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  • FIRST POST
    • in need of direction
    • By in need of direction 20th Apr 17, 3:59 PM
    • 4,636Posts
    • 26,031Thanks
    in need of direction
    A whole new world, for now
    • #1
    • 20th Apr 17, 3:59 PM
    A whole new world, for now 20th Apr 17 at 3:59 PM
    So, hereís the new thread Iíve been promising myself for a few months. My old one, that served me so well, is http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=4855808

    A potted history of me. Iím 49, live in NI with OH, DD and dog and DS is London based.
    Have been in debt for a lot of my life and came here post personal debt but with the aim to clear my mortgage. I believe DFD to be the right place for me as a lot of whatís outstanding on the mortgage related to consolidation of other debts. The rates were lower and I just didnít consider the payback period.
    Having been a wage slave for some 30 years, I recently jacked in my well paid and secure job for a number of reasons. While I love what I do, I hated the environment in which I did it. I regularly travelled 6 hours a day, on my own time and had to ask others to do likewise. That was the downside about caring for my clients. While I continued, and got others, to deliver at the expense of my home life, my health and my finances, the firm continued to let me. I decided that Iíd sooner have some self respect than stay there. We also had an unexpected and untimely family bereavement last year which sparked the whole ďlifeís too shortĒ train of thought. The downside is this is the first time since I was 17 that I donít have an income and itís a big adjustment.
    To address this, Iíve decided to go the self employed route, for now (hence the title). One problem though is timing. We have booked a holiday in May for OHís big birthday and Iíve decided that is set in stone. We will be travelling half way round the world for two weeks to initially see pandas and then the delights of Tokyo. Weíve only been together just over 10 years so this is really our first landmark birthday to be properly celebrated, we were still bedding in last big date.
    So, work wise, Iíve created my website, taken out a separate mobile contract and opened a business bank account. Iíve also registered with HMRC to keep things tidy.
    Otherwise, since being unemployed, Iíve had a parking ticket refunded, gained a free overnight stay following a complaint to a hotel that disappointed and have signed up for a new loyalty card for my local Co-Op. I also switched to a cheaper mobile service and got my boiler serviced which restored the hot water! First world pleasure that is so easy to overlook. I've donated two bikes to a local charity, done a number of strolls to offload donations to charity shop, claimed topcashback, £20 from PA, £5 swagbucks voucher and am trying to declutter. My last car went with the job so I realised what a paucity of local shops there in despite being only 15 mins by bus from the city centre.
    The lack of car was proving to be an issue for family and other reasons so today we get a PCH car delivered that we have committed to for 4 years. This takes us into the realm of needing to use the mortgage off set savings to fund expenses. It also gives me a minimum level of income to achieve as eating into savings bothers me.
    So, whatís the plan?
    I lodged £2000 in my business bank account at the start of March and most of it is still there. By September, Iíd like to have this repaid to either the savings or the mortgage or to have secured an income stream that will enable that to happen shortly thereafter. Iíd also like a £1k buffer in the business account to make sure that I can take advantage of opportunities as they arise.
    I have applied for a few part time consultancy type posts, been unsuccessful at interview for the first, but will actively seek out these opportunities. Iíve provided associates with my contact details but come June, I will start more actively promoting myself. Iíve sought input from my LA business support services but to little avail so far. Iíve attended a few courses and networking events and will continue with these to keep some kind of a profile and, post holiday, will be creating an event that will hopefully income generate and/or build profile.
    I will continue to seek out vouchers and deals and will try to live cheaply but donít feel I can ask this of the others in the house as giving up the job was down to me. I will also get rid of extraneous items, for cash where possible.
    What I can see is that despite living semi frugally, or so I believed, we wasted A LOT!
    Today my outstanding mortgage is £83,478.58. By 31 Dec, based on just making standard payments, this will be £78,900. My target is for this to be £75,000.
    Today my available off set pot is £3,415.43. By 31 Dec, Iíd like this to be at £5,500.
    The truth is Iíd like the first figure to be a lot lower and the second to be a lot higher but I need to start somewhere.
    We still have our emergency fund intact and hopefully enough in the current account to address our living expenses shortfall at least to the year end. Spends for the holiday are ringfenced with any left overs going on extras for all.
    I have to confess to having what Iíve heard described as an internal Verucca Salt! When I want it, I want it now. I need to learn some restraint both in terms of shopping and also sugar consumption. Itís weird but one thing |I really struggle with is what to have for lunch.
    Anyhow, now that the car is here, Iím off to the dry cleaners and to pick up some groceries as I have a £5 voucher off a £25 shop. I may also buy a new toilet brush!
    Today I am grateful for
    The support I have consistently received from here

