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  • FIRST POST
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 9th May 17, 12:47 PM
    • 5,074Posts
    • 23,364Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...
    • #1
    • 9th May 17, 12:47 PM
    When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up... 9th May 17 at 12:47 PM
    I'm back again, worse than ever to be honest. Things all hit a head in March and along with help being needed in other areas than financial I realised that the money side of things are a big issue in fixing things elsewhere.

    Although not posting I have been reading the diaries I have followed, so many who helped along when I first started are happily debt free now. I want to join them one day, both in being debt free and in happiness.

    Our finances on paper while tight look okay. However we both smoke and my OH is not very responsible. At all. I fell into a gambling issue which I've sought help for and not a penny has gone on gambling since March.

    Our household is me (Not working, our youngest has complicated health issues), My OH he works full time with over time, and 3 delightful children

    I will make a seperate post for my debts/goals and then one with our SOA when I've completed it.

    Hope I can stay around to sort myself, the debt and the happiness thing out.
    DFW £1388.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £511.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
Page 121
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 10th Oct 17, 5:54 PM
    • 634 Posts
    • 2,451 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    I sympathise with you about your mum , I buy and spend all sorts on my Grandchildren it's my choice but I would never recharge their mother. However it's your mum and you have to deal with her as you see fit , you have had many helpful suggestions.

    I can't help with your bad dreams as I don't feel qualified to do that , but you have support from agencies maybe one of them can point you in the right direction.

    Coats my grandsons was £10 from Primark it washes lovely. Your 2 eldest are older than him so maybe dearer .

    Your comment on my thread was much appreciated.
    Oct 2017 CC1 £3439CC 2 £927

    Debt Free Nov 2019: earlier if I have my way
    • XSpender
    • By XSpender 10th Oct 17, 6:36 PM
    • 2,635 Posts
    • 27,128 Thanks
    XSpender
    I pay my parents in law to look after DS. Neither DH or I would be able to do the jobs we do if it wasn't for the support we get off them. It covers his evening meals, some pack lunches and bus fares as they don't drive and something for their time. People are horrified that they ask for money but what's my alternative? And as I say I couldn't do my job without him staying at theirs the odd night and it is much cheaper and more flexible than childcare.

    They buy him some clothes, PJs and toys etc. but would never charge me for it as these are extra things that I could have provided from home if required. If they find school wear or something on offer when they are out and about they will ring and ask if they should get it and I reimburse them. If they take him anywhere such as the cinema or soft play they pay for it as it has been there decision to take him there rather than the park which is free which he loves just as much.

    I make them sound great but my MIL is a nightmare at times and I could fill a whole series of EastEnders with the carry out she gets up to!

    Does your Mum see you as a source of easy cash? When DH lived at home and earned a bonus or did a lot of overtime MIL would expect a handout. They were burgled once and they only took DH stuff (he had expensive tastes in electronics and clothes) and he was expected to split the pay out between all family members including those who had not had any items stolen!

    I think you just have to draw a line under it with your Mum, agree the final figure as you have done and clearly state that any costs incurred after this date without prior agreement you will not be liable for.

    DH parents only speak to us because of DS

    I hope you manage to get a good nights sleep tonight.
    EF £1000 - £0
    • missymoo81
    • By missymoo81 10th Oct 17, 9:28 PM
    • 5,823 Posts
    • 19,634 Thanks
    missymoo81
    Hey hidden, hope you're ok lovely. I think speaking to your counsellor might help. Bless you lovely, I just want to make you a brew and give you the biggest hug.

    Rubbish snot costs, I have bought mine from eBay in the past and got good make ones for around a tenner. That might be an idea?

    How has your day been?
    • earthgirl
    • By earthgirl 10th Oct 17, 10:01 PM
    • 2,456 Posts
    • 19,809 Thanks
    earthgirl
    Hope your appointment on Monday helps and you get some rest and peace. Wish I could offer real help and tea and cake!
    Kept on keeping on, your an inspiration.
    15/5/12 Paid off Mortgage 1 (£220k) Dec 13 - £116,508 Bought Dream House Dec 14 - £94, 402 (£22,106 offset in 2014) Jan 16 - £67, 852 (£26,550 offset in 2015) Dec 16 - £33,529 ( £34,323offset in 2016)
    Jan 17 - £39, 773 (Re-estimation of endowments )
    June 17 £32,053 Sept 17 £22,619
    Kids savings 13,578/36k
    • Shelbi
    • By Shelbi 10th Oct 17, 10:34 PM
    • 621 Posts
    • 1,400 Thanks
    Shelbi
    Hi Hidden,

    I thought id pop over and be nosey if im honest Ive only had time to read 15pages worth (working backwards) or so but I didnt want to read and run! I wanted to send you a big virtual hug!
    Im astounded how you have all this going on and still have time to help others with cookery tips, support and suggestions....Ive got to say You Absolutely Rock!! Thank you!!

