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  • FIRST POST
    • redrabbit29
    • By redrabbit29 14th Apr 17, 10:42 PM
    • 1,016Posts
    • 430Thanks
    redrabbit29
    Disrespect - am I wrong here?
    • #1
    • 14th Apr 17, 10:42 PM
    Disrespect - am I wrong here? 14th Apr 17 at 10:42 PM
    I have been in a long term relationship now for about 5 years. I'm starting to get really really pee'd off with a few things, namely that my GF doesn't respect my space or priacy I feel
    • GF just barging in and invading my privacy. NOW, before you all judge me, remember that this is something that I have tolde her before, and I have taken time out to calmly explain. Now 4-5 years later she still barges in. I'm really fed up with it.

    She just walks in when I'm trying to relax, and it's just not right. I've told her again... and again.. and a a!!!!ing again... dont' walk in but she does
    Amo L'Italia
Page 2
    • oldhand
    • By oldhand 15th Apr 17, 12:51 PM
    • 3,273 Posts
    • 7,181 Thanks
    oldhand
    The only privacy I get is in the loo. Mind you my Son knows to knock if the bedroom door is shut He would be traumatised for life if he saw me in varying states of undress.
    Originally posted by Judi
    We will need photos to prove that......
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 15th Apr 17, 4:39 PM
    • 21,863 Posts
    • 83,861 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    NEVER have kids.
    Originally posted by warehouse
    Or cats. message too short
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • Penitent
    • By Penitent 15th Apr 17, 5:14 PM
    • 683 Posts
    • 1,830 Thanks
    Penitent
    Or cats.
    Originally posted by Jojo the Tightfisted
    Ha! Yup. I used to get down on the floor and look under the couch and see how long it took them to start peering under the couch with me. Nosey little sods. I was rarely alone when I had cats and closed doors were definitely Not Allowed.
    • decbel
    • By decbel 15th Apr 17, 5:18 PM
    • 507 Posts
    • 437 Thanks
    decbel
    I have been in a long term relationship now for about 5 years. I'm starting to get really really pee'd off with a few things, namely that my GF doesn't respect my space or priacy I feel
    • GF just barging in and invading my privacy. NOW, before you all judge me, remember that this is something that I have tolde her before, and I have taken time out to calmly explain. Now 4-5 years later she still barges in. I'm really fed up with it.

    She just walks in when I'm trying to relax, and it's just not right. I've told her again... and again.. and a a!!!!ing again... dont' walk in but she does
    Originally posted by redrabbit29
    I'm not wishing it but I think the relationship sounds doomed.
    • Wizard of Id
    • By Wizard of Id 15th Apr 17, 5:50 PM
    • 982 Posts
    • 4,762 Thanks
    Wizard of Id
    Lock on the door
    Every man is innocent until proven broke.


    Walk 2000 miles in 2017 - 935.2
    This week 69.9
    • tommix
    • By tommix 15th Apr 17, 6:34 PM
    • 34,139 Posts
    • 138,632 Thanks
    tommix
    I agree Op..My partner believes 'Me time' is so important in a long term intimate relationship..Which is why she moved 40 miles away to Woking..
    Last edited by tommix; 15-04-2017 at 7:03 PM.
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 15th Apr 17, 7:18 PM
    • 21,863 Posts
    • 83,861 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    I have been in a long term relationship now for about 5 years. I'm starting to get really really pee'd off with a few things, namely that my GF doesn't respect my space or priacy I feel
    • GF just barging in and invading my privacy. NOW, before you all judge me, remember that this is something that I have tolde her before, and I have taken time out to calmly explain. Now 4-5 years later she still barges in. I'm really fed up with it.

    She just walks in when I'm trying to relax, and it's just not right. I've told her again... and again.. and a a!!!!ing again... dont' walk in but she does
    Originally posted by redrabbit29

    Ok, taking it slightly more seriously, I've glanced at some of your previous posts. You're in a high stress job and you have been worried about your temper and reactions to stressors before to the extent of punching yourself in the face. You also like to drink and shut yourself in the spare room to go on the internet.

    It could be that she's concerned you're having an affair, that you're drinking too much or that she's just plain and simple worried for your wellbeing.

    Reacting strongly to her popping her head round the door could be reinforcing her suspicion that there's something to worry about, whether it's having cybersex, drinking wayyyy too much or hurting yourself. So she pops her head in more often. You know, like when somebody yells 'I ain't done nuffin', you're just picking on me' when you're walking past or floors the accelerator as soon as you pull up behind them? It makes you think that maybe there's something dodgy going on.


    If it's still how it was a few years back when a mate was in the Met, I know that admitting to being stressed is looked down upon. But it really sounds like you're overreacting, which if you genuinely don't have anything to hide, can be a sign of stress in itself. And you might need something more than locking a spare room door to deal with that - although shutting her out might seem like a good idea, it can then spiral into her still not being sure what's going on and getting more annoying out of insecurity or worry for your wellbeing.

