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  • FIRST POST
    • fabforty
    • By fabforty 11th Jun 17, 6:32 PM
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    fabforty
    Do you expect your kids to ask for food....
    • #1
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:32 PM
    Do you expect your kids to ask for food.... 11th Jun 17 at 6:32 PM
    I had an interesting conversation with a couple of other mums on a play date last week, so I really just wanted to gauge opinions.
    DS is 6, and normal height and weight for his age. At his age, I expect him to ask first if he wants something to eat, even healthy foods such as fruit or raisins. The answer is usually 'yes' (although by no means always) but I don't want him to just graze and snack whenever the mood takes him. I also want to know what he has eaten. Last week during a play date, he asked if he could have an apple - his friends' mum was really taken aback by the idea that a child has to ask for food in his own home! As long as it isn't sweets or chocolate then her son (who is also an average height and weight) is free to help himself to things like cereal, bread and fruit. It left me feeling pretty draconian I just wondered what other parents do?
    Last edited by fabforty; 11-06-2017 at 6:50 PM.
Page 1
    • MissBessie
    • By MissBessie 11th Jun 17, 6:42 PM
    • 7 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    MissBessie
    • #2
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:42 PM
    • #2
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:42 PM
    My kids are 33, 29 and 20 so maybe my ideas are bit old fashioned but they always had to ask for food. As a parent, it's surely part of your job to know what they are eating? Not only that but I think it's good manners
    • happyandcontented
    • By happyandcontented 11th Jun 17, 6:49 PM
    • 670 Posts
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    happyandcontented
    • #3
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:49 PM
    • #3
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:49 PM
    Mine are older now, but aside from things/ingredients which were clearly earmarked for meals they could help themselves to fruit, cereal or snacks. Thinking back, they probably did usually ask, but I certainly didn't expect it. However, once they had had "their" share they knew the rest was for other family members.
    • maman
    • By maman 11th Jun 17, 6:52 PM
    • 16,090 Posts
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    maman
    • #4
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:52 PM
    • #4
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:52 PM
    You're not draconian, you're sensible and quite normal in my book.

    At the age of 6 it's partly about monitoring healthy eating but at any age it's also about good manners.

    When he's a little older you could introduce some house rules about what he can help himself too and when but it's not simple.

    My DH still asks if it's OK to eat certain things in case they're meal ingredients and checks times so he doesn't snack before a meal.

    My DD who is grown up and long left home would always ask before helping herself to food.
    • goodwithsaving
    • By goodwithsaving 11th Jun 17, 6:57 PM
    • 442 Posts
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    goodwithsaving
    • #5
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:57 PM
    • #5
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:57 PM
    I always had to ask for food, and my nephews etc have to do the same. If anything, it teaches them manners. It's a good thing to do.
    Every time you borrow money, you’re robbing your future self. –Nathan W. Morris
    • Pay_me
    • By Pay_me 11th Jun 17, 7:02 PM
    • 121 Posts
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    Pay_me
    • #6
    • 11th Jun 17, 7:02 PM
    • #6
    • 11th Jun 17, 7:02 PM
    Not got kids myself but mind my niece and nephew a lot (6 and 4 years old).

    They both always ask for proper food if they are hungry, They will say I'm hungry when is dinner time? or can we have dinner time now? etc.

    They will just help themselves to things like fruit and cereal and so on without asking. I keep the fruit bowl in easy access same for vegetable snacks like carrot stickers and so on. That is also the rule my sister runs in her house and the kids abide by it. Even at 4 and 6 years old they know the rules I have never had an incident were they have eaten something they shouldn't without asking first.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 11th Jun 17, 7:27 PM
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    Judi
    • #7
    • 11th Jun 17, 7:27 PM
    • #7
    • 11th Jun 17, 7:27 PM
    My kids always had to ask for food. Not that i was stingy but its no good them filling themselves up just before a meal is served.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • PasturesNew
    • By PasturesNew 11th Jun 17, 7:32 PM
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    PasturesNew
    • #8
    • 11th Jun 17, 7:32 PM
    • #8
    • 11th Jun 17, 7:32 PM
    You should have looked at them in all innocence and asked ".... so how much do you know to dock them from their pocket money if you don't know they've had it??" as if that's perfectly normal
    • peachyprice
    • By peachyprice 11th Jun 17, 7:41 PM
    • 18,126 Posts
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    peachyprice
    • #9
    • 11th Jun 17, 7:41 PM
    • #9
    • 11th Jun 17, 7:41 PM
    Mine always asked when they were young, they stopped when they hit their teens and were sensible enough to pace their appetites and take meal times into account.