    I also wanted to say that you are doing the amazing, I hope youngest feels better soon and your meeting on Monday goes well and it helps relax you! As for your mum seems like a lot of great advice- I was thinking perhaps give her a list of things she can do (cheapy things-park/scavanger hunt) maybe shes lacking inspiration so resorts to things she cant afford and foots you with the bill...I dont know whether its helpful I haven't been blessed with kids yet so have no clue as to childcare/small ones etc and lord knows mothers aren't my strong point either mine can run rings around me most of the time bless her...but I hope it helps...

    The sleeping: I once read an article that said if you think on relaxing and good thoughts you can direct your sleep that way...counting blessings rather than sheep...I hope it helps. Mostly I just wanted to say Im blown away by how you inspiring you are....I hope you know that lovely...I wish you a wonderful nights sleep...dream sweet!

    Shelbi x
    If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off & try again... Debt at 5th attempt
    1 debt vs 100days chpt27- £1056.76/£4603.46
    & cc £171.17/£5482.83 (offset £1500savings when mature-31/03/18)
    Organised October #5- NSD 6/16
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 10th Oct 17, 11:05 PM
    • 5,074 Posts
    • 23,364 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    Thank you for all the comments. Mum knows I wanted the final figure and if she tries to change this I think I'll have no choice but to put my foot down firmly. Luckily it shouldn't happen again as she hasn't had them for a while and hopefully won't be any time soon. Although should she need to I will be sending firm instructions

    I've only just got youngest to sleep and she's in my bed Something I've never done

    We where fed from what's in. Wasn't brilliant though

    I have loads on this week with appointment's and next week looks similar.
    DFW £1388.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £511.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • missymoo81
    • By missymoo81 11th Oct 17, 6:07 AM
    • 5,823 Posts
    • 19,634 Thanks
    missymoo81
    Morning hidden, hope you managed to sleep. Bless you you've got so much on! I hope you have a good day today.
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 11th Oct 17, 7:59 AM
    • 4,451 Posts
    • 24,913 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    I agree with the others, your mum shouldn't be buying things then recharging you. Good idea to pay her off as a priority then it's not hanging over you.

    Hope things pick up soon xx
    Virtual Sealed Pot £671.22
    October NSD 6/15
    Weight loss 0/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th Oct 17, 9:10 AM
    • 5,074 Posts
    • 23,364 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    Well youngest strikes again at 3.30 and still going strong now!

    Work have given me paid leave until after half term We have some of her team visiting today because this can't continue It's not healthy or realistic for any of us!

    She seems well in herself though. So a relief really.

    I have to make DS sausage casserole today, I promised.

    I have cleaning to do as usual!

    I'm looking forward to doing some food shopping on the 18th I have a list of things I need to pay then too. So although the debt won't be going down I will be back up to date on all my bills! Finally hate being behind

    Virgin is double payment plus a bit this month, but going forward its £37.99 I feel bad committing to this but we need the internet and the TV is more than being used (especially with youngest lack of sleep ) It's still the same contract as before but I've lowered the packages etc. So if it proves too much of a stretch I can still cancel when the contract ends in Feb I made sure of this

    I don't have a contract phone, just on g!ffgaff £5 a month top up. Although it's been £10 this month as I ran out of calls with all the ringing round for work/dd/doctors etc. So I need to be more cautious next month. No plans for getting a new phone anytime soon. Mine is old now but I love it

    Gas/Electric switched to another tariff - using around £10 electric a week and £6 gas. Considering we use the washer/dryer 4 times a day along with us all having baths and showers daily (me twice sometimes more) and the heating just comes on when it drops below 17 (no idea how often it actually comes on) I think that's okay!

    Need to investigate water bill. Sure its around £45 a month for 10 months, won't fit a meter as they say it would cost more.

    I need to sort contents insurance. I was so close to sorting it then forgot to actually do it

    Christmas is sorted, but then I have all 3 kids birthdays within the 2 weeks (end of feb/first week in march) So need to consider this.

