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  • FIRST POST
    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 30th May 17, 2:18 PM
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    Bath cube
    First wife wants to take control of ex husbands funeral
    • #1
    • 30th May 17, 2:18 PM
    First wife wants to take control of ex husbands funeral 30th May 17 at 2:18 PM
    HI all. This bank holiday weekend I have been to see family in Sheffield ( where I was born and raised) and a cousin lost her husband a fortnight ago. He was 12 years her senior and they had been wed for 17 years next month. He had been married previously to meeting my cousin and had two children who are now 30 and 32 respectively. My cousin intends to carry out his wishes for the funeral and she told me that he mentioned a while back if he were to die he did not want his ex to attend his funeral or wake as she caused the marriage to end by cheating on him multiple times. However his son and daughter insist that she attends with them and is involved with the planning. His ex works at the local council run crematorium and cemetery although my cousin says the funeral will not be held at that particular one, it will be at another two miles from the one his ex works at instead. My cousins husbands ex wife called to see my cousin 3 days after he died and asked if he had made any will legal or otherwise and told my cousin that the house she lives in might not necessarily be going hers to stay in. His ex also asked to see any policies or life assurance documents insisting he had one drawn up whilst married to her for a large sum and it should go to her children. My cousin told her to keep her nose out and that she no longer is the next of kin etc but his ex says she will get a solicitor involved. The house is paid for with no mortgage remaining and his ex is aware of this. My cousin has the deeds in a safe back at the house. Can his ex wife cause trouble for my cousin and would she have to leave the house and his children get any policy and the property?. His ex tells my cousin that his family are on her side and think she should attend the funeral and the children get everything that he owned. My cousin isn't a very assertive 37 year old and I fear this woman and her children will get their way. What can my cousin do?. Is it just hot air the ex is talking or does my cousin really need legal help quickly?. Any advice from anyone who has experienced a similar situation is welcome.
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    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 5th Jun 17, 5:33 PM
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    Yorkshireman99
    Got home to hear that my cousin has contacted a number for the local probate office. Now her husbands daughter is saying when my cousin dies any property etc should go to her or her brother and my cousin can't sell the house and move away elsewhere. My cousin wants to sell up and move away once all this is over.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    They are talking 100% pure BS. What they are doing is bordering on harassment. It might almost be worth her making a formal complaint to the police about it.

    Harassment Act

    "Under this Act, it is now an offence for a person to pursue a course of action which amounts to harassment of another individual, and that they know or ought to know amounts to harassment. Under this act the definition of harassment is behaviour which causes alarm or distress."
    Last edited by Yorkshireman99; 05-06-2017 at 5:39 PM.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 5th Jun 17, 5:39 PM
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    Mojisola
    Got home to hear that my cousin has contacted a number for the local probate office. Now her husbands daughter is saying when my cousin dies any property etc should go to her or her brother and my cousin can't sell the house and move away elsewhere. My cousin wants to sell up and move away once all this is over.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    She really needs to completely cut communications with them.

    She can do what she wants with her house.

    If she doesn't have anyone specific that she wants to leave her estate to, she could leave something to her husband's children but if they keep on badgering her, she probably won't want to.
    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 5th Jun 17, 7:31 PM
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    Bath cube
    On the deeds to the house only her husbands name in on them. They moved to this present house 5 years ago having sold the previous one. If they were married when the present property was purchased shouldn't the solicitor have named my cousin on them too?. It looks like her husband wanted everything in his name only. I don't like to say this but she might be better off and happier now he is dead and I think she feels like I do.
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 5th Jun 17, 8:17 PM
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    TBagpuss
    No. Whose name the house was put into would have been down to the instructions given at the time - the solicitor would have had no power to add your cousin.

    The critical thing here is what does the will say?

    Assuming that it either leaves everything to the wife, or that it specifically leaves the house to her , then what the children think and say is irrelevant.

    I would suggest that your cousin goes to see a solicitor with the will, and the information she has about the house ownership.

