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  • FIRST POST
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 9th May 17, 12:47 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...
    • #1
    • 9th May 17, 12:47 PM
    When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up... 9th May 17 at 12:47 PM
    I'm back again, worse than ever to be honest. Things all hit a head in March and along with help being needed in other areas than financial I realised that the money side of things are a big issue in fixing things elsewhere.

    Although not posting I have been reading the diaries I have followed, so many who helped along when I first started are happily debt free now. I want to join them one day, both in being debt free and in happiness.

    Our finances on paper while tight look okay. However we both smoke and my OH is not very responsible. At all. I fell into a gambling issue which I've sought help for and not a penny has gone on gambling since March.

    Our household is me (Not working, our youngest has complicated health issues), My OH he works full time with over time, and 3 delightful children

    I will make a seperate post for my debts/goals and then one with our SOA when I've completed it.

    Hope I can stay around to sort myself, the debt and the happiness thing out.

    DFW £733.71/£7348.71
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    June 17 PA £121.25 + £70 Cash + £50 Amazon
    July 17 PA £216.52 + £25 Cash + £45 Amazon
Page 49
    • pennywisepoundstupid
    • By pennywisepoundstupid 8th Jul 17, 1:47 PM
    • 4,182 Posts
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    pennywisepoundstupid
    Fantastic news, I'm sure it will all work out for you.

    Take care.x.
    Be mindful of your self-talk. It's a conversation with the Universe."
    Dave Ramsey babystep 1-£1000 Emergency fund- save £250/£200[/COLOR]
    School uniform £250/£250
    Save for summer £500/£370
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 8th Jul 17, 2:13 PM
    • 3,850 Posts
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    Hiddenidenity
    I think it will see us losing tax credits totally should the living arrangements remain the same. Not a bad thing but something to be aware off.

    Need to round in all the bits I need to pay today Tv license/gas/school dinners etc and find the rest of the council tax payment. Good thing is I have until 28th to find the next lot rather than always looking behind.

    DFW £733.71/£7348.71
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    June 17 PA £121.25 + £70 Cash + £50 Amazon
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    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 8th Jul 17, 8:51 PM
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    Sun Addict
    Great news about the job. I echo what everyone else says - you are an amazing mum. Don't let OH dictate what you do, ignore him, you do what you want to do. You're doing so well despite everything that's going on with OH and him behaving like a spoilt child. Big hugs from me xxx
    Virtual Sealed Pot £424.05
    Weight loss 0/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 8th Jul 17, 9:02 PM
    • 3,850 Posts
    • 15,265 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    I'm still not 100% on what to do.

    Not doing it means 'failing' to improve our situation failing in other ways too I guess, on the same token I don't want to do it and it be the end of our relationship.

    Lots of thinking to do about it.

    Not much happening here today, been a NSD, pottered in the house and garden while the kids played outside and I think I had the whole towns kids in tow. Fun day for all 3 of mine though so no complaints, will need to bake more treats though as nearly the while lot I'd done for the next few days has gone

    Sunday roast tomorrow so will get something in the oven at the same time.

    Tomorrow is 2 months into debt busting.

    DFW £733.71/£7348.71
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    • Eager_Elephant
    • By Eager_Elephant 8th Jul 17, 9:15 PM
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    Eager_Elephant
    Fab news on the job hidden.

    I know its a difficult decision to make but if OH is giving you an ultimatum then in my eyes you are not in a relationship you are in a master/slave relationship.
    Your OH should always be supportive no matter what you do. I think he likes you being at home keeping house and looking after the kids while he swans about with no concerns at all.
    I think he likes you 'needing' him to pay the majority of the bills and without him you wouldn't manage.

    If you got a job you would then have money of your own and you wouldn't 'need' his money plus of course you meet lots of other people in 'normal' relationships and he is worried that your eyes will be opened and you will realise that what you have with OH is not 'normal'.

    Can you not accept the job and see how it pans out? If it doesn't work out then at least you have tried and maybe it wasn't the right time but if it does work out then that would be brilliant!

    If you had a job I hope that you wouldn't still be cleaning at all hours and washing the bedding every day?!!?
    Ninja Saving Turtle No. 4 for July
    NSD - 11/16
    (up to 21/7/17)
    My Diary is here - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2175629 (Eager Elephants Effective Everyday Excursion)
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 8th Jul 17, 10:24 PM
    • 3,850 Posts
    • 15,265 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    Fab news on the job hidden.

    I know its a difficult decision to make but if OH is giving you an ultimatum then in my eyes you are not in a relationship you are in a master/slave relationship.
    Your OH should always be supportive no matter what you do. I think he likes you being at home keeping house and looking after the kids while he swans about with no concerns at all.
    I think he likes you 'needing' him to pay the majority of the bills and without him you wouldn't manage.

