything divided between the three children.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 17th Jun 17, 10:19 AM
    • 27,804 Posts
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    Mojisola
    • #6
    • 17th Jun 17, 10:19 AM
    • #6
    • 17th Jun 17, 10:19 AM
    We can't have mirror wills as I am not named on or own any properties.
    Originally posted by ANNIEHAHA
    Why not?

    You've been married so long that everything would be joint if you divorced.

    After such a long relationship, it's not usual to count up how much money each of you has brought earned over the years and try to divide it up.

    I can understand him wanting to make sure his son didn't get left out if your OH died first but not sharing the ownership of at least the home you live in is strange.
    • ANNIEHAHA
    • By ANNIEHAHA 17th Jun 17, 11:25 AM
    • 451 Posts
    • 103 Thanks
    ANNIEHAHA
    • #7
    • 17th Jun 17, 11:25 AM
    • #7
    • 17th Jun 17, 11:25 AM
    Everything is in his name. His will is set out as above. Completed after we married in 2005.

    How can we have mirror wills if i don't own anything?

    He really does not understand what I am saying about contributing and always brings it back to his first son getting a third of everything. He believes this is this fairest way, obviously i disagree. (At present we have a mortgage of about £11,000 on property we live in and £56,000 interest only on flat rented.

    Although divorce would split things differently it is not a root I want to take lol
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 17th Jun 17, 12:14 PM
    • 27,804 Posts
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    Mojisola
    • #8
    • 17th Jun 17, 12:14 PM
    • #8
    • 17th Jun 17, 12:14 PM
    He really does not understand what I am saying about contributing and always brings it back to his first son getting a third of everything.

    He believes this is this fairest way, obviously i disagree.

    Although divorce would split things differently it is not a root I want to take lol
    Originally posted by ANNIEHAHA
    Why do you disagree with his son having an equal share of the estate?

    It's possible that he doesn't want to share the ownership of the properties because he worried that, if he died first, you would cut his son out of any inheritance.

    If you were to become 'tenants in common' on the properties, you could each leave your share to the children and not the spouse (with a life interest so that the survivor can stay in the family home).

    I wasn't suggesting that you divorced (!) - just pointing out that the law doesn't take into account who earned what during a marriage - the marital assets are considered joint.
    • ANNIEHAHA
    • By ANNIEHAHA 17th Jun 17, 1:07 PM
    • 451 Posts
    • 103 Thanks
    ANNIEHAHA
    • #9
    • 17th Jun 17, 1:07 PM
    • #9
    • 17th Jun 17, 1:07 PM
    I don't disagree with his son having a share of the estate. I disagree with not being acknowledge in the will. Our children's share is given to them through me.

    He would not add me to the mortgage I know he wouldn't which makes the will more of an issue to me anyway.

    I didn't mean to offend over the divorce comment- it's just that only in a divorce is it seen that way and I am not asking to be given half off everything.

    Thank-you for commenting in this I appreciate your comments
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 17th Jun 17, 4:29 PM
    • 35,476 Posts
    • 149,658 Thanks
    silvercar
    If you were to become 'tenants in common' on the properties, you could each leave your share to the children and not the spouse (with a life interest so that the survivor can stay in the family home).
    I agree with this.

    I don't see why you should have to sell up to give the son his one third share, so depriving you and your children of their home.

    Worth pointing out that the son also inherits from his own mother at some point.
    • Keep pedalling
    • By Keep pedalling 17th Jun 17, 4:35 PM
    • 3,260 Posts
    • 3,468 Thanks
    Keep pedalling
    Rum sort of marrage where one holds on to everything, and plans to leave nothing to their wife if they die first.

    Seems he has sufficient assets to leave a third of his estate to his oldest child without touching the family home, if that is the case why is he not leaving the rest to you?
    Last edited by Keep pedalling; 17-06-2017 at 4:38 PM.
    • Keep pedalling
    • By Keep pedalling 17th Jun 17, 4:39 PM
    • 3,260 Posts
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    Keep pedalling
    Has he considererd the tax implications in leaving nothing to you?
    • antrobus
    • By antrobus 17th Jun 17, 7:17 PM
    • 14,903 Posts
    • 21,108 Thanks
    antrobus
    ..My husband and I do not agree in how the will should be written out. I would appreciate your opinions, ...
    Originally posted by ANNIEHAHA
    There is no need for any agreement. Your husband can do what he likes with his will, and you can do what you like with yours. When one of you kicks the bucket, the other can (if they wish) challenge the will on certain grounds, such as the failure to make a ‘reasonable financial provision'.

    Bear in mind that, if your husband wanted to be super clever, he could execute a will stipulating exactly what you wanted, hand it to you for safe keeping, and thus keep you happy, and then pop off in secret to see a solicitor and execute another one stipulating exactly what he wanted, leaving you in possession of useless piece of paper.
    • Keep pedalling
    • By Keep pedalling 17th Jun 17, 7:43 PM
    • 3,260 Posts
    • 3,468 Thanks
    Keep pedalling
    There is no need for any agreement. Your husband can do what he likes with his will, and you can do what you like with yours. When one of you kicks the bucket, the other can (if they wish) challenge the will on certain grounds, such as the failure to make a ‘reasonable financial provision'.

    Bear in mind that, if your husband wanted to be super clever, he could execute a will stipulating exactly what you wanted, hand it to you for safe keeping, and thus keep you happy, and then pop off in secret to see a solicitor and execute another one stipulating exactly what he wanted, leaving you in possession of useless piece of paper.
    Originally posted by antrobus
    On the other hand, the OP could be just as clever and divorce him. He seems to think so little of her, that not only does he refuse to share any of his wealth when he is alive, he is not even prepared to leave her a penny on his death. If she wants control of her own finances after he has gone, it seems the only way to get that is to take 50% of the assets now.
    • Aced2016
    • By Aced2016 17th Jun 17, 7:52 PM
    • 227 Posts
    • 407 Thanks
    Aced2016
    I think your husband is being fair ! The boys left with a third each. You will have your house fully paid. Does he have life insurance you would also receive that !

