Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    • 84Posts
    • 4Thanks
    JPB156
    We can't afford to live together and have children
    • #1
    • 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    We can't afford to live together and have children 19th May 17 at 10:00 AM
    Hi have just joined the forum because me and my girlfriend are feeling so low in our situation.

    I am 35 and she is 30 and we have been together for 11 years, we are living with our parents and have been saving for a house, we earn about 34000 between us and have about 2300 a month after tax. We have found a house we both love but house prices are now so stupidly high, it's 190000 and we have a 40000 deposit. We can get a mortgage but we are worried about affording it in the future if interest rates rise, we feel we will be fine for a while but if we are paying anything above 10% we won't be able to do it and how can we put faith in it not going to that rate in the next 30 years.

    We want children and feel time isn't on our side there but if we have one then any savings we have would go on childcare so how would we pay for anything such as a car when ours has given up on us. A cheaper house is an option but there is so little choice in this area and feel if we wait much longer we will be priced out even more, rental prices are just as bad and keep going up aswell and then how do we pay rent after retirement. there is not much prospect of us earning more in the future.

    We just feel so trapped and that we will not only be unable to ever live together but also that means never having children. We feel so low and I've never felt worse, our relationship is so strong but I really feel scared for us and not being able to give her what she wants and deserves.

    Sorry for the long post
Page 9
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 19th May 17, 3:49 PM
    • 7,414 Posts
    • 16,271 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    I really don't know what to think anymore
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Read through this thread again. Everyone's saying the same thing but you're determined to be doom-laden.

    Honestly? You keep going this way you're going to lose the house, then your partner, your parents may resent you, and you'll wonder how on earth that all happened.

    Take a chance. Buy the house. Or rent for a short-term (6mo-1year) contract.

    Get out there and LIVE!

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 3:51 PM
    • 84 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    JPB156
    Actually that's exactly how I'm looking at it but are you saying if you were told you were low that you wouldn't feel like you should not leave it til your 40's when chances are your levels are starting to drop anyway
    • Livelongandprosper
    • By Livelongandprosper 19th May 17, 3:51 PM
    • 591 Posts
    • 1,561 Thanks
    Livelongandprosper
    That's a big help livelongandprosper, I had tried working out a budget and was putting in 300 for shopping.
    The house just feels too good for us can't tell if I'm dreaming or knocking myself down
    Originally posted by JPB156

    And perhaps your shopping will be 300, which is why no one but you can tell what YOUR cost of living will be. No one is being nasty, they just can't answer your questions

    Rates for example, my rates are high because I have a bloody great big house. If I lived half a mile down the road, in a 3 bedroom house, I'd be paying less then half

    We don't have to pay for tv licience as my mum is over 75 ( she lives with us)

    I don't pay bb as my mum pays for that in her landline package

    We don't watch a lot of tv so no need for a package

    I cook from scratch every day. I shop in lidls and ys shop elsewhere. We have hens and we grow our own veg. We eat well and healthily, but eating out and take outs are not on our agenda very often, a meal out nowadays is a 10 lunch special

    We don't spend on clothes and haircuts. I cut his and mine, I go once a year for a proper cut @20. When I was younger and needed to be smart for work, 50 a month was more like it. We live a quiet county life. We live in jeans and jumpers. New smart clothes happen once every now and then, so rarely I don't need to budget for them

    We don't go to the pictures, theatre or anything like that now. Our social life is generally free local community things

    We don't pay water rates here so that's a saving

    Everyone's lifestyle is different. That's what determines you our cost of living
    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 19th May 17, 3:55 PM
    • 1,862 Posts
    • 1,735 Thanks
    arbrighton
    I don't understand all the personal attacks I'm asking people with more experience some idea of the cost of living why has social media turned everyone spiteful
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Because you're repeating the same questions in the hope of getting different answers as you don't like the answers given and people aren't telling you what you want
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 3:56 PM
    • 84 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    JPB156
    Can't really tell how much our shopping will be until we're in our house and going shopping.
    How come you don't pay water rates?
    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 19th May 17, 3:58 PM
    • 1,862 Posts
    • 1,735 Thanks
    arbrighton
    OK OP, let's try this again.