    If you got a job you would then have money of your own and you wouldn't 'need' his money plus of course you meet lots of other people in 'normal' relationships and he is worried that your eyes will be opened and you will realise that what you have with OH is not 'normal'.

    Can you not accept the job and see how it pans out? If it doesn't work out then at least you have tried and maybe it wasn't the right time but if it does work out then that would be brilliant!

    If you had a job I hope that you wouldn't still be cleaning at all hours and washing the bedding every day?!!?
    Originally posted by Eager_Elephant
    I think this maybe concerns him too, currently I do everything, for him too, from cooking, to running his bath!

    However I wouldn't change this, I would still do what I do now just around work hours rather than the times I do things now. So it wouldn't change anything for him. Work would be roughly 9am-2pm give or take a bit but definitely between school hours obviously. He's out 6-6ish so I hope that this isn't on his mind as I'd not want nor need him to do anything different to now.

    I'm going to sit and discuss it with him when/if he gets home tonight if not then tomorrow. Maybe the reasoning he will be able to afford some of his personal spends out his wage might persuade him.
    Last edited by Hiddenidenity; 08-07-2017 at 10:28 PM.

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    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 8th Jul 17, 10:31 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    Totally not MSE but I really want a new book, but it's £8.50 on playstore and £8 on amazon I refuse to spend £8 on myself

    I have nearly checked out at least 8 times across the week.

    DFW £733.71/£7348.71
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    June 17 PA £121.25 + £70 Cash + £50 Amazon
    July 17 PA £216.52 + £25 Cash + £45 Amazon
    • emmie26
    • By emmie26 8th Jul 17, 10:52 PM
    • 435 Posts
    • 1,401 Thanks
    emmie26
    I'm gutted that such good news is not seen as such by your OH, at the moment he is really your only link to the outside world other than your mum and sister, if you were working you would be able to have a laugh, meet people, have a change of routine instead of being suck in washing bedding to me it is such a no brainer I can see no disadvantage. I really hope you can work some magic on him and make him see that. At the moment you are doing everything for everyone else and have nothing for yourself, I really hope that changes for you soon xx

    P.s any chance the book is at the library??

    Total Debt: £24,359.79 £23,124
    debt reduced by 5%
    Debt free date: May 2019
    • armchairexpert
    • By armchairexpert 9th Jul 17, 3:26 AM
    • 507 Posts
    • 3,317 Thanks
    armchairexpert
    Imagine being a grown adult with full use of your limbs and expecting someone to run your bath for you.
    MFW diary here. 1 Feb 2017 $229,371 - MFD Feb 2043 aiming for May 2028
    1 June 2017 $221,986.42
    1 July 2017 $223,199.76 - bit of a backslide: leaving the June total here for inspiration!
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 9th Jul 17, 6:26 AM
    • 464 Posts
    • 1,248 Thanks
    Chandelier.
    Hidden what book is it?

    I'm part of an ebook group where we can download as many as we want and you give requests and they find them for you.

    Send me a message and I'll give you details.
    Check out my Diary
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 9th Jul 17, 7:14 AM
    • 4,740 Posts
    • 15,164 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    Morning HI,

    Congratulations on the new job, it'll do you wonders to be doing your own thing and you'll still be there for the kids and get some other adult conversation.

    Sorry OH isn't on board, I won't comment on your relationship you know that. I think that he may come round though once you've started.

    With regards to tax credits and stuff, that I'm not sure about but when I worked in the school kitchen I could do 16 hours without being taxed for it, if that helps?

    Which book are you after? If I have it here, I can send it to you x
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: £7650.00 Cap 1: £400.00 Overdraft: £2750.00

    Lunches to work 7/20 ~ £10pw 3/4

    20p Savers 2017 £2 Savers 2017 50p Savers 2017 SPC 10 2017 #003
    • Eager_Elephant
    • By Eager_Elephant 9th Jul 17, 7:42 AM
    • 3,966 Posts
    • 21,015 Thanks
    Eager_Elephant
    Totally not MSE but I really want a new book, but it's £8.50 on playstore and £8 on amazon I refuse to spend £8 on myself

    I have nearly checked out at least 8 times across the week.
    Originally posted by Hiddenidenity
    So OH gets to keep some a lot of his wages for personal spends but you cant spend £8 on a book??!?

    Have you not got any Amazon vouchers from the surveys or could you do some extra surveys this week and then cash out for Amazon vouchers then you wont feel it has come from bill money?

    And as for the bath comment I think it goes hand in hand with my master/slave comment.

