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    • kellbanks
    • By kellbanks 16th Jun 17, 10:39 AM
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    kellbanks
    Teaching assistant wouldn't let daughter go to the toilet
    • #1
    • 16th Jun 17, 10:39 AM
    Teaching assistant wouldn't let daughter go to the toilet 16th Jun 17 at 10:39 AM
    Hi, just after a bit of advice.

    My daughter 6 year 2, says that the TA took the class yesterday and that 5 minutes after lunch she needed a wee. She said she asked and was told no and that she should have gone at lunch. The TA made her wait all afternoon despite asking 3 more times and explaining that holding her wee was giving her stomach ache. My little girl said she was bouncing up and down and had to keep her legs crossed. They don't have an afternoon break so she had to hold on for 2 hours.

    Should I speak to her regular teacher
    Last edited by kellbanks; 16-06-2017 at 11:56 AM.
Page 1
    • GwylimT
    • By GwylimT 16th Jun 17, 10:41 AM
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    GwylimT
    • #2
    • 16th Jun 17, 10:41 AM
    • #2
    • 16th Jun 17, 10:41 AM
    Yes, so the teacher along with you can ensure your daughter is well aware of when to use the toilet.
    • Clowns and Jugglers
    • By Clowns and Jugglers 16th Jun 17, 10:44 AM
    • 55 Posts
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    Clowns and Jugglers
    • #3
    • 16th Jun 17, 10:44 AM
    • #3
    • 16th Jun 17, 10:44 AM
    Hi, just after a bit of advice.

    My daughter 6 year 2, says that the TA took the class yesterday and that 5 minutes after lunch she needed a wee. She said she asked and was told no and that she should have gone at lunch. The TA made her wait all afternoon despite asking 3 more times and explaining that holding her wee was giving her stomach. My little girl said she was bouncing up and down and had to keep her legs crossed. They don't have an afternoon break so she had to hold on for 2 hours.

    Should I speak to her regular teacher
    Originally posted by kellbanks
    Yes.

    No-one's natural functions need to be policed in such a draconian way, let alone a small child's.
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 16th Jun 17, 10:47 AM
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    Guest101
    • #4
    • 16th Jun 17, 10:47 AM
    • #4
    • 16th Jun 17, 10:47 AM
    It depends:


    1: there's obviously the school policy to consider
    &
    2: there may be a good reason why she wasn't allowed


    So you should ask for more detail (kids tend to exaggerate...)
    • kellbanks
    • By kellbanks 16th Jun 17, 11:16 AM
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    kellbanks
    • #5
    • 16th Jun 17, 11:16 AM
    • #5
    • 16th Jun 17, 11:16 AM
    They have an inset day today, so I have just asked her whether her normal teacher usually lets them go, and she said yes. She also said the TA refused a boy the loo in the morning too.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 16th Jun 17, 11:29 AM
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    Mojisola
    • #6
    • 16th Jun 17, 11:29 AM
    • #6
    • 16th Jun 17, 11:29 AM
    My daughter 6 year 2, says that the TA took the class yesterday and that 5 minutes after lunch she needed a wee.

    She said she asked and was told no and that she should have gone at lunch.

    They don't have an afternoon break so she had to hold on for 2 hours.
    Originally posted by kellbanks
    They have an inset day today, so I have just asked her whether her normal teacher usually lets them go, and she said yes. She also said the TA refused a boy the loo in the morning too.
    Originally posted by kellbanks
    I would suggest to your daughter that she goes to the loo at the end of lunchbreak whether she thinks she needs to or not.

    I would also have a word with the class teacher. It isn't acceptable - or necessary - to stop children going to the loo.

    It might be that the TA isn't confident of her authority in the class and copes with that by being too strict.

    Is the TA often in charge of the class for a whole day?
    • kellbanks
    • By kellbanks 16th Jun 17, 11:39 AM
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    kellbanks
    • #7
    • 16th Jun 17, 11:39 AM
    • #7
    • 16th Jun 17, 11:39 AM
    No she is not in charge for the whole usually this was just a one-off
    I agree that she should use break times to go toilet but she is only 6
    Also the loos are right next door to the classroom so it would not have taken long for her to quickly have a wee, just thought It was too long for her to made to wait especially if as she says she was bouncing up and down in chair, as I assume the TA would have seen this.
    • tom9980
    • By tom9980 16th Jun 17, 11:48 AM
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    tom9980
    • #8
    • 16th Jun 17, 11:48 AM
    • #8
    • 16th Jun 17, 11:48 AM
    Hi, just after a bit of advice.