    You are 35 and have no idea of the cost of living.

    This is exactly why renting for a year or so with GF is a good idea. So you know what your food bills are, what else needs paying (council tax, insurances, window cleaner, electric, gas, water) and how much that might cost you.

    Then you will know if your AIP feels affordable or not
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 4:05 PM
    • 13,460 Posts
    • 13,019 Thanks
    Guest101
    Can't really tell how much our shopping will be until we're in our house and going shopping.
    How come you don't pay water rates?
    Originally posted by JPB156
    But you do the cooking and cleaning at home now, so surely that's equipped you with every life skills imaginable?


    - This is why I said rent for 6 - 12 months.
    • anna_1977
    • By anna_1977 19th May 17, 4:08 PM
    • 493 Posts
    • 656 Thanks
    anna_1977
    Actually that's exactly how I'm looking at it but are you saying if you were told you were low that you wouldn't feel like you should not leave it til your 40's when chances are your levels are starting to drop anyway
    Originally posted by JPB156
    no one is saying don't have kids, we are suggesting you buy a house and start to live and THEN think about the kids, you've already been told it's ok just a little low so why stress about being able to have kids before you've even started trying - for all you know your partner might not be able to

    I get the impression you're a glass half empty kind of guy and you thrive on stress.

    As a previous poster just said 'go out and live'
    • Livelongandprosper
    • By Livelongandprosper 19th May 17, 4:08 PM
    • 591 Posts
    • 1,561 Thanks
    Livelongandprosper
    Can't really tell how much our shopping will be until we're in our house and going shopping.
    How come you don't pay water rates?
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Because I live in NI and they won't introduce them

    Grocery shopping is one area you have wiggle room to save. You need to look at what you eat, what brands you buy, where you can eccomonise. Buying brands, ready meals and the best steaks is going to push your bill sky high. Eating less meat,using cheaper cuts, scratch cooking, you could easily cover the lot on 120 a month for 2
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 4:09 PM
    • 84 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    JPB156
    Fed up with you putting words in my mouth, I never said that. The context of that post is because you were implying I had a cushy little existence where everything is done for me just because I'm living at home I wasn't saying I'm running a house like it's my own
    • anna_1977
    • By anna_1977 19th May 17, 4:09 PM
    • 493 Posts
    • 656 Thanks
    anna_1977
    Can't really tell how much our shopping will be until we're in our house and going shopping.
    How come you don't pay water rates?
    Originally posted by JPB156

    Go to the supermarket and literally put in a weeks worth of shopping for 2 people and buy it? Seems simple enough to me
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 4:10 PM
    • 13,460 Posts
    • 13,019 Thanks
    Guest101
    This is just a general point, not targeting you OP, I don't know you:


    I am genuinely surprised someone who is older than me, but quite a few years, has no clue. I think the mentality of "must buy, never rent" that permeates through society does nothing but ill-equip people for life.


    I have a colleague who's going to do the same as the OP, IE buy a house with partner of 2-3 years, having never lived with them and currently living at home. I was surprised by this, but at least they're in their early/mid 20's.


    I don't think it does anyone any favours to keep children at home for so long.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 19th May 17, 4:10 PM
    • 1,981 Posts
    • 2,839 Thanks
    Malthusian
    This is exactly why renting for a year or so with GF is a good idea. So you know what your food bills are, what else needs paying (council tax, insurances, window cleaner, electric, gas, water) and how much that might cost you.
    Originally posted by arbrighton
    Normally I would agree but there's three problems with that:

    1) More data is not going to help the OP make a better decision. The OP can't process the data he has already.

    2) Their budget as a renter is too different from their budget as a homeowner to be particularly useful information. Not only are there expenses a homeowner has that a renter doesn't, but they're unlikely to rent a three-bedroom house, so it's very difficult to compare.

