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    • Helentiful
    • By Helentiful 18th Apr 17, 9:12 AM
    • 12Posts
    • 16Thanks
    Helentiful
    Don't we just love the drama!
    • #1
    • 18th Apr 17, 9:12 AM
    Don't we just love the drama! 18th Apr 17 at 9:12 AM
    My partner's ex-wife walked uninvited by us into our house. His son wanted to live with us because his mum was moving to Wales and he didn't want to move.! We said only on the condition that he found work. He's 17 and up to this point his mother had let him leave college and sit around doing nothing for months.!! He came to live with us but only emerged from his room to be fed. He never pulled his weight around the house and when we asked him, he refused to even look for work.! He then decided that he'd go to Wales to stay with his mother, however he left most of his belongings here.! I suspected that he wanted to flit between both places so he'd never have to look for work.! He phoned my partner a few days ago and said he was coming back. My partner said no because he still isn't looking for work.

    So yesterday he just let himself in. My partner! asked him what he was doing and said "You told me that you're staying at your gran's." He said he didn't want to and my partner said he couldn't stay with us. I followed him to the room he'd been staying in and really calmly but firmly told him that he'd need to get a job, but he told me to f*** off.! I told him not to talk to me like that and he said he could f'ing talk to me any way he f'ing wanted and pushed me out the way.! I told him to leave my house and he said no.! Then he took his phone out and proceeded to phone someone. I thought it was his gran, who lives nearby.

    I went into the garden with my partner! and a few minutes later I heard a female voice. He had let his mother into our house.! This is a property that we had bought together and she was specifically told she was not welcome here.! My partner asked her to leave, but she refused. I told her to leave and she still wouldn't so when she stepped over the door to put something in her car I slammed the door shut. The son opened it again and I told her to stay out my house, but she forced herself in and shoved me to the side.! She had her horrible brother and her man with her, who threatened to f'ing flatten me.!

    It all got heated and my partner took me to the garden so they could get the son's things.! I really did not want her there as she was trespassing.! I'm still fuming. Who the hell does she think she is?! I had every right to use reasonable force to get her out. There was no violence, and I did wait for her to make the first move before trying to get her off my property. How dare they! Once they'd left I went into the room and they'd thrown everything around it.

    I know she was there for her son, but she actually doesn't want him either and told my partner that he was a lazy good for nothing, but she was in my house uninvited and unwanted. Until this I'd never actually met the woman!

    I'm fine, just angry! Still debating about seeing a solicitor to write to the three of them (not the son) telling them to stay away. I don't think I over reacted - some of you may argue with this, .but she seems to get kicks from upsetting my partner. Any advice would be helpful.
Page 3
    • warby68
    • By warby68 18th Apr 17, 6:56 PM
    • 823 Posts
    • 8,870 Thanks
    warby68
    Sorry but to me it sounds like bad behaviour all round with tempers and egos firmly in the way (although I accept we don't know the history which led to the banning of a woman you never met and her need for 'bouncers')

    Noone should have been abusive
    Noone should have been pushing and shoving
    And son's behaviour is appalling.

    BUT your partner's son let them in, your partner's son abused you and your partner seems to have 'hidden' behind you or in the garden when all the aggro started.

    Seems like he should be the one stepping forward once any dust has settled to sort this out with lock changing meantime a sensible idea.

    Have a think or a wait before escalating - long term aim has to be to get son on a better path rather than settle a grievance with the ex.
    • Helentiful
    • By Helentiful 27th Apr 17, 9:21 PM
    • 12 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    Helentiful
    The thing is, if it was the son who let his mum in, to help him pack and move out things from the room that he'd been staying in while he lived with his dad, is that so terrible? Should the son really have had to check with his dad's partner?...
    YES - I own the house. Of course it's up to me
    • Helentiful
    • By Helentiful 27th Apr 17, 9:37 PM
    • 12 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    Helentiful
    Wow. Thanks to everyone who has taken tine to comment. We tried to keep the son at college, as he's only 17. IF he was in full time education I would have had no problems with housing him. However he spent his days in bed and nights out socialising with friends. He never ever (not even once) helped around the house and at times tutted when I was late in from work, which meant he wouldn't get a meal at the time he wanted. He was honestly using our house as a hotel.
    We had asked him several times to find a job, but he chose to not look for one. He seemed to think that he could spend his time here and when we suggested work he'd run to his mother.
    Yes I do feel sorry that a 17 year old has been rejected, but they were because of choices he made. Plus, I was not put on Earth to be man-handled by anyone.
    I pay the mortgage on my house, so I think that gives me some sort of say in decision making!
    Thank you all again. I read every reply and comment and although I may not agree with everything, I do respect everything that was said.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 27th Apr 17, 10:28 PM
    • 19,570 Posts
    • 31,592 Thanks
    Spendless
    The thing is, if it was the son who let his mum in, to help him pack and move out things from the room that he'd been staying in while he lived with his dad, is that so terrible? Should the son really have had to check with his dad's partner?...
    YES - I own the house. Of course it's up to me
    Originally posted by Helentiful
    Often teenagers don't think that way. Some days you're lucky if they think at all......

