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  • FIRST POST
    • whiskydeltafoxtrot
    • By whiskydeltafoxtrot 11th Jun 17, 6:24 PM
    • 2Posts
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    whiskydeltafoxtrot
    Is this bullying or just plain rude?
    • #1
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:24 PM
    Is this bullying or just plain rude? 11th Jun 17 at 6:24 PM
    I don't want to give too many details so i'll put it simply;
    Is leaving someone out of things, ignoring their birthday, yet making a huge fuss of others birthdays, not adding them to Facebook, even though all other employees are 'friends' together on there, bullying or am i being over sensitive?
    We all get on well- and laugh and joke together, yet they won't let me in their 'gang' and I'm starting to feel unhappy and left out.

    I should add these aren't kids nor am I (all in late 40s/50s)
Page 1
    • zx81
    • By zx81 11th Jun 17, 6:33 PM
    • 14,154 Posts
    • 14,851 Thanks
    zx81
    • #2
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:33 PM
    • #2
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:33 PM
    Over sensitive.
    • avogadro
    • By avogadro 11th Jun 17, 6:37 PM
    • 3,645 Posts
    • 6,297 Thanks
    avogadro
    • #3
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:37 PM
    • #3
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:37 PM
    Why would you want to be in their gang, given the way they behave towards 'outsiders'? It all sounds very silly and childish to me.
    • Undervalued
    • By Undervalued 11th Jun 17, 6:41 PM
    • 3,175 Posts
    • 2,893 Thanks
    Undervalued
    • #4
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:41 PM
    • #4
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:41 PM
    Is this bullying or just plain rude?
    No and no!

    Nothing says you have to be friends with people you work with. As long as they deal with you in a professional manner regarding work that is all that matters.
    • xapprenticex
    • By xapprenticex 11th Jun 17, 6:55 PM
    • 1,274 Posts
    • 1,185 Thanks
    xapprenticex
    • #5
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:55 PM
    • #5
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:55 PM
    Is this school or something? wana be in the gang. i take it you are a teen or early twenties, you still have time to learn.


    whops, i just noticed your last sentence. seriously, get over it imo, they are just colleagues, if they upgrade to friends, then great, otherwise, do your 9 till 5.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 11th Jun 17, 6:57 PM
    • 15,302 Posts
    • 38,407 Thanks
    elsien
    • #6
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:57 PM
    • #6
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:57 PM
    Don't ever mix work and social media - recipe for disaster. You're better off out of that one.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 11th Jun 17, 7:06 PM
    • 3,065 Posts
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    gettingtheresometime
    • #7
    • 11th Jun 17, 7:06 PM
    • #7
    • 11th Jun 17, 7:06 PM
    I have to say that someone, in casual conversation, mentioned that the boss had set up a chat group on snapchat of all the team bar me.

    It was at that point I realised that my feelings of just being tolerated were correct and gave me the push to leave.

    I do agree with the comment that Facebook and work colleagues rarely mix
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • xapprenticex
    • By xapprenticex 11th Jun 17, 7:15 PM
    • 1,274 Posts
    • 1,185 Thanks
    xapprenticex
    • #8
    • 11th Jun 17, 7:15 PM
    • #8
    • 11th Jun 17, 7:15 PM
    ^ Awesome, when the crap hits the fan, you can sit back with an inner grin watching the fireworks knowing nobody can approach you because you weren't involved.

    I admit ive never had an issue fitting in at work, i believe ive always been one of the 'main' guys if you know what i mean but if i were in a situation where i was not liked i dont think i'd care much because I know that I have friends with or without them and a life with or without them so no big deal, their loss really.
    • TELLIT01
    • By TELLIT01 11th Jun 17, 8:08 PM
    • 4,126 Posts
    • 4,254 Thanks
    TELLIT01
    • #9
    • 11th Jun 17, 8:08 PM
    • #9
    • 11th Jun 17, 8:08 PM
    I've never been a great one for mixing my work and private life so this sort of thing wouldn't bother me at all. However, if the OP is being totally sidelined at work - on work related issues, that does need to be raised.
    • xapprenticex
    • By xapprenticex 11th Jun 17, 8:12 PM
    • 1,274 Posts
    • 1,185 Thanks
    xapprenticex
    IMO, no point raising it, it will only make things worse.

    I've seen people join my team and they were not liked, and i saw that its impossible to make colleagues like you, if they dont want to associate like that, then they wont, whether you raise it or not.

    If they are communicating work issues with you (The reason you are there) then there is nothing to raise.
    • DCFC79
    • By DCFC79 11th Jun 17, 8:20 PM
    • 30,300 Posts
    • 19,166 Thanks
    DCFC79
    Over sensitive for sure.
    Can people stop loaning money/being a guarator to family/friends, it rarely ends well and you lose out as your money is gone or you get shafted with being a guarantor.
    • sangie595
    • By sangie595 11th Jun 17, 10:31 PM
    • 4,055 Posts
    • 6,582 Thanks
    sangie595
    I don't want to give too many details so i'll put it simply;
    Is leaving someone out of things, ignoring their birthday, yet making a huge fuss of others birthdays, not adding them to Facebook, even though all other employees are 'friends' together on there, bullying or am i being over sensitive?
    We all get on well- and laugh and joke together, yet they won't let me in their 'gang' and I'm starting to feel unhappy and left out.

    I should add these aren't kids nor am I (all in late 40s/50s)
    Originally posted by whiskydeltafoxtrot
    You go to work to earn a living. That's it.

