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    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    • 84Posts
    • 4Thanks
    JPB156
    We can't afford to live together and have children
    • #1
    • 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    We can't afford to live together and have children 19th May 17 at 10:00 AM
    Hi have just joined the forum because me and my girlfriend are feeling so low in our situation.

    I am 35 and she is 30 and we have been together for 11 years, we are living with our parents and have been saving for a house, we earn about 34000 between us and have about 2300 a month after tax. We have found a house we both love but house prices are now so stupidly high, it's 190000 and we have a 40000 deposit. We can get a mortgage but we are worried about affording it in the future if interest rates rise, we feel we will be fine for a while but if we are paying anything above 10% we won't be able to do it and how can we put faith in it not going to that rate in the next 30 years.

    We want children and feel time isn't on our side there but if we have one then any savings we have would go on childcare so how would we pay for anything such as a car when ours has given up on us. A cheaper house is an option but there is so little choice in this area and feel if we wait much longer we will be priced out even more, rental prices are just as bad and keep going up aswell and then how do we pay rent after retirement. there is not much prospect of us earning more in the future.

    We just feel so trapped and that we will not only be unable to ever live together but also that means never having children. We feel so low and I've never felt worse, our relationship is so strong but I really feel scared for us and not being able to give her what she wants and deserves.

    Sorry for the long post
Page 3
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 11:28 AM
    • 13,460 Posts
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    Guest101
    Living on one wage would lose more than we would spend on childcare, we would have to pay mortgage and everything else on 1150
    Originally posted by JPB156
    You'd be entitled to a number of benefits, have you looked into this? Most childcare arrangements are in excess of 800/900 per month.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 11:31 AM
    • 84 Posts
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    JPB156
    At what rate is the big question, would be 2.69 for first 5 years then it anyones guess. Only planning on one car and only replace them when they are on their last legs. Current insurance is 350
    • Pa Ja
    • By Pa Ja 19th May 17, 11:32 AM
    • 65 Posts
    • 40 Thanks
    Pa Ja
    I thought this was a troll at the beginning but gave the benefit of the doubt...
    Now though...
    • Pixie5740
    • By Pixie5740 19th May 17, 11:33 AM
    • 10,086 Posts
    • 13,859 Thanks
    Pixie5740

    So on the financial side does a 150000 mortgage on 34000 wage sound foolish and unrealistic, it's hard to work out how much other bills will cost
    Originally posted by JPB156
    I think it's foolish that two adults in their 30s that have been together for 11 years are still living at home with mum & dad. I also think it's foolish for two adults who have never lived away from home before let alone together should go straight from living with parents to buying somewhere together. I think it would be far more sensible to try living together in rented accommodation first.
    Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds nought and six, result misery.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 11:34 AM
    • 84 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    JPB156
    What's a troll?
    • beautiful_ravens
    • By beautiful_ravens 19th May 17, 11:37 AM
    • 688 Posts
    • 2,705 Thanks
    beautiful_ravens
    OP- I'd just start renting in your situation. To test out living together, risk/hassle free.
    Housing market/jobs/retirement - no guarantees
    Mortgage - massive pain in the butt if you have to 'undo'
    Most of the things you are worrying about have a tendency to work out in the end - cross bridges when you get to them. No one can plan for every contingency.
    ''A moment's thinking is an hour in words.'' -Thomas Hood
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 11:40 AM
    • 13,460 Posts
    • 13,014 Thanks
    Guest101
    What's a troll?
    Originally posted by JPB156


    Well it's someone who creates a far fetched scenario and drops in information to keep the topic controversial.


    You really need to answer people, not keep repeating the same rhetoric.
    • davidwood123
    • By davidwood123 19th May 17, 11:44 AM
    • 256 Posts
    • 571 Thanks
    davidwood123
    Forget having children and buying a house........you need to live together first.

    Rent somewhere and try it. You might find the relationship can't handle it and at least you won't be financially committed with children to deal with too.

    To many couples now want the house, the fancy wedding and children before they've even lived together.
    • serko
    • By serko 19th May 17, 11:48 AM
    • 28 Posts
    • 13 Thanks
    serko
    If you're worried about interest rate rises you can always get a 10 year fixed rate. We're in the process of remortgaging to a 10 year fix. Yes it's more expensive than a shorter fix, however with shorter fixes you risk higher rates at renewal plus fees to remortgage every time.

    Only time will tell if it's financially the right decision. However we are confident of being able to afford the rate. By the time we have to remortgage we would have paid off a substantial part of the capital so even if interest rates are astronomical (which I doubt they will be), we should have no problem paying at a higher rate.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 11:49 AM
    • 84 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    JPB156
    If you think it's foolish maybe you should look at the current position of the housing market we aren't the only ones faced with not being able to afford to live together and have children, we have done it for so long to save a good deposit, we thought that was a good way of doing it. But now it feels house prices have risen so high that the amount we have isn't so good anymore
    • Livelongandprosper
    • By Livelongandprosper 19th May 17, 11:52 AM
    • 591 Posts
    • 1,559 Thanks
    Livelongandprosper
    When me and he started out on the housing ladder( same age as you two) interest rates were at 10% , our repayments were over half our income. It was a dump that needed gutting and we must have spent another 20k on it

    Interest rates came down slowly thankfully because five years after buying it, I had to give up work because of mental health problems

    We managed We cut our cloth to suit our income. We never got to the stage of eating cornflakes or baked beans for every meal, but we didn't have much of a social life or mobile phones , beauty treatments, new clothes every week etc

