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  • FIRST POST
    • gilbutre
    • By gilbutre 11th Jun 17, 9:56 AM
    • 355Posts
    • 61Thanks
    gilbutre
    My [37M] wife [33F] sulks for 4-5 days almost every time we have an argument
    • #1
    • 11th Jun 17, 9:56 AM
    My [37M] wife [33F] sulks for 4-5 days almost every time we have an argument 11th Jun 17 at 9:56 AM
    Does it sound normal to you?
Page 1
    • avogadro
    • By avogadro 11th Jun 17, 10:03 AM
    • 3,318 Posts
    • 5,664 Thanks
    avogadro
    • #2
    • 11th Jun 17, 10:03 AM
    • #2
    • 11th Jun 17, 10:03 AM
    Passive aggression. Normal behaviour for some people, but not something I would (or could) put up with.
    • PasturesNew
    • By PasturesNew 11th Jun 17, 10:06 AM
    • 59,904 Posts
    • 350,179 Thanks
    PasturesNew
    • #3
    • 11th Jun 17, 10:06 AM
    • #3
    • 11th Jun 17, 10:06 AM
    It might be .... to answer people'd really need to have been a witness to the whole argument and previous arguments etc etc.

    It could be something she is doing - or something she is doing because of you, so it might be 'your fault'.

    She might be sulking because she lost and doesn't like losing an argument.
    She might be sulking because you weren't listening and she should've won the argument as you're just wrong.

    Is she child-like?
    Are you child-like?

    Is she like that with everybody? Or just you?
    Do other people in your life stop speaking to you?

    It's complex.
    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 11th Jun 17, 10:15 AM
    • 1,934 Posts
    • 1,789 Thanks
    arbrighton
    • #4
    • 11th Jun 17, 10:15 AM
    • #4
    • 11th Jun 17, 10:15 AM
    What are the random numbers/ letters about?
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 11th Jun 17, 10:27 AM
    • 2,750 Posts
    • 6,144 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    • #5
    • 11th Jun 17, 10:27 AM
    • #5
    • 11th Jun 17, 10:27 AM
    What are the random numbers/ letters about?
    Originally posted by arbrighton
    I think it's to indicate the age & sex of the parties involved.

    Isn't this a case of deja vu?
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - the Argos Card!
    • rach_k
    • By rach_k 11th Jun 17, 11:26 AM
    • 1,009 Posts
    • 1,710 Thanks
    rach_k
    • #6
    • 11th Jun 17, 11:26 AM
    • #6
    • 11th Jun 17, 11:26 AM
    It depends what the arguments are about!

    You left a teabag in the sink - way OTT and unusual.

    You had an affair - probably an under-reaction

    You left a teabag in the sink for the 106th time despite her asking you not to and explaining that it upsets her but you tell her to **** off and tidy it up herself - maybe justified.
    • gilbutre
    • By gilbutre 11th Jun 17, 11:32 AM
    • 355 Posts
    • 61 Thanks
    gilbutre
    • #7
    • 11th Jun 17, 11:32 AM
    • #7
    • 11th Jun 17, 11:32 AM
    It might be .... to answer people'd really need to have been a witness to the whole argument and previous arguments etc etc.

    It could be something she is doing - or something she is doing because of you, so it might be 'your fault'.

    She might be sulking because she lost and doesn't like losing an argument.
    She might be sulking because you weren't listening and she should've won the argument as you're just wrong.

    Is she child-like?
    Are you child-like?

    Is she like that with everybody? Or just you?
    Do other people in your life stop speaking to you?

    It's complex.
    Originally posted by PasturesNew
    She has a problem with time, scheduling things and is kinda negligent about it, as a result of which I sometimes find myself forced by her to fix the consequences, like four days ago. I refused to do so and now she sulks.