    If my DH wants his bath run then he can just get in after me after I have run my own bath
    Ninja Saving Turtle No. 4 for July
    NSD - 11/16
    (up to 21/7/17)
    My Diary is here - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2175629 (Eager Elephants Effective Everyday Excursion)
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 9th Jul 17, 8:42 AM
    • 644 Posts
    • 5,705 Thanks
    Toni'sfriend
    You run his bath for him? We are in the 21st century, aren't we? Honestly, I think he's afraid of you taking this job because you'll find out that you are a very capable person and what you're doing for him is not normal. He's worried you'll realise you're entitled to a life of your own. Take the job and make him run his own bath.
    NSD 12/14 Weightloss 1.5/48 July womble £86.68 2017 Wombling total £1086.70
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 9th Jul 17, 9:29 AM
    • 3,850 Posts
    • 15,265 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    The bath comment was just meaning I do everything and I don't expect that to change.

    We haven't spoken about the job but I'll still be taking it.

    Today I need to bake while the roast is on, the weather looks good again so I'm sure the kids will be happy playing outside and hopefully another NSD.

    I'm just enjoying a peaceful coffee in the garden while everyone is asleep.

    As for the book its just a person on TV's book, I would never pay £8 for a book it takes 2 days to read

    I think I'm having withdrawals now we have no library local so it means a bus fare there and back to the one in big town.

    Maybe I need to start looking for cheap books on amazon/ebay?

    DFW £733.71/£7348.71
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    June 17 PA £121.25 + £70 Cash + £50 Amazon
    July 17 PA £216.52 + £25 Cash + £45 Amazon
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 9th Jul 17, 1:43 PM
    • 3,850 Posts
    • 15,265 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    Monthly Update
    Council Tax £2092.71 £1785 (£307.71 Paid) £135 Paid this month
    Fine 1 £1250 £1125(£125 Paid) £100 Paid this month
    Fine 2 £200 £50 (£150 Paid) £20 Paid this month
    Aunt £1000
    Mum £340 + £87 £340 (£87 paid)
    Step Dad £1000
    Friend £1379 £1360 (£19 paid)

    Total £7348.71 £6660 (£688.71 Paid) £255 Paid this month

    Rent Arrears £3381.28 £3065 (316.28 paid) £195 Paid this month

    Total £10722.99 £9725 (£997.99 Paid) £450 paid this month

    4 week month

    Wish it could be better but at least it's in the right direction.

    DFW £733.71/£7348.71
    Rent Arrears £346.28/£3381.28

    June 17 PA £121.25 + £70 Cash + £50 Amazon
    July 17 PA £216.52 + £25 Cash + £45 Amazon
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 9th Jul 17, 2:27 PM
    • 248 Posts
    • 722 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Well done HI. You're doing amazingly well.
    paydbx #90 £275/£10,000.
    365 day penny challenge £37.66/£667.95
    Loan £17k in 2012- £570 in June 2017. Home improvement loans £3342 March 2017
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 9th Jul 17, 4:47 PM
    • 2,354 Posts
    • 18,178 Thanks
    sashybo
    Hidden, have you tried abebooks.co.uk? I use them for cheap/second hand books & you get cashback through Quidco as well.

    Also think EE's idea of taking some of your survey rewards as Amazon vouchers & using them to buy yourself something you'd like i.e. a book is a good one.

    Well done on the debt reduction & the job.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £8317 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £42,676.99
    Loans 1 & 2 £5597.93, Car loans £25,514.25
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 9th Jul 17, 7:39 PM
    • 3,850 Posts
    • 15,265 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    Thank you Sashy will take a look.

    I still have no OH No idea what he's doing but oh well, it means the day has been really quiet! I got some more gardening done and cleaning of the windows etc all at my own speed while watching the kids. Got to watch F1 while I did the ironing and now the kids are bathed, tucked up in bed and had their stories.

    Going to finish some bits I want to get sorted and then chill on the sofa for a while. It's so quiet!

    DFW £733.71/£7348.71
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    June 17 PA £121.25 + £70 Cash + £50 Amazon
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    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 9th Jul 17, 7:58 PM
    • 4,039 Posts
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    Sun Addict
    Can't believe how immature OH is. And he's older than you! Time he grew up and started realising he's got a real treasure in you, time he appreciated you.

    On the plus side you've had a nice peaceful day xx
    Virtual Sealed Pot £424.05
    Weight loss 0/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 9th Jul 17, 8:42 PM
    • 3,850 Posts
    • 15,265 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    Definitely a quiet stress free weekend, even the kids have said how nice it's been even though we haven't done anything!

    I've done most of tomorrow's chores that I can now so I can sit and watch the tennis

    Hopefully the new cooker should be here tomorrow, then DR on Tues, nursery visit on Weds, and new kitchen worktops on Friday!

    Busy week ahead! 10 more school days

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