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  • FIRST POST
    • Rotan
    • By Rotan 15th Jun 17, 3:44 PM
    • 6Posts
    • 8Thanks
    Rotan
    Spouse unhappy with bequest to my sister
    • #1
    • 15th Jun 17, 3:44 PM
    Spouse unhappy with bequest to my sister 15th Jun 17 at 3:44 PM
    Hi,
    Am terminally ill with cancer and have about 6 months.
    Busy putting affairs in order. Am married with no children.
    House worth £520,000 with 40k mortgage.
    My pensions worth £420,000.
    Wife has £200k pension and earns £48k per annum.
    I am 54 wife is 49.
    I have a sister who earns £6K per annum,
    and is single. Owns mortgage free flat and lives from hand to mouth.

    Wanting to do the right thing by everyone I decided to leave everything to my wife except: 40k bequest to sister amd 3k to a charity close to my heart.
    Wife's gone ballistic and said sister shouldn
    't get anything and money should go to her (she gets on fine with sister)
    Shocked me to tell you the truth.
    Would welcome your impartial comments
    Thanks
Page 1
    • Oakdene
    • By Oakdene 15th Jun 17, 3:45 PM
    • 1,141 Posts
    • 2,801 Thanks
    Oakdene
    • #2
    • 15th Jun 17, 3:45 PM
    • #2
    • 15th Jun 17, 3:45 PM
    Your choice.
    • IAmWales
    • By IAmWales 15th Jun 17, 3:50 PM
    • 933 Posts
    • 2,047 Thanks
    IAmWales
    • #3
    • 15th Jun 17, 3:50 PM
    • #3
    • 15th Jun 17, 3:50 PM
    Why does your sister earn so little?
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 15th Jun 17, 3:52 PM
    • 27,836 Posts
    • 70,718 Thanks
    Mojisola
    • #4
    • 15th Jun 17, 3:52 PM
    • #4
    • 15th Jun 17, 3:52 PM
    Hi,
    Am terminally ill with cancer and have about 6 months.

    Wife's gone ballistic
    Originally posted by Rotan
    It's not unusual for someone to act out of character when they are facing the death of their loved one.

    It's your choice what you do with your money and it's kind to think of your sister. The only thing I would consider is whether she is getting benefits that would be stopped if she inherited 40k from you.
    • Rotan
    • By Rotan 15th Jun 17, 4:08 PM
    • 6 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    Rotan
    • #5
    • 15th Jun 17, 4:08 PM
    • #5
    • 15th Jun 17, 4:08 PM
    Lives in greece. In common with a lot of others she works summer season 6 months and then signs on. Greek socoal decurity cut to about £300 per month. Greek minimum wage is a pittance
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 15th Jun 17, 4:11 PM
    • 27,836 Posts
    • 70,718 Thanks
    Mojisola
    • #6
    • 15th Jun 17, 4:11 PM
    • #6
    • 15th Jun 17, 4:11 PM
    If you have the capital available now, you could give it to your sister.

    That way, it's done and dusted and won't be part of your will.

    Your wife may be fearful of the future and reacted out of character.
    • Rotan
    • By Rotan 15th Jun 17, 4:14 PM
    • 6 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    Rotan
    • #7
    • 15th Jun 17, 4:14 PM
    • #7
    • 15th Jun 17, 4:14 PM
    Lives in greece. In common with a lot of others she works summer season 6 months and then signs on. Greek socoal decurity cut to about £300 per month. Greek minimum wage is a pittance
    Originally posted by Rotan
    About £160 per week
    • IAmWales
    • By IAmWales 15th Jun 17, 4:24 PM
    • 933 Posts
    • 2,047 Thanks
    IAmWales
    • #8
    • 15th Jun 17, 4:24 PM
    • #8
    • 15th Jun 17, 4:24 PM
    Lives in greece. In common with a lot of others she works summer season 6 months and then signs on. Greek socoal decurity cut to about £300 per month. Greek minimum wage is a pittance
    Originally posted by Rotan
    For me I wouldn't be giving money to someone who chooses to live in an unsustainable situation. I might be more inclined to support her in moving somewhere that she can earn a living wage.

