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  • FIRST POST
    • MSE Nick
    • By MSE Nick 11th May 17, 3:34 PM
    • 254Posts
    • 77Thanks
    MSE Nick
    Money Moral Dilemma: How do I ask my flatmate's girlfriend to chip in more?
    • #1
    • 11th May 17, 3:34 PM
    Money Moral Dilemma: How do I ask my flatmate's girlfriend to chip in more? 11th May 17 at 3:34 PM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    My flatmate has his girlfriend round a lot, which I don't have a problem with generally. We often cook and eat together, take turns to buy drinks for the flat etc, but she rarely contributes - only my flatmate does. I don't want to make it awkward but I think she should chip in more often as she eats and drinks about as much as any of us.

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

    If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!

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    Last edited by MSE Nick; 16-05-2017 at 2:02 PM.
Page 2
    • charmedlizzy
    • By charmedlizzy 17th May 17, 5:43 PM
    • 5 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    charmedlizzy
    I am guessing you both were single when you started living together? This is a common issue. When I started bringing my bf over to my shared house, I had the convo with my friend who said "2 nights a week" which was acceptable. He had his own place anyway, and he rarely spent much time at mine. However, its definitely a subject to bring up sooner rather than later, as the longer you let it be drawn out, the more difficult it will be for your friend to see your point of view because "its been going on for so long already, why bring it up now" scenario. Just be calm and try to be specific, so to allow understanding of the conversation which he may offer to contribute for her, or he will ask her to contribute, or he may ask her to reduce the amount of time shes over, reducing her eating up your food and drink! Good luck!
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 17th May 17, 6:10 PM
    • 28,784 Posts
    • 17,216 Thanks
    getmore4less
    I am guessing you both were single when you started living together? This is a common issue. When I started bringing my bf over to my shared house, I had the convo with my friend who said "2 nights a week" which was acceptable. He had his own place anyway, and he rarely spent much time at mine. However, its definitely a subject to bring up sooner rather than later............
    Originally posted by charmedlizzy
    On the general stuff if you(as the person with the +1) are sharing your space in both properties a bit at your and bit at the others then that kind of evens out anyway.

    If that includes the weeks shop for Food and beer/wine etc and they are out for the similar number of days the partner is home then that can even out also, if not that is serious.

    Same with going out the are are 3 rounds not 2 if drinking similar value drinks and these days soft drinks cost near the same as alcohol anyway.


    OP Have the talk......
    • crmism
    • By crmism 17th May 17, 7:15 PM
    • 60 Posts
    • 33 Thanks
    crmism
    Fair share
    I think you need to have a quiet word with your flatmate. Explain to him in the most diplomatic terms that his girlfriend needs to make a fair contribution. It's quite possible that he doesn't realise the inequality of the present arrangement or, if he does, he's taking advantage of your generosity.

    If you don't wish to broach the subject that way and run the risk of falling out, you could elect to cook for yourself something different from what they want to eat, using ingredients you alone have paid for, and making sure the amount cooked is sufficient for only one person. You might find you have to resort to packet-food and a can for a week or two, but by then they should have got the message.
    • gloriouslyhappy
    • By gloriouslyhappy 18th May 17, 12:16 AM
    • 320 Posts
    • 614 Thanks
    gloriouslyhappy
    I agree with most posters - either have the conversation, and work out a deal which will also apply to your guests, or start buying, cooking and eating separately. But best do it soon before any bad feelings build up.
    • happyinflorida
    • By happyinflorida 18th May 17, 12:19 AM
    • 632 Posts
    • 539 Thanks
    happyinflorida
    I would most certainly buy food and or drink if I was eating in a boyfriends flat with his flatmate who had contributed towards me eating or drinking there. That is only fair.

    I was brought up this way, to offer to pay always and mean it.

    I would feel very uncomfortable to eat and drink regularly somewhere else and not contribute.