    3) They really love this house (or rather the girlfriend loves the house and the OP thinks it's too good for them which is basically the same thing). In a year it won't be on sale.

    Alternatively they can just live in the house for a year and if they are spending too much, spend less.
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 19th May 17, 4:10 PM
    • 7,479 Posts
    • 24,213 Thanks
    fairy lights
    Fed up with you putting words in my mouth, I never said that. The context of that post is because you were implying I had a cushy little existence where everything is done for me just because I'm living at home I wasn't saying I'm running a house like it's my own
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Well to be fair if you've never had to budget, do the food shopping, pay the bills or change energy suppliers then yes, you have had a pretty cushy existence.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 4:11 PM
    • 84 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    JPB156
    How much are houses in Northern Ireland
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 4:13 PM
    • 13,460 Posts
    • 13,019 Thanks
    Guest101
    How much are houses in Northern Ireland
    Originally posted by JPB156


    What to save the 20/30 a month on water?.....
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 4:17 PM
    • 84 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    JPB156
    Yes guest101, I'm now seriously considering moving jobs, away from our family and everything else for that, the smiley face I put on that post was in no way implying it was a joke and I've just found a great house in n Ireland and thinking of putting an offer in ��
    • mai_taylor
    • By mai_taylor 19th May 17, 4:22 PM
    • 190 Posts
    • 380 Thanks
    mai_taylor
    Can't really tell how much our shopping will be until we're in our house and going shopping.
    How come you don't pay water rates?
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Shopping is how ever much you can afford it to be, if you buy caviar and champagne ever month then it will be a lot. We probably spend 150 a month for two of us, some people spend more some less.

    The point is it's doable if you want it enough you will find a way to make it work. I'd rather have our own home but not have luxury's like mobile contracts and a TV package than not have it. I'd sacrifice going out with friends and going on holidays to have our house. The problem is I don't think you want this enough.
    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 19th May 17, 4:25 PM
    • 1,862 Posts
    • 1,735 Thanks
    arbrighton
    Normally I would agree but there's three problems with that:

    1) More data is not going to help the OP make a better decision. The OP can't process the data he has already.

    2) Their budget as a renter is too different from their budget as a homeowner to be particularly useful information. Not only are there expenses a homeowner has that a renter doesn't, but they're unlikely to rent a three-bedroom house, so it's very difficult to compare.

    3) They really love this house (or rather the girlfriend loves the house and the OP thinks it's too good for them which is basically the same thing). In a year it won't be on sale.

    Alternatively they can just live in the house for a year and if they are spending too much, spend less.
    Originally posted by Malthusian
    yes but renting is a bit closer than living at home (and OP clearly doesn't know what living costs are). And we rented a 3 bed before buying, as a couple. But that was because OH had owned a 3 bed before we moved for his work, and thus we had a load of cr** to put somewhere

    And SHE might really love the house, but it'll have sold already. Never mind in a year's time

    BUT OP doesn't want our advice on anything except the mortgage, doesn't like what they're being told so keeps asking. So we may as well all just bang our heads on the wall
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 4:26 PM
    • 13,460 Posts
    • 13,019 Thanks
    Guest101
    Yes guest101, I'm now seriously considering moving jobs, away from our family and everything else for that, the smiley face I put on that post was in no way implying it was a joke and I've just found a great house in n Ireland and thinking of putting an offer in ��
    Originally posted by JPB156


    I was just pointing out that the amounts we're talking about aren't massive.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

4,549Posts Today

8,787Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • The strange thing with a 4yr old is having to play & smile while inside feeling sick for those in trauma in my birth town #Manchester

  • Just a quick ta-ta for now. I'm taking the week off for family time with mini and Mrs MSE. So I won't be here much. Back after the bank hol

  • Ugh another one trying it! Beware https://t.co/Ab9fCRA76F

  • Follow Martin