    Company from the dog

    E Mail
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83 today £79,993.50, target £75,000 by 31/12/17 Offset fund today £4,035.43 target £5,500 by 31/12/17
    Emergency fund £5k/5.5k & £90/200 cash.
    Current weight loss 6/34 by 28 feb 2018
    determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes.
    Progress not perfection.
Page 18
    • in need of direction
    • By in need of direction 29th Sep 17, 9:30 AM
    • 4,636 Posts
    • 26,031 Thanks
    in need of direction
    Still feeling like I've cotton wool where my head should be but am otherwise getting there. However, had a pity party and turned to junk food. I hate that I'm so easily derailed. Yesterday wasn't great, dd and I had words. She's had 4 weeks bumming around the us in holiday mode and is now back, broke and doing, it would appear, nothing about work while expecting access to laundry facilities, charging of various gadgets, etc. she also owes me £150 and can't afford to pay it. I'm also expected to take care of her dog while she lies in bed. Yesterday was the earliest she surfaced, at 1 o'clock and after two prompts.
    She thinks I should get a job as I seem far too stressed. Wonder why that might be!
    I chased up two clients yesterday but have realised that my pipeline is low. Once again, I'm worried. I struggle with feeling isolated while working for myself. I then worry that my depression, which is always in the wings, may make a starring appearance.
    Tomorrow, I have my nephew's evening reception, more than 2 weeks after the wedding. I have no interest in attending but will go and make the required noises.
    I'm also a bit annoyed with my OH. He mentioned yesterday that he had been paid on Wednesday. This was the first month of his temporary promotion. I asked if he had received extra and he advised it was an additional £500. He knows that I'm worried about money and yet hadn't thought to mention that. Really!
    Today I am grateful for
    Feeling a bit better
    Having tackled some less desirable work tasks
    My home, even if I'm using it to hide from the world.
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83 today £79,993.50, target £75,000 by 31/12/17 Offset fund today £4,035.43 target £5,500 by 31/12/17
    Emergency fund £5k/5.5k & £90/200 cash.
    Current weight loss 6/34 by 28 feb 2018
    determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes.
    Progress not perfection.
    • redofromstart
    • By redofromstart 29th Sep 17, 11:15 AM
    • 392 Posts
    • 2,008 Thanks
    redofromstart
    Congrats on the tender, a great result.
    • jwil
    • By jwil 29th Sep 17, 12:01 PM
    • 7,671 Posts
    • 21,406 Thanks
    jwil
    I hope you have a better weekend INOD. xx
    "If you can dream it, you can do it". Walt Disney
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 29th Sep 17, 1:06 PM
    • 741 Posts
    • 2,544 Thanks
    Cherryfudge
    Tension in the family is guaranteed to make things feel bad.

    It really sounds like time to look after you. Maybe think of it as you are your own best asset, and sometimes people have to invest in assets even if it means other things taking a back seat for a short while. When you are run down physically you just need a bit of self-administered TLC, even if the rest of the family are going round with their eyes shut.

    Looking through your post, I'm seeing lots of words that indicate you are fighting that depression right now. From 'cotton wool', seeming stressed and 'no interest in attending' to all those worries... I don't know what techniques you've used against it in the past (I was put onto CBT for anxiety and I can see some value in that and/or mindfulness) but perhaps now's the time to look after you?

    Sorry I don't have the right words to express this... I hope you can ignore it if I'm on the wrong track. Don't get too guilty about the junk food: its function is to tell your body it needs nourishing and a comfort blanket. Of course chewing on a comfort blanket isn't nourishing so some fresh air and vitamins might help counterbalance that.

    Hugs (in dodgy MSE style).
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 29th Sep 17, 2:25 PM
    • 47,721 Posts
    • 173,131 Thanks
    beanielou
    Not at my best at the moment but sending you lots of positive vibes xx
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • Happierdays
    • By Happierdays 29th Sep 17, 7:54 PM
    • 144 Posts
    • 366 Thanks
    Happierdays
    Be kind to yourself inod... and I hope things improve for you soon... x by the way I always love your "today I am grateful for" list!
    • doingitanyway
    • By doingitanyway 29th Sep 17, 8:06 PM
    • 1,983 Posts
    • 9,034 Thanks
    doingitanyway
    Hang on in there INOD. It will turn.
    JANUARY 2016/SECURED DEBT=24,822/September 2017=5,250
    MORTGAGE FREE 25/07/16
    • in need of direction
    • By in need of direction 1st Oct 17, 10:19 AM
    • 4,636 Posts
    • 26,031 Thanks
    in need of direction
    So, I have just had my weekly conversation with mr wii and I'm down 1lb. We went to the wedding thing last night. It was, as expected. We did however catch up with some nice family members which was good. Even better, we managed to completely avoid the least liked one. Today I am going to see my mother and talk her through the big project plans for next March. I'm not expecting a favourable response but just because that's her. Will prime overseas sis to call after I've been down to get feedback.
    Today we are giving in and turning on the heat. I need to get laundry and the house dried. I also need to inventory the fridge and the freezer and possibly do some shopping. Mr L may feature as they have butternut squash which could go with sweet potatoes already here to make a soup seen on greying's thread.
    On other news, money is disappearing at an alarming rate and isn't being replenished. I did hit a £20 pa target yesterday though do need for £2 to become payable. I'm still working on sb and inbox£s but both are so slow.
    Maybe I should wander off and check last night's lotto. Today I am determined to get the ironing cleared.

