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  • FIRST POST
    • deannatrois
    • By deannatrois 17th May 17, 8:19 PM
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    deannatrois
    All Gone Wrong - Housing offer.
    • #1
    • 17th May 17, 8:19 PM
    All Gone Wrong - Housing offer. 17th May 17 at 8:19 PM
    another update, sorry folks. Not as upbeat this time.

    I have two weeks to move in apparently and instead of a standard housing offer its actually a council property house swap. Deaf and dumb couple who need a two bed (they have a child) needs my place and I need a three bed.

    But in spite of promising four weeks notice from the formal offer, I have two weeks. They said, well you knew it was going to happen so you've had two weeks already (I was told would have four weeks after formal offer had been made, was told end of last week no formal offer had been made.., but letter was sent 12th May). And we are moving in and out of properties on same day. And they can't speak. And I haven't even viewed the property cause that needs to be negotiated so no idea what I can take and what I need to leave behind. No inspections of either property have been done (which I thought was how house swaps worked). Just told to sort it out between yourselves but move within two weeks. And this 'offer' fulfills Housing's obligations. Very confused. How is this an offer?

    HO said I could apply for a discretionary housing payment.., but not without a move in date and no chance of getting it with time to book a removal company. Because of my health problems, I don't see how I can pack up and get things sorted in two weeks.

    So I have one option. Its all that is left. I've already refused the offer. I can't get any help. Already tried the community mental health team in an absolute state and they told me to find an advocate. Tried that a couple of years ago.. there are none in this area.

    I must be supremely nieve but I dont' understand how housing can treat my family in this way. Maybe afterwards there will be an investigation, I don't know. All I can hope for. Why couldn't they offer me something workable? They just arent' listening at all.

    My poor kids. But I can't help them. I've spent the afternoon screaming. Trying to find help. Trying to talk calmly, Breaking down when I couldn't. There's nothing.
    Dreadful situation. Sorry folks.
Page 1
    • bouicca21
    • By bouicca21 17th May 17, 8:27 PM
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    bouicca21
    • #2
    • 17th May 17, 8:27 PM
    • #2
    • 17th May 17, 8:27 PM
    Deanna, you've been through so much and got through it, surely you can steel yourself to get through this next hurdle (mixed metaphor but you know what I mean). Communicate by notes?
    • IAmWales
    • By IAmWales 17th May 17, 8:28 PM
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    IAmWales
    • #3
    • 17th May 17, 8:28 PM
    • #3
    • 17th May 17, 8:28 PM
    I understand your anxiety but refusing the offer was not the answer. You've now left your family in an extremely vulnerable position. Can you call back, explain you were panicking and ask if you can accept again?

    How do the mute couple communicate with others? They must have ways of dealing with things, text perhaps, writing things down?

    Once you have an offer write a list of what you need to do, it should help you to get things in perspective. You would be eligible for housing benefit for two properties for a short period (28 days springs to mind). Packing can be done bit by bit, one room at a time.

    Please speak to your housing officer urgently to see what your options are now.
    • pinkshoes
    • By pinkshoes 17th May 17, 8:29 PM
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    pinkshoes
    • #4
    • 17th May 17, 8:29 PM
    • #4
    • 17th May 17, 8:29 PM
    So they are giving you two weeks notice to move not 4?

    I am not quite sure why this is an issue given nothing else has changed...

    Either you want to move (in which case you will find a way to make it work), or you don't, so just stay put.

    If they are deaf and dumb, take a pen and paper and go round and agree something.

    There is always another way to make things work.

    Friends? Family? A plea on facebook for help on a local group? Of you are in Oxfordshire, I'll help!
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
    • Rosemary7391
    • By Rosemary7391 17th May 17, 8:35 PM
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    Rosemary7391
    • #5
    • 17th May 17, 8:35 PM
    • #5
    • 17th May 17, 8:35 PM
    We had a regular customer at the supermarket I used to work at who was deaf and mute. He was absolutely lovely to deal with, and communicated mainly with gestures. I imagine that and a couple of notes would get you sorted, so please don't worry about that bit.

