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  • FIRST POST
    • Pay_me
    • By Pay_me 10th Jun 17, 9:02 PM
    • 138Posts
    • 87Thanks
    Pay_me
    Dating in your mid 30's
    • #1
    • 10th Jun 17, 9:02 PM
    Dating in your mid 30's 10th Jun 17 at 9:02 PM
    So, approaching my mid 30's and single after splitting from a long term partner end of last year.

    Been trying to get back out there to find potential new romantic partners and have absolutely no idea how to in my current situation.

    When I was younger it was a lot easier grab a mate or two go for a few drinks. It is how I met now ex.

    My current situation is that I have no mates up for the nights out anymore everyone is married, kids etc. Catchups are few and far between and usually involve quite group meals and early nights. It isn't helped that I have no mates close to me (well I have one in the same town but he is happy in a relationship and doesn't drink). All my other closest mates are now spread across the country with the closest being about 90miles away. Life, work and relationships took us all in different directions over the last 10 years.

    I joined the crazy world of online dating and that is turning in to a disaster 4 months on Tinder and not a single match. 4 months on Match.com and Pof and not a single conversation of any worth. I admit I am not the most photogenic nor am I a hunk but I am not a disaster zone either!! I have let female friends in work tweak my profiles, pick photos, send messages etc. all in the hope I can get a break but nothing.

    I recently joined a few clubs to get out of the house, gym classes, hobbies everyone is significantly younger or older, where are the 28-35 year olds hiding these days?

    So anyone in the same boat? anyone have any ideas as to how I can improve my chances? How I wish I was in my early 20's again it was so easy back then!!

    Cheers
    Last edited by Pay_me; 10-06-2017 at 9:30 PM.
Page 2
    • mariposa687
    • By mariposa687 11th Jun 17, 8:59 PM
    • 79 Posts
    • 97 Thanks
    mariposa687
    I'll admit I am picky and after my past relationship having been through so much I won't put up with a lot of things.I don't want to date someone with kids - it's too complicated. I've also had lots of sleazy messages - one guy thought he was Christian Grey - which is creepy and very intense for someone you don't even know. My pictures are decent before anyone says it might be what I put up there. When I say someone is good looking I don't mean that in the way that a guy has big muscles, I mean someone who I find attractive
    and you can't really control that.

    For example, WibblyGirly may look at someone and think he's hot whereas I might not. It's very subjective.

    Going on a date with someone I met online does scare me to be honest, I've never done it before as I met my ex through work. My confidence when it comes to these things isn't great but I'm working on it.
    Last edited by mariposa687; 11-06-2017 at 9:00 PM. Reason: Spelling
    • PeacefulWaters
    • By PeacefulWaters 11th Jun 17, 10:03 PM
    • 7,152 Posts
    • 8,806 Thanks
    PeacefulWaters
    Well I'm an ugly so and so but had a ball online dating. Yes, there were disappointments but also met some great people.

    Three sentence opening line.

    If you get a reply ask a few mild questions.

    Don't mention the size of anything.

    Four or five exchanges in suggest meeting up. Somewhere benign like a coffee shop or popular walking location.

    Don't get upset at rejection. Don't be afraid to reject.

    (Or for "real life" meeting people look at the Corey Wayne stuff on YouTube)

    Get yourself confident in who you are. Don't worry about what others think of you.
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 12th Jun 17, 4:04 PM
    • 3,570 Posts
    • 2,905 Thanks
    dekaspace
    The narrow age group, I just prefer someone a similar age to me, the older you go the more chance of ex wives/kids/step kids etc and I don't want that. I don't want to be anyones second marriage or step parent.

    For the messages, the short ones looked like a copy and paste generic message, I didn't respond to those as they were usually accompanied with a near empty profile page. The ones who send huge paragraphs tended to be older guys (I was 25, they'd be in their 30s) and I just honestly couldn't be bothered to read a wall of text of some older guy planning where he would take me on a date.I also had a message from an empty profile saying he wanted to tie me up in his basement

    I am picky, can't deny it, after finishing a long term relationship I was being super choosy over what I wanted in a guy and pof makes it easy for me to ignore the ones I didn't like. I didn't want to go on dodgy dates with guys just because we had a few things in common. I lucked out, my partner had a good profile, an original first message to me and lots of cute pictures that showed him as a real person (unlike many who had poser shots with their shirts off).
    Originally posted by WibblyGirly
    I used to think in my early 20's I'd prefer someone my age range too and without kids but still saw older and with kids as an option, for me it was more I felt I didn't want to go straight into a intense relationship without the honeymood period than anything else.