    If we had been too scared to take that first step, we would still be living in a one bedroom HA flat in a pretty grotty area, instead of living mortgage free in the country enjoying life on a shoe string

    Get a doer upper if that's what you can afford. I lived with the back of the house missing for three months, no kitchen for the best part of a year. Took us five years to get the house put back together. Weekends and evenings there was always something to be done and we done the work ourselves. I who had never painted a straight line before tilled a bathroom . It doesn't need to be done in one hit. As long as I had one room that was clean and tidy and relatively dust free, I coped

    Stop procrastinating and start being proactive. You know what your comfort level on a mortgage is, go find a house or flat for that amount. The compromise will be the work needed. No home that you haven't built yourself will be perfect, at least a doer upper means you can at least make your stamp on it
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 11:53 AM
    • 84 Posts
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    JPB156
    The scenario isnt far fetched it's very real for us, and if I'm repeating myself it's because the same questions keep getting asked.

    We don't need to rent together we know our relationship it's not like we have been together for a few months. We have had a lot thrown at us in our time together and have come out stronger than ever
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 11:54 AM
    • 13,460 Posts
    • 13,014 Thanks
    Guest101
    If you think it's foolish maybe you should look at the current position of the housing market we aren't the only ones faced with not being able to afford to live together and have children, we have done it for so long to save a good deposit, we thought that was a good way of doing it. But now it feels house prices have risen so high that the amount we have isn't so good anymore
    Originally posted by JPB156


    Seriously, who is telling you this rubbish?


    The housing market is very healthy at present, there is a housing shortage, but typically first time buyers are well accommodated on any new estates.


    The problem you have is that you have good savings but a mediocre income.


    The second problem you have is you're obsessed with home ownership. Why?
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 19th May 17, 11:55 AM
    • 7,479 Posts
    • 24,210 Thanks
    fairy lights
    If you think it's foolish maybe you should look at the current position of the housing market we aren't the only ones faced with not being able to afford to live together and have children, we have done it for so long to save a good deposit, we thought that was a good way of doing it. But now it feels house prices have risen so high that the amount we have isn't so good anymore
    Originally posted by JPB156
    But you can afford to live together and have children, you're just looking for excuses.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 11:58 AM
    • 84 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    JPB156
    Because if we rent forever we won't afford it once we retire.

    So the housing market is in a great position when the average house price is further away from the average wage than its ever been?

    It's great for people who bought their house a few years ago and its now worth thousands more, but not for first time buyers
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 11:59 AM
    • 13,460 Posts
    • 13,014 Thanks
    Guest101
    The scenario isnt far fetched it's very real for us, and if I'm repeating myself it's because the same questions keep getting asked.

    We don't need to rent together we know our relationship it's not like we have been together for a few months. We have had a lot thrown at us in our time together and have come out stronger than ever
    Originally posted by JPB156


    No-one has asked the questions you're answering.


    I think there's 8 posts telling you to rent, 4 saying you need a higher income, and atleast mine saying you need to look at social benefits and the cost of childcare.


    As for this: We don't need to rent together we know our relationship it's not like we have been together for a few months. We have had a lot thrown at us in our time together and have come out stronger than ever - This something a teenager would say. You have no idea what it's like to live with someone. You live with your parents, never having to manage a home. People who have done it are telling you the truth, you just don't like it. There is literally nothing that could be thrown at you which in anyway correlates to actually living together.


    Do you really want to be posting this in two years:


    My GF has kicked me out of our house, my son/daughter is there. I earn minimum wage, live back with my parents and now have to pay 250 in child support. help!


    We aren't saying this to be cruel, we're (or I'm) saying it to highlight the reality of posts which appear here on a daily basis. Literally on the same page there is a post of a couple divorcing after 16 years together, where the house is now an issue.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 12:00 PM
    • 84 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    JPB156
    We can afford it now but surely will be living on borrowed time
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 19th May 17, 12:01 PM
    • 27,298 Posts
    • 69,444 Thanks
    Mojisola
    Because if we rent forever we won't afford it once we retire.
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Don't you know about Housing Benefit?

    www.gov.uk/housing-benefit/overview
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 12:01 PM
    • 13,460 Posts
    • 13,014 Thanks
    Guest101
    Because if we rent forever we won't afford it once we retire.

    So the housing market is in a great position when the average house price is further away from the average wage than its ever been?

    It's great for people who bought their house a few years ago and its now worth thousands more, but not for first time buyers
    Originally posted by JPB156


    1: who said forever? How about 12 months?
    2: You're worried about retirement when you still live with your parents?
    3: Yes it is in a great position. Where do you live?
    4: You do not earn the average wage
    5: I rent....
    • Candyapple
    • By Candyapple 19th May 17, 12:04 PM
    • 1,842 Posts
    • 1,453 Thanks
    Candyapple
    We don't need to rent together we know our relationship it's not like we have been together for a few months. We have had a lot thrown at us in our time together and have come out stronger than ever
    Originally posted by JPB156
    You and your partner may have been together for a long time – but you haven’t lived together. When you live with someone day in and day out, the rose tinted specs soon come off as you get to see the person going about their daily business warts and all. You cannot hide who you are for long. How do you know your partner isn’t messy/dirty/can’t cook/likes to leave clothes lying around etc.? You’ve only known her whilst she has lived with her parents. She/you may equally have habits that irritate the hell out of each other but you won’t find out until you have actually lived together.

    Is there anything stopping you both from moving to a cheaper area and then applying for jobs nearer to your home?
    I'm a Board Guide on the Credit Cards, Loans, Credit Files & Ratings boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge threads there. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com
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