    As for the rest of it, someone suggested a list - I'd add to that people you can ask for help with any of it. Put the list up here and perhaps MSE folks can suggest groups that might be able to help?
    Me escondo detras de mi lengua... tengo miedo de que me entiendas... pero me gustara que me entendases ¡Ayudame!
    • Rosemary7391
    • By Rosemary7391 17th May 17, 8:41 PM
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    Rosemary7391
    • #6
    • 17th May 17, 8:41 PM
    • #6
    • 17th May 17, 8:41 PM
    Friends? Family? A plea on facebook for help on a local group? Of you are in Oxfordshire, I'll help!
    Originally posted by pinkshoes
    I think Deanna has said before that she's in Gravesham.
    Me escondo detras de mi lengua... tengo miedo de que me entiendas... pero me gustara que me entendases ¡Ayudame!
    • deannatrois
    • By deannatrois 17th May 17, 8:45 PM
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    deannatrois
    • #7
    • 17th May 17, 8:45 PM
    • #7
    • 17th May 17, 8:45 PM
    its ok, sorry. I'm not communicating very well. Ignore my post. Sorry.Can't focus at all. Can't explain any more. sorry. Just ignore.
    Last edited by deannatrois; 17-05-2017 at 8:51 PM.
    • Doozergirl
    • By Doozergirl 17th May 17, 8:56 PM
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    Doozergirl
    • #8
    • 17th May 17, 8:56 PM
    • #8
    • 17th May 17, 8:56 PM
    I think you have communicated well. I also know that people outside any situation are better able to take an objective view.

    I too think you need to undo the rejection of the offer and talk sensibly with your Housing Officer, using them to co-ordinate. I am sure they can help delay things. It's hard for anyone to move with two weeks notice, the other people probably feel the same. If it is a house swap then they can't move in without you moving out can they?

    I am sure this can be resolved and I am also sure that these other people will able to communicate somehow!
    Everything that is supposed to be in heaven is already here on earth.
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 17th May 17, 9:35 PM
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    silvercar
    • #9
    • 17th May 17, 9:35 PM
    • #9
    • 17th May 17, 9:35 PM
    Why is it so urgent to move this other couple into your place? Would it hurt the other couple to be in a 3 bed place for a couple more weeks?

    In deanna's position I would also want to see the new place before agreeing. Just in case there is a good reason why the swap couple are keen to leave a 3 bed property for a 2 bed one.
    • glasgowdan
    • By glasgowdan 17th May 17, 9:55 PM
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    glasgowdan
    As above, why are they moving down a room size? Is it to do with extra bedroom payments?
    • sevenhills
    • By sevenhills 17th May 17, 10:13 PM
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    sevenhills
    Because of my health problems, I don't see how I can pack up and get things sorted in two weeks.
    Originally posted by deannatrois
    You could just try and find someone that will work for a few days pay, move things for you.
    • gingercordial
    • By gingercordial 17th May 17, 10:45 PM
    • 986 Posts
    • 947 Thanks
    gingercordial


    So I have one option. Its all that is left.

    ...

    Maybe afterwards there will be an investigation, I don't know.

    ...

    My poor kids. But I can't help them. I've spent the afternoon screaming. Trying to find help. Trying to talk calmly, Breaking down when I couldn't. There's nothing.
    Originally posted by deannatrois
    Deanna, I hope I'm being over-anxious in how I'm reading the bits I've quoted and they don't mean you're thinking of doing something silly. Things may seem very hopeless but your children need you. Call the Samaritans if you need somebody to listen to what you're going through tonight (and we will be here too).

    If I am reading that too dramatically, I apologise. Hugs to you either way.
    • deannatrois
    • By deannatrois 18th May 17, 6:10 AM
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    deannatrois
    Deleted, fairly irrelevant. Yes I do have a choice. I've made it.

    Gift horse oh god.
    Last edited by deannatrois; 18-05-2017 at 7:47 AM.
    • Doozergirl
    • By Doozergirl 18th May 17, 6:32 AM
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    Doozergirl
    There is something you can do. You have a choice.

    I totally understand that you are anxious and upset but you owe it to yourself and to your family to spend some time trying to make this work, not to crumble and make assumptions. You must talk properly with the housing officer. Just rejecting the offer out of hand is self-sabotage - I do understand why, it is not a criticism, it is what it is. You have more time to reject it, it didn't have to be done straight away.

    One step at a time. Instead of concentrating on the end goal, concentrate on the first baby step.

    Undo the rejection. Give yourself some time to make a properly considered decision.

    Make a list of questions. Email the housing officer. Ask about seeing the house and ask if the other family would also be prepared to wait for another couple of weeks. Ask how it works with a swap if the house has items left behind or needs repairs.

    And if it doesn't suit you once you have seen the house and had replies, then do you get the chance of another offer of a genuinely empty property? I get the feeling that a swap is the best opportunity to move earlier.

    The only thing you *ever* have to deal with is the next 60 seconds.
    Everything that is supposed to be in heaven is already here on earth.
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 18th May 17, 7:14 AM
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    BrassicWoman
    I too moved 5 minutes, last year

    Professional moving compny = £1500

    Local man and van, £350, if I packed the kitchen and books and clothes. He took furiture apart and reassembled it.

