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    • topaz94
    • By topaz94 25th May 17, 10:56 PM
    • 2Posts
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    topaz94
    Unreasonable to ask for more child support?
    • #1
    • 25th May 17, 10:56 PM
    Unreasonable to ask for more child support? 25th May 17 at 10:56 PM
    Hi everyone. So I am wondering what everyone thinks of the situation in regards to me claiming more child support even though I am already getting a considerable amount, is it unreasonable?

    I have a one year old daughter from a brief relationship with my ex partner who is a professional athlete. I have no idea of the exact figure of his salary but I assume it is above £10k a week, in addition he also owns a lot of property which is rented out.

    I have to give it to him that ever since our daughter was born, he has been an amazing father to her. He is working abroad but comes every day off and is very interested and involved in his daughters life (this is his first child). He is a great father, despite us not being able to get on very well, I try to make the best of the situation for our daughters sake.

    When she was born, we went on the CSA website and did an online calculation to see how much child support he should be paying. The figure came out at £300 a week, so he has been paying me £1200 a month which is a lot of money and helps a lot and the leftover after childcare goes in to savings for emergencies and my daughters future.

    My daughter was born extremely premature (at 24 weeks) due to this she has a variety of health conditions including lung disease (which requires 24 hour oxygen) and a hole in her heart. We are admitted to hospital at least once a month. Due to this, I have said she is not allowed to go to his house abroad because I do not want her to get sick and be that far away from me or in a foreign hospitals with doctors that may not know or understand her health conditions. He is not happy with this as he wants her to stay with him every month for a week, as I have refused I am now facing legal action. I had a letter from a solicitor stating what he wanted and they asked me if I was willing to agree to it. I said no and put forward my reasons and they said that they would be taking legal action then and advised me to seek my own legal advice, which I have done.

    My solicitor advised that the judge will likely find that due to her health issues and risk of sickness, he will likely not be granted permission for what he wants. However, she is encouraging me to ask for more child support. She says that the cma can only calculate an entitlement for child support based on a maximum income (around £3000 a week) which his exceeds. I have been reading about it online and it suggests people who have an income higher than this "need to apply to the courts for a child support top up" She has suggested contacting his solicitor on my behalf and asking him to offer a higher amount then if I am not happy with that, apply to the courts for an increase.

    I work full-time myself so the child support he gives me combined with my wage gives me a lot more financial freedom than I would otherwise have. I know I would be entitled to a higher amount I just don't know if I should claim it even though I could? He is a good father and I know if she needed anything, he would be there. But the other part of me feels like it could do so much good for both me and my daughter. Currently im spending £500 a month on childcare and over £900 on rent (which is all my salary gone) with additional money I could hopefully get on to the property ladder, create savings for my daughter to get through uni and just afford a better life for her.
Page 2
    • LannieDuck
    • By LannieDuck 26th May 17, 12:33 PM
    • 2,275 Posts
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    LannieDuck
    Ask your ex if he would be willing to set up a trust fund for DD, that boosts her future, is for her benefit, and maybe takes some financial strain off you in terms of saving for her future.
    Originally posted by KxMx
    I was going to suggest this too.

    I hope your relationship with your Ex remains civil, and he remains committed to his daughter. It sounds promising at the moment However, this isn't always the case (these stories sometimes take an unexpected turn when an ex starts a new family, or when the PWC finds a new partner). There's no guarantee that his promise to pay for school / university fees will still be there when your daughter gets to the right age.

    Could your solicitor find a way to point out that child maintenance would ordinarily be higher at his level of income, that you aren't seeking to 'feather your nest' at his expense, but that you'd like to request at additional sum be put into a trust fund for your daughter to access when she turns 18 for the purpose of uni fees?
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    • Soundgirlrocks
    • By Soundgirlrocks 26th May 17, 12:49 PM
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    Soundgirlrocks
    I think the fair way would be look at what your daughter costs are - child care, food, clothes, medical treatments etc. personally I think the maintenance should cover 50% of that.
    • martinsurrey
    • By martinsurrey 26th May 17, 1:02 PM
    • 2,978 Posts
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    martinsurrey
    In theory, the father is having none of the difficulties making ends meet, attending hospital appointments, juggling work and child care.
    Originally posted by pmlindyloo
    He wants some of this, but OP is stopping him having time with his child

    It takes two to make a child and with that goes the responsibility of raising that child. Your ex has the financial means to do so and I can see no reason why he shouldn't shoulder that responsibility. Not every father is in the financial position to do so but he is.
    Originally posted by pmlindyloo
    Again, the responsibility is not just financial, the father seems to want to take PROPER responsibility for his child, but OP seems to want total control of every aspect.

