Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    • 91Posts
    • 14Thanks
    JPB156
    We can't afford to live together and have children
    • #1
    • 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    We can't afford to live together and have children 19th May 17 at 10:00 AM
    Hi have just joined the forum because me and my girlfriend are feeling so low in our situation.

    I am 35 and she is 30 and we have been together for 11 years, we are living with our parents and have been saving for a house, we earn about 34000 between us and have about 2300 a month after tax. We have found a house we both love but house prices are now so stupidly high, it's 190000 and we have a 40000 deposit. We can get a mortgage but we are worried about affording it in the future if interest rates rise, we feel we will be fine for a while but if we are paying anything above 10% we won't be able to do it and how can we put faith in it not going to that rate in the next 30 years.

    We want children and feel time isn't on our side there but if we have one then any savings we have would go on childcare so how would we pay for anything such as a car when ours has given up on us. A cheaper house is an option but there is so little choice in this area and feel if we wait much longer we will be priced out even more, rental prices are just as bad and keep going up aswell and then how do we pay rent after retirement. there is not much prospect of us earning more in the future.

    We just feel so trapped and that we will not only be unable to ever live together but also that means never having children. We feel so low and I've never felt worse, our relationship is so strong but I really feel scared for us and not being able to give her what she wants and deserves.

    Sorry for the long post
Page 10
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 4:27 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    I've already taken out holidays and TV packages, I'm fine with freeview and dvds. And we both have sim only deals which come to 20 a month for both of us so again feel your judgement a little unfair
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 4:29 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    Who's not listening, in between all the rubbish there is a nice conversation about living costs going on with a couple of other posters
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 4:30 PM
    • 14,627 Posts
    • 14,350 Thanks
    Guest101
    I've already taken out holidays and TV packages, I'm fine with freeview and dvds. And we both have sim only deals which come to 20 a month for both of us so again feel your judgement a little unfair
    Originally posted by JPB156


    Just stop a second, please.


    My income is lower than your combined income. With partner working very part time and benefits, we manage to rent a house, for 5 of us, run a car, have holiday, tv packages, bunch of consoles, ipads etc, 2 contract phones and 4 pets!


    - You're panicking, just stop
    • mije1983
    • By mije1983 19th May 17, 4:30 PM
    • 2,523 Posts
    • 18,297 Thanks
    mije1983
    I'm now seriously considering moving jobs
    Originally posted by JPB156
    I don't know why you weren't considering this before really. I had to move when I bought my first house due to being priced out of my local area, as I'm sure a lot of people do.

    If you are both on around NMW and in jobs with no chance of progression then a) you probably won't have much problem finding a similar one somewhere else (by that I mean your job probably isn't specialist so isn't a narrow market), or b) it could get you into a job with more pay and more career progression.

    It appears that living with your parents for so long has made you unable to make a firm decision.

    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 19th May 17, 4:30 PM
    • 1,934 Posts
    • 1,789 Thanks
    arbrighton
    OP, not sure who you're talking to, but holidays and TV packages are a bit different to ALL the bills, shopping around, changing suppliers, making sure everything is paid etc.

    Who are you saying is 'judging you'
    • mai_taylor
    • By mai_taylor 19th May 17, 4:31 PM
    • 184 Posts
    • 382 Thanks
    mai_taylor
    I've already taken out holidays and TV packages, I'm fine with freeview and dvds. And we both have sim only deals which come to 20 a month for both of us so again feel your judgement a little unfair
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Then you're fine, you can afford it, why haven't you bought it already? If you really wanted it you'd be doing it.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 4:33 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    It was to mai_taylor as they said they cut those things out and doesn't believe I would
    • mai_taylor
    • By mai_taylor 19th May 17, 4:38 PM
    • 184 Posts
    • 382 Thanks
    mai_taylor
    It was to mai_taylor as they said they cut those things out and doesn't believe I would
    Originally posted by JPB156
    I didn't say I didn't believe you would, are you even reading what people are telling you? I'm saying there are ways in life to get what you want, if you move and it is more expensive than you think then there are sacrifices that you can make to bring your bills down or if you want to save more money in case something bad happens in the future then you can cut back to save.

    Honestly I'm going to stop feeding the troll now, you sound about 12 not 35!
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 4:41 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    Yes but there's obviously a line, if the mortgage was to go up to 1800 for example we wouldn't be able to cut enough and lose the house, that's what I'm trying to establish do I need to factor in a rise to that sort of amount
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 19th May 17, 4:47 PM
    • 2,579 Posts
    • 5,670 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KdQbb3FXSEI

    All the advice you'll ever need
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - the Argos Card!
    • silverwhistle
    • By silverwhistle 19th May 17, 4:51 PM
    • 1,532 Posts
    • 2,004 Thanks
    silverwhistle
    I bought on my own when houses were a much smaller multiplier of salaries, but it's not as if I don't appreciate that. I actually passed my driving test and bought a banger _after_ buying the house. Then interest rates went up to around 15%, but I survived and prioritised what was important to me. I've never had a colour TV, but I didn't miss a year's skiing holiday.

    How about having a lodger for a year or finite period whose end you can look forward to? Or take part time jobs on the same basis, so that you pay down your mortgage a bit. Take every training course going at work to show off your interest and abilities. Your comments on here don't reveal a particularly dynamic person, and nor am I for that matter, but perhaps jumping in on this matter will help.