    You will be mortgage free and have your own income and his life insurance, so what's the issue ?

    I think the issue is maybe more the son getting left, ask yourself this if he had the exact same plan but instead it wasn't a 1/3 it was 50/50 between your boys. I don't think you'd have a problem with that.

    And people saying if you divorce him etc I truly hope that's a joke. Why is money so important to people that they let it rule them like this.

    Get yourself a savings account, set up your pension plans. Sort yourself out !

    I'm sorry I just think so many women are far too dependant on men and their income. We are big girls who are capable of sorting things out for ourselves !
    • Keep pedalling
    • By Keep pedalling 17th Jun 17, 8:40 PM
    • 3,260 Posts
    • 3,468 Thanks
    Keep pedalling
    I think your husband is being fair ! The boys left with a third each. You will have your house fully paid. Does he have life insurance you would also receive that !

    You will be mortgage free and have your own income and his life insurance, so what's the issue ?

    I think the issue is maybe more the son getting left, ask yourself this if he had the exact same plan but instead it wasn't a 1/3 it was 50/50 between your boys. I don't think you'd have a problem with that.

    And people saying if you divorce him etc I truly hope that's a joke. Why is money so important to people that they let it rule them like this.

    Get yourself a savings account, set up your pension plans. Sort yourself out !

    I'm sorry I just think so many women are far too dependant on men and their income. We are big girls who are capable of sorting things out for ourselves !
    Originally posted by Aced2016
    What I was saying was not a joke, and it is not just about money but about trust, fairness and leaving a loved one some control after you have gone. it is not the OP who has the money issue but her control freak husband. Marrage, especially a long one with children, is supposed to be an equal partnership, this one is anything but equal.

    The OP may not be a big earner, but like my wife she has spent a good part of her life raising 2 children rather than pursuing high paid jobs, that is not dependency but a fair share of responsabilities, and it is very hard to catch up financially after doing that.

    Hopefully the OP will be able to convince her husband, that not only what he is proposing is not fair but also hurtful, but if not it would be a deal breaker for me if I was in her shoes.
    • cte1111
    • By cte1111 17th Jun 17, 9:12 PM
    • 7,093 Posts
    • 370,337 Thanks
    cte1111
    Is your house being left to you absolutely, with the understanding (but no legal obligation) that you would pass it eventually to your children? If so, then I think it seems reasonably fair.

    If the house is only being left to you 'in trust', then I would not be happy personally, as this means you could be stuck in an unsuitable property.

    I think the main point of the assets of your marriage should be to maintain yourself and your husband for the rest of your lives, in whatever way is necessary in the future. To me, this would mean having everything in joint names and leaving each other pretty much everything, with perhaps a tokenish gift to your children.

    Have you or your husbands got any other assets, e.g. pension, life insurance, savings, etc? If so, what would be the impact if either of you were to die. Future financial planning is not just about agreeing on a will.

    How much older are you than your stepson? If you would be financially dependent on the income from the second property, how does your husband think you should manage without it when your stepson reaches 30?
    • ANNIEHAHA
    • By ANNIEHAHA 19th Jun 17, 8:26 AM
    • 451 Posts
    • 103 Thanks
    ANNIEHAHA
    My husband is 16 years older than me, I'm 40.
    I was 18 when his son was born (hadn't met husband then)
    Our children were born when I was 22 and 23

    The property we live in is left to me through the will. My husband is trusting me to pass this on to our 2 children when I die.

    I receive rentall ncome until step son is 30, then all 3 properties are valued and split 3 ways and step son given a third. I would then lose the rental income. Anything leftover except for the family home we live in I guess our children inherit. I can move if i needed to but I am aware this is our children's inheritance I am effectively living in so it's not for me to spend (that's how i see it).

    There are no life insurances or pensions or other assets. The properties are everything.

    I understand women should be able to provide for themselves but all my income goes into our joint account to live on therefore there is no extra for me to save, there may be if i go full time but that would take away a more comfortable life we could have enjoying holidays etc...
    Last edited by ANNIEHAHA; 19-06-2017 at 8:45 AM.
    • ANNIEHAHA
    • By ANNIEHAHA 19th Jun 17, 8:34 AM
    • 451 Posts
    • 103 Thanks
    ANNIEHAHA
    I understand divorce would give my half but this is not a rotue i am considering.

    I appreciate all your views and opinions. Was curious to know how others view this scenario.

    My husband had these properties before we met, I believe he views it as I did not contribute at the beginning and by moving to the country the mortgage was reduced by £100,000. Therefore I have not been a big contributor financially.

    My argument is I have worked since 2008 and will continue to do so and contribute to the house inprovements (my dad completed a wonderful drive for us) and lifestyle so I should be recognised.

    I'm not asking for a property or 50% in fact I don't really know what I am asking for. Just recognition I guess... but he always comes back to his first som having a third, which is his perogative I understand that.
    Last edited by ANNIEHAHA; 19-06-2017 at 8:40 AM.
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 19th Jun 17, 9:04 AM
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    Yorkshireman99
    You really need to sort it out between each other. Tax can make a big difference so it would be worth getting professional advice as to how he can achieve what he wants and also,provide for you as well as maximising the tax advantages. It really should be a win win situation if he will agree.
    Last edited by Yorkshireman99; 19-06-2017 at 10:56 AM.
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