    And if you aren't in the Facebook group, you are probably the one who doesn't get sacked for whatever it is that is stupidly said on Facebook.

    Go to work. Be pleasant, Go home. Spend time with friends. Don't get the two things confused. There is no reason they should be the same thing, and it is often better when they aren't.
    • bouicca21
    • By bouicca21 12th Jun 17, 10:08 AM
    • 3,244 Posts
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    bouicca21
    I would never ever have my colleagues as friends on Facebook.
    • sangie595
    • By sangie595 12th Jun 17, 10:20 AM
    • 4,055 Posts
    • 6,582 Thanks
    sangie595
    I would never ever have my colleagues as friends on Facebook.
    Originally posted by bouicca21
    Bearing in mind what I see nearly every week, a very wise decision. "I only said it in private, to the 576 people I work with who are friends on Facebook" is the defence that never works!
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 12th Jun 17, 10:25 AM
    • 28,545 Posts
    • 72,698 Thanks
    Mojisola
    Is leaving someone out of things, ignoring their birthday, yet making a huge fuss of others birthdays, not adding them to Facebook, even though all other employees are 'friends' together on there, bullying or am i being over sensitive?

    We all get on well- and laugh and joke together, yet they won't let me in their 'gang' and I'm starting to feel unhappy and left out.
    Originally posted by whiskydeltafoxtrot
    Don't ever mix work and social media - recipe for disaster. You're better off out of that one.
    Originally posted by elsien
    I wouldn't mix work and social media either - but, if you don't like the atmosphere that the clique create at work, start looking for another job.

    Some work cliques like to keep someone on the outside - it makes them feel superior and you have to be very thick-skinned for it not to get to you at times.
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 12th Jun 17, 12:49 PM
    • 6,039 Posts
    • 7,788 Thanks
    TBagpuss
    I'd look at it as separate issues.

    - they haven't included you on facebook - ignore this. It's like not inviting you to events outside work, cliquey but irrelevant to your work life.
    - leaving your out of things. If they are leaving you out of the loop on work related things, then it is an issue and it would not be unreasonable for you to address it (e.g. "I notice that I am often not included on the group emails / invited to the meetings about [work issue]. I'm sure it is an oversight but can you make sure I am included in future?"). Then if it continues raise it with your line manager as an issue which is affecting your work.
    - If the things that you are left out of are non-work related but do include absolutely everyone except you, then it is harder but I think it has the potential to become bullying. Again, I'd consider starting with an informal approach - e.g. "I noticed that there seems to be a celebration for everyone's birthdays but that I'm not invited to take part. Is there a birthday club you all donate to to fund hose celebration which I can join, or is there another reason?"

    That way, it doesn't come across as petty or aggressive on your part, the implication is that they have overlooked you inadvertently. If you want to be involved, you can also chose to do so - for instance, if someone else's birthday is coming up, ask if there is a collection or card and sign / donate.

    If you have one-to-one meetings with your line manager you could also bring it up with them - not in a 'they missed out my birthday' way but more 'I've noticed that I'm excluded from all of the social / birthday events .I'm concerned that I've upset people in some way or that they resent me for some reason. Do you know what's behind it , and can you suggest anything I can do to improve things, as it does make for an uncomfortable working environment"

    I have to say that as an employer, if there was a single person being treated in this way I would be concerned, if it was a smaller clique which was very close and didn't involve people outside their clique (i.e. of they were 'excluding' more than one person) I would be less inclined to get involved unless their actions started to impact their, or others work.
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 12th Jun 17, 1:08 PM
    • 4,677 Posts
    • 7,452 Thanks
    Gavin83
    I have colleagues in work who I'm also friends with and therefore spend a fair amount of time with outside of work. Similarly I have other colleagues who are the sort of people I wouldn't be friends with and therefore I don't spend any out of work time with them. It's not bullying, it's just life. Someone attempting to force me to be friends wth them is likely to build resentment more than anything else. I did have a situation like this at work with someone complaining they were left out of non work events. Unsurprisingly we're still not friends now.

    As long as it isn't affecting your work and they treat you in a professional way in the office then I feel you have no complain.

    Work social events are a little different, I wouldn't expect people to be left out of these but there is a clear line here.
    • Trina90
    • By Trina90 12th Jun 17, 1:18 PM
    • 127 Posts
    • 156 Thanks
    Trina90
    I added one of my colleagues who seems to have rejected my request. It does baffle me, since we have 18 mutual friends (so she does add other colleagues), and she talks to me at work and will approach me for help (I've been there longer and higher than her). Social media is a great way to question yourself and give you a complex.
    Mortgage started 2015: £150,000
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    • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • By ScorpiondeRooftrouser 12th Jun 17, 1:22 PM
    • 2,042 Posts
    • 3,069 Thanks
    ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    My colleagues at work keep inviting me to things and I keep refusing, because I don't want to spend my social time in their company. I don't like them enough.

    Am I bullying them?
    • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • By ScorpiondeRooftrouser 12th Jun 17, 1:26 PM
    • 2,042 Posts
    • 3,069 Thanks
    ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    I added one of my colleagues who seems to have rejected my request. It does baffle me, since we have 18 mutual friends (so she does add other colleagues), and she talks to me at work and will approach me for help (I've been there longer and higher than her). Social media is a great way to question yourself and give you a complex.
    Originally posted by Trina90

    There's your answer. It's perfectly understandable and sensible not to want anyone in authority over you at work to see your Facebook.
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