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  • FIRST POST
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    • 91Posts
    • 14Thanks
    JPB156
    We can't afford to live together and have children
    • #1
    • 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    We can't afford to live together and have children 19th May 17 at 10:00 AM
    Hi have just joined the forum because me and my girlfriend are feeling so low in our situation.

    I am 35 and she is 30 and we have been together for 11 years, we are living with our parents and have been saving for a house, we earn about 34000 between us and have about 2300 a month after tax. We have found a house we both love but house prices are now so stupidly high, it's 190000 and we have a 40000 deposit. We can get a mortgage but we are worried about affording it in the future if interest rates rise, we feel we will be fine for a while but if we are paying anything above 10% we won't be able to do it and how can we put faith in it not going to that rate in the next 30 years.

    We want children and feel time isn't on our side there but if we have one then any savings we have would go on childcare so how would we pay for anything such as a car when ours has given up on us. A cheaper house is an option but there is so little choice in this area and feel if we wait much longer we will be priced out even more, rental prices are just as bad and keep going up aswell and then how do we pay rent after retirement. there is not much prospect of us earning more in the future.

    We just feel so trapped and that we will not only be unable to ever live together but also that means never having children. We feel so low and I've never felt worse, our relationship is so strong but I really feel scared for us and not being able to give her what she wants and deserves.

    Sorry for the long post
Page 8
    • black_wings
    • By black_wings 19th May 17, 3:09 PM
    • 87 Posts
    • 31 Thanks
    black_wings
    I'm thinking we need about 900 a month to pay for essential bills and shopping can you live on less
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Budget planner?
    https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/tools/budget-planner

    As others have said, your living costs and bills will be individual to you. We don't know if your girlfriend turns the heating up to 100 or you take hour long showers
    Last edited by black_wings; 19-05-2017 at 3:11 PM.
    • mai_taylor
    • By mai_taylor 19th May 17, 3:10 PM
    • 184 Posts
    • 382 Thanks
    mai_taylor
    When we were buying we went online looked at a list of bills and worked out roughly what everything would cost, there's plenty of lists for first time buyers. We over estimated by quite a lot so were better off than we though.
    • Livelongandprosper
    • By Livelongandprosper 19th May 17, 3:11 PM
    • 549 Posts
    • 1,638 Thanks
    Livelongandprosper
    In 5 gears we will owe 127000, if it drops below that we can't sell it, if it drops below 167000 we start losing deposit. And that's before any fees
    Originally posted by JPB156

    Within 6 months of us buying here , our house, on paper, was worth £175k MORE then we paid. A year later, with the crash, it was worth £70k LESS then we had paid

    Has either figure bothered us? Nope. We still have a roof over our heads, a home, somewhere to live. House prices rising and falling have no effect until you decide to sell
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 3:12 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    That's a big help livelongandprosper, I had tried working out a budget and was putting in 300 for shopping.
    The house just feels too good for us can't tell if I'm dreaming or knocking myself down
    • mai_taylor
    • By mai_taylor 19th May 17, 3:14 PM
    • 184 Posts
    • 382 Thanks
    mai_taylor
    The comment about price was a reply to someone saying sell if it doesn't work out.

    How is the cost of living whatever you want it to be, there will be a bare minimum that you can't get below unless you starve or have your water cut off
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Cost of living varies widely. No one can tell you how much money you'll spend on clothes a month or how much you spend on a mobile phone contract. If things are tight to start with cut back. We got broadband free for a year for, joined quidco so that we got cashback on a lot of the initial bills, shopped at Aldi not Waitrose. Most set in stone bills are mortgage and council tax, everything else vary's.
    Last edited by mai_taylor; 19-05-2017 at 3:17 PM.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 3:15 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    My girlfriend would never whack the heating up, my parents house is boiling because the heating is always on and always says just put a jumper on!
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 3:17 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    I wish the mortgage was set in stone and it is for the first 5 years and then it's whatever they want it to be. I knew it could change but Im fully aware I was naive to not realise how much a few percent can double it and that's what has really hit me and knocked my confidence
    • kelpie35
    • By kelpie35 19th May 17, 3:19 PM
    • 1,535 Posts
    • 4,907 Thanks
    kelpie35
    Take a deep breath OP.

    It is very good that you are taking this very seriously. It will probably be one of the biggest decision you and your partner will ever make.

    Write down all your outgoings from mortgage payment to things like hair cuts. Total them up and if you have surplus money left at the end of the month use that to overpay your mortgage.

    Do not take out loans to furnish your home, look to buy second hand or free items on FB selling sites.

    I am sure that you will both find a way of managing.

    Take care
    • mai_taylor
    • By mai_taylor 19th May 17, 3:21 PM
    • 184 Posts
    • 382 Thanks
    mai_taylor
    I wish the mortgage was set in stone and it is for the first 5 years and then it's whatever they want it to be. I knew it could change but Im fully aware I was naive to not realise how much a few percent can double it and that's what has really hit me and knocked my confidence
    Originally posted by JPB156
    5 years is forever, do you really want to be living with your parents in 5 years? In life you have to adapt as circumstances change. If you have spare cash save it for emergency's, if things are tight eat beans on toast. I wish I had a £40,000 deposit for my first home!