    Your cousin is free to make her own will. There is no automatic right for adult children to inherit. If the will leaves wife a life interest then things get more complicated, and she would need to speak to a solicitor, but even then it is likely that she would be able to move if she wanted to.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 5th Jun 17, 9:27 PM
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    Savvy_Sue
    Got home to hear that my cousin has contacted a number for the local probate office. Now her husbands daughter is saying when my cousin dies any property etc should go to her or her brother and my cousin can't sell the house and move away elsewhere. My cousin wants to sell up and move away once all this is over.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    IF the will leaves her only a Life Interest in the house, then this is possibly correct - it would mean that she was entitled to live in the house but that her husband had not left it to her. but I think a DIY will pack is unlikely to cover that eventuality.
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    • Loanranger
    • By Loanranger 5th Jun 17, 9:37 PM
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    Loanranger
    If she uses a solicitor for probate she may find that she racks up a large bill as the other side, the ex and the children, are using a solicitor and the two solicitors will be writing expensive letters. Your cousin will have to pay for all the letters her solicitor sends. Far better for your cousin to sort the probate herself with your help, it is not difficult and there is plenty of advice on line from the Probate Office about what to do.
    The important thing is not engage with his ex and children at all. They have no rights whatsoever.
    • Loanranger
    • By Loanranger 5th Jun 17, 9:39 PM
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    Loanranger
    PS If she does use a solicitor get an estimate and tell the solicitor it is contested.
    • clearingout
    • By clearingout 6th Jun 17, 7:58 PM
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    clearingout
    If nothing at all has been left to the children, I can imagine how awful that must feel. At the very least, I would make sure they have access to some of his possessions as keepsakes and it would surely be reasonable to make provision for them to receive whatever was their father's when your cousin passes on. Surely if they have been in your cousin's life for 17 years, she would want to do this?
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 6th Jun 17, 10:09 PM
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    gettingtheresometime
    If nothing at all has been left to the children, I can imagine how awful that must feel. At the very least, I would make sure they have access to some of his possessions as keepsakes and it would surely be reasonable to make provision for them to receive whatever was their father's when your cousin passes on. Surely if they have been in your cousin's life for 17 years, she would want to do this?
    Originally posted by clearingout
    I've been following this thread & have read nothing to suggest the cousin would have refused them any of their late father's possessions

    She's obviously a better person than I am as if I had been treated in a similar way by my stepchildren, they would have had a short sharp kick in touch.
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    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 7th Jun 17, 5:44 PM
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    Bath cube
    If it was on my cousins shoes I would have used the big F word to them long before now. I'm pleased that she has had some legal advice and was told that his ex and her over grown kids don't have a snowball in hello chance of trying to contest this. The house is only worth around one hundred and thirty thousand plus with savings and policies the total is way below the 250k threshold for probate. The son as I mentioned earlier is living with his mum and has tried to argue he needs some of the estate to buy a place of his own and that he may gain custody of his child one day. This remains to be seen since as his ex partners mother has been granted guardianship by the family courts and he can he has only just been allowed to see the child under supervision at a centre. Therefore probably unlikely he will have the child living with him until it comes of age and is capable of making their own decision. His mum (my cousins husbands ex wife) owns a 3 bed property whilst my cousins is only a 2 bed. So his son has a roof over his head anyway.
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 7th Jun 17, 5:49 PM
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    Yorkshireman99
    What is this £250,000 probate limit you talk of?
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 7th Jun 17, 6:36 PM
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    Mojisola
    I'm pleased that she has had some legal advice and was told that his ex and her over grown kids don't have a snowball in hello chance of trying to contest this. The house is only worth around one hundred and thirty thousand plus with savings and policies the total is way below the 250k threshold for probate.

    The son as I mentioned earlier is living with his mum and has tried to argue he needs some of the estate to buy a place of his own and that he may gain custody of his child one day. This remains to be seen since as his ex partners mother has been granted guardianship by the family courts and he can he has only just been allowed to see the child under supervision at a centre. Therefore probably unlikely he will have the child living with him until it comes of age and is capable of making their own decision. His mum (my cousins husbands ex wife) owns a 3 bed property whilst my cousins is only a 2 bed. So his son has a roof over his head anyway.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    All the stuff about the son is irrelevant - you don't inherit because you think you need some money!

    I think she's misunderstood about 250k being something to do with probate.

