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  • FIRST POST
    • 20aday
    • By 20aday 19th Mar 17, 7:23 AM
    • 2,017Posts
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    20aday
    Mind Games-What's The Point?
    • #1
    • 19th Mar 17, 7:23 AM
    Mind Games-What's The Point? 19th Mar 17 at 7:23 AM
    Good morning fellow MSEs.

    Just out of interest... what EXACTLY is the point of mind games?

    I only ask as there's someone I was interested in but they weren't interested back, which is fair enough.

    Somethings aren't meant to be etc.

    However despite laying my cards on the table said person continues to play mind games; one moment they recognise my existence and then other times I'm a complete and utter stranger to them.

    I wouldn't mind but something happened to me a long time ago, so for me to actually trust someone enough and 'wear my heart on my sleeve' takes a lot.

    So, back to my original question, what is the point of mind games and how do I deal with this person?

    Luckily my contact with this person is limited but I will see them (we work in the same building)-do I just ignore them back?

    Thank you
    It's not your credit score that counts, it's your credit history. Any replies are my own personal opinion and not a representation of my employer.
Page 1
    • Pop Up Pirate
    • By Pop Up Pirate 19th Mar 17, 7:32 AM
    • 683 Posts
    • 1,816 Thanks
    Pop Up Pirate
    • #2
    • 19th Mar 17, 7:32 AM
    • #2
    • 19th Mar 17, 7:32 AM
    No point, Move on and forget about that person.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 19th Mar 17, 7:51 AM
    • 17,093 Posts
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    Pollycat
    • #3
    • 19th Mar 17, 7:51 AM
    • #3
    • 19th Mar 17, 7:51 AM
    There is no point with mind games.

    I can't be doing with people who make a fuss of you one day then deliberately ignore you the next.

    If that happens with me (it hasn't for years), I give them a couple of chances then blank them.

    If you work together, I'd be polite - just saying 'Good Morning', 'Bye' - but if you don't have any professional contact with them, I'd just ignore them.
    • Sjc1973
    • By Sjc1973 19th Mar 17, 7:59 AM
    • 73 Posts
    • 185 Thanks
    Sjc1973
    • #4
    • 19th Mar 17, 7:59 AM
    • #4
    • 19th Mar 17, 7:59 AM
    Someone who plays mind games is insecure. Like you they probably had something happen to them that makes them have trust issues. However, think of your self respect here - they are not treating you right and you don't have to accept this. Move on keep things polite with them etc. A word of warning if you do the latter being a insecure person they will notice this and won't like that your not chasing them and will try to play more mind games. IGNORE THEM- you deserve better and remember we too can control how we let people treat us.

    I would like to add though, I am not in a position to see both sides? Are you sure he is playing mind games. He might be a bit hot and cold as you did tell him how you feel. It might be Arkward for him as to how to react,. I have been in your position but I have also been in theirs too. Regardless my advice is the same move on keep things polite, you will find someone who will reciprocate the same feelings - good luck
    Last edited by Sjc1973; 19-03-2017 at 8:19 AM.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 19th Mar 17, 9:25 AM
    • 2,489 Posts
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    gettingtheresometime
    • #5
    • 19th Mar 17, 9:25 AM
    • #5
    • 19th Mar 17, 9:25 AM
    To keep you dangling on a string .......it's an ego thing.

    (Don't know if you watch Holby City but there's a similar story line being played out on that programme as well)
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - the Argos Card!
    • justme111
    • By justme111 19th Mar 17, 10:48 AM
    • 2,703 Posts
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    justme111
    • #6
    • 19th Mar 17, 10:48 AM
    • #6
    • 19th Mar 17, 10:48 AM
    "Mind games" is the definition people give to behaviour of others who they are emotionally invested in which they find no explanation to and which upsets them. Most of it is about perception. Usually ones called to be playing mind games follow their own agenda which has nothing to do with people who perceive their behaviour as "mind games".
    • 20aday
    • By 20aday 19th Mar 17, 1:32 PM
    • 2,017 Posts
    • 847 Thanks
    20aday
    • #7
    • 19th Mar 17, 1:32 PM
    • #7
    • 19th Mar 17, 1:32 PM
    Thank you to everyone for your input so far, it's much appreciated.

    Luckily we don't have to work together so apart from saying 'hello' and 'goodbye' politely anything work related seldom happens.

    Can appreciate it's awkward for the other person (and I've been the other person too, though not as often) but since they said they weren't interested most of the time I've been focusing on other things that are taking greater priority in my life at the moment.

    I wish I was imagining it; it'd be easier to deal with then.... but to continue to make out you're interested (and this person has done that, it's certainly not wishful thinking). Hmmm.

    It takes a lot for me to let my guard down. That's because I was raped when I was 18, that's why. So to let down my barriers to anyone (especially another man) isn't something that's easy for me to do.
    It's not your credit score that counts, it's your credit history. Any replies are my own personal opinion and not a representation of my employer.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 19th Mar 17, 2:01 PM
    • 17,093 Posts
    • 43,242 Thanks
    Pollycat
    • #8
    • 19th Mar 17, 2:01 PM
    • #8
    • 19th Mar 17, 2:01 PM
    Maybe this person is feeling embarrassed and/or awkward and speaks when caught unawares but when they see you in advance they can pretend they don't know you.
    I'd be polite but distant.
    I'm sure you'll both soon have forgotten all about it.
    • 20aday
    • By 20aday 19th Mar 17, 2:46 PM
    • 2,017 Posts
    • 847 Thanks
    20aday
    • #9
    • 19th Mar 17, 2:46 PM
    • #9
    • 19th Mar 17, 2:46 PM
    Thank you.