    My daughter 6 year 2, says that the TA took the class yesterday and that 5 minutes after lunch she needed a wee. She said she asked and was told no and that she should have gone at lunch. The TA made her wait all afternoon despite asking 3 more times and explaining that holding her wee was giving her stomach. My little girl said she was bouncing up and down and had to keep her legs crossed. They don't have an afternoon break so she had to hold on for 2 hours.

    Should I speak to her regular teacher
    Originally posted by kellbanks
    Well its clear she should learn to go during break times, that is a message you need to reinforce and show support to the teaching staff. Do not tell your daughter that you will speak to the school about this chances are it will undermine the staff at the school and in the long run that will be bad for your child.

    Without your child's knowledge i would then find out more about this from the school, she could be exaggerating she didn't wet herself it seems? and children of this age regularly tell fibs or don't understand the circumstances fully.

    My wife would have refused in the first instance but observed the child and allowed them to go after a short period of time, no child should have to wait 2 hours if they are bursting.
    “In order to change, we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
    • custardy
    • By custardy 16th Jun 17, 11:50 AM
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    custardy
    • #9
    • 16th Jun 17, 11:50 AM
    • #9
    • 16th Jun 17, 11:50 AM
    Well its clear she should learn to go during break times, that is a message you need to reinforce and show support to the teaching staff. Do not tell your daughter that you will speak to the school about this chances are it will undermine the staff at the school and in the long run that will be bad for your child.

    Without your child's knowledge i would then find out more about this from the school, she could be exaggerating she didn't wet herself it seems? and children of this age regularly tell fibs or don't understand the circumstances fully.

    My wife would have refused in the first instance but observed the child and allowed them to go after a short period of time, no child should have to wait 2 hours if they are bursting.
    Originally posted by tom9980
    Totally agree.
    • Loz01
    • By Loz01 16th Jun 17, 11:55 AM
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    Loz01
    She should get into the habit of going to the toilet at break/lunch BUT at aged 6 I think its kind of unfair to expect them to sit 2/3 hours without going, the toilets are usually right next to the classroom and they could be back in minutes. I remember being around 8 and asking to go and being told "no, if you didn't need the toilet at break, why on earth do you need it NOW?" and the embarrassment of sitting there desperately crossing your legs watching the clock count down to 3:10, it was horrible!!
    It's not God I have a problem with... it's his fan club.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 16th Jun 17, 11:57 AM
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    onomatopoeia99
    1: there's obviously the school policy to consider
    Originally posted by Guest101
    School policy is to make small children distressed? That would be unfortunate, even if it is an indirect consequence, as it suggests a lack of foresight and care from the policy maker.

    It could just be that the TA is rubbish and uncaring and shouldn't be allowed the care of small children.
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    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 16th Jun 17, 12:00 PM
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    Guest101
    School policy is to make small children distressed? That would be unfortunate, even if it is an indirect consequence, as it suggests a lack of foresight and care from the policy maker.

    It could just be that the TA is rubbish and uncaring and shouldn't be allowed the care of small children.
    Originally posted by onomatopoeia99


    I don't know, which is why I said it needs to be looked at? - How on earth would I know which school this was to check the policy??


    ....Or it could be exaggerated as kids do. And it wasn't two hours and they didn't jump around.


    I don't know, you don't know, the OP doesn't know. Only the TA can give an accurate answer
    • Clowns and Jugglers
    • By Clowns and Jugglers 16th Jun 17, 12:08 PM
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    Clowns and Jugglers
    Totally agree.
    Originally posted by custardy
    I suppose you'd totally agree that the teaching assistant should mop up the inevitable mess on the floor when the child can't hold it in any longer and has an accident, then?

    I mean, bloomin 'eck I'm an adult and when I need the loo I NEED the loo!
    • custardy
    • By custardy 16th Jun 17, 12:35 PM
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    custardy
    I suppose you'd totally agree that the teaching assistant should mop up the inevitable mess on the floor when the child can't hold it in any longer and has an accident, then?

