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  • FIRST POST
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 9th May 17, 12:47 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...
    • #1
    • 9th May 17, 12:47 PM
    When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up... 9th May 17 at 12:47 PM
    I'm back again, worse than ever to be honest. Things all hit a head in March and along with help being needed in other areas than financial I realised that the money side of things are a big issue in fixing things elsewhere.

    Although not posting I have been reading the diaries I have followed, so many who helped along when I first started are happily debt free now. I want to join them one day, both in being debt free and in happiness.

    Our finances on paper while tight look okay. However we both smoke and my OH is not very responsible. At all. I fell into a gambling issue which I've sought help for and not a penny has gone on gambling since March.

    Our household is me (Not working, our youngest has complicated health issues), My OH he works full time with over time, and 3 delightful children

    I will make a seperate post for my debts/goals and then one with our SOA when I've completed it.

    Hope I can stay around to sort myself, the debt and the happiness thing out.
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
Page 143
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 11th Nov 17, 7:03 AM
    • 4,631 Posts
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    Sun Addict
    You achieve much more than you think you do, don't be so hard on yourself Hidden. Hope you manage to get outside this weekend and get some fresh air.

    I'm another one with a quiet weekend planned, can't beat it

    Take care xx
    Virtual Sealed Pot £671.22
    November NSD 5/12
    Weight loss 2/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 11th Nov 17, 9:43 AM
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    Toni'sfriend
    Morning Hidden
    Goodness you've have a hard time whilst I've been away. Hope things are improving and you have a good weekend.
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th Nov 17, 10:05 AM
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    Hiddenidenity
    Things are quiet here!

    Smalls haven't been awake long and DD is still in bed I'm surprised after how early they all fell into bed last night. We will do movie night tonight instead. To be fair I fell asleep not long after I last posted here.

    The housework is done as I was up too early this morning after my early night. I even sorted some of the bigger things on my list (like the coat cupboard. Why does it always end up looking like a cupboard of doom!)

    We have homework to do today. Ex's family wanted to visit but I've asked them to come next weekend instead Can't be dealing with them today.

    I need to call and pay some to the new debt today but don't want to be too short for the week ahead I think I've budgeted every last penny even across the wages coming in and going out.

    Speaking of which I've decided to go back to work on Monday so need to get a fit note from the GP as my sick note still has another 4 weeks to run really.

    Decided youngest isn't going on her trip. It's a worry I don't need and she doesn't want to go anyway so I don't feel bad.

    Need to pick up some white t-shirts so we can make our children in need outfits for next week. Another non-uniform day I wonder how people afford to keep up with this School is costing a fortune!
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 11th Nov 17, 10:23 AM
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    Toni'sfriend
    You seem a bit more cheerful today and I think you've got enough on your plate without visitors.
    Are you sure you're ok to go back to work. Please be guided by your GP but maybe you feel you'd be better there.
    I also don't know how people can afford all these dress down days etc at school. I don't remember any of this when my son was small. From what I'm reading on the boards it seems to be one to pay activity after another.
    Anyway, you have a good day. I've got a mountain of washing and a house to clean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    • earthgirl
    • By earthgirl 11th Nov 17, 11:44 AM
    • 2,489 Posts
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    earthgirl
    I get really annoyed with the themed days as well so expensive. People suggest buying on eBay etc but I never seem to have enough notice.

    You are doing amazingly well with everything. I also would urge caution about returning to work too early. For me if I’m off then return then am off again it counts as two absences.

    Do what’s best for you and keep on keeping on - youre great!
    15/5/12 Paid off Mortgage 1 (£220k) Dec 13 - £116,508 Bought Dream House Dec 14 - £94, 402 (£22,106 offset in 2014) Jan 16 - £67, 852 (£26,550 offset in 2015) Dec 16 - £33,529 ( £34,323offset in 2016)
    Jan 17 - £39, 773 (Re-estimation of endowments )
    June 17 £32,053 Sept 17 £22,619
    Kids savings 13,578/36k
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th Nov 17, 5:22 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    Thank you x

    The events at smalls school are so much more than at the school I am in. Although smalls has only been like this since changing to an Academy.

    Next week there's at least 5 things on that cost money in one way or another. It soon adds up when its times 3! I can't be the only one thinking the same

    Step dad paid some of new debt for me. It was supposed to be a secret until nearer Xmas however they haven't deducted enough from the balance (£100 difference ) So he's going to go in and sort this Thursday. Glad he's the total opposite of me and keeps receipts for near enough everything!

    Didn't get to post office, but I have posted the things into the red box. Fingers crossed I won't regret making that choice I couldn't leave said person waiting any longer because of my stupid thoughts preventing me going into town.