    I guess she does have an income though? If not, then the boyfriend should pay double or buy more as it's his girlfriend and it isn't fair on his flat mate to expect him to pay out continously for someone elses girlfriend!
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 18th May 17, 12:24 AM
    • 9,090 Posts
    • 11,375 Thanks
    hazyjo
    Depends on their ages. Sometimes it takes living away from 'home' to realise just how much things cost. If I was say 17 or 18 and round a BF's shared flat twice a week, I'd probably have taken some beers or wine or whatever but I'm not sure I'd have considered the cost of me actually staying or having milk in my tea or some food out the freezer - especially if you've been asked round as a guest. tbh I'd be mortified if my BF's flatmate had a word with me about contributing!

    As I said above, I'd just start splitting stuff. Shelf for you and for him, and keep the rest elsewhere. Get a beer fridge for your room if you have to lol!
    2017 wins: Opera tickets; film preview; lipstick; Ideal Home Show tickets + afternoon tea & bottle of Champagne; 2 cases of NKD; notebook; bath rack; books; film Premiere; Broadchurch DVDs; lipbalms
    • Glover1862
    • By Glover1862 18th May 17, 10:06 AM
    • 205 Posts
    • 112 Thanks
    Glover1862
    You could always get a partner, 25 stone USA eating champion to make your point!!
    • Danien
    • By Danien 18th May 17, 3:48 PM
    • 3 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Danien
    I lived in shared housing mostly from age 17 to 27, and the best advice I ever got was not only that sharing food never works, but that when not sharing food, items inevitably go missing from the fridge - so the advice I had was to get a fridge in my room, and it solved a whole host of problems.

    Talk to your friend, he may not be aware of how you're feeling, or dealing with things financially. Talk to him with a solution in mind - maybe stay sharing food but he contributes an additional agreed amount towards his gf's food and drink each week.
    • shortcrust
    • By shortcrust 18th May 17, 3:56 PM
    • 1,223 Posts
    • 1,501 Thanks
    shortcrust
    Life is about enjoying situations and the people around you. No one ever looked back on their life and thought I wish I'd asked for a few quid off my mate because his girlfriend kept coming round, you remember the good times. Don't be so fixated on money, you aren't going to go hungry or default on the rent because of a few good times with friends. Just chill and know that all the good karma you're building up will definitely come back around and help you out in the long run.
    Originally posted by thisisalwaysmyonlinename
    What a load of C.
    • Ebenezer_Screwj
    • By Ebenezer_Screwj 20th May 17, 9:12 AM
    • 398 Posts
    • 224 Thanks
    Ebenezer_Screwj
    You need to discuss this with your flatmate when the girlfriend is not around. It's not her fault she's getting a free ride, your mate needs to cough up for her share of the food and drink. He may not like it of course, but that's life.
    • sparky421
    • By sparky421 21st May 17, 7:39 PM
    • 8 Posts
    • 18 Thanks
    sparky421
    Get yourself a girlfriend...
    • makingplans4nigel
    • By makingplans4nigel 23rd May 17, 2:01 PM
    • 985 Posts
    • 2,596 Thanks
    makingplans4nigel
    Can she not pay you in kind?
    Come on sucker lick my battery
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 23rd May 17, 2:33 PM
    • 3,035 Posts
    • 2,323 Thanks
    dekaspace
    This is the bad thing with houseshares, I used to complain that I was only in house to sleep whilst flatmates had as many as 4 showers a day, heating on, cooking things on hob all night and combinations of similar things, the people who had 4 showers a day annoyed me the most as the water needed heated up first so I often went without due to the time it took, then they used washing machine at least once a day, and tumble dryer so I got maybe 4 showers a week, one use of washing machine and never used tumble dryer and they racked up huge electric bills and told me I had to "pay my way" it didn't matter for them as they were all quite well off but I barely had money to cover rent

    So we get to a point we can't win, people will never realise how much they are taking until they are the one who is subsidising someone else.

    I remember when I wanted a mini fridge in my room and flatmates disputed it saying they didn't want to pay for my electric, the same people who had 4 showers a day, cooked all night on hob and so on! They also claimed as I owned a tv I was a heavier user than them as they just owned laptops, it was just excuses so you have to see the fine line and have a backbone without making them angry.
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