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  • FIRST POST
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    • 91Posts
    • 14Thanks
    JPB156
    We can't afford to live together and have children
    • #1
    • 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    We can't afford to live together and have children 19th May 17 at 10:00 AM
    Hi have just joined the forum because me and my girlfriend are feeling so low in our situation.

    I am 35 and she is 30 and we have been together for 11 years, we are living with our parents and have been saving for a house, we earn about 34000 between us and have about 2300 a month after tax. We have found a house we both love but house prices are now so stupidly high, it's 190000 and we have a 40000 deposit. We can get a mortgage but we are worried about affording it in the future if interest rates rise, we feel we will be fine for a while but if we are paying anything above 10% we won't be able to do it and how can we put faith in it not going to that rate in the next 30 years.

    We want children and feel time isn't on our side there but if we have one then any savings we have would go on childcare so how would we pay for anything such as a car when ours has given up on us. A cheaper house is an option but there is so little choice in this area and feel if we wait much longer we will be priced out even more, rental prices are just as bad and keep going up aswell and then how do we pay rent after retirement. there is not much prospect of us earning more in the future.

    We just feel so trapped and that we will not only be unable to ever live together but also that means never having children. We feel so low and I've never felt worse, our relationship is so strong but I really feel scared for us and not being able to give her what she wants and deserves.

    Sorry for the long post
Page 12
    • mije1983
    • By mije1983 19th May 17, 8:16 PM
    • 2,582 Posts
    • 18,381 Thanks
    mije1983
    am I supposed to ignore that advice?
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Well you seem to be ignoring all the advice that people are giving you here, so why should any other website be different!

    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 8:20 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    So people should say oh to hell with it, I can afford it today so it will be fine tomorrow?
    Isn't that how people get into trouble
    • mattpaint
    • By mattpaint 19th May 17, 8:21 PM
    • 34 Posts
    • 60 Thanks
    mattpaint
    Yes. Don't buy a house ever. Problem solved.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 8:23 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    Yes what say to hell with it or that's how people get into trouble
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 19th May 17, 8:27 PM
    • 19,636 Posts
    • 31,718 Thanks
    Spendless
    So people should say oh to hell with it, I can afford it today so it will be fine tomorrow?
    Isn't that how people get into trouble
    Originally posted by JPB156
    No. People are saying do a budget. Find out how much average bills are. Google a tax credit calculator run through some scenarios both working full-time into it.

    2 f-time wages plus childcare costs

    1 f-time wage

    1 f-time wage plus 1 part-time wage.


    Ask both of parents hypothetically if you were to have a child are any of them prepared to help out with childcare.

    See what the figures say, and then come back and say if it's worked out to be do-able.

    You seem to be making a decision without actually knowing what help financial or otherwise you would or wouldn't get.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 8:32 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    Doing a budget as accurate as we can says we can squeeze mortgage to about 1100 but so why do they say it shout be 40% max
    • Hermia
    • By Hermia 19th May 17, 8:35 PM
    • 4,114 Posts
    • 11,074 Thanks
    Hermia
    So people should say oh to hell with it, I can afford it today so it will be fine tomorrow?
    Isn't that how people get into trouble
    Originally posted by JPB156
    You seem to think that there are only two options: only make a decision if you are 100% sure it will work perfectly or go completely crazy with your money and be irresponsible. There is a middle way! You do your research, but accept that life is always a risk. You remind me of a friend of mine who has been in a job she has hated for YEARS. She won't look for a new job because 'what if the company goes bust soon after I start' and 'I won't have any protection for two years' blah blah. Life is a risk.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 8:36 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    Looking at benefits seems to suggest we will get pretty much no help. Both sets of parents work
    • peachyprice
    • By peachyprice 19th May 17, 9:46 PM
    • 18,718 Posts
    • 43,025 Thanks
    peachyprice
    It would be 600 for first 5 years but would quickly double if interest rates return to more normal levels
    Originally posted by JPB156
    So you're not expecting to better yourself, at all, over those 5 years? No ambition to get a job with a salary above NMW? Just stick in the same job earning the bear minimum. Is your girlfriend happy with your complete lack of ambition?