    Think that's it for now. My mind has been working over time as you can see
    DFW £1388.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £511.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • monz
    • By monz 11th Oct 17, 9:44 AM
    • 2,805 Posts
    • 7,999 Thanks
    monz
    omg hidden as much as i moan about my dad he never takes a penny from me for collecting and taking my boy to school or his swimming lessons or football. I cdnt afford anything otherwise xx
    Debt (1/9/14) £6,702.11 Debt free (30/11/2016)
    house deposit £6,006.28/10,000
    mums xmas vouchers boots 50/50 sisters xmas vouchers topshop 30/30 Dads xmas voucher amazon (surveys) 0/30 (£15 pending)
    holiday - £237.81/1064.72
    Australia 2019 - /5000
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 11th Oct 17, 10:45 AM
    • 8,013 Posts
    • 41,466 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    Aww sorry to hear that youngest is still struggling so much Hidden - great to hear that work are being so understanding about it though. The visit from the team sounds like a good step to try to sort things out too - fingers crossed they get somewhere with it.

    Have you checked your GiffGaff deal is the current one - ie that you're getting as many minutes as you should be? I presume they would change you automatically is deals improve but might be worth a quick check - you never know! Otherwise are there any better SIM only deals out there that might give you a bit more for the same money? I know PlusNet have a £5 a month deal but not sure how it compares on calls - just that it includes plenty for the OH! (Changing will depend on your phone being unlocked as well, of course!)

    Here's a thought for you - by cutting your washing down by just one load a day, you could make quite a reduction on your electricity bill. I know it's not *high* as such currently, but every little helps, right? Maybe time to challenge yourself to change beds a bit less often? (And yes, I KNOW we keep coming back to give you a gentle nag on this, but you know why, and that it's done with love, don't you). Of course it will also have the effect of saving you money on washing powder, softener etc as well...even more of a win?!
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th Oct 17, 10:47 AM
    • 5,074 Posts
    • 23,364 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    October goals

    Money
    £50 to council tax - £0/£50
    £75 Groceries - £4.78/£75
    £200 to other debt £40/£200

    Extra income £50* -

    Money outstanding to Mum now £575.

    Plans
    Two bigger smalls to keep 100% attendance Well DS had one day off with the sickness bug
    Have a lovely week away at half term
    DD attend birthday party - Gift and Card needed
    Have a fab halloween - under £5 Party dinner organised, all food stuffs needed are in. Will bake cakes and all things halloween themed. Cost Zero
    Halloween costumes for school x 3 £30? Hopefully less


    I need to catch up on ALL my bills I'm behind on (all have been spoken too and are okay).
    V1rgin - first bill so two months nearly £89 (its a bit under this but rounded up)
    TV license - £28
    Rent - £113.07
    Council tax £85
    School - £200 £130

    List of things I need to sort in October.

    3 x halloween costumes
    Winter coats for smalls
    Hats and gloves for smalls
    Youngest all in one suit for school. Ordered
    DD's clothes - just basics but she really needs something Sorted T-shirts. Still need leggings/skirt/tights and jumpers.
    Pj's and a book for youngest for school event

    School photos £44.25

    Birthday card and gift for DD party invite Sorted thank you EH. £10 spent, art & craft items,
    friendship bracelet, sweets and a card. DD very impressed


    I've made my plans slightly smaller, removed the Xmas plans for now I won't be getting anything for Xmas until the bills are caught up. This isn't an issue I get a payment in Dec that will cover Xmas without pushing my budget too much.

    Unbudgeted spends
    School trousers DS £5
    DFW £1388.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £511.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th Oct 17, 10:51 AM
    • 5,074 Posts
    • 23,364 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    Aww sorry to hear that youngest is still struggling so much Hidden - great to hear that work are being so understanding about it though. The visit from the team sounds like a good step to try to sort things out too - fingers crossed they get somewhere with it.

    Have you checked your GiffGaff deal is the current one - ie that you're getting as many minutes as you should be? I presume they would change you automatically is deals improve but might be worth a quick check - you never know! Otherwise are there any better SIM only deals out there that might give you a bit more for the same money? I know PlusNet have a £5 a month deal but not sure how it compares on calls - just that it includes plenty for the OH! (Changing will depend on your phone being unlocked as well, of course!)

    Here's a thought for you - by cutting your washing down by just one load a day, you could make quite a reduction on your electricity bill. I know it's not *high* as such currently, but every little helps, right? Maybe time to challenge yourself to change beds a bit less often? (And yes, I KNOW we keep coming back to give you a gentle nag on this, but you know why, and that it's done with love, don't you). Of course it will also have the effect of saving you money on washing powder, softener etc as well...even more of a win?!
    Originally posted by EssexHebridean
    I've actually never looked into sim only deals etc I might investigate. My giffgaff just usually rolls over and 'tops up' £5 a month. Will check through this though. I think there probably is more with a sim only deal but I was happy not being in a contract. I think V!rgin had some good sim only deals for those with tv etc too. Will definitely check this out.

