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  • FIRST POST
    • cherry123
    • By cherry123 15th Jun 17, 9:56 AM
    • 117Posts
    • 62Thanks
    cherry123
    after some advice
    • #1
    • 15th Jun 17, 9:56 AM
    after some advice 15th Jun 17 at 9:56 AM
    hi
    wonder if i can get some opinions and help. i am living with my partner and my 3 children aged 12 13 17 thing is my partner has a very bad alcohol problem and when he is drunk he is nasty and adbusive, up to now ive just brushed it under the carpet and tried to get on with things. about 2 weeks ago something clicked inside me and i havent spoken to him once unless i needed too. ive been looking for somewhere to live. thing is on monday we had a long talk and he said he had realised just how close to losing us he has come and said he will stop drinking and change and upto now he has. yesterday i got offered a council house of my own as i cant stay where i am as its in his name and im not sure he would sign it over. im now at a loss i want to believe him but the other half of me says he will let me down and ive been through all this already with my childrens dad who passed away from alcoholism. i am so confused x
    £365.00 in 365 day challenge = £5.00/£365.00:rolleyes:
Page 3
    • ERICS MUM
    • By ERICS MUM 17th Jun 17, 2:37 PM
    • 3,396 Posts
    • 6,325 Thanks
    ERICS MUM
    thank you everyone, i have been and viewed the house today and i am signing the tenancy on monday. house is nice just needs decorating ��. one let down there is no bath just what they call a wet room �� i have a bath to hide from kids for half an hour or so lol. oh and my crb check came back so i can start my new job soon with any luck as ill need to extra money. just to clarify they are not his children all 3 are mine from.my 1st relationship and no I DID NOT start drinking i had two small children to focus on at the time.
    Originally posted by cherry123

    Wow you sound so positive. Remember that if and when you hit any snags, everything can be sorted ! Very very best wishes for your new home, new job and new life !
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 17th Jun 17, 2:48 PM
    • 1,214 Posts
    • 4,930 Thanks
    BrassicWoman
    that sounds great cherry, well done
    May GC £215/£50 (oops)
    April 2016 GC: £24.09/ £20
    • f.o.d.
    • By f.o.d. 17th Jun 17, 3:10 PM
    • 56 Posts
    • 52 Thanks
    f.o.d.
    Good news. I wouldn't worry too much about the bath, a shower is perfectly adequate. Not sure what a wet room is, exactly.

    Just don't let lover-boy move in, or even stay the night, or he'll get his name on the tenancy and you'll be back to square one.
    • cherry123
    • By cherry123 19th Jun 17, 3:59 PM
    • 117 Posts
    • 62 Thanks
    cherry123
    Hi everyone .... well ive done i now have a house of my own took kids up 2day after id got the keys and they were really chuffed to bits .. youngest even started de weeding the garden patio �� and making plans where he is going to store his scooters and bike x x eldest hasnt seen it yet but he will be fine xx
    £365.00 in 365 day challenge = £5.00/£365.00:rolleyes:
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 19th Jun 17, 6:28 PM
    • 498 Posts
    • 495 Thanks
    badmemory
    took kids up 2day after id got the keys and they were really chuffed to bits
    Originally posted by cherry123
    I think this shows that you have made the right decision. Well done!
    • Teapot55
    • By Teapot55 20th Jun 17, 11:34 AM
    • 136 Posts
    • 128 Thanks
    Teapot55
    So pleased for you xx

    would've . . . could've . . . should've . . .