    So not a NSD. No other moneys spent though. Much to child's disappointment
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 11th Nov 17, 5:39 PM
    • 831 Posts
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    UncannyScot
    My colleagues at work are always complaining about this... they say the same, hardly a week goes by without them having to fork out for something at their kids schools

    You're doing great luv (((((HUGS)))))
    BUGGRITMILLENIUMHANDANDSHRIMP I TOLD EM! - Foul Ole Ron
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 11th Nov 17, 5:58 PM
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    Cumbria lass
    I think all schools are like this these days, DGS has 4 non uniform Fridays this month . Every Friday is a contribution to the school Christmas Fayre. Chocolate , toiletries , a bottle , and something else. I don't think schools realise how expensive it is if you have 3 Hidden. This is an expensive time of year also.
    Nov 2017 CC1 £3329 CC2 £600

    Debt Free Nov 2019: earlier if I have my way
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 11th Nov 17, 6:15 PM
    • 942 Posts
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    Toni'sfriend
    That is good of your step dad.
    When I was at school (certainly a very longtime ago) we used to take a bunch of flowers or some veg from the garden for harvest festival and that was it. If you didn't have a garden you took a tin of beans. I can understand that this idea now might be to try to install the idea of helping charities/people less unfortunate but I wonder in they realize how much pressure they are putting on families who really can't afford all this. Sometimes I think that teaching children to be kind to those less fortunate might be a better idea. But I'm old school. I think a kind word or deed is more than throwing money at things.
    • 117pauline
    • By 117pauline 11th Nov 17, 9:46 PM
    • 421 Posts
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    117pauline
    I am adding my voice to the well done song being sung. You are really doing well. If you can't believe yourself then believe us.

    I am glad your step dad is helping out and dealing with something. Could he be any help with your mum?

    Going out is also a struggle for me. It is such an easy thing that is sometimes impossible. I fully empathise about it being easier when you have a routine. I managed it today but feel completely drained now.

    Will you feel better if you go back to work? Is it somewher you can put your problems to the back of your mind? Only you can answer that but consider your long term wellbeing.

    And let the GP push for you to be seen quicker. This is a time for you to access as support as you can. Also if the GP didn't really help, please see a different one.

    Take care of you and the little ones
    Pauline
    Don't get it perfect - Get it going
    Better Than Before
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th Nov 17, 10:21 PM
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    • 26,196 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    I think work helps in the sense I Have to go out everyday. Although now the smalls are back at school, its a fresh week they have to go. I have no choice to take them (Before I came back here in March I wouldn't have even taken them to school )

    I'm not sure I will speak to my manager on Monday morning see what she thinks.

    Mum doesn't know he has paid this £100 Neither did I and I'm quite shocked he has done it.

    Smalls have all had movie night, eaten popcorn and are tucked up sleeping.

    Waiting for a friend coming for a cuppa then bed time for me too I think. Done as much of my to do list as I can tonight. We have a bit of homework that needs finishing once the first part is dry.
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 11th Nov 17, 10:52 PM
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    EssexHebridean
    I have to say I think you're right about work being good for you - and so long as you're physically fit enough to be there, and mentally you feel you can cope, then the impression I get is that getting back to some form of normality will probably do you good.
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    Sainsbugs 0% card: 22/12/16 £1229.00/£632.77 (20/11/17)
    SOA Calculator for DFW newbies: Stoozing.com SOA Calculator
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 11th Nov 17, 11:18 PM
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    Cherryfudge
    If you feel ready to go back to work, I think you probably are - but possibly a phased return?

    What a nice man your step Dad seems to be.
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 12th Nov 17, 9:54 AM
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    Sun Addict
    Good idea to go back to work, even if just a phased return, it will get you back out of the house. My DD used to suffer from anxiety and agoraphobia a few years ago and it was work that got her over it really. She still rarely leaves the house otherwise though and gets a taxi to and from work.

    Great news that your step dad is helping out, I get the feeling you don't get as much support as you should from your family, so this is good to hear.

    My kids are older than you and even when they were at school the schools were always after money for non uniform days, trips, donations, etc, so I don't think anything' changed on that front. I remember the head of their primary school asking parents to buy daffodil bulbs for harvest festival so they could be planted along the drive down to the school as she had a vision of driving down in spring past a host of daffodils. I used to think why don't you buy them yourself then as you must be on a good wage! Nothing ever changes!

    By the way I've also got a cupboard of doom (two if I'm honest). No matter how many times I declutter them it all builds back up again!