    As for living costs, just look around generally on this board. I'm sure you can use a spreadsheet so make one up with all the costs you'll have. Plenty of Statements of Account on here to give you the idea.

    It really is like swimming in cold water. It's unnerving waiting to take the plunge but after you're in and thrashing about a bit you'll wonder what took you so long.
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 4:54 PM
    • 14,627 Posts
    • 14,350 Thanks
    Guest101
    Yes but there's obviously a line, if the mortgage was to go up to 1800 for example we wouldn't be able to cut enough and lose the house, that's what I'm trying to establish do I need to factor in a rise to that sort of amount
    Originally posted by JPB156


    Your mortgage would have to go up above 10% for that to happen.


    Don't you think you would remortgage?


    (no you don't)
    • mije1983
    • By mije1983 19th May 17, 4:55 PM
    • 2,523 Posts
    • 18,297 Thanks
    mije1983
    do I need to factor in a rise to that sort of amount
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Who knows? Nobody has a crystal ball!

    Maybe interest rates will rise to 15%, 20%? Or maybe they won't go above 3% for the next 100 years? But getting a longer fix as has been suggested will reduce that immediate impact and enable you to build up more equity before you ned to re-mortgage.

    There's being risk averse but you take it to a whole new level.

    I think you'd be a nightmare buyer to be honest. I dread to think what will happen when you buy and decide to get a survey. All the possible 'issues' will have you running a mile! Actually, on second thoughts, maybe don't get one!

    Although having said that, I don't think you will ever move out of your parents unfortunately.

    • peachyprice
    • By peachyprice 19th May 17, 5:02 PM
    • 18,401 Posts
    • 42,158 Thanks
    peachyprice
    Yes but there's obviously a line, if the mortgage was to go up to 1800 for example we wouldn't be able to cut enough and lose the house, that's what I'm trying to establish do I need to factor in a rise to that sort of amount
    Originally posted by JPB156
    No you don't. You need to factor in living in the here and now, plus a little bit for a rainy day.

    If rates rise you WILL cope, it's what people did last time and they don't just shoot up overnight, it's a gradual process to which you adjust accordingly. And TBH, I don't think the government will let it get that out of control again, certainly not in the forseeable future.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 19th May 17, 5:05 PM
    • 3,198 Posts
    • 7,113 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Yes but there's obviously a line, if the mortgage was to go up to 1800 for example we wouldn't be able to cut enough and lose the house, that's what I'm trying to establish do I need to factor in a rise to that sort of amount
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Crude calculations : £150k repayment mortgage over 30 years at 10% interest is £1316 a month. Would have to get to 14% to get to £1800/month. If you're worrying about that happening when the base rate has been 0.5% or less for eight years, then you'll never buy a house.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 5:13 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    I know your right and I'm letting my mind run away with me as it's trying to predict it for the next 30 years. All the time we've been looking for a house my girlfriends been saying she's fully into it but it's scary and I've been the one saying no it's not its great but now I'm faced with it I'm absolutely sh**ing myself about losing the house which is why I'm convinced we should give up on our dream and settle for less but obviously the same risks apply there is just a little more leeway which is comforting.

    I know the fact I've felt secure for so long is making it harder.

    Whether it's justified or not, whether I'm an idiot or not I'm just plain scared stiff it's the wrong choice and we're ruining our lives. That's what it's coming down to
    • Grenage
    • By Grenage 19th May 17, 5:15 PM
    • 1,154 Posts
    • 1,078 Thanks
    Grenage
    TV packages, fantasy heating comfort levels, pensions you may or may not draw, and children you don't have aside; don't buy a house now - just get out of your parents house.

    I know this is what you've been told 500 times before, in this very thread, but it's on the money.

    You are spending, and have spent, many of the best years of your lives withering away in your parents house - that's probably why you're so weak-willed and afraid of the big wide world.

    I would rather rent for my entire life than have spent an extra 5-10 years in my parents home. I love my parents, but it's not healthy; it damages you, and you don't grow up.

    Buying a house with someone you haven't properly lived with is the poster-concept of insanity. It's barking, don't do it. There's nothing wrong with renting.

    Log out of MSE, close down your computer, grab your missus by the hand and go look at some rentals. Go and live your life.
    Last edited by Grenage; 19-05-2017 at 5:17 PM.
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 19th May 17, 5:15 PM
    • 14,627 Posts
    • 14,350 Thanks
    Guest101
    I know your right and I'm letting my mind run away with me as it's trying to predict it for the next 30 years. All the time we've been looking for a house my girlfriends been saying she's fully into it but it's scary and I've been the one saying no it's not its great but now I'm faced with it I'm absolutely sh**ing myself about losing the house which is why I'm convinced we should give up on our dream and settle for less but obviously the same risks apply there is just a little more leeway which is comforting.

    I know the fact I've felt secure for so long is making it harder.

    Whether it's justified or not, whether I'm an idiot or not I'm just plain scared stiff it's the wrong choice and we're ruining our lives. That's what it's coming down to
    Originally posted by JPB156


    Life is supposed to be happy, you are ruining it by the way you respond
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 5:17 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    So it's too late for me to grow up?
    • kjh_gemini
    • By kjh_gemini 19th May 17, 5:23 PM
    • 69 Posts
    • 50 Thanks
    kjh_gemini
    The OP seriously needs to stop dithering and just get on with it.....

    .....or we have a troll with too much time on their hands
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

3,520Posts Today

9,129Users online

Martin's Twitter