    A.A.A.S. (Associate of the Acronym Abolition Society)


    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 24th Jun 17, 9:24 PM
    • 7,502 Posts
    • 25,288 Thanks
    Primrose
    Well done. Right decision !
    You haven't said what your partner's reaction has been to this.
    How he reacts will to a large extent show whether he,a going to get to grips and deal with his alcoholism or not.
    He will now realise that refusing to take responsibility for his issues and deal with has serious consequences. Either this will jolt him out of his rut, he will get help and try to turn his life around or he will get angry, try to blame everything on you and slip deeper down into his pit. That is his choice

    If he really does pull himself around I would think very seriously about ever giving up your new home and independence. You will not get a second housing choice if it all falls apart again and yiur children need long term stability,toy which this new home should give them. . Even if you're able to retain some kind of ongoing relationship and he reforms his habits, keep any contact on a separate homes basis.
    Last edited by Primrose; 24-06-2017 at 9:26 PM.
    • Geoff1963
    • By Geoff1963 25th Jun 17, 12:11 AM
    • 566 Posts
    • 344 Thanks
    Geoff1963
    I feel as if I've just read the story of a bird with a broken wing, taking to the sky again. Hearing of beaten private parking charges cheers me up, but this was much better.

    My suggestion to the OP, would be to treat her ex-partner as a new suitor ; to neither rake up old problems, nor give him too much trust. A good analogy is bankruptcy ; where you start again with zero, and have to earn a credit rating.
    • dogcat
    • By dogcat 25th Jun 17, 7:55 AM
    • 21,126 Posts
    • 22,745 Thanks
    dogcat
    Good luck to you all in your new home!

    Just don't let your BF think that's it's also HIS home.....keep him off the tenancy, no keys, keep it as YOUR home...otherwise you're back to square one.
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 25th Jun 17, 11:22 PM
    • 22,535 Posts
    • 86,034 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    hi
    wonder if i can get some opinions and help. i am living with my partner and my 3 children aged 12 13 17 thing is my partner has a very bad alcohol problem and when he is drunk he is nasty and adbusive, up to now ive just brushed it under the carpet and tried to get on with things. about 2 weeks ago something clicked inside me and i havent spoken to him once unless i needed too. ive been looking for somewhere to live. thing is on monday we had a long talk and he said he had realised just how close to losing us he has come and said he will stop drinking and change and upto now he has. yesterday i got offered a council house of my own as i cant stay where i am as its in his name and im not sure he would sign it over. im now at a loss i want to believe him but the other half of me says he will let me down and ive been through all this already with my childrens dad who passed away from alcoholism. i am so confused x
    Originally posted by cherry123

    Take the house and go. And stay gone. You're single and don't owe him a thing.


    Otherwise it'll be a matter of days/weeks before it's all back to 'normal' because he's succeeded in making you stay/letting him in to mess up your kids' lives as well as yours.

    If he genuinely is the 1 in 10 that has at least a year's sobriety after intensive treatment (the success rate is miserable to say the least), maybe then there's a chance for him to not kill himself - but would you really want to tell your kids after their happiness that the person responsible for your recent times is coming back?


    ETA: he was abusive. That's not the drink - that's something that was in him all along.
    Last edited by Jojo the Tightfisted; 25-06-2017 at 11:28 PM.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • chesky
    • By chesky 25th Jun 17, 11:38 PM
    • 711 Posts
    • 961 Thanks
    chesky
    Take the house and go. And stay gone. You're single and don't owe him a thing.


    Otherwise it'll be a matter of days/weeks before it's all back to 'normal' because he's succeeded in making you stay/letting him in to mess up your kids' lives as well as yours.
    Originally posted by Jojo the Tightfisted
    The OP has already taken the house, has the keys and is moving in. Did you only read the first post?
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 26th Jun 17, 5:36 PM
    • 22,535 Posts
    • 86,034 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    The OP has already taken the house, has the keys and is moving in. Did you only read the first post?
    Originally posted by chesky

    Initially, yes - but I did go on to emphasise not letting him inveigle his way back in.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 27th Jun 17, 8:47 PM
    • 16,945 Posts
    • 44,513 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    You've done the right thing

    You and your children need somewhere of you're own, away from him. He has his own demons to sort out and nobody is saying you can;t support him if that is what he chooses to do but you've got to put your kids and yourself first. If he can prove he can change then great, but its not your responsibility to fix him. Focus on yourself and your kids.
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
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