    I can't say I would ever marry someone who had no intention of doing anything other than stagnate is a low paid job.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 19th May 17, 9:51 PM
    • 3,065 Posts
    • 7,099 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    OP

    Do you suffer with anxiety? Has anyone ever got their fingers burnt with mortgages etc?

    The only reason I ask is that you are displaying behaviour that seems irrational otherwise.
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • parking_question_chap
    • By parking_question_chap 19th May 17, 10:03 PM
    • 1,408 Posts
    • 1,234 Thanks
    parking_question_chap
    OP, I dont really have any advice.

    But I will commend you on actually thinking about your finances before deciding to have children. So many people just pop them out then moan when they dont have any money. I wish you both the best of luck for the future.

    Aditionally i dont know why you are getting so much stick, you are actually being sensible by basing your future affordability on your current earnings, rather than based on future promotions the other forum members seem to be giving you.
    Last edited by parking_question_chap; 19-05-2017 at 10:06 PM.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 19th May 17, 10:05 PM
    • 3,065 Posts
    • 7,099 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    OP, I dont really have any advice.

    But I will commend you on actually thinking about your finances before deciding to have children. So many people just pop them out then moan when they dont have any money. I wish you both the best of luck for the future.
    Originally posted by parking_question_chap
    There's thinking about it and then there's what the OP seems to be doing.......
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • parking_question_chap
    • By parking_question_chap 19th May 17, 10:08 PM
    • 1,408 Posts
    • 1,234 Thanks
    parking_question_chap
    There's thinking about it and then there's what the OP seems to be doing.......
    Originally posted by gettingtheresometime
    Which is.........
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 10:12 PM
    • 15,118 Posts
    • 14,764 Thanks
    Guest101
    Which is.........
    Originally posted by parking_question_chap
    Tying themselves in knots over everyday things?
    • Durban
    • By Durban 19th May 17, 10:16 PM
    • 73 Posts
    • 185 Thanks
    Durban
    I haven't read all of this but why not fix for 10 years?
    Problem of 10 percent interest rate in future solved.
    Mortgage at highest start date - 25/9/2014 - £92000
    Mortgage now 21/3/17 - £62,880
    MFD - October 2025 MF Goal Date 2021
    • peachyprice
    • By peachyprice 19th May 17, 10:17 PM
    • 18,718 Posts
    • 43,025 Thanks
    peachyprice
    Which is.........
    Originally posted by parking_question_chap
    Erm, getting his self into such a state that her won't buy a house because he's too frightened of what might or might not happen? That's a long way beyond being sensible.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
    • peachyprice
    • By peachyprice 19th May 17, 10:18 PM
    • 18,718 Posts
    • 43,025 Thanks
    peachyprice
    I haven't read all of this but why not fix for 10 years?
    Problem of 10 percent interest rate in future solved.
    Originally posted by Durban
    Because what will happen after those 10 years when OP is still on minimum wage and interests rates might be 15%
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 19th May 17, 10:23 PM
    • 8,291 Posts
    • 27,809 Thanks
    fairy lights
    At this rate OP's kids will have grown up and left home themselves before he gets on the property ladder.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 19th May 17, 10:24 PM
    • 3,065 Posts
    • 7,099 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    Which is.........
    Originally posted by parking_question_chap
    Having, as my dear old mum would say, a plaster for every sore
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • beautiful_ravens
    • By beautiful_ravens 19th May 17, 10:33 PM
    • 718 Posts
    • 2,793 Thanks
    beautiful_ravens
    Op should definitely rent for a bit, as I said p-ages ago. It would be a good test in every way, but so much less complicated than buying.
    Letting go of the house buying idea will just be life lesson number one for the pair.
    ''A moment's thinking is an hour in words.'' -Thomas Hood
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