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  • FIRST POST
    • BrotherFloyd
    • By BrotherFloyd 14th Jun 17, 6:23 PM
    • 6Posts
    • 2Thanks
    BrotherFloyd
    Separated wife - any rights?
    • #1
    • 14th Jun 17, 6:23 PM
    Separated wife - any rights? 14th Jun 17 at 6:23 PM
    I was separated from my husband. We never divorced and there were no children. We remained reasonably amicable - marked each other's birthdays, etc. I have learned, in a roundabout way, that he died in April. I was shocked and saddened that I wasn't told, and that I missed the funeral. He made a will, which I believe excludes any mention of me. Do I have any legal rights here, or should I just go on feeling aggrieved?
Page 2
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 16th Jun 17, 1:58 PM
    • 573 Posts
    • 562 Thanks
    badmemory
    We should also remember that if the separation was long enough ago then there would have been no pension sharing agreement and it is therefore quite reasonable to ask. Also if the separation was so bad surely he would have been divorcing asap.
    • Aced2016
    • By Aced2016 16th Jun 17, 2:36 PM
    • 219 Posts
    • 442 Thanks
    Aced2016
    Are you saying that if your ex partner had made a will, leaving you something in it, you would have refused it?
    Originally posted by chesky
    If my marriage was done and dusted then no I wouldn't sorry. As in my eyes that means we are finished, because a piece of paper still says I am married it's doesn't actually mean we are. When you say something though that could be different. If he specifically wrote a will after we split leaving me something sentimental then i would view that different. I would see that as my ex clearly wanted me to have whatever it may be. However if it was money no I wouldn't. I am very independent always have been. From day one and even while on maternity leave I have paid 50/50 towards everything.

    I would not want to take an EXs money no. As I said above your situation was different it was offered to you and you took which is fine. But me personally no absoutley not.
    • chesky
    • By chesky 16th Jun 17, 3:53 PM
    • 748 Posts
    • 1,017 Thanks
    chesky
    Let's not go down the 'I was more independent than you' route. I took on a large mortgage when we split and struggled financially for a considerable number of years bringing up the children, having worked to support him during his studies when we were first married. By the time we separated he was already earning three times my salary, having been successful in his career and this increased further over the years. We remained friendly but he could easily have divorced me on the grounds of separation but chose not to. He was financially pretty astute so I was surprised to learn after his death he had not updated his expression of wish from having named his parents, who had both died some years ago. So I figure either he would have known about my possible entitlement or at least he didn't care who got it.

    If you would refuse an amount of money which would more than double your own income, you must be up for sainthood.
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 16th Jun 17, 4:01 PM
    • 2,784 Posts
    • 2,208 Thanks
    Yorkshireman99
    I see no reason why the OP should not have any money she is legally entitled to. She and her husband chose not to divorce so the law should take the normal course.
    • chesky
    • By chesky 16th Jun 17, 4:07 PM
    • 748 Posts
    • 1,017 Thanks
    chesky
    Oh, and I could have divorced him for the same reason and have requested a division of his pension. Again, I chose not to.
    • Aced2016
    • By Aced2016 16th Jun 17, 5:20 PM
    • 219 Posts
    • 442 Thanks
    Aced2016
    Let's not go down the 'I was more independent than you' route. I took on a large mortgage when we split and struggled financially for a considerable number of years bringing up the children, having worked to support him during his studies when we were first married. By the time we separated he was already earning three times my salary, having been successful in his career and this increased further over the years. We remained friendly but he could easily have divorced me on the grounds of separation but chose not to. He was financially pretty astute so I was surprised to learn after his death he had not updated his expression of wish from having named his parents, who had both died some years ago. So I figure either he would have known about my possible entitlement or at least he didn't care who got it.

    If you would refuse an amount of money which would more than double your own income, you must be up for sainthood.
    Originally posted by chesky
    At no point did I say I was more independent than you. Myself and other poster were posting on the original thread! You've somehow made about you.

    You have taken money which was legally left to you. That's fine that's up to you. However my opinion differs from yours. And I certainly don't claim it makes me a saint.

