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  • FIRST POST
    • sam m
    • By sam m 11th Apr 17, 11:41 AM
    • 286Posts
    • 108Thanks
    sam m
    feel so stupid
    • #1
    • 11th Apr 17, 11:41 AM
    feel so stupid 11th Apr 17 at 11:41 AM
    Hi, i am 24 years old with autism and i am depressed. I am getting help but i feel so stupid. I applied for a part time job in KFC because i have lost quite a bit of my money by gambaling and being silly.

    I almost got the job but they said i won't be able to go on the holiday i pre booked. I flipped out and said how they were a terrible company and how i would never work for them and swore a few times and said i should have my head tested to want to work here in the first place.

    I feel so stupid because it could have been a good place and is the only company that almost gave me a chance, do you think if i say sorry they might hire me
Page 11
    • jobbingmusician
    • By jobbingmusician 17th Apr 17, 1:02 PM
    • 18,594 Posts
    • 18,848 Thanks
    jobbingmusician
    Thank you for removing the link so promptly. IAmWales has made some very good points which I think would help your profile. In fact I don't think you need to mention autism in your profile at all (although I think you should mention it before an actual date). This is the sort of thing I would put.

    Hello! I am on here to broaden my circle of friends as I really like meeting new people. One day perhaps I will find something that can be more than friendship, as well, as I love having someone to love and care for.

    Then say the bit about what you like doing, and you are right, no need to mention your drama group is for people with LD.

    Perhaps you could mention that although you are a confident person, you know that sometimes you struggle with social situations, and so you are keen to try new things to develop your skills? Something like that. Try to sound upbeat and friendly throughout your profile - think of the sorts of things you would like to read.
    I'm the Board Guide on the Matched Betting; Referrers and Jobseeking & Training boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge posts there. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.

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    • marliepanda
    • By marliepanda 17th Apr 17, 1:19 PM
    • 4,560 Posts
    • 9,182 Thanks
    marliepanda
    well in my last time i created the profile i didn't get any replies so I still don't get any views. This is the problem i have messaged thousands of girls thousands on this site but no one actually replies
    Originally posted by sam m
    Try OKCUPID as well. Also free and, in my opinion, full of nicer people. They do not have as many members as POF, but you need quality, not quantity

    Another note, you say you messaged 'thousands' of girls. Don't. It's really obvious to girls when someone has messaged thousands of girls. When I joined OKC I had a friend of mine with me. We quite often got the same message from the same guy. Instant block!

    We also got many messages where the guy had clearly not bothered to read our profile. A quick 'hey' or 'hello' looks like it's just been sent to everyone.

    Find a girl that you really think you like, read her profile, find a common interest and message her about that. Not to over the top but make it clear you have read and taken interest in what she has taken time to write.

    It'll definitely take longer, but more likely to yield results. Mailshottig thousands won't work.
    Survey Earnings 2017 - £163
    • sam m
    • By sam m 17th Apr 17, 1:29 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    sam m
    But the thing is i do read the profile. I sent a message to this person yesterday saying i took a look at her profile, asked her what kind of dog she had because it said she has a pet dog, told her what kind i had, asked if she had a good easter, asked what her favorite film was.

    She viewed my profile but didn't respond, i aways take the time to read through profiles and then send nice long messages but they never respond.

    I don't just say hello
    • marliepanda
    • By marliepanda 17th Apr 17, 2:15 PM
    • 4,560 Posts
    • 9,182 Thanks
    marliepanda
    But the thing is i do read the profile. I sent a message to this person yesterday saying i took a look at her profile, asked her what kind of dog she had because it said she has a pet dog, told her what kind i had, asked if she had a good easter, asked what her favorite film was.

    She viewed my profile but didn't respond, i aways take the time to read through profiles and then send nice long messages but they never respond.