    Having said that he should also be allowed to see his child as much as possible so I do think you need to make sure that this happens even if it means your accompanying your child on holidays abroad.
    Originally posted by pmlindyloo
    Why does it have to be thought as a holiday! OP works full time, this father probably works less than her, why could it not be joint custody? nothing stopping the father learning the medical records and care needs.
    • maman
    • By maman 26th May 17, 1:08 PM
    • 16,371 Posts
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    maman
    It's natural but I think you're letting your anxieties over her health cloud your judgement. You've convinced yourself that only you can cope with her condition and don't want to lose control.


    There's been a lot in the press lately about women (and it almost always is women) expecting meal tickets from previous partners. The general feeling is that this will come to an end. And rightly so IMO. In this case you've not even contributed to his wealth as it was just a brief relationship.


    I appreciate that you're worried about your DD's health problems but as you can continue with a full time job she can obviously be cared for by someone else on a daily basis.


    It's a shame it could go to court as lots of money will be wasted on legal fees. I'd have thought (hoped even) that doctors could give an independent judgement to the courts whether or not your DD was fit enough to travel and stay away from home every month. It sounds like her dad could afford any amount of care even a nanny/nurse when she's with him.Have you asked your own doctors for their professional view?


    I believe you're asking the questions because you're uncomfortable contemplating this. Your gut reaction is right.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 26th May 17, 1:31 PM
    • 27,965 Posts
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    Mojisola
    It's a shame it could go to court as lots of money will be wasted on legal fees.
    Originally posted by maman
    Not only that - if the OP totally refuses to allow the father to share care, he could decide to ask the court to make him the parent with care or at least have 50/50 care.

    He's got plenty of money to provide care and private health cover, a home in the sun (the climate could be better for her health) and has shown a strong commitment to his child.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 26th May 17, 1:52 PM
    • 15,703 Posts
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    FBaby
    We are admitted to hospital at least once a month. Due to this, I have said she is not allowed to go to his house abroad because I do not want her to get sick and be that far away from me or in a foreign hospitals with doctors that may not know or understand her health conditions. He is not happy with this as he wants her to stay with him every month for a week, as I have refused I am now facing legal action.
    There seem to be a misunderstanding here in relation to her risk for medical care and anxiety. I do understand your stress at the idea of being separated from your baby especially if she were to have to admitted to hospital. At the same time, it is right that he should be able to have time with her on his own and himself gain confidence is being able to look after her, including if she was to go to hospital.

    Could a compromise not be reached? Firstly, which country are we talking about? France (so next door), USA, or Zimbabwe? Could her current doctor not get in touch with a doctor in your ex's town in case she does have to be admitted? And indeed, could you consider going there with her, but staying a a hotel near by, making the best of your child free time, whilst being reassured you are nearby. Of course, that couldn't be too regularly since you are working FT.

    Maybe you could agree to try it once, maybe not a week, but 3 or 4 days (depending on where abroad is) but not commiting to any further visits until you both see how it goes?

    You mention him coming to see her for days when he is here. Does he only visit them or does he have her overnight? Does he have a place of his own or does he stay in hotels? Surely the first stage would be him having her for a few days in your town?
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 26th May 17, 2:27 PM
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    TBagpuss
    I agree with earlier posters suggesting that you try to think of ways in which it would be possible to address your concerns and your daughter's needs.

    Depending on the practicalities, and precisely where he lives, and so on, this might include :

    - Thinking about whether it would be feasible for him to rent accommodation in a town/city closer to a good hospital, for the periods that your daughter visits him (at least initially)

    - asking whether he would be willing to arrange for her medical records (or a concise summary of them) to be translated into the local language.

    - consider whether an initial visit, where you could travel with your daughter and stay locally, would be feasible

    - Consider whether it would be possible for her father to spend time in the UK with her staying with him, so that you and he both get used to him caring for her and her being away from you over night and for longer periods, before moving on to longer visits.

    - think about the practicalities of any medical issues, and how these might be addressed, particularly if money is not a major concern. Is there any specific equipment or support which would make you feel safer? (either that could be kept at his home or even, perhaps, that could be donated to the local hosptial!)

