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  • FIRST POST
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    • 85Posts
    • 6Thanks
    JPB156
    We can't afford to live together and have children
    • #1
    • 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    We can't afford to live together and have children 19th May 17 at 10:00 AM
    Hi have just joined the forum because me and my girlfriend are feeling so low in our situation.

    I am 35 and she is 30 and we have been together for 11 years, we are living with our parents and have been saving for a house, we earn about 34000 between us and have about 2300 a month after tax. We have found a house we both love but house prices are now so stupidly high, it's 190000 and we have a 40000 deposit. We can get a mortgage but we are worried about affording it in the future if interest rates rise, we feel we will be fine for a while but if we are paying anything above 10% we won't be able to do it and how can we put faith in it not going to that rate in the next 30 years.

    We want children and feel time isn't on our side there but if we have one then any savings we have would go on childcare so how would we pay for anything such as a car when ours has given up on us. A cheaper house is an option but there is so little choice in this area and feel if we wait much longer we will be priced out even more, rental prices are just as bad and keep going up aswell and then how do we pay rent after retirement. there is not much prospect of us earning more in the future.

    We just feel so trapped and that we will not only be unable to ever live together but also that means never having children. We feel so low and I've never felt worse, our relationship is so strong but I really feel scared for us and not being able to give her what she wants and deserves.

    Sorry for the long post
Page 11
    • sweetbabu
    • By sweetbabu 19th May 17, 5:36 PM
    • 154 Posts
    • 116 Thanks
    sweetbabu
    Admittedly, I'm heavily pregnant and it's hot, so I'm a tad grumpy at the moment but !!!!!! me!

    The only two things that you can ever guarantee in life are death and taxes. Everything else is made up of what ifs and what mays. If you sit around thinking that you'll wait till you have enough money, you'll never have a baby. What actually even is 'enough money for a baby? You'll never have a house either.

    You have plenty of income to cover our non-negotiable bills and have lots leftover to spend as you like.

    We bought a doer-upper and are now sitting on a house that has more equity than we owe on the mortgage. Not everything in this life is easy and it all take a hard work.

    Why do you expect that you should have the absolute perfect dream home as your first? What about starting at the beginning and working your way up? The dream house will likely have sold already and there are plenty of other perfect houses out there.

    I've got two exes who, like you, were utter doommongers. Im actually quite a happy person but I would feel like I wanted to top myself after time in their company. I suggest you get your head out of the sand and actually start living your life, otherwise your OH will eventually find someone else. And youll still be living with your parents into retirement.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 5:36 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 6 Thanks
    JPB156
    I'm not trolling, I've never borrowed a penny in my life always only bought what I can afford and now I'm thinking of borrowing 150000 which will be over me until I'm 67. am I wrong for feeling very unnerved by that
    • sweetbabu
    • By sweetbabu 19th May 17, 5:37 PM
    • 154 Posts
    • 116 Thanks
    sweetbabu
    No, it is a massive commitment to make; no one is disputing that.

    But if you don't take the chance, you never will.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 5:39 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 6 Thanks
    JPB156
    We saved all this time so we could get our dream home first and then not worry about affording to move or anything like that again
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 19th May 17, 5:45 PM
    • 3,000 Posts
    • 8,258 Thanks
    LilElvis
    So it's too late for me to grow up?
    Originally posted by JPB156
    How about making a start.

    Ask people you know (friends and work colleagues) who live in properties of a comparable size to the one you're looking at how much they spend on their household bills. Ask the owners of the property how much their heating, lighting, water etc cost and what the council tax band is.

    Try living as a couple in your parents home - doing all your own cooking, food shopping and laundry. Do all the cleaning of both your areas of the house and the communal ones - living rooms, kitchen, bathrooms. After housing you for so long it is the least you can do for your parents and will teach you how much drudgery is involved in owning a home and the need to share chores equitably.
    • Soundgirlrocks
    • By Soundgirlrocks 19th May 17, 5:50 PM
    • 416 Posts
    • 572 Thanks
    Soundgirlrocks
    Ive been dipping in and out of this thread and I can't believe its gone on this long.

    OP I'm a year younger than you bought my property 5 years ago, I wanted to get on with life I wanted place of my own.

    A friend of mine slightly older had a much larger deposit in place years before I did, still hasn't bought a place, is now complaining she is priced out of the market (London) because she fretted and dithered and pulled out of more sales than I care to remember. If she had just got on with it should would be in a nice 2 bed flat in zone 3 sitting on decent equity paying less than she is in rent on a mortgage, sometimes you can get so frozen with fear that not making a choice becomes the wrong choice.
    • Penitent
    • By Penitent 19th May 17, 5:52 PM
    • 1,082 Posts
    • 2,933 Thanks
    Penitent
    I know your right and I'm letting my mind run away with me as it's trying to predict it for the next 30 years. All the time we've been looking for a house my girlfriends been saying she's fully into it but it's scary and I've been the one saying no it's not its great but now I'm faced with it I'm absolutely sh**ing myself about losing the house which is why I'm convinced we should give up on our dream and settle for less but obviously the same risks apply there is just a little more leeway which is comforting.

    I know the fact I've felt secure for so long is making it harder.

    Whether it's justified or not, whether I'm an idiot or not I'm just plain scared stiff it's the wrong choice and we're ruining our lives. That's what it's coming down to
    Originally posted by JPB156
    So, after 200 posts and lots of advice, you're still in the same place you were when the thread started. Your girlfriend wants this house, you're too scared to buy this house (or possibly any house), so nothing will change.