    My eldest still at home rarely eats outside of mealtimes, my youngest grazes throughout the day and quite often doesn't eat a 'meal'.
    Last edited by peachyprice; 11-06-2017 at 7:44 PM.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
    • GwylimT
    • By GwylimT 11th Jun 17, 8:08 PM
    • 5,703 Posts
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    GwylimT
    Ours aren't required to ask for food, we have clocks so they know if it is too close to a meal time to have a snack.
    • WibblyGirly
    • By WibblyGirly 11th Jun 17, 8:10 PM
    • 176 Posts
    • 336 Thanks
    WibblyGirly
    I think I had to ask until I was a teenager then I sorta just helped myself (Not that there was ever anything exciting to eat!)
    • rach_k
    • By rach_k 11th Jun 17, 8:42 PM
    • 915 Posts
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    rach_k
    Mine have helped themselves to healthy snacks since they were able to reach them. IMO, what they eat is about them not me and as long as they're not being greedy or making a mess it's nothing to do with manners as the food in the kitchen belongs to the family. I'm not there to dole out food as I see fit, I'm there to guide them so that they make good choices for themselves. They know what's healthy and what isn't and they know to ask if it's getting close to a meal time. I like the idea of them taking some responsibility for what they eat and when. They don't abuse it, in fact they're both very sensible about food. They have some treats that they help themselves to as well - they know that once they're gone they're gone for the week and, so far, they've always been very responsible. They're 5 and 7 years old, both average height and weight.
    • Rosemary7391
    • By Rosemary7391 11th Jun 17, 8:48 PM
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    Rosemary7391
    I always asked. Usually to head off Dad's complaints that I'd eaten all his bananas!
    Me escondo detras de mi lengua... tengo miedo de que me entiendas... pero me gustara que me entendases ¡Ayudame!
    • borkid
    • By borkid 11th Jun 17, 8:58 PM
    • 1,416 Posts
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    borkid
    My kids are 33, 29 and 20 so maybe my ideas are bit old fashioned but they always had to ask for food. As a parent, it's surely part of your job to know what they are eating? Not only that but I think it's good manners
    Originally posted by MissBessie
    Mine are a little older than yours and they always asked. Even now when daughter visits she asks. I think it's just good manners. I never take OH chocolate without asking ( he keeps chocolate for ages it just sits there tempting me but I never would just take it ) he's never said no though.

    A couple of years ago one of our neighbours came in and started eating the chocolates that were out. I was furious and took them off him. They were special in that they were handmade by the donor and given as a present. Needless to say they weren't invited in again.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 11th Jun 17, 9:01 PM
    • 27,623 Posts
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    Mojisola
    Mine have helped themselves to healthy snacks since they were able to reach them.

    They know what's healthy and what isn't and they know to ask if it's getting close to a meal time.

    I like the idea of them taking some responsibility for what they eat and when.
    Originally posted by rach_k
    I always asked. Usually to head off Dad's complaints that I'd eaten all his bananas!
    Originally posted by Rosemary7391
    We were more like rach but I did like them to check with me if there was something different in the kitchen or we were running low on something. Very annoying if the cook has planned a menu only to find someone has scoffed an essential ingredient!

    It was more 'is it okay to have ...' or 'are you keeping x for anything special' than asking permission as such.
    • trixie73
    • By trixie73 11th Jun 17, 9:52 PM
    • 845 Posts
    • 660 Thanks
    trixie73
    Mine are grown up now, but when they were young they had to ask. Not just so I could gauge what they were eating, but so they didn't eat all the stuff I'd bought for packed lunches,lol.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 11th Jun 17, 9:59 PM
    • 19,342 Posts
    • 31,282 Thanks
    Spendless
    I can't remember. But their height and lack of ability to make things (like a sandwich) would have restricted what they could reach/have. That can be a downside if you always expect them to ask you, they can get to an age where they are more than capable of getting something themselves, but continue to ask you to do it for them.
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 11th Jun 17, 10:16 PM
    • 1,201 Posts
    • 2,956 Thanks
    Red-Squirrel

    A couple of years ago one of our neighbours came in and started eating the chocolates that were out. I was furious and took them off him. They were special in that they were handmade by the donor and given as a present. Needless to say they weren't invited in again.
    Originally posted by borkid
    I have to say, I wouldn't have left them out if they weren't to be eaten!
    • Kim kim
    • By Kim kim 11th Jun 17, 10:49 PM
    • 1,967 Posts
    • 2,988 Thanks
    Kim kim
    Mine have helped themselves to healthy snacks since they were able to reach them. IMO, what they eat is about them not me and as long as they're not being greedy or making a mess it's nothing to do with manners as the food in the kitchen belongs to the family. I'm not there to dole out food as I see fit, I'm there to guide them so that they make good choices for themselves. They know what's healthy and what isn't and they know to ask if it's getting close to a meal time. I like the idea of them taking some responsibility for what they eat and when. They don't abuse it, in fact they're both very sensible about food. They have some treats that they help themselves to as well - they know that once they're gone they're gone for the week and, so far, they've always been very responsible. They're 5 and 7 years old, both average height and weight.
    Originally posted by rach_k
    I was pretty much like you, but my "kid" is now 30.
    I think it's odd having to ask permission to eat food in your own home, to be honest.
    • clairec79
    • By clairec79 12th Jun 17, 1:03 PM
    • 2,208 Posts
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    clairec79
    Mine pretty much ask, snacks they do ask for (although if I'm not in the teens may just take it - they used to text and ask) however at lunch time the elder three (all over 13) will just go and make their lunch without asking 'can I have X'

    The answer is usually yes or 'no, but you can have something else' - if what they want is earmarked for something else - for example the only fruit their younger brother will eat is bananas and his school insist on fruit for their breaktime snack - if an older one wants a banana in the evening, there's only one left but there are several apples and oranges I would say they couldn't have the banana but could have a different piece of fruit
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