    -Obviously specifics would depend on the exact situation, but it might be worth seeing whether you and your ex could meet with your daughter's doctor together, and talk about what specific issues and steps there are - for instance, whether there is any medical equipment your ex could have at the house, whether having a trained nurse travel with your daughter would be useful, whether there is any specific training your ex could do so he is better equipped to recognise early warning signs of any issues, and so on. (Also, if what the doctor says is "she really needs to be not more that xx minutes from a major hospital" then that may well be something your ex will find easier to accept from the doctor than from you, and equally, if the doctors say "well, if you could do x, y and z then it should be OK, then you may find that allows you to consider the proposals.


    On the financial side, it's reasonable for your solicitor to have brought the possibility to your attention.

    Do try to keep the two things separate. That said, if one consideration is that you can't currently get onto the housing ladder, you could consider asking you ex if he would be willing to assist, for instance, would he be willing to stand as guarantor so you could get a mortgage and give your daughter more stability?

    given the amounts he is currently paying, and bearing in mind that it is perfectly reasonable to use maintenance for general expenses, you could start putting money away as savings to put down a deposit on a house, rather than putting it all into savings in your daughter's name. I presume that it is lack of deposit that stops you buying?
    • surveyqueenuk
    • By surveyqueenuk 26th May 17, 3:41 PM
    • 517 Posts
    • 1,750 Thanks
    surveyqueenuk
    ...he has been paying me £1200 a month which is a lot of money and helps a lot and the leftover after childcare goes in to savings for emergencies and my daughters future.

    Currently im spending £500 a month on childcare and over £900 on rent (which is all my salary gone) with additional money I could hopefully get on to the property ladder, create savings for my daughter to get through uni and just afford a better life for her.
    Originally posted by topaz94
    So first, you say that your CM is more than enough for childcare, with the remaining £700 p.m. going into savings for your daughter's future. THEN, you go on to say that with additional CM, you could "create savings" for your daughter. And why do you say that after childcare and rent, your salary is gone? You initially told us that your CM pays for childcare.

    You don't half sound greedy. Your ex's only obligation is to his daughter, not you, and he appears to be fulfilling this very well.
    Last edited by surveyqueenuk; 26-05-2017 at 3:44 PM.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 26th May 17, 4:18 PM
    • 14,918 Posts
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    Judi
    I think if your going to ask for more money on top of having battles about holiday arrangements, your just asking for trouble.

    Also, just because your entitled to more money, it doesnt mean you have to take it.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 26th May 17, 4:38 PM
    • 3,442 Posts
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    sheramber
    Can you not get a copy of your child's medical needs to take abroad, in case they were needed.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 26th May 17, 5:40 PM
    • 2,421 Posts
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    cjdavies
    Could you rent somewhere cheaper?
    • gycraig
    • By gycraig 28th May 17, 10:14 AM
    • 354 Posts
    • 256 Thanks
    gycraig
    So you expect your ex partner to up his child maintenance so you can buy yourself a house ?.

    He is giving you more than a lot of families live on. If you want to buy a house work harder / get a better job it's child support not ex partner maintenance
    • CRANKY40
    • By CRANKY40 28th May 17, 1:25 PM
    • 2,446 Posts
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    CRANKY40
    So....does he have to take your daughter back to where he lives? Would it be possible for him to buy a flat close to where you live so he could have your daughter to stay somewhere near to where appropriate medical treatment and her other parent was available? I think that might be a more useful way to use funds just now.

    I can understand why you wouldn't want the child to be away from you just now, but once the PDA is repaired, things should gradually become easier in respect of her spending time with both of you.

    I wouldn't personally go for more csm as things between you now seem quite amicable apart from the overnight stay issue. I'd be trying to avoid turning the whole thing into a war zone - instead you could be thinking of things that he could do to enrich your daughter's life. Not all things that make a difference cost money.
    • Sambella
    • By Sambella 28th May 17, 4:13 PM
    • 319 Posts
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    Sambella
    We won't know what you earn but with a disabled child child tax credit awards are higher.

    Higher still if you get DLA

    As an example.. if you earned £30k, no DLA for the child you'd get £124.74 every 4 weeks. And 70% of your childcare costs met.

    You may indeed get more maintenance if you go to court but you could well end up with amounts that is more than the actual costs of the child. I don't think that it is right the HE bears the brunt of all child costs when you should contribute too.

