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    • dcouponzzzz
    • By dcouponzzzz 13th Jun 17, 9:36 AM
    • 389Posts
    • 164Thanks
    Too many holidays?
    • #1
    • 13th Jun 17, 9:36 AM
    Too many holidays? 13th Jun 17 at 9:36 AM
    Apologies in advance for the long post!

    So I'm posting here for advice on either of the two options:

    - How do I justify spending money on holidays for myself, or
    - How do I help my OH see my financial commitments don't allow me the holidays she expects.

    I've been with the OH only a year now, and in that year we will have been on 2 bigger holidays (costing £1k+) and 3 smaller ones (countryside hotel stays). She has plans for about 3 more small trips before the end of this year.

    Now, she's 23 living with her parents and on an average wage, with few outgoings and a fair bit of disposable income, whereas I'm 28 with a mortgage and all the financial and time commitments that come with it. I've spent 5 years living penny to penny and only in the past 3-4 months have I reached a career stage where I have any disposable income.

    I have a list of home improvements in priority order which totals £3.5k that has never been addressed, plus my own personal list of items I would really like to own (£3k) which is lowest priority, but would be nice.

    Nowhere on my list do beach holidays or city breaks appear. I want to have real experiences like visit Machu Picchu, the Mayan temples, cruise around Alaska, or even rent a car and drive around America camping for a month.

    These still don't make it on the list because they're lowest of the low priority, just a dream in the far distant future when I've fixed up the house, bought my luxuries and saved an emergency fund. Possibly even after I've paid off the £130k mortgage, as I can now afford to over-pay by double the monthly payment, possibly triple if I continue as I have been.

    To summarise... should I be taking every opportunity to travel and relax with priority over home commitments and personal goals? If not, how can I say no to the OH when she makes plans for how I spend my money? (she never asks for a penny from me, just making me spend it on myself). If I say no I'm sure it's a deal breaker, and everything else about her personality is perfect. I'm not even sure this is an undesirable thing...

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    Last edited by MSE Andrea; Yesterday at 9:57 AM.
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    • jackieblack
    • By jackieblack 15th Jun 17, 6:49 AM
    • 6,959 Posts
    • 9,000 Thanks
    Indeed, but you can also spend many long years with very little money, hardly enough for small luxuries, let alone to afford nice holidays and breaks away.

    It's an individual choice in the end, and OP shouldn't feel that his choices are wrong.
    Originally posted by FBaby
    This is the difficulty isn't it? I come from a long living family on both sides but equally I've lost good friends far too young, and we all know of many people who never got to enjoy an old age.

    You can't guarantee a long life and you should enjoy it while you can, but equally if you live like a long life is definitely not going to happen and it does, you're setting yourself up for a pretty miserable time in your final years.
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    Of course! But, like many things in life, it's about getting the balance right and not taking anything for granted.
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    • onlyroz
    • By onlyroz 15th Jun 17, 10:21 AM
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    You need to allocate a sensible annual budget for holidays and then decide between you how that should be spent and where you should go. If she wants to do more than this then she can fund it herself and travel with her mates.
    • leespot
    • By leespot 15th Jun 17, 10:22 AM
    • 507 Posts
    • 389 Thanks
    You need to allocate a sensible annual budget for holidays and then decide between you how that should be spent and where you should go. If she wants to do more than this then she can fund it herself and travel with her mates.
    Originally posted by onlyroz
    She funds it herself anyway - she isn't asking her partner to pay for her.
    • mildredalien
    • By mildredalien 16th Jun 17, 12:02 PM
    • 1,041 Posts
    • 2,198 Thanks
    I mean it sounds like you'd also be up for going on all sorts of holidays - if you had the disposable income to do so. But you don't, as you have other things that are more of a priority to you. That's totally fine!

    Personally I'm with your OH, I'd love to be on holiday every month... I'm also a realist and not a millionaire, so it doesn't happen! I also really value holidays as a complete break from work which can be quite stressful. My husband isn't that bothered and has less leave than me, so we talk each year about what holidays we might have and what we can afford. It's not a dealbreaker in our relationship that we have different ideas about holidays, but we've reached good compromises over the years.

    There does need to be compromise between you. Holidays can be a priority if you have disposable income, not everything has to be 'sensible' - but obviously don't go into debt for it, and don't make yourself unhappy giving up other things you want. You need a frank conversation about how much disposable income you each have, what your priorities are and how to find a balance you are both happy with.

    [B]Savings target: £25000/£25000

    • Teacher2
    • By Teacher2 28th Jun 17, 9:40 AM
    • 471 Posts
    • 2,375 Thanks
    One of the most fundamental polarities in personality types and behaviour is that of attitude to money and spending and you two seem to differ widely.

    Your problem is compounded by the fact that your OH has no real experience of money management as she is living at home being subsidised by her parents and regards all of the money, which , she, an adult, should be spending on living and paying her way, as pocket money much as a child does. She is not living in the real world and is playing a game of emotional blackmail to force others to bolster her illusions and comply with her wish to live in a 'forever holiday' mode. This is totally compatible with seeming to be an otherwise 'nice' person.

    However, the real test of how nice she actually is will come when she is challenged and has to give way to something she doesn't want to do. That is a test of maturity. Can she compromise?

    I agree with the advice given above about compromise. Personally, I am totally with you in your inclination to pay down/off the mortgage. (This is entirely sensible as it will free up thousands of pounds which will then be free to be spent on holidays and treats.) However, an agreement to save some money and spend some, but not all of it, on holidays is fairer if you want to stay together with this partner.

    I would have thought that one main holiday and a few mini breaks per year would be in order. Unless you are Princess Beatrice and someone else will always pay you can't live perpetually on holiday on an ordinary salary.
    • DarrenM1
    • By DarrenM1 28th Jun 17, 10:45 AM
    • 3 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Man up. Tell her straight!

    Foot down. Job done...
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