    Maybe looking at it from that perspective might help?
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • AylesburyDuck
    • By AylesburyDuck 15th Apr 17, 9:27 PM
    • 631 Posts
    • 1,446 Thanks
    AylesburyDuck
    I have been in a long term relationship now for about 5 years. I'm starting to get really really pee'd off with a few things, namely that my GF doesn't respect my space or priacy I feel
    • GF just barging in and invading my privacy. NOW, before you all judge me, remember that this is something that I have tolde her before, and I have taken time out to calmly explain. Now 4-5 years later she still barges in. I'm really fed up with it.

    She just walks in when I'm trying to relax, and it's just not right. I've told her again... and again.. and a a!!!!ing again... dont' walk in but she does
    Originally posted by redrabbit29
    Do you mean just barges into your home, presuming you dont live together?
    If so, she's your GF not a neighbour who has to knock, get over yourself, i'm suprised she's been around 5 years, she must be a saint!
    ,
    Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.
    If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.
    • OldMotherTucker
    • By OldMotherTucker 16th Apr 17, 12:14 PM
    • 6,457 Posts
    • 13,849 Thanks
    OldMotherTucker
    Give it up Guys! The OP hasn't bothered to come back.

    I pity his GF!
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 16th Apr 17, 12:21 PM
    • 25,171 Posts
    • 90,192 Thanks
    Pyxis
    Give it up Guys! The OP hasn't bothered to come back.

    I pity his GF!
    Originally posted by OldMotherTucker
    I was wondering why he hadn't come back, but after reading Jojo's post, I thought that if he is a policeman, he may be on duty all over Easter and not able to reply.

    Either that or he's killed her and is in a cell!
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, P.P..
    ¥ ¥ ¥
    X ~O
    • OldMotherTucker
    • By OldMotherTucker 16th Apr 17, 12:38 PM
    • 6,457 Posts
    • 13,849 Thanks
    OldMotherTucker
    I was wondering why he hadn't come back, but after reading Jojo's post, I thought that if he is a policeman, he may be on duty all over Easter and not able to reply.

    Either that or he's killed her and is in a cell!
    Originally posted by Pyxis
    Some people just like a good moan but won't do anything to address the problem or solve it!
    • Missli
    • By Missli 17th Apr 17, 7:07 PM
    • 6,984 Posts
    • 16,447 Thanks
    Missli
    I think you're lucky to have her. Everyone needs privacy, but to knock on the door like it was your teenager...noooo, sounds like she's just concerned. Hope you sort it out.
    • pphillips
    • By pphillips 17th Apr 17, 7:44 PM
    • 151 Posts
    • 117 Thanks
    pphillips
    Maybe if you didn't "relax" she wouldn't barge in on you!
    • Sam Fallow
    • By Sam Fallow 18th Apr 17, 12:14 AM
    • 655 Posts
    • 1,467 Thanks
    Sam Fallow
    Give it up Guys! The OP hasn't bothered to come back.

    I pity his GF!
    Originally posted by OldMotherTucker
    He'll be back, he's just away enjoying a 'private moment.'
    I don't like morning people. Or mornings. Or people.
    • Penitent
    • By Penitent 18th Apr 17, 1:08 PM
    • 683 Posts
    • 1,830 Thanks
    Penitent
    He'll be back, he's just away enjoying a 'private moment.'
    Originally posted by Sam Fallow
    It's been nearly four days. He can't still be at it!
    • Kate/Bob
    • By Kate/Bob 18th Apr 17, 2:02 PM
    • 1,588 Posts
    • 5,177 Thanks
    Kate/Bob
    He'll be back, he's just away enjoying a 'private moment.'
    Originally posted by Sam Fallow

    Shouldn't that be a 'pirate moment, aha Jim lad'
    Kate short for Bob.

    Alphabet thread High Priestess of all things unsavoury

    Tesla was a genius.
    • bearcat16
    • By bearcat16 19th Apr 17, 1:03 AM
    • 308 Posts
    • 346 Thanks
    bearcat16
    Set booby traps.
    Pain is good teacher.
    • ringo_24601
    • By ringo_24601 19th Apr 17, 10:33 AM
    • 16,604 Posts
    • 26,820 Thanks
    ringo_24601
    Or cats. message too short
    Originally posted by Jojo the Tightfisted
    haha, we've got 2 boys under 7 and a dog - there is NEVER a moments peace in the house when they are around.

    OP should avoid all people if he wants peace
    • svain
    • By svain 19th Apr 17, 2:21 PM
    • 100 Posts
    • 214 Thanks
    svain
    On a slightly serious note, having children and pets does not mean you cant grab some space/time alone. If some parents didnt insist on micro managing kids every waking moment, they can easily grab regular quiet time.

    If a partner resents it or fails to understand the need for "space" occasionally then run for the hills would be my advice
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 19th Apr 17, 2:57 PM
    • 2,831 Posts
    • 6,194 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    If a partner resents it or fails to understand the need for "space" occasionally then run for the hills would be my advice
    Originally posted by svain
    Yup, if they insist on barging in (whether in the form of "popping their head around the door" or actually opening the door all the way) when privacy has been asked for, it shows no understanding or respect for boundaries. It won't get better, so the OP needs to decide if they can live with the lack of respect for privacy for the rest of their life, or not.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
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