    We're both generally not child-like, she does that only with me (but only lives with me too so...) and is the only one doing it with me (same, I only live with her)
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 11th Jun 17, 11:46 AM
    • 12,698 Posts
    • 16,895 Thanks
    Gloomendoom
    • #8
    • 11th Jun 17, 11:46 AM
    • #8
    • 11th Jun 17, 11:46 AM
    What are the random numbers/ letters about?
    Originally posted by arbrighton
    I thought they were clothing measurements or something.
    Advice; it rhymes with mice. Advise; it rhymes with wise.
    • gilbutre
    • By gilbutre 11th Jun 17, 12:00 PM
    • 355 Posts
    • 61 Thanks
    gilbutre
    • #9
    • 11th Jun 17, 12:00 PM
    • #9
    • 11th Jun 17, 12:00 PM
    Passive aggression. Normal behaviour for some people, but not something I would (or could) put up with.
    Originally posted by avogadro
    I told her to stop doing that, 5 days feels excessive to me. But she doesn't. I won't divorce for that, we have kids too. Only idea I have is when she comes back to me I tell her "my turn, see you in 5 days". Or maybe I can say 10 days. Apart from that I have no clue how to manage it.
    • chesky
    • By chesky 11th Jun 17, 12:09 PM
    • 781 Posts
    • 1,066 Thanks
    chesky
    People who are sulkers (personally I prefer a good row) generally show it sooner rather than later. So if she only shows it with you and it wasn't in evidence before you married, then you've probably driven her to it.
    • avogadro
    • By avogadro 11th Jun 17, 12:16 PM
    • 3,318 Posts
    • 5,664 Thanks
    avogadro
    I told her to stop doing that, 5 days feels excessive to me. But she doesn't. I won't divorce for that, we have kids too. Only idea I have is when she comes back to me I tell her "my turn, see you in 5 days". Or maybe I can say 10 days. Apart from that I have no clue how to manage it.
    Originally posted by gilbutre
    What is the sulker trying to gain from the situation? Power over somebody else, perhaps? The enjoyment of having somebody chase after them and try to get them to talk. Perhaps they have in mind refusing to speak until the 'wrong' that's been done to them gets rectified.

    Making them feel and look silly for being so childish is probably the best course of action.
    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 11th Jun 17, 12:21 PM
    • 1,934 Posts
    • 1,789 Thanks
    arbrighton
    What a lot of 'i' in your posts.

    I told her

    I won't divorce
    • PeacefulWaters
    • By PeacefulWaters 11th Jun 17, 12:32 PM
    • 6,849 Posts
    • 8,435 Thanks
    PeacefulWaters
    Leave her to sulk.

    Carry on with your normal household duties. Make her a drink / wash up / whatever you would normally contribute.

    But don't communicate verbally until she does.

    It's a form of control. So don't change your behaviour to submit to that control.

    I gave up two decades to this sort of nonsense. I'd recommend reviewing your no divorce approach. Unless it's always "time of the month" when it happens.
    • gilbutre
    • By gilbutre 11th Jun 17, 12:38 PM
    • 355 Posts
    • 61 Thanks
    gilbutre
    I gave up two decades to this sort of nonsense. I'd recommend reviewing your no divorce approach. Unless it's always "time of the month" when it happens.
    Originally posted by PeacefulWaters
    I didn't get these two sentences.
    • avogadro
    • By avogadro 11th Jun 17, 12:51 PM
    • 3,318 Posts
    • 5,664 Thanks
    avogadro
    I didn't get these two sentences.
    Originally posted by gilbutre
    I read it as PeacefulWaters finally divorcing their passive-aggressive wife/husband after putting up with two decades of their sulking, and implying you could do the same, providing there are no bona fide medical reasons for the behaviour.
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 11th Jun 17, 1:47 PM
    • 29,779 Posts
    • 17,805 Thanks
    getmore4less
    I didn't get these two sentences.
    Originally posted by gilbutre
    Seriously,

    you have problems if you don't get the basics.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 11th Jun 17, 1:54 PM
    • 5,450 Posts
    • 24,785 Thanks
    thorsoak
    I told her to stop doing that, 5 days feels excessive to me. But she doesn't. I won't divorce for that, we have kids too. Only idea I have is when she comes back to me I tell her "my turn, see you in 5 days". Or maybe I can say 10 days. Apart from that I have no clue how to manage it.
    Originally posted by gilbutre
    For heaven's sake - you sound as bad as one another ..."I TOLD her to stop"..... - the pair of you need to discuss your relationship. You have children together - so stop acting like children behave like the adults you are supposed to be. It's not a case of tit for tat.
    • PeacefulWaters
    • By PeacefulWaters 11th Jun 17, 2:23 PM
    • 6,849 Posts
    • 8,435 Thanks
    PeacefulWaters
    I didn't get these two sentences.
    Originally posted by gilbutre
    Grab a beer and read it again later.
    • balletshoes
    • By balletshoes 11th Jun 17, 3:03 PM
    • 15,795 Posts
    • 40,255 Thanks
    balletshoes
    Does it sound normal to you?
    Originally posted by gilbutre
    I think out of all of us you'd be the only person who'd be able to judge if its normal for her, after all you know her, we don't.
    • goodwithsaving
    • By goodwithsaving 11th Jun 17, 3:10 PM
    • 618 Posts
    • 927 Thanks
    goodwithsaving
    We're only getting one side of the story here. You both sound childish, her with the apparent sulking and you with your consideration over how to handle it.

    If your children are young, does she work? Does she feel supported? Does she have a life beyond the family home? Do you listen to her and how she feels? Is she unhappy?

    You get my drift. Talk it out with her not a bunch of strangers who will only side with you. Don't let the resentment build.
    Every time you borrow money, you’re robbing your future self. –Nathan W. Morris
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