    Which one do you want to do?
    a) Buy the £190k house.
    b) Buy a cheaper house.
    c) Rent a house.
    d) Stay where you are.
    • sweetbabu
    • By sweetbabu 19th May 17, 5:59 PM
    • 154 Posts
    • 116 Thanks
    sweetbabu
    We saved all this time so we could get our dream home first and then not worry about affording to move or anything like that again
    Originally posted by JPB156
    You don't go into the workforce as CEO of a major international company, so why would you start a few rungs up on the housing ladder?

    You start at the bottom and work your way up when you can afford it.

    And in any case, all that time spent scrimping and saving (and you have done fantastically well to save such a sum) has been for absolutely nothing if you don't do something with it - and now, because as long as house prices continue to rise and you don't buy, you're going to find yourself priced even more out of the market.
    • WibblyGirly
    • By WibblyGirly 19th May 17, 5:59 PM
    • 176 Posts
    • 336 Thanks
    WibblyGirly
    I think aside from renting for a year, you both need to seriously think about your careers. I was on min wage in retail and I knew I just couldn't live on that forever. I went to uni as a mature student, just finished my undergrad and I'll doing a masters in September. By September 2018 I'll be able to apply for jobs earning £25k+.
    3 years of education/training is a small amount of time to have a better paying job for the next 35 years of my working life.

    Do you both really love your jobs enough that your willing to stay in the on NMW until retirement??
    • Hermia
    • By Hermia 19th May 17, 6:12 PM
    • 4,035 Posts
    • 10,526 Thanks
    Hermia
    How about making a start.

    Ask people you know (friends and work colleagues) who live in properties of a comparable size to the one you're looking at how much they spend on their household bills. Ask the owners of the property how much their heating, lighting, water etc cost and what the council tax band is.
    Originally posted by LilElvis
    Even better they could see if there are any Facebook community groups or forums for the area. I belong to two for my area and we frequently get people come on and say they are looking at a house in a particular area and are interested in the costs. They always get tons of feedback and money-saving tips for the area. I am not sure why the OP + GF cannot work out the general living costs though. Surely they must know what sort of food they like to eat, what sort of toiletries they buy, what sort of entertainment they like etc.
    • surveyqueenuk
    • By surveyqueenuk 19th May 17, 6:41 PM
    • 503 Posts
    • 1,622 Thanks
    surveyqueenuk
    I am not sure why the OP + GF cannot work out the general living costs though. Surely they must know what sort of food they like to eat, what sort of toiletries they buy, what sort of entertainment they like etc.
    Originally posted by Hermia
    Perhaps because they have not yet lived together...
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 19th May 17, 6:48 PM
    • 19,341 Posts
    • 31,281 Thanks
    Spendless
    If your OH were to become pregnant and want to return full time, then childcare may indeed cost most or even all the equivalent of her net income. You might get some help with childcare costs either via the tax credit system or with childcare vouchers.

    Or one of you could became a stay at home parent and you would make a claim for working tax credits and child tax credits.

    Or one of you could work full-time and the other work evenings and/or weekends and possibly you might still get some tax credits plus both wages from 1 full time and 1 part -time job.

    In addition you will get child benefit, which I think is £20 per week for the first-born child.

    Run some figures through a tax credit calculator.
    • Hermia
    • By Hermia 19th May 17, 7:11 PM
    • 4,035 Posts
    • 10,526 Thanks
    Hermia
    Perhaps because they have not yet lived together...
    Originally posted by surveyqueenuk
    But surely they could still talk about their lifestyles and estimate? Do one or both have to have meat at every meal? Does one or both have health problems that require special food or household products? Does she wear Rimmel or Chanel? Do they drive everywhere? Are they snobby about public transport or cycling? Does either of them have a hobby they need to factor in? Does one spend a lot on presents? Etc etc etc. Even when I was a teen I was more aware of things like this! I knew what sort of eater I was - i.e. I was happy to eat lots of pulses and veg, but on the other hand did not like really cheap bread or cereals etc.
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 19th May 17, 7:17 PM
    • 3,275 Posts
    • 2,493 Thanks
    sheramber
    You are worried that if you rent you won't be able to pay the rent when you retire.

    If you own your house and the roof needs repaired or the boiler needs replaced, how will you afford that? Or will you expect to have a son who will pay for it because you can't afford it?

    You need to decide what you can afford and stop looking at houses you can't/won't afford.
    You do not need a 3 bedroom house which will cost more to buy, cost more if fees, cost more in council tax, cost more in heating and lighting, and cost more to furnish.
    Buy a house where you do not need to rely on a car so you do not need the expense of one.

    If you are not prepared to do that then accept that you are never going to move in together.

    You sound comfortable in the security of your present situation and reluctant to change it.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 7:51 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 6 Thanks
    JPB156
    A lot of advice sites say mortgage should cost no more than 40% of total income and I'm thinking it could be about half, am I supposed to ignore that advice?
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 7:52 PM
    • 13,956 Posts
    • 13,473 Thanks
    Guest101
    A lot of advice sites say mortgage should cost no more than 40% of total income and I'm thinking it could be about half, am I supposed to ignore that advice?
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Your mortgage is £1200? On £150k? Really??
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 7:56 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 6 Thanks
    JPB156
    It would be 600 for first 5 years but would quickly double if interest rates return to more normal levels
    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 19th May 17, 8:04 PM
    • 1,934 Posts
    • 1,783 Thanks
    arbrighton
    IF

    If


    IF

    IF
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 8:05 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 6 Thanks
    JPB156
    Yes if surely you have to be prepared
    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 19th May 17, 8:07 PM
    • 1,934 Posts
    • 1,783 Thanks
    arbrighton
    There's being prepared and there's being so flipping risk averse you don't do anything.
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