    I don't just say hello
    Originally posted by sam m
    Okay but I mean the thousands you mention. You will get a lot of misses! Some girls won't fancy you. Some girls won't like your personality! That's just how online dating goes! You may find someone eventually! I've seen a lot of success stories and so far mien isn't going too badly either
    Survey Earnings 2017 - £163
    • lincroft1710
    • By lincroft1710 17th Apr 17, 3:56 PM
    • 9,416 Posts
    • 7,385 Thanks
    lincroft1710
    Thank you for removing the link so promptly.
    Originally posted by jobbingmusician
    The link was still working at 15.50 hrs
    • sam m
    • By sam m 17th Apr 17, 4:21 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    sam m
    well i think it is deleted now, i thought i did it but im sure its gone now.

    I really don;t know why people won't message me, i sent this really nice female a message just now, asking her what she is studying at uni, what her favorite Harry Potter Book was because it said she liked them. Telling her what things i do.

    She veiwed my profile and did not respond and that is aways what happens. I feel worthless again, am i really that ugly, that hideous that no one actually wants to be my friend. I am crying here, i do not want another Xmas where my stepbrother has his gf with him and her hugging him on new years day with me again glued to the spot feeling lonely, upset and worthless. I want to be cared for, i want somebody to love me but instead i have no one
    • marliepanda
    • By marliepanda 17th Apr 17, 4:30 PM
    • 4,560 Posts
    • 9,182 Thanks
    marliepanda
    well i think it is deleted now, i thought i did it but im sure its gone now.

    I really don;t know why people won't message me, i sent this really nice female a message just now, asking her what she is studying at uni, what her favorite Harry Potter Book was because it said she liked them. Telling her what things i do.

    She veiwed my profile and did not respond and that is aways what happens. I feel worthless again, am i really that ugly, that hideous that no one actually wants to be my friend. I am crying here, i do not want another Xmas where my stepbrother has his gf with him and her hugging him on new years day with me again glued to the spot feeling lonely, upset and worthless. I want to be cared for, i want somebody to love me but instead i have no one
    Originally posted by sam m
    When you send a message, forget about it. Then if they reply, it's a nice surprise, but you're not hanging on a response.

    Online dating isn't easy. There's a lot of people on there who you're not compatible with. It may work for you, it may not. But don't let it get you down.

    Volunteering at our church may help you meet girls too.
    Survey Earnings 2017 - £163
    • sam m
    • By sam m 17th Apr 17, 4:42 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    sam m
    i don't even know how to start a conversation though. Even when i see someone i like what do i say to them, how do i introduce myself. I can't just say hi, your pretty can you date me.

    I have had no experience with girls this is the problem.
    • pinkduvetdiva
    • By pinkduvetdiva 17th Apr 17, 4:57 PM
    • 345 Posts
    • 503 Thanks
    pinkduvetdiva
    Hi Sam, I've been watching this thread for a few days now. I'd really recommend securing yourself a job over and above anything else. That way, you've got financial security to go out, and go on holiday. That will also do wonders for your confidence and your self esteem, and you'll be in a better position to look for a partner, because you'll be feeling more positive about yourself.
    Don't worry about being a late bloomer. I met the love of my life when I was 36! Many people don't settle down till even later than that.
    To be honest, online dating is a complete numbers game, a bit like job hunting!
    I also wanted to say that I think you're really brave for apologising to KFC. Not many people would have the courage to do that.

    Good luck with everything.
    • sam m
    • By sam m 17th Apr 17, 6:40 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    sam m
    I suppose the thing is i really want to be more independent from my family. I would love to find a place of my own in the next year or so, to be able to have a job, have a family in the future.

    Those are the things that would really make me happy
    • Towser
    • By Towser 17th Apr 17, 7:10 PM
    • 1,012 Posts
    • 1,705 Thanks
    Towser
    I don't know how to link so I have copied the whole thing.

    With its collection of small vessels and hoses, plain tiled floor and bags of malt, the workplace of People Like Us in Skippinge, Denmark, is a typical brewing scene.

    But for Rune Lindgreen, a 39-year-old with Asperger Syndrome, it is much more than that. Lindgreen was out of work for almost a decade before landing a job as a beer developer in this company run by autistic adults.