    The solicitor probably meant that even if the will isn't valid, the estate is below the level set by intestacy for the spouse to inherit it all.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 7th Jun 17, 9:13 PM
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    gettingtheresometime
    If it was on my cousins shoes I would have used the big F word to them long before now. I'm pleased that she has had some legal advice and was told that his ex and her over grown kids don't have a snowball in hello chance of trying to contest this. The house is only worth around one hundred and thirty thousand plus with savings and policies the total is way below the 250k threshold for probate. The son as I mentioned earlier is living with his mum and has tried to argue he needs some of the estate to buy a place of his own and that he may gain custody of his child one day. This remains to be seen since as his ex partners mother has been granted guardianship by the family courts and he can he has only just been allowed to see the child under supervision at a centre. Therefore probably unlikely he will have the child living with him until it comes of age and is capable of making their own decision. His mum (my cousins husbands ex wife) owns a 3 bed property whilst my cousins is only a 2 bed. So his son has a roof over his head anyway.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    He's trying to spin her a sob story.

    Tell him to foxtrot oscar
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    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 8th Jun 17, 10:47 AM
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    Red-Squirrel
    The children are 30 and 32 grown adults who should not need their mothers support.The first wife should respect her ex husbands wishes and not attend but if she does tell your cousin her husband would understand that there was nothing she could do as legally anyone can attend, she can however refuse to have her at any kind of wake.
    Originally posted by geminilady
    30 and 32 year olds who gave just lost their dad who was only 52.

    A dad who married a 20 year old when they were 15 and 13, which was probably pretty hard on them, and who they've just found out didn't bother to make any provision for them in his will. They've also discovered that their stepmother of 17 years apparently doesn't care about them very much or view them as her family.

    I think posters have been a bit hard on them. I'm older than these adult children but would still be pretty devastated in the situation they're in.
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 8th Jun 17, 11:12 AM
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    Yorkshireman99
    30 and 32 year olds who gave just lost their dad who was only 52.

    A dad who married a 20 year old when they were 15 and 13, which was probably pretty hard on them, and who they've just found out didn't bother to make any provision for them in his will. They've also discovered that their stepmother of 17 years apparently doesn't care about them very much or view them as her family.

    I think posters have been a bit hard on them. I'm older than these adult children but would still be pretty devastated in the situation they're in.
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    Life is tough! The adult children are trying it on big time. Legallly they are not entitled to anything from their father's estate but they are trying to deprive his widow of her legal entitlement. Their behaviour stinks
    • Aced2016
    • By Aced2016 8th Jun 17, 11:24 AM
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    Aced2016
    I think I look at it differently ! I think the ex is an absolute inconsiderate witch. Secondly her children are grown adults ! She has no place to be near her ex husbands funeral and he wasn't a recent ex either.

    And how sad is it the a man has unexpectedly lost his life, and all anyone can think of is money !!! Boils my blood. I would be disgusted if my children acted like this when I pass. His wife should have her home no questions asked. If she so chooses to give his children some money from the policies then so be it, however she was been widowed very young at 37 and £30,000 is not much at all.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 13th Jun 17, 8:28 PM
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    thorsoak
    Any will that the ex-wife has in her hands which was made prior to his marriage to his current wife is, as said before Null and Void. He made a new will upon his second marriage and this is the will that will stand.

    His adult children may attempt to claim that they are entitled to support - but they will have to prove in court that they were dependent upon him.
    • Ross Hickton
    • By Ross Hickton 14th Jun 17, 3:17 PM
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    Ross Hickton
    If the deceased didn't make any preferences legally known, then the decision falls to the next-of-kin (nearest relative). If the next of kin is unavailable or unable to make decisions of this nature, the next of kin hierarchy is followed until someone who is able to make these decisions can be found.

    In certain situations, such as an accident or disaster in which the next of kin was injured as well, the person with the right to control disposition might be temporarily incapable of making arrangements. In these cases, the degree of incapacity will have to be determined, usually by the doctor overseeing care for the next of kin.
    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 17th Jun 17, 1:38 AM
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    Bath cube
    The funeral took place today. The ex wife went to the service and the wake. The grown up son has got a solicitor involved as he plans to say he was financially dependent on his dad.
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 17th Jun 17, 7:00 AM
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    Yorkshireman99
    He is bluffing! Don't let him get away with it. Keep calm and come back here for any help. Up and at em!
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