    As I was not moving a grand piano, I went with local guy.

    I suggest
    - call housing, say you were stressed by the 2 weeks, but if the offer is still there, you would like to see the house
    - buy a notebook and a good pen, and write down the questions you have for the couple. They are deaf, not deaf/blind?
    - get on freegle for moving boxes. Someone alway has some!
    - look on your local facebook group for man and van
    - ask on local facebook group for help. People are kind.

    You are such a fighter for your family; I believe in you! You don't have to believe you can do it, because I will believe for both of us.

    Just make the call. There will be a way!

    You CAN do this! And you know you can. The couple need to move just as much as you do. And proably don't want 2 weeks notice either!

    I hope today seems brighter for you.

    xx
    Downsized and mortgage free
    September 17 grocery challenge £64.28/£100
    • SnooksNJ
    • By SnooksNJ 18th May 17, 9:32 AM
    • 660 Posts
    • 1,126 Thanks
    SnooksNJ

    I must be supremely nieve but I dont' understand how housing can treat my family in this way. Maybe afterwards there will be an investigation, I don't know. All I can hope for. Why couldn't they offer me something workable? They just arent' listening at all.

    My poor kids. But I can't help them. I've spent the afternoon screaming. Trying to find help. Trying to talk calmly, Breaking down when I couldn't. There's nothing.
    Dreadful situation. Sorry folks.
    Originally posted by deannatrois
    An investigation? For what? Because of the 2 week time scale given and some misconceptions about the deaf and educationally challenged being unable to communicate and will leave furniture behind?
    If the folks at Gravesend Housing are so incompetent that in your estimation need to be investigated, I think it's a great idea to communicate with this couple directly. Maybe they would also like the extra time to move? Maybe they are decent people who could help you move or know someone who could help.
    If this is a "bedroom tax" issue I'm sure they would want to make this work as much as you do.
    • xylophone
    • By xylophone 18th May 17, 9:47 AM
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    xylophone
    It seems to me that you have been too hasty in turning down this property.

    You said in a previous post that it is almost on your doorstep.

    Could you not have dropped in a note to the current occupiers asking about arranging a meeting?

    If they have communication difficulties, social services should have been able to provide assistance?

    And the ground floor three bedroom property you have always wanted is worth any temporary hassle?

    And anyway, your preparations seemed well in hand?


    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?p=72529170#post72529170 post 24
    • IAmWales
    • By IAmWales 18th May 17, 10:25 AM
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    IAmWales
    All good advice.

    Also the couple have a child, unless the child is very small they may be used to communicating for their parents. Either way this couple will have mechanisms in place to communicate.

    I used to date a man who was deaf. I had a full blown panic attack in New York and (from the UK) he managed to calm me down and get a car to take me back to my hotel. His communication skills were far better than mine because he couldn't take them for granted like most of us can.

    I hope you're feeling less overwhelmed today. Let us know how you get on with speaking to the housing officer.
    • comeandgo
    • By comeandgo 18th May 17, 10:54 AM
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    comeandgo
    I have read a lot of your previous posts and you are usually so confident and positive.
    I can understand the thought of moving in two weeks is panicking you, especially with no help. Are your sons in a position to help pack things away in boxes? Are you a church goer? I'm sure if someone from church knew you were struggling they would offer some help.
    Most of the charity shops have a van that picks up or delivers large items, do you think you could ask for help from them?
    Also, the couple who are moving into your house, could you share a van?
    The council seem to be saying the move will take place in two weeks but leaving things for you and the other couple to sort out, so what will happen if it takes three weeks or four weeks, as long as both couples involved agree?
    • teddysmum
    • By teddysmum 18th May 17, 3:41 PM
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    teddysmum
    I was just about to mention that the child, if older, is likely to be able to help the parents communicate. They must be fairly proficient at they would not be left alone to rear a child.


    If the property isn't too far away,go for a little walk tonight. You will get a feel for the vicinity and can tell a lot about the interior of a house just by looking at the outside. eg furniture on the front lawn does not bode well for the interior, but a well kept garden does.


    Do have a look inside before agreeing, as my son stuck in a small two bedroom with partner and three children of both sexes,was offered a number of swaps, all of which were in a bad state (a problem as decorating grants are no longer offered), but they now have a lovely house after hanging on.


    In this case the housing officer actually told my son that he would not accept the dilapidated properties,but I believe with some authorities you are only allowed a small number of freuals before you are moved down the priority list, so be careful.
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