    Again no I wouldn't take the money I would have split it between my children ! Even if they were left other money. My reasons being as above ! He was an ex not part of my life anymore. And just because at one point he was part of my life and I could have been entitled to money at that time, wouldn't be enough for me. As he wasn't now part of my life. ! I would feel I had no right to the money ! And yes it may be legal doesn't mean it's morally right !

    So as I said again in MY OPINION I would not take an EXs money I don't agree with it. Doesn't make me wrong or you it's called a difference of opinion.
    Last edited by Aced2016; 16-06-2017 at 5:24 PM.
    • PasturesNew
    • By PasturesNew 16th Jun 17, 5:30 PM
    • 59,627 Posts
    • 348,252 Thanks
    PasturesNew
    The bottom line here is: The OP might be able to claim a pension ... and nobody would lose out. If the money's there and not being claimed, then some top kn0b gets a payrise ... or the OP can spend it.

    While it can be "morally iffy" and "not feel right" to many .... it's money that nobody else would be deprived of. Money that a big firm would keep in a pot for themselves.

    So, why not.
    • chesky
    • By chesky 16th Jun 17, 6:39 PM
    • 748 Posts
    • 1,017 Thanks
    chesky
    [QUOTE=Aced2016;72704500 I think it's disgusting ! People have absoutley no shame or pride anymore. Never would I go seeking an EXs money.[/QUOTE]

    It's not a difference of opinion and it's not about me. You were judgemental. That's why I replied. As others have said, if it's not claimed by someone else, the money is lost. And my children are doing just fine without it - they will probably inherit a good chunk of it.
    • BrotherFloyd
    • By BrotherFloyd 17th Jun 17, 3:30 PM
    • 6 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    BrotherFloyd
    aced2016 - you are being very judgemental. On a forum like this I was hardly going to go into the whys and wherefores! Suffice to say, we were in contact about once a month, and quite friendly. We also chose not to divorce. My financial circumstances became somewhat dire after separation, but I never tapped him for money! Enough said. Some people on here are very helpful - thank you - but some, like you, seem only to want to criticize, without knowing the people or the circumstances involved.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 17th Jun 17, 4:19 PM
    • 905 Posts
    • 959 Thanks
    NeilCr
    Interesting thread

    I've been separated for a long time now. We talk once a week and get on better now than when we're together. No children, either.

    I have no desire to get married again and nor does she. My ex is quite insecure financially (I don't mean that she has no money but she does worry about it) and I have no issues about her having my pension. One of the reasons for staying married, to be honest.

    I do have a current partner but she is very independent, doesn't want to get married or live with me (we had the conversation before we started going out) and is chilled about my ongoing contact with my ex. I have made provision for her in my will

    I must admit I do wonder, sometimes, if I am in my wife's will? Has she reciprocated? She isn't actually hard up at all. But, if she hasn't then she hasn't. Can't say I'd feel aggrieved by it. It's what she has decided to do

    I assume, OP, that, if you had made a will, your husband was a beneficiary?
    • cte1111
    • By cte1111 17th Jun 17, 9:27 PM
    • 7,121 Posts
    • 373,318 Thanks
    cte1111
    My parents (married for decades) separated a few years before my Dad died. My Mum was entitled to widow's pensions from both his occupational pensions, which I claimed for her by writing to the pension providers (Teachers' Pension scheme and Local Government). As far as I could gather, the legal situation is the same as if the couple were still happily living together.

    In addition, my Mum was entitled to an upgrade on her state pension, as there were some years where she had not paid in, but my Dad had, so she was then given extra years' worth of entitlement. I thought this seemed fair and equitable, given that the reason my Mum had fewer years in the first place was because she was looking after their children.
    https://www.gov.uk/death-spouse-benefits-tax-pension/pensions


    For the OP - hopefully you know who your husband worked for, it is possible to find out who provided their pension by using this link:
    https://www.gov.uk/find-pension-contact-details
    Last edited by cte1111; 17-06-2017 at 9:34 PM.
    • Ziggazee
    • By Ziggazee 19th Jun 17, 1:53 PM
    • 444 Posts
    • 569 Thanks
    Ziggazee
    Utterly gobsmacked that the OP feels 'aggrieved' that she wasn't mentioned in her EX husband's will. This post is a wind up right???