    People Like Us was founded last year by brothers Lars and Jesper Carlsen, owners of LeVas, a provider of education and training for people with autism.

    The move was born out of disappointment at a lack of work opportunities for autistic adults. “We had been getting more and more frustrated because when our youngsters leave [LeVas], nothing happens,” says Jesper. “It’s impossible for them to find a job.”

    Their frustration is reflected in the figures. Recent research by the UK’s National Autistic Society found that just 16% of autistic adults are in full-time paid work, despite the vast majority saying they want to work.

    Autistic people are all different and some are not able to work. Many struggle with interviews – where open-ended or vague questions can be confusing – and with social interaction in the workplace. Without a tailored approach from employers, this means it is often difficult to find and retain work.

    But things are slowly changing. In addition to the Carlsens’ efforts, organisations as diverse as Microsoft, Vodafone and GCHQ are actively recruiting autistic people.


    Companies fear employing people with learning disabilities, survey reveals
    Read more
    There are about 450,000 autistic adults of working age in the UK; a huge, largely untapped talent pool. Richard Branson recently invested in Auticon, a German social enterprise that finds IT employment for autistic adults, to help it grow in the UK.

    The Danish company Specialisterne, meanwhile, has worked since 2004 to bring more autistic people into the workplace, collaborating with companies around the world including the software giant SAP and the professional services firm EY (formerly Ernst & Young).
    • Towser
    • By Towser 17th Apr 17, 7:13 PM
    • 1,012 Posts
    • 1,705 Thanks
    Towser
    Autistic staff can be an asset
    “One of the challenges facing the UK economy is building a skilled future workforce,” said Michel Van der Bel, Microsoft’s UK CEO, at the recent launch of his company’s autistic and inclusive hiring programme. “We can achieve this aim much better if we have a wider appreciation of the skills that are out there.”

    Advertisement

    Many other employers, though, are still unsure: 60% of companies that responded to the National Autistic Society’s employment campaign last year say they would worry about getting support for an autistic employee wrong.

    “Autism affects everyone differently and not all autistic people are able to work,” says Emma Jones from the National Autistic Society. “But many are, and they’re desperate to find a job which reflects their talent and interests. With a little understanding and adjustments to the recruitment process and workplace, autistic adults can be a real asset.”

    That’s something that People Like Us has demonstrated in Denmark. “As well as their individual skills, autistic people can be highly self-motivated, detail-focused and able to concentrate for long periods of time. Many have detailed knowledge of certain areas and can be able to to identify errors that others miss – a huge plus for any business,” said Jones.

    For the employees too, the results can be life-changing. Today, beers designed by Lindgreen are available in almost 40 places around Denmark, including Dragsholm Castle, a Michelin-starred restaurant.

    “It’s really nice to be back brewing again, but at the same time it’s also a little confusing, since my job description has changed a few times. But I know that it is very common for start ups, that you’ll have to be able to wear more hats. I’m glad to be a part of this.”

    The beauty of a business like brewing as a model for a business of this kind is the diversity of roles it creates, according to Lars Carlsen, who is also the brewery’s CEO. “We think that nearly all roles in a brewing company can be done by someone with autism,” he says. “There are all kinds of jobs, from developing recipes to bookkeeping to cleaning up, and everything in between.”

    It's time business stopped peddling lazy, damaging stereotypes of older people
    Michele Hanson
    Read more
    What next after beer?
    Although People Like Us does not yet own a full-size brewery (the space in Skippinge is used for recipe development, while commercial batches are made at De Proef brewery in Belgium), it has prompted others to take on autistic employees, including beer distributor Det Belgiske Hus and the Timm Vladimirs cooking school, says Jesper Carlsen.

    “Through co-operating with us, they get inspired,” he says. “Timm Vladimirs heard our story and thought, ‘Why don’t I do the same?’ He’s employed two autistic adults.”