    Today I am grateful for
    Escaping the family thing relatively unscathed
    My OH
    Having the makings of a cooked breakfast between fridge and freezer
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83 today £79,993.50, target £75,000 by 31/12/17 Offset fund today £4,035.43 target £5,500 by 31/12/17
    Emergency fund £5k/5.5k & £90/200 cash.
    Current weight loss 6/34 by 28 feb 2018
    determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes.
    Progress not perfection.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 1st Oct 17, 1:31 PM
    • 47,721 Posts
    • 173,131 Thanks
    beanielou
    Have a good day
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • parsniphead
    • By parsniphead 1st Oct 17, 3:21 PM
    • 2,221 Posts
    • 14,076 Thanks
    parsniphead
    Family event's are such a struggle. Well done for getting through it successfully.

    Ironing.
    My August to Christmas challenge:.
    Pay off £2500 debt - £1088/2500 43.52%
    Completely declutter the house by Christmas day...all of it.

    Nothing gets better until you get better.
    • doingitanyway
    • By doingitanyway 1st Oct 17, 11:05 PM
    • 1,983 Posts
    • 9,034 Thanks
    doingitanyway
    Today I am grateful for
    Escaping the family thing relatively unscathed
    Originally posted by in need of direction
    Aww, feeling for you INOD
    JANUARY 2016/SECURED DEBT=24,822/September 2017=5,250
    MORTGAGE FREE 25/07/16
    • in need of direction
    • By in need of direction 2nd Oct 17, 9:35 AM
    • 4,636 Posts
    • 26,031 Thanks
    in need of direction
    Plus points are, the ironing has been cleared, laundry has been dried and OH agreed to send two tired shirts to the charity shop. Lots of grocery shopping has been done and the dog and I curled up in front of the first few episodes of the current cold feet. SB also got a few extra points.
    It was such a windy night last night though that it made for a disturbed night. It's currently dry though so fingers crossed it remains so for jog club this evening.

    We visited mother yesterday evening, imparted pretty monumental news and were met with nothing! She even subsequently asked how long our dinner would take to cook, ie isn't it time we were leaving. DD even brought the subject up a second time but that was disregarded. We did however confirm that she heard it.
    Today, after a few days' lapse, I will get back on the porridge. Having scored cheap butternut squash, I will also make soup and will get some paperwork up to date. That way, when the masses seek out my services, I'll be totally on top of things and able to respond .
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83 today £79,993.50, target £75,000 by 31/12/17 Offset fund today £4,035.43 target £5,500 by 31/12/17
    Emergency fund £5k/5.5k & £90/200 cash.
    Current weight loss 6/34 by 28 feb 2018
    determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes.
    Progress not perfection.
    • in need of direction
    • By in need of direction 3rd Oct 17, 10:52 AM
    • 4,636 Posts
    • 26,031 Thanks
    in need of direction
    Was missing one ingredient for the soup that I picked up on way back from jog club last night. Soup will be made today. I also have some speculative work to get through and a few emails to issue. It's so so cold though and windy. This is the first autumn / winter when I will be working from home. I'm not sure I can take the cold or afford the heat. While I know that we are fortunate as, apart from the mortgage, we don't have any debt, I am struggling with our lack of funds. OH mentioned, in passing, a promotion opportunity that he ignored as it didn't appeal. I'm annoyed that it wasn't even discussed in advance of closing date as it's something that I have had experience of and wasn't what he assumed. I worry that we don't have an aligned shared money outlook.
    Anyhow, am off to dig out some thermals and to see if I can make it through another cold day.
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83 today £79,993.50, target £75,000 by 31/12/17 Offset fund today £4,035.43 target £5,500 by 31/12/17
    Emergency fund £5k/5.5k & £90/200 cash.
    Current weight loss 6/34 by 28 feb 2018
    determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes.
    Progress not perfection.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 3rd Oct 17, 11:03 AM
    • 47,721 Posts
    • 173,131 Thanks
    beanielou
    As you say you are fortunate just to have the mortgage
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • doingitanyway
    • By doingitanyway 3rd Oct 17, 6:48 PM
    • 1,983 Posts
    • 9,034 Thanks
    doingitanyway
    Sorry you are cold. I am feeling it a little too, although not too much. However I made soup today and i had a big bowl this evening
    JANUARY 2016/SECURED DEBT=24,822/September 2017=5,250
    MORTGAGE FREE 25/07/16
    • Seasidegal58
    • By Seasidegal58 3rd Oct 17, 10:06 PM
    • 906 Posts
    • 4,720 Thanks
    Seasidegal58
    You're doing well with the jog club inod. I switched the heating on this evening as was feeling the cold as well. Sorry to hear that you're frustrated with OH - hopefully he understands now that money managing is a joint endeavour!
    Finally Debt Free! - July 2016
    Finished Emergency Fund- £10,000 April 2017