    I mean, bloomin 'eck I'm an adult and when I need the loo I NEED the loo!
    Originally posted by Clowns and Jugglers
    I think you should read the quoted post.
    • andydownes123
    • By andydownes123 16th Jun 17, 3:08 PM
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    andydownes123
    Okay - a bit unreasonable however consider the following...

    If you back up your child 100% and go marching into school all guns blazing, what example does that give to your child. Child thinks 'this is good, anything I don't like about the teachers, I tell mum, she goes in to tell them off'. Wouldn't be too long for tales were being told.

    Or

    You back the teachers up, child learns a hard but valuable lesson, she always goes to the loo in her own time and the future is bright.

    As a teacher, if I had a pound for everytime a learner CHOOSES to go to the loo in my time, rather then their break time, I certainly wouldn't have to teach anymore!

    N.B. two hours with no break? 6 years olds?...I believe tales have more than likely started!
    Last edited by andydownes123; 16-06-2017 at 3:12 PM.
    • pmlindyloo
    • By pmlindyloo 16th Jun 17, 3:26 PM
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    pmlindyloo
    I cannot believe that anyone is suggesting this is reasonable.

    FGS the child is 6 years old, yesterday was hot (at least where I was) and it is perfectly possible that the child was drinking up until they went back into school. Indeed lots of schools encourage drinking bottles during lessons so there must be endless requests for trips to the loo. As for not having a break in the afternoon, many schools did away with one and finished a little earlier so is certainly not uncommon.

    I think this is more a case of the TA not being very confident about her role and getting a bit flustered that her well prepared lesson was interrupted.

    A very simple 'yes, go quickly and please remember to go before you come into school' would have sufficed. It could easily have been used as a talking point for the rest of the children 'now who's going to tell **** what they've learned whilst she was away'.

    Leaving a child to get stomach ache is so not on.

    So. please raise this with the teacher. No need to go in 'guns blazing' (I wonder why people think all parents do this?). A simple, quiet word (your child doesn't even have to know) and a 'heads up' is all that its needed.

    I despair sometimes of how cruel we are being to our young children in our education system.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 16th Jun 17, 4:28 PM
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    Mojisola
    If you back up your child 100% and go marching into school all guns blazing, what example does that give to your child. Child thinks 'this is good, anything I don't like about the teachers, I tell mum, she goes in to tell them off'. Wouldn't be too long for tales were being told.

    Or

    You back the teachers up, child learns a hard but valuable lesson, she always goes to the loo in her own time and the future is bright.
    Originally posted by andydownes123
    Why does it have to be one extreme or the other?
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 16th Jun 17, 4:43 PM
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    pollypenny
    Id say the little girl is exaggerating. If she could hold on for those two hours she couldn't have been desperate.

    Possibly trying it on as her 'real' teacher wasn't there?
    Last edited by pollypenny; 17-06-2017 at 8:53 AM. Reason: Typo
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    • trailingspouse
    • By trailingspouse 16th Jun 17, 5:05 PM
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    trailingspouse
    Once upon a time I was a Y2 teacher (and bear in mind these kids will be in Y3 in September), I would certainly be expecting them to go to the loo during their lunch break. Yes, one child popping out for a couple of minutes is neither here nor there - but you haven't got one child, you've got 30. If you let one go, they'll all want to go.

    I would have refused the request the first time (with a reminder that she had the chance to go at lunchtime), but at an appropriate moment (eg between lessons) quietly suggested that now would be a good time. There is pressure on teachers to avoid having kids wandering around when they should be in class, so the TA was probably well aware that someone would spot the child and conclude that she didn't have control of the class.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 16th Jun 17, 5:06 PM
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    FBaby
    The only reason why a teacher could refuse access if they believed that they child was going to muck about and not go/come back to the classroom promptly.

    I can't comprehend how anyone would refuse a child to go otherwise. As for saying that they need to get used to going during break, fair enough, but my DS until he was 10 or so yo often had to go only 10 minutes after he'd been. He also wouldn't have been able to hold more than 10 minutes or so at 6.

    The fear of wetting themselves at that age can be quite distressing. I would have been very annoyed if my kids had experienced this at that age.
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