    Advertisement

    People Like Us has enjoyed crucial support from Mikkeller, a Danish brewing company. Mikkel Borg Bjergsø, the man behind Mikkeller, was initially approached in the hope that he might brew a promotional beer, but he persuaded the brothers to think bigger.

    Although an initial crowdfunding push in March this year fell some way short of the total needed to build a brewery ($21,965 (£17,500) from a target of $150,000), the publicity received has been helpful; eight different beers will be produced this year, including a collaboration brew with Goose Island in Chicago in May.

    “We will start another campaign in the autumn,” says Jesper Carlsen. “But we have so many things to do right now. During the summer we will have a bar at Odsherred Teater [a theatre in Nykøbing Sjælland, Denmark], where four autistic adults will be employed, we are going to six festivals, we have a lot of stuff to do.”

    For Lindgreen, it’s great to be able to demonstrate what he had to offer. “I don’t know if I’m going to do this for the rest of my life,” he says, “but right now it’s a nice place to be, to become a part of a working community again, and hopefully – through being open about these things – to be able to change perceptions of people with autism.”
    • redfox
    • By redfox 17th Apr 17, 9:09 PM
    • 11,952 Posts
    • 34,471 Thanks
    redfox
    the above post by Lagato is

    please press the button
    I'm a Board Guide on the Quick Grabbit, Food Shopping & Groceries, Shop but don't drop, Loans and Cutting Tax boards which means I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly and I can move and merge threads there. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this) Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.

    • sam m
    • By sam m 20th Apr 17, 5:12 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    sam m
    Well i thought to my self these enough moping around, i have been to the gym yesterday with my mate and i loved it so im signing up for a 4 month membership, im 17 stone now and would love to get to 11-10.5 stone. I would look so good and a fitter, happier and healthier me would have a better chance in finding someone then someone who is low on confidence and things everyone looks at him because he is ugly. Well no more thoughts like that. I just need more confidence in my looks and apperence and the way i act and then i will lead a happier better life, i could find a partner, have a job, earn more money
    • sam m
    • By sam m 20th Apr 17, 8:17 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    sam m
    i just also want to say thank you for all the advice on here
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 20th Apr 17, 8:48 PM
    • 16,948 Posts
    • 44,528 Thanks
    xXMessedUpXx
    You've had some great advice Sam and i hope it helps you.

    I work in food/retail and honestly it can be very challenging at times. Do you think you'd be able to deal woth an abusive cusyomer and still stay calm? ( for the record last time that happened i ended up a shaking wreck so i'm not great at it myself ), i have periods when my mood is up (i have bipolar) and that can include feeling very irritable, last time it happened i had to be sent home as i was scared i might lose my cool with a customer.

    You say you like travel and you'v already got some qualifications which is great and would help towards that goal. There are jobs out there yoy just need to find the right one for you.

    O was single for a while and also jobless cos of my bipolar. Life was pretty bad back then but things can change. I got a job and i managed to meet a lovely guy so please don;t give up, you never know whats around the corner for you
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
    To see the rainbow you need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear
    weight lost: 0lbs
    • sam m
    • By sam m 21st Apr 17, 7:18 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    sam m
    I feel so much better even now. Going to the gym, I just put 230 in my account so now have 503. While that isn't alot it's still better than it has been and halfway to 1000. I have also been invited to a friends to watch rouge one so while not being with girls still with a friend and his other male friend watching star wars rouge one so I'm feeling more social
    • Rainbowgirl84
    • By Rainbowgirl84 21st Apr 17, 8:22 PM
    • 473 Posts
    • 815 Thanks
    Rainbowgirl84
    See you can be happy...there you go! Enjoy your threesome...LOL!
    • sam m
    • By sam m 21st Apr 17, 10:30 PM
    • 286 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    sam m
    ye, i know it isn't much but things will improve and are improving, i have hopefully gone through the worst. i know one day i will find a partner, i just need more confidence in my own ability
    • tazwhoever
    • By tazwhoever 22nd Apr 17, 11:23 AM
    • 702 Posts
    • 180 Thanks
    tazwhoever
    One more reply then we've beaten the world record​!
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