    We had £7,000 and had to furnish the entire house for the £700 we had left.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 19th May 17, 3:22 PM
    • 3,460 Posts
    • 5,303 Thanks
    Malthusian
    Remember that if you decide you can afford it, and your sums are wrong, it is easy to reduce expenditure.

    If you decide you can't afford it, and your sums are wrong, you have lost the house. And probably the girl. (Well you should have.)

    You should waste less energy on what might go wrong and concentrate on what the actual consequences of the decision are.

    How is the cost of living whatever you want it to be, there will be a bare minimum that you can't get below unless you starve or have your water cut off
    Running water piped into your house has only been considered a bare minimum in this country for less than a century so you're proving my point - the cost of living is based on what you choose to buy. You can afford the bare minimum on benefits, so whatever you do that is not a concern.
    • black_wings
    • By black_wings 19th May 17, 3:22 PM
    • 87 Posts
    • 31 Thanks
    black_wings
    I wish the mortgage was set in stone and it is for the first 5 years and then it's whatever they want it to be. I knew it could change but Im fully aware I was naive to not realise how much a few percent can double it and that's what has really hit me and knocked my confidence
    Originally posted by JPB156
    So fix for 5 year and make overpayments? Then after 5 years when you remortgage/product switch you owe less. With the decent size deposit you have it already puts you in a good position so at each remortgage point you will have built up more and more equity and will be eligible for better LTV rates.
    I understand your worry...but...I think literally everyone with a mortgage is in the same boat so you might as well just get on with it since you have your deposit ready to go and it's time you moved our of your parents house before you have wasted your life.
    Last edited by black_wings; 19-05-2017 at 3:24 PM.
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 19th May 17, 3:24 PM
    • 7,610 Posts
    • 16,788 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    £900 is a massive amount to live on, honestly - have a look at the DFW and OS boards on here lots of them have under half that and have children but manage OK!

    HBS x
    I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    #JC4PM
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 19th May 17, 3:27 PM
    • 2,039 Posts
    • 5,556 Thanks
    Red-Squirrel
    That's another problem I have which I didn't want to post and why we feel rushed, but I was told last year I have a low count
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Why did you have your fertility checked when you're adamant you can't afford children?
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 3:30 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    It's building equity that would make me feel secure, this house sold about 2 years ago for 152000 and I'm thinking it's got so high surely it can only go down. Have googled so much in last few days about economy and house prices and interest rates and there's so much scare mongering in the press you never know what's real and what's not. Everything feels so uncertain with brexit and an election it feels like its all going to go bang soon, not saying I know the first thing about the finances of the world and how it all works
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 3:34 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    These thoughts of not affording children are recent, since looking into costs of mortgage.
    Had fertility checked last year as had a medical issue when I was a child and wanted to know if it had affected me. They said it's not disasterous but lower than ideal
    • mai_taylor
    • By mai_taylor 19th May 17, 3:37 PM
    • 184 Posts
    • 382 Thanks
    mai_taylor
    It's building equity that would make me feel secure, this house sold about 2 years ago for 152000 and I'm thinking it's got so high surely it can only go down. Have googled so much in last few days about economy and house prices and interest rates and there's so much scare mongering in the press you never know what's real and what's not. Everything feels so uncertain with brexit and an election it feels like its all going to go bang soon, not saying I know the first thing about the finances of the world and how it all works
    Originally posted by JPB156
    That's exactly what it is scare mongering, if everyone listened to the doom and gloom in the press I'd doubt they'd leave the house.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 19th May 17, 3:42 PM
    • 3,460 Posts
    • 5,303 Thanks
    Malthusian
    It's building equity that would make me feel secure, this house sold about 2 years ago for 152000 and I'm thinking it's got so high surely it can only go down.
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Did you think that 2 years ago when it was also at an all-time high?

    Have googled so much in last few days about economy and house prices and interest rates and there's so much scare mongering in the press you never know what's real and what's not.
    If you don't know if it's real then why factor it into your decision making? You may as well consult the prophecies of Nostradamus.

    Everything feels so uncertain with brexit and an election it feels like its all going to go bang soon
    The UK existed for 260 years outside the EU. We have had, by my rough count, 51 general elections so far. Why do you think this one is going to make it go bang?
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 3:44 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    I really don't know what to think anymore
    • anna_1977
    • By anna_1977 19th May 17, 3:45 PM
    • 601 Posts
    • 848 Thanks
    anna_1977
    just wondering what part of the country to are ?

    If you lived in my town and it was a good house it would have already sold during the period of this thread.

    You probably should offer as soon as possible if that's what you decide
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 19th May 17, 3:46 PM
    • 3,460 Posts
    • 5,303 Thanks
    Malthusian
    Why did you have your fertility checked when you're adamant you can't afford children?
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    He probably decided he didn't have enough things to worry about and needed another one. I apologise in advance for being blase and oversimplifying medical issues, but a man who has been diagnosed with a low sperm count may still be firing 100 million sperm per fusillade, and you only need one to fertilise the egg. To quote Wikipedia, "Achieving a pregnancy naturally may be a challenge if the male suffers from a low sperm count. However, chances are good if the female partner is fertile; many couples with this problem have been successful."
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