    Son won't be thinking it's step mum whose name is on the legal documents, pays the mortgage, has the name on the rent book, lived there for years before she met my Dad. He is more likely to think of along the lines of'this is Dad's home because it's where Dad lives and sleeps'
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 27th Apr 17, 11:34 PM
    • 23,080 Posts
    • 89,224 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    Often teenagers don't think that way. Some days you're lucky if they think at all......

    Son won't be thinking it's step mum whose name is on the legal documents, pays the mortgage, has the name on the rent book, lived there for years before she met my Dad. He is more likely to think of along the lines of'this is Dad's home because it's where Dad lives and sleeps'
    Originally posted by Spendless
    Doesn't really matter whether he thought that or not - he certainly shouldn't have been thinking 'and that gives me the right to push somebody else out the way'. Because nothing gave him the right to assault her.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 27th Apr 17, 11:49 PM
    • 19,570 Posts
    • 31,592 Thanks
    Spendless
    Doesn't really matter whether he thought that or not - he certainly shouldn't have been thinking 'and that gives me the right to push somebody else out the way'. Because nothing gave him the right to assault her.
    Originally posted by Jojo the Tightfisted
    Can you please point out to me where I've said that it matters what his thought process is about the OPs house and ownership??. I've certainly made no comment about him thinking it's right to push her about!!!

    The OP is taking the view that she should be told because it's her house and she pays the mortgage. I replied saying teens (often) won't think in the same way about who pays or legally own the property their parent sleeps in.
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 28th Apr 17, 12:54 AM
    • 23,080 Posts
    • 89,224 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    Can you please point out to me where I've said that it matters what his thought process is about the OPs house and ownership??. I've certainly made no comment about him thinking it's right to push her about!!!

    The OP is taking the view that she should be told because it's her house and she pays the mortgage. I replied saying teens (often) won't think in the same way about who pays or legally own the property their parent sleeps in.
    Originally posted by Spendless

    You haven't at all - I'm clarifying that in case somebody took it as meaning the OP's entire reasoning is wrong, not having a go at you. I do disagree with you to some extent, due to his age, he's not ten years old, but the major point is that, even if he did believe that, nothing is taken away from the fact that, unlike the vast majority of 17 year olds who, whatever their thoughts or lack of thoughts wouldn't dream of doing such a thing, he physically assaulted her and should think himself fortunate that he's not been arrested and charged with a violent offence.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • mai_taylor
    • By mai_taylor 28th Apr 17, 12:02 PM
    • 184 Posts
    • 382 Thanks
    mai_taylor
    I would have called the police to get them out no question.
    • POPPYOSCAR
    • By POPPYOSCAR 28th Apr 17, 12:17 PM
    • 10,631 Posts
    • 22,112 Thanks
    POPPYOSCAR
    Op I feel for you.

    My home is my sanctuary and if it was invaded like that I would be furious.

    Only 17 is no excuse for such behaviour and there was absolutely no need for the mother to enter your home.

    He is playing one off against the other and has to learn that his behaviour is not acceptable.

    Good luck!!
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 29th Apr 17, 9:40 AM
    • 1,269 Posts
    • 1,288 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    Hope you change the locks. That's very disrespectful of them all, especially as you had tried to help your partners son. He sounds very immature and probably got defensive as he knows he is in the wrong. His mum should know better but maybe her son misled her as to why he wanted her there? Try to put it behind you. Unfortunately some people are just rude and will never change. Agree with your partner what happens next in term of boundaries so you work as a team and nobody accidentally undermines the other.
    • Helentiful
    • By Helentiful 29th Apr 17, 2:29 PM
    • 12 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    Helentiful
    You've all been so helpful. My partner knows exactly where I stand on this and is aware that any repeat will involve the police. I stepped back, somewhat, only because he is my partner's son.
    Once again, thank you everyone. I thought that maybe I was over reacting, but your comments have convinced me otherwise. X
    • chesky
    • By chesky 29th Apr 17, 5:00 PM
    • 795 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    chesky
    As he's under 18, I'm surprised local social services haven't been involved. a) he seems now to be homeless and they have a legal duty to house him - probably in a young persons hostel, and b) he's been truanting, so a social worker should have been appointed to help sort him out.
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