    I think I'm going to cut the kids bedding down I agree you're right and the washing and ironing of it everyday is just making myself have less time for more important things like coffee

    What is a 'normal' timescale of washing smalls bedding? They bath every night anyway so never go to be 'dirty'
    DFW £1388.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £511.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 11th Oct 17, 11:28 AM
    • 8,013 Posts
    • 41,466 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    Oh well done you on the bedding changing thing - that's such a big step for you I know! one approach you could take to start you off is maybe change one bed per day? so maybe today just change DS, Tomorrow DD, the day after Youngest (might need to do hers more often if she's actually poorly and it helps her settle perhaps?) and the day after, yours? Then call Sunday a proper "Day of rest" with no bedding being changed at all? over time you could look to reduce to only doing the beds once a week - but ease yourself in gently otherwise it's going to trigger anxiety that you don't need. The sort of phased approach idea though means you'll still feel as though you're doing things "normally for you" in a way.

    I've no idea what other people do in relation to kids bedding but I change our bed once a fortnight, and never bother ironing any of it!

    SO pleased that the gift bag idea worked for you! we've done these for the Niece & Nephews for a few years now and they LOVE them!
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    Sainsbugs 0% card: 22/12/16 £1229.00/£544.67 (17/10/17)
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 11th Oct 17, 12:36 PM
    • 634 Posts
    • 2,451 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    A quick lunchtime catch up .

    Does your housing provider do cheap contents insurance ? If it’s the big one in Bolton they do but no life’s how much .

    Water bill united utilities have a trust fund that you can apply to . Google it if you have time maybe you qualify for some help .

    Sorry about DD hope she settles a bit today for you .
    Oct 2017 CC1 £3439CC 2 £927

    Debt Free Nov 2019: earlier if I have my way
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 11th Oct 17, 12:37 PM
    • 634 Posts
    • 2,451 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    That should say no idea how much !
    Oct 2017 CC1 £3439CC 2 £927

    Debt Free Nov 2019: earlier if I have my way
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th Oct 17, 1:27 PM
    • 5,074 Posts
    • 23,364 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    Thank you EH, going to make myself a new set of lists. I think everything is just a bit too much currently and going to spread some things out rather than everyday.

    DD loves the gift bag and wants one herself from Santa. While Xmas is planned I still have no idea what to get youngest as her 'want' she never really asks for anything! Doesn't have a favourite cartoon etc. Going to need to put thought into this. DS will more than likely get an Xbox game and DD want's a surprise kitty. Then they'll get an outfit each and a book. Stockings have toothpaste/toiletries and small useful things along with a piece of fruit and some chocolate coins. That's as far as Xmas gifts go I am going to cash out £20 gift card on VO for nephew. I don't buy for anyone else. We will make cards as one of the one activity a day through december.

    Cumbria lass - bolton at home do have a house insurance policy thank you, all arranged and signed up for just over £5 a month can't grumble. Thank you x
    DFW £1388.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £511.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • DebtFreeDuo
    • By DebtFreeDuo 11th Oct 17, 2:18 PM
    • 245 Posts
    • 1,071 Thanks
    DebtFreeDuo
    I change my LO's bedding once a week/fortnight and do mine at the same time, I do have LO in with me quite often though, I love having him next to me and he gets to sleep so much quicker.
    Debt 14/10/17/20/9/17 5395.16/5690.50 = Loan: 2065.32/2207.38 Car Loan: 2292.94/2419.64 0% CC: 1036.90/1063.48 DFD Oct 18.
    Make up to £10 a day challenge: £110.51/£150..NSD October 15/15
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 11th Oct 17, 3:19 PM
    • 8,013 Posts
    • 41,466 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    Aww that's some lovely Christmas plans there! Might some form of "goody bag" work for youngest as well? We've done them from age 3 upwards, and there are so many brilliant bits and bobs in the pound shops, Wilkos, HB, B & M etc particularly if you shop around a way ahead of time you can get some great bargains. Pretty hair bobbles and anything sparkly always went down well with DN when she was little, I seem to recall we shoved a Poundland feather boa in the top of her bag one year which we were sure would just disintegrate within days but apparently it lasted amazingly well, and everytime it shed feathers she stuck them on bits of paper next time she was crafting!
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    Sainsbugs 0% card: 22/12/16 £1229.00/£544.67 (17/10/17)
    • redofromstart
    • By redofromstart 11th Oct 17, 3:57 PM
    • 401 Posts
    • 2,065 Thanks
    redofromstart
    Weekly on the bedding. Even if you did it twice weekly its still a big reduction in your workload and costs.

    and full points to your employer, I am very impressed with them.
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