    Hope you have a good day today
    Virtual Sealed Pot £671.22
    November NSD 5/12
    Weight loss 2/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 12th Nov 17, 10:13 AM
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    Toni'sfriend
    Cupboard of doom? I think that describes every one in my house.
    Getting back into a routine will make you feel better so if you are feeling physically well enough going back to work might be a good idea. Your manager seems to be quite an understanding person so maybe having a word with her would be beneficial.
    Take care of yourself, Hidden.
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 12th Nov 17, 1:01 PM
    • 5,328 Posts
    • 26,196 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    I've managed to speak to my Manager, they have cover this week and she thinks I should look at returning a week tomorrow. So still 3 weeks early if I feel up to it. She said don't jump in head first as obviously it will be another sick note going through if it is too soon and I need to be off again.

    So that at least gives me this week to get organised again. The kids in school properly etc.
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 12th Nov 17, 1:04 PM
    • 5,328 Posts
    • 26,196 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    November goals

    Money
    £20 to council tax - £/£20
    £50 Groceries - £/£50

    New Debt 12/11/2017
    Broken down into
    £602
    £50
    £52
    £30

    This is likely to rise on the 16th.

    Extra income (Waiting for)
    Onepoll £40
    Pureprofile £25

    Plans
    Two bigger smalls to get 100% attendance Well that's a fail not even a week into November
    Post Nephews Birthday card
    DD School trip
    DS School trip
    Parents evening Need to rearrange I missed as was sick

    List of things I need to sort in October.
    DD's clothes - just tights
    Youngest - leggings and socks
    BIL Birthday card
    Buy Christmas Jumpers x 3
    School trip £6
    School trip £3
    Post money to
    Post school photos
    Youngest School trip £14
    Youngest School Event £2.20

    Unbudgeted spends
    Need to post some money to someone
    Need to post School photos
    School Shoes for DS again
    More School t-shirts for youngest
    School trainers for youngest
    School tights for DD
    £3 Xmas gifts
    Last edited by Hiddenidenity; 12-11-2017 at 1:16 PM.
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • charlies tribe
    • By charlies tribe 12th Nov 17, 1:52 PM
    • 476 Posts
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    charlies tribe
    Hope your feeling a bit better now HI. I agree about taking the time off if you need it but I also know how much you need your routine and being back to 'normal' routine may help you feel better.

    Don't feel guilty about using some of DD's DLA. It's not just for the big things but also things like special diet foods, extra heating and washing, journeys to medical appointments, extra clothing (like the pj's. My DS chews his clothes and goes through loads), things like nappies that wouldn't normally be needed at that age... All of which you usually just add into normal spending, over a month they all add up.
    LBM in April 17 - £4453/£33554 (13.2%) paid
    DFD: 1st May 2022
    SPC #591
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 12th Nov 17, 2:04 PM
    • 5,328 Posts
    • 26,196 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    Hope your feeling a bit better now HI. I agree about taking the time off if you need it but I also know how much you need your routine and being back to 'normal' routine may help you feel better.

    Don't feel guilty about using some of DD's DLA. It's not just for the big things but also things like special diet foods, extra heating and washing, journeys to medical appointments, extra clothing (like the pj's. My DS chews his clothes and goes through loads), things like nappies that wouldn't normally be needed at that age... All of which you usually just add into normal spending, over a month they all add up.
    Originally posted by charlies tribe
    Thank you, I was thinking this. The grocery budget no where near covers her nappies etc. I have been using Amazon vouchers so far to purchase the majority of nappies/syringes and things but I've nearly run out of vouchers now. I didn't know if this should now be added into my grocery budget or take it from her DLA.
    DFW £1783.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £571.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • charlies tribe
    • By charlies tribe 12th Nov 17, 2:19 PM
    • 476 Posts
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    charlies tribe
    DS has to have large nappies,( on offer at £4 at the minute for 9!) We get so many supplied but no where near enough (1 nappy a night and pants for the daytime that don't work after a few washes). This comes out of his DLA.
    If you don't want to use it, maybe half it, so that you save half for the big items and half goes into the grocery house budgets to cover nappies, extra electricity (we have to have the heating on to keep DS warm and being incontinent his bedding/clothes are washed a lot more than the others), special milks etc.
    But defiantly don't feel guilty about using it.
    Did you update the tax credits now you have the DLA?, Cant remember if you did or not.
    Are you still getting any housing/council tax benefits? I know you are working now but i'm sure you would still get some help.

    Sorry for all the questions, I know you don't want to claim anything your not entitled to and was hoping you didn't cancel these completely when you started work x
    LBM in April 17 - £4453/£33554 (13.2%) paid
    DFD: 1st May 2022
    SPC #591
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