    As for him taking her abroad etc it is unlikely to happen as she is under two years old. He may not even be allowed overnight access until she reaches this age. Some will say this is unfair especially if the NRP is fully capable by t that's our laws!

    When she is over two he will be allowed access and up to half of all school holidays but this may well be dependant on the he care she needs.

    Outside of court however you can agree things differently.

    If you are able to work full time and the child attend childcare then it does seem as if she can be cared for by others adequately.

    The suggestion of the NRP having her if he stayed closer to home is a good one.
    • sulphate
    • By sulphate 28th May 17, 8:51 PM
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    sulphate
    I disagree with most of these posts. The purpose of child support is to ensure the child's financial situation is not changed by the break up, not necessarily to provide 50% of the essentials. If you were still together, I bet you would own your own house together for example (which does not just benefit YOU unlike some posters are implying, it provides more stability for the child - financially and otherwise).

    Are you quite sure of his income?

    Yes, £1200 a month is a lot of CM to pay but it is only 3% of his monthly income. So I think you are justified to ask for an increase. But I agree that you should probably wait until after the access arrangements are agreed.
    • KxMx
    • By KxMx 29th May 17, 10:44 AM
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    KxMx
    I understand where you are coming from Suplhate, but OP as a single person can't expect the same lifestyle as someone in a couple. She admits the CM exceeds her daughter's needs as things stand.

    Maybe she could look at where she is allocating CM and her own budgets, and make adjustments as necessary to enable her to save for a property, as opposed to asking ex for more.
    • foolofbeans
    • By foolofbeans 11th Jun 17, 1:42 AM
    • 305 Posts
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    foolofbeans
    I'm surprised at the number of posters who assume OP is a money-grabber because she is querying whether to claim the LEGAL prescribed amount calculated to reflect a fair contribution from an absent parent.
    Just because OP has a job and pays her own way does that mean the father should pay less? What if two parents had high incomes - would you expect the PWC to ask less of the other parent because they did not need the money? It is fair that a parent contributes to their child in a ratio according to their income and the father is currently not doing this.
    That said I do agree that asking for more money may change the dynamics of the parents relationship and it may be better to ask the father to pay for something specific such as a certain activity or therapy.
    I'm also surprised that so many think it would be ok for the mother to spend her limited holiday from work in another country to make life easier for the father. Who else does that? I have met halfway with the children when the father lived quite a distance away but expecting me to spend a week waiting around and paying for accommodation so the father can see his child seems preposterous when he has the means to pay for his accommodation and I assume can arrange dates that he could travel here and stay close to the child. This would have the added benefit of keeping the child in their known environment which would make for a more relaxed stay with the dad for all concerned.
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 11th Jun 17, 6:12 AM
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    silvercar
    As the child becomes older/ healthier, more time will be spent with the father. At which point the difference in lifestyles will be very apparent. I see no reason why the OP shouldn't claim the full child support alllowed to raise this child. If it improves the lifestyle of the mother, then it is still far less than the lifestyle the mother would have had if she had had a long term relationship with the father.
    • Weewdy
    • By Weewdy 11th Jun 17, 7:58 AM
    • 49 Posts
    • 382 Thanks
    Weewdy
    My personal oinion is that dad pays enough to you, how do you know he is not already saving more money for his daughter? Why should he help to fund your house? I would imagine since he wants to be an active father that he will have put in place savings and investments for his daughter. Did you know how much this man made before your very brief relationship?

    Let the man be a dad and see his daughter when he wants, you are using her illness as an excuse but want to take what you can from him.
    • OldMotherTucker
    • By OldMotherTucker 11th Jun 17, 9:10 AM
    • 6,896 Posts
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    OldMotherTucker
    As the child becomes older/ healthier, more time will be spent with the father. At which point the difference in lifestyles will be very apparent. I see no reason why the OP shouldn't claim the full child support alllowed to raise this child. If it improves the lifestyle of the mother, then it is still far less than the lifestyle the mother would have had if she had had a long term relationship with the father.
    Originally posted by silvercar
    Why should that make a difference?

    The situation could be reversed before the child is very much older if the father can no longer compete. His income is not guaranteed and he could face a significant change in his lifestyle. Whilst it might affect how much he can provide for his daughter, it won't affect how much he loves and cares for her - which is far more important than money in the bank.

    OP - Money is not the biggest issue here - you need to work with your ex to ensure that her emotional needs are met. Together, you can both provide a stable future for her.
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