    With regard to your wife, you're not leaving her short, and if she does want more she could choose to downsize and free up some cash. Her reaction sounds more than panic than ill will.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 15th Jun 17, 4:27 PM
    • 2,423 Posts
    • 3,382 Thanks
    Malthusian
    • #9
    • 15th Jun 17, 4:27 PM
    • #9
    • 15th Jun 17, 4:27 PM
    The only thing I would consider is whether she is getting benefits that would be stopped if she inherited 40k from you.
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    Means tested benefits wouldn't stop me giving a loved one £40,000. £40,000 is enough to buy a car, move out of a dead-end town, clear their credit card debts and even study full-time for a degree. Even if them inheriting £40,000 results in them receiving £40,000 less in benefits over the course of several years (a bit unlikely) it doesn't make it worthless. If they waste it then that's their choice.

    OP - you certainly aren't going to get anyone telling you that you shouldn't leave money to your sister, based on the facts presented. (*edit* Ok so IAmWales kind of has, but they are suggesting supporting her moving elsewhere, which is still giving her money, just with conditions attached.) Your choices are either to talk to your wife and try to persuade her to understand your decision, or ignore her and go ahead and rewrite your Will / gift the money to your sister. Impossible to say which without knowing more. (The other choice is to obey her wishes and leave her everything but if you were going to do that you wouldn't be here.)
    Last edited by Malthusian; 15-06-2017 at 4:29 PM.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 15th Jun 17, 4:28 PM
    • 27,836 Posts
    • 70,718 Thanks
    Mojisola
    Means tested benefits wouldn't stop me giving a loved one £40,000. £40,000 is enough to buy a car, move out of a dead-end town, clear their credit card debts and even study full-time for a degree. Even if them inheriting £40,000 results in them receiving £40,000 less in benefits over the course of several years (a bit unlikely) it doesn't make it worthless. If they waste it then that's their choice.
    Originally posted by Malthusian
    I would ask the loved one if they wanted it before imposing it on them.
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 15th Jun 17, 4:30 PM
    • 1,447 Posts
    • 3,691 Thanks
    Red-Squirrel
    Does your wife have any siblings she cares about? Putting herself in your shoes and imagining what she'd want yo do for them if she was terminally ill might help her understand your motives.

    End if the day though, it's up to you, your wife will have more than enough and your sister will probably be very moved and grateful that you thought of her.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 15th Jun 17, 4:33 PM
    • 2,423 Posts
    • 3,382 Thanks
    Malthusian
    I would ask the loved one if they wanted it before imposing it on them.
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    If I thought they were the type to turn down a life-changing sum of money because they were more concerned about the effect on their benefits than the opportunities it afforded them, I wouldn't even consider offering.
    • leespot
    • By leespot 15th Jun 17, 5:11 PM
    • 542 Posts
    • 433 Thanks
    leespot
    £40,000 is a lot of money, do you know that your sister would make good use of it, or likely to blow it, or are you not bothered either way?

    Fully understand your decision to leave your sister something to help but what if a sudden gift of that amount of money had the opposite effect? Where she is living is her choice - but she will be in exactly the same position once the money has gone.
    • Ganga
    • By Ganga 15th Jun 17, 6:01 PM
    • 616 Posts
    • 289 Thanks
    Ganga
    Hi,
    Am terminally ill with cancer and have about 6 months.
    Busy putting affairs in order. Am married with no children.
    House worth £520,000 with 40k mortgage.
    My pensions worth £420,000.
    Wife has £200k pension and earns £48k per annum.
    I am 54 wife is 49.
    I have a sister who earns £6K per annum,
    and is single. Owns mortgage free flat and lives from hand to mouth.