    But as someone who struggles with a icebreaker I know how hard it would be to get that initial contact across.

    You are stuck between on a profile writing everything about your life for a potential partner to see something they like, or writing nothing and coming across as dull, and of course women have so many messages by default and online dating in itself has become an extension of the real world dating issues like the confident men doing well and the quiet ones struggling, I see it as if someone is online dating (which has stigma attached anyway) then maybe they are there as they are not very good at first impressions, so they are putting themselves out there but then like real world as said above the confident people get seen first.

    And hopefully not sounding sexist but women still like to be swept off their feet, and charmed, imagine a timid man trying to charm someone.

    Every woman I have dated (even one night stands) have been from face to face interactions and most after shes shown a interest in me first as it means shes less defensive about being chatted to and means less pressure on me.

    With online I don't have that but also too old to do the nightclub dating scene.

    So it all goes back to any man especially who isn't the life of the party would struggle to get that initial icebreaker out of the way.

    And I find it strange when anyone male or female claims they dislike being single and struggle to find anyone but then is picky (at most maybe some logical though to the pickiness is understood)

    I for example am not picky as much as I find almost everyone attractive in fact more attracted to frumpy women who are cute and sweet as they feel sweet and natural than one who spends hours in front of mirror even if shes sweet as well, when I do see the random person my heart beats fast for and I can't stop looking at (not literally) I tend to notice its more body language than anything else and a bit of personality.

    So you could show me a stunning woman with a perfect personality who is smitten with me and into the same things and I would find them attractive but it would feel more like friends with benefits than a relationship, then a random woman come across who is plain, has different interests and my heart would beat so fast it feels like it will burst out of my chest!
    • Huwbert
    • By Huwbert 12th Jun 17, 9:25 PM
    • 78 Posts
    • 52 Thanks
    Huwbert
    I have the same problem, being a 39yo bloke, whose never married and not got kids (and doesn't want any tbh). Had a date yesterday from POF and I thought it went well, but got the old chestnut of "no spark" as the response when I suggested a second date. Never get any replies off Match, and have joined several sports clubs and social clubs (Meetup.com is a great site to find different groups in your area based on activities/common interests).

    I may sound daft but I wish that I could get honest feedback from dates similar to teh feedback you get from an interview. Even better would be to have someone feeding me advice via an earpiece during the first date as I can sometimes get a bit stuck for what to say, in a similar way that the experts used to help people on the TV show "Would Like to Meet"!

    And yes, when I join social groups such as walking groups etc, I seem to be the youngest by about 10yrs and a lot of the people in the groups seem to be already partnered off. I have asked my mates if they know of any single people outside our social circle, but by my age now, most people seem to already be partnered off.
    • PeacefulWaters
    • By PeacefulWaters 12th Jun 17, 9:38 PM
    • 7,152 Posts
    • 8,806 Thanks
    PeacefulWaters
    I have the same problem, being a 39yo bloke, whose never married and not got kids (and doesn't want any tbh). Had a date yesterday from POF and I thought it went well, but got the old chestnut of "no spark" as the response when I suggested a second date. Never get any replies off Match, and have joined several sports clubs and social clubs (Meetup.com is a great site to find different groups in your area based on activities/common interests).

    I may sound daft but I wish that I could get honest feedback from dates similar to teh feedback you get from an interview. Even better would be to have someone feeding me advice via an earpiece during the first date as I can sometimes get a bit stuck for what to say, in a similar way that the experts used to help people on the TV show "Would Like to Meet"!

    And yes, when I join social groups such as walking groups etc, I seem to be the youngest by about 10yrs and a lot of the people in the groups seem to be already partnered off. I have asked my mates if they know of any single people outside our social circle, but by my age now, most people seem to already be partnered off.
    Originally posted by Huwbert
    When you walk into a supermarket you're not interested in 99% of what's on offer.

    It's the same with online dating. For both parties.

    Screw feedback. Be confident. Have a few open questions lined up. This means she'll do most of the talking. I used to be frustrated at never getting a word in edge ways and then realised these were the dates most likely to reach second date.
    • svain
    • By svain 12th Jun 17, 10:19 PM
    • 182 Posts
    • 338 Thanks
    svain
    If i wanted to date again, ide be trying to find a proper introduction agency ... Im guessing it would be pricey but that would whittle out the timewasters and hopefully improve chances finding someone to spark with
    • Huwbert
    • By Huwbert 13th Jun 17, 6:26 PM
    • 78 Posts
    • 52 Thanks
    Huwbert
    I did ask plenty of open questions consciously making sure I didn't talk the hind leg of a proverbial donkey, but hey ho, some you win, some you lose!
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