    Next Scrimpy Goal - Save for New Kitchen!
    My debt free diary - " Paid off the £31,000 - BUT still scrimping!"
    • in need of direction
    • By in need of direction 4th Oct 17, 9:39 AM
    • 4,636 Posts
    • 26,031 Thanks
    in need of direction
    I made the soup. Am not impressed by the flavour though it is a step up from the cheap cauliflower soup. Still a lot to get done on the speculative work but got some positives yesterday. No money but some positives!
    Yesterday DD got some agency work that is continuing today and Friday. Have to say, the good old m&s long sleeved thermal vest worked a treat yesterday. Happily I scored two four packs of these last spring when they were reduced to £4 a pack so that'll be the way forward. Wearing jogging bottoms instead of pj bottoms also happened. It also makes me look less like a crazed escapee if someone calls at the house.

    Re my OH, I've had the shared responsibility conversation so many times. He always accepts what I've said, promises things will be different and then does nothing to change. I really don't know what to do. My own money is dwindling and he isn't seeing how much I hate having to ask for money for purchases that we jointly agreed to make. I'm not sure what kind of money tree he thinks is growing in the garden.
    Anyhow, enough whinging. Today I am grateful for
    Opportunities
    Responses
    DS getting sorted with his insurance despite being told a number of lies
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83 today £79,993.50, target £75,000 by 31/12/17 Offset fund today £4,035.43 target £5,500 by 31/12/17
    Emergency fund £5k/5.5k & £90/200 cash.
    Current weight loss 6/34 by 28 feb 2018
    determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes.
    Progress not perfection.
    • Seasidegal58
    • By Seasidegal58 4th Oct 17, 7:52 PM
    • 906 Posts
    • 4,720 Thanks
    Seasidegal58
    Good to hear that DS is sorted on the bike insurance. And also DD's job - perhaps a little bit of her remuneration will wing your way!
    Finally Debt Free! - July 2016
    Finished Emergency Fund- £10,000 April 2017

    Next Scrimpy Goal - Save for New Kitchen!
    My debt free diary - " Paid off the £31,000 - BUT still scrimping!"
    • in need of direction
    • By in need of direction 5th Oct 17, 9:48 AM
    • 4,636 Posts
    • 26,031 Thanks
    in need of direction
    Well, dd paid me £100 that she owes me which was good. Things kinda came to a bit of a head with OH yesterday re withdrawing £20 from pa. He made a casual comment that things aren't so bad that we need it. I then asked what he thought I'd been doing since March for income. Interestingly, he said that he was going to put his extra £500 to the emergency fund but would transfer it to my account instead. Why is he just holding onto it, why not just make the transfer? I'm so fed up with having to do all the juggling. Yes, he upped the amount he lodges to our joint account when I stopped work but it's still down to me to deal with all the bills, etc. I'm worn out by it and the gales blowing last night didn't exactly help. I'm so tired and am due to meet my cancer treatment friend tomorrow for lunch. EverytimE I see her, she comments on how tired I look. Why am I having bad nights now? The last thing I want to do is to worry her.
    Anyhow, today I need to finesse the joint bid being submitted tomorrow. I will also take dd for a physio appointment and will chase up a client. I will also draw down august expenses from my business account as, even though it will nearly deplete the account, I need the money.
    Today I am grateful for
    Two pa surveys yesterday
    OH's family playing ball in one area, it makes him happier
    Physio on the nhs
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83 today £79,993.50, target £75,000 by 31/12/17 Offset fund today £4,035.43 target £5,500 by 31/12/17
    Emergency fund £5k/5.5k & £90/200 cash.
    Current weight loss 6/34 by 28 feb 2018
    determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes.
    Progress not perfection.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 5th Oct 17, 10:16 AM
    • 47,721 Posts
    • 173,131 Thanks
    beanielou
    Remember how strong you are.
    I am in awe.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
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