    Wanting to do the right thing by everyone I decided to leave everything to my wife except: 40k bequest to sister amd 3k to a charity close to my heart.
    Wife's gone ballistic and said sister shouldn
    't get anything and money should go to her (she gets on fine with sister)
    Shocked me to tell you the truth.
    Would welcome your impartial comments
    Thanks
    Originally posted by Rotan
    First of all sorry to hear of your illness,can you not claim your pension pot as a whole tax free due to your illness?
    that way you could pay off the morgage,leave your sister and the chosen charity the money and leave £297,000 for your wife.She then ends up with a morgage free property and a lot of cash as well as her own pension and well paid job.
    I am sure it is fear/grief that is making think this way but if you wish to go ahead with your plans,and i agree it is a good thing to do,tell your wife it is your choice and she will have to live with it.
    ITS NOT EASY TO GET EVERYTHING WRONG ,I HAVE TO WORK HARD TO DO IT!
    • TheGardener
    • By TheGardener 15th Jun 17, 6:31 PM
    • 2,063 Posts
    • 1,954 Thanks
    TheGardener
    For me I wouldn't be giving money to someone who chooses to live in an unsustainable situation. I might be more inclined to support her in moving somewhere that she can earn a living wage. .
    Originally posted by IAmWales
    Wow - that's harsh - and a bit sanctimonious. The economy in Greece is even more trashed than ours - maybe she doesn't want to leave an elderly relative? or doesn't want to move her child away from its family & community? You have no idea why she might need/want to be there.
    The OP is terminally ill and is trying to set their lives in order before they go and you are dishing out advice on how someone less fortunate should be living their lives? Not, I suspect, what the OP was after...
    • Rotan
    • By Rotan 15th Jun 17, 7:06 PM
    • 6 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    Rotan
    Much appreciated.
    My sister has lived in Greece for 35 years.
    She is divorced. One grown up child and one at college.
    She works 50 hours per week at an airport and gets £630 per month.
    Greek unemployment is 25%
    Under 25 unemployment 50 %
    • leespot
    • By leespot 15th Jun 17, 8:05 PM
    • 542 Posts
    • 433 Thanks
    leespot
    It is possible that your wife isn't really thinking very rationally at the moment, understandable given the circumstances. I can fully understand why you would want to help your sister, and I'm sure your wife will too at some point.

    At the end of the day, you've contributed towards the current financial situation, your wife is certainly not going to be left with anything to worry about financially, and you are not being unreasonable at all. Just a thought, but would your sister benefit more from the money as a lump sum, or an amount to be released each year to level out her income to a consistent amount for a number of years?
    • -taff
    • By -taff 15th Jun 17, 8:30 PM
    • 7,227 Posts
    • 4,631 Thanks
    -taff
    It's your money, your choice.
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 15th Jun 17, 8:37 PM
    • 2,655 Posts
    • 2,093 Thanks
    Yorkshireman99
    Hi,
    Am terminally ill with cancer and have about 6 months.
    Busy putting affairs in order. Am married with no children.
    House worth £520,000 with 40k mortgage.
    My pensions worth £420,000.
    Wife has £200k pension and earns £48k per annum.
    I am 54 wife is 49.
    I have a sister who earns £6K per annum,
    and is single. Owns mortgage free flat and lives from hand to mouth.

    Wanting to do the right thing by everyone I decided to leave everything to my wife except: 40k bequest to sister amd 3k to a charity close to my heart.
    Wife's gone ballistic and said sister shouldn
    't get anything and money should go to her (she gets on fine with sister)
    Shocked me to tell you the truth.
    Would welcome your impartial comments
    Thanks
    Originally posted by Rotan
    You could also consider leaving a life interest in some of your assets and more to you sister.
    • Bogof_Babe
    • By Bogof_Babe 15th Jun 17, 8:44 PM
    • 9,902 Posts
    • 15,511 Thanks
    Bogof_Babe
    Is any of your accumulated wealth the result of an inheritance from you and your sister's parents? If so I think it would be fair to give a relatively modest proportion of it to your sister, especially in view of her circumstances.

    But perhaps it isn't worth falling out with your wife over, given the very sad situation you are both in. Ask your wife how much she would consider reasonable, and start discussions from there.
    I haven't bogged off yet, and I ain't no babe


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