    Why should you be entitled to anything from your EX husband's estate? Would you expect your husband to be taken care of if you'd been the one to die? Greed greed greed! Money doesn't half bring out the worst in people doesn't it!


    And Chesky.....why have you made this thread about you? You've had your opinion, let's stick with what the original poster is asking. #narcissist
    • martinbuckley
    • By martinbuckley 19th Jun 17, 8:13 PM
    • 701 Posts
    • 691 Thanks
    martinbuckley
    Hopefully if you get anything from his estate, you'll put some of it towards some flowers for his grave.
    • WillowCat
    • By WillowCat 19th Jun 17, 9:33 PM
    • 679 Posts
    • 768 Thanks
    WillowCat
    Thing is, if they hadn't done a financial settlement then there may be marital assets that he controlled that didn't go through the split that would have happened if they had properly divorced.

    Hypothetically, what if he stayed in the marital home, she moved into rented - if they'd divorced she's have been entitled to a share (whether 50/50 or some other percentage).

    If he dies, but has written her out of the will, is that fair?

    I believe it is possible to make a claim under the inheritance legislation for just this scenario, and is the reason that a consent order/court order for divorce then prohibits such a claim in the future.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 20th Jun 17, 9:05 AM
    • 2,596 Posts
    • 3,699 Thanks
    Malthusian
    Utterly gobsmacked that the OP feels 'aggrieved' that she wasn't mentioned in her EX husband's will. This post is a wind up right???
    Originally posted by Ziggazee
    The OP is her husband's current wife, not his ex. Read first, then get outraged.
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 20th Jun 17, 10:37 AM
    • 5,776 Posts
    • 7,547 Thanks
    TBagpuss
    If you were separated and not divorced, and if there was not formal separation agreement then you may, as others have said, be entitled to any widow's benefits under any pensions he had.

    You also fall into the class of people who can make a claim against an estateudner the Inheritance Act. To succeed in such a claim a court would have to consider whether your ex had'failed to make reasonable provision' for you under his will, and one of the things they would look at in your situation would be what you might have been awarded in a divorce. If the reality is that you and he split your assets when you separate, and have been financially independent of each other since then then it reduces the likelihood that you would be entitled to anything.
    • Ziggazee
    • By Ziggazee 20th Jun 17, 1:49 PM
    • 444 Posts
    • 569 Thanks
    Ziggazee
    The OP is her husband's current wife, not his ex. Read first, then get outraged.
    Originally posted by Malthusian

    Technically still married, yes......but separated. Yes.....still OUTRAGED!
    • Ziggazee
    • By Ziggazee 20th Jun 17, 1:50 PM
    • 444 Posts
    • 569 Thanks
    Ziggazee
    Hopefully if you get anything from his estate, you'll put some of it towards some flowers for his grave.
    Originally posted by martinbuckley


    Highly unlikely don't you think.....after all, why do that when she can use the money for her own selfish needs
    • leespot
    • By leespot 20th Jun 17, 2:50 PM
    • 542 Posts
    • 434 Thanks
    leespot
    Happened to our family, FIL was separated from his wife (not living together), hadn't signed divorce papers and died unexpectedly - she got the 3x lump sum pension payouts and subsequent widows pensions from each. She didn't bat an eye at signing for them either. Might not sit right with a lot of people, but at the end of the day the OP isn't breaking any law by claiming what she is entitled to.
    Last edited by leespot; 20-06-2017 at 4:41 PM.
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 20th Jun 17, 4:37 PM
    • 2,784 Posts
    • 2,208 Thanks
    Yorkshireman99
    Highly unlikely don't you think.....after all, why do that when she can use the money for her own selfish needs
    Originally posted by Ziggazee
    YABU! If she is legally entitled to something as a result of her husband's death then who are we to say she should not? They had the opportunity to divorce but did not do so. All this sanctimonious criticism of her is really innappropriate.
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