    Luckily for me there's a chance to start training for a management course at work coming up so that's going to be my focus from now on.
    It's not your credit score that counts, it's your credit history. Any replies are my own personal opinion and not a representation of my employer.
    • jack_pott
    • By jack_pott 19th Mar 17, 3:16 PM
    • 3,812 Posts
    • 4,854 Thanks
    jack_pott
    The point is that they like manipulating and controlling other people.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 19th Mar 17, 10:01 PM
    • 14,852 Posts
    • 59,771 Thanks
    Judi
    Speak if your spoken to, otherwise dont say anything.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • Sunny Saver
    • By Sunny Saver 20th Mar 17, 6:56 AM
    • 2,781 Posts
    • 95,556 Thanks
    Sunny Saver
    He sounds a !!!!. He doesn't want you, but likes the attention, so blows hot and cold or maybe he's uncertain?

    Either just say 'hello' if that's what you used to do before, if not just look straightahead when you walk past him. It's hard, but you have a management course to keep you occupied!
    “It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.”

    F. Scott Fitzgerald
    • unholyangel
    • By unholyangel 20th Mar 17, 1:18 PM
    • 11,006 Posts
    • 8,265 Thanks
    unholyangel
    "Mind games" is the definition people give to behaviour of others who they are emotionally invested in which they find no explanation to and which upsets them. Most of it is about perception. Usually ones called to be playing mind games follow their own agenda which has nothing to do with people who perceive their behaviour as "mind games".
    Originally posted by justme111
    Perhaps you'd like to tell that to domestic abuse survivors?

    I'm hoping you simply meant that sometimes actions/behaviour are misunderstood rather than mind games just being something people use to explain situations they can't otherwise explain.
    Money doesn't solve poverty.....it creates it.
    • Jox
    • By Jox 20th Mar 17, 1:29 PM
    • 1,248 Posts
    • 2,691 Thanks
    Jox
    Narcissist seems to be a buzzword these days, perhaps he is displaying that sort of behaviour for his own gratification.
    • Rowanmoon
    • By Rowanmoon 20th Mar 17, 2:14 PM
    • 5 Posts
    • 18 Thanks
    Rowanmoon
    Sometimes people are interested in different outcomes, for example one person would like to enter into a relationship and the other isn't interested in that but finds the person attractive and is keeping their options open. Of course this is just speculation as we don't ever really know what the other person is motivated by.

    In the end none of us can really know what another person is thinking and what is motivating their behaviour. You have no control over the other person, but do have control over your own behaviour- you sound like you have your priorities right. Be polite when you have to be, concentrate on your career and you will soon find someone worthy of your attention.
    • Angry Bear
    • By Angry Bear 20th Mar 17, 4:42 PM
    • 1,879 Posts
    • 4,577 Thanks
    Angry Bear
    Usually (not always, see above about some forms of domestic abuse), the other person isn't actually deliberately playing mind games. I don't know the details of your situation, but from what you say it sounds a lot like you're very aware of their actions and attributing meaning to them (saying hi vs not saying hi). It's very possible that you just don't feature in their mind that much - if they don't acknowledge you it's not deliberate to hurt you or gauge a reaction, they were just busy/didn't notice you/ didn't think it mattered whether they spoke to you or not.

    Obviously, I don't know enough about your situation to know if this is likely or not, but maybe you're just overthinking it. Most people don't actively set out to hurt or "mess with" others, but almost everyone is a bit self-absorbed at times.
    Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?
    ― Sir Terry Pratchett, 1948-2015
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 20th Mar 17, 8:54 PM
    • 1,032 Posts
    • 1,039 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    Could be he doesn't want to get involved with you but doesn't know how to say it, or could be a power thing, thinking he has the upper hand and likes the thought of you wanting him.
    I'd say hi if he does or ignore him if he ignores you. Regardless of your feelings / his feelings, its just rude to blow hot and cold.
    Don't put any importance on this person they obviously don't respect you.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 21st Mar 17, 8:01 AM
    • 17,093 Posts
    • 43,242 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Could be he doesn't want to get involved with you but doesn't know how to say it, or could be a power thing, thinking he has the upper hand and likes the thought of you wanting him.
    I'd say hi if he does or ignore him if he ignores you. Regardless of your feelings / his feelings, its just rude to blow hot and cold.
    Don't put any importance on this person they obviously don't respect you.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    It sounds to me like the guy did make the OP aware he wasn't interested.

    I only ask as there's someone I was interested in but they weren't interested back, which is fair enough.
    Originally posted by 20aday
    Maybe he just feels embarrassed.

    I wish the OP well for the future.
    • 20aday
    • By 20aday 21st Mar 17, 10:59 AM
    • 2,017 Posts
    • 847 Thanks
    20aday
    Morning all.

    Thank you to everyone for their thoughts/feedback since I last posted a reply the other day.

    Yes 'Mr X' did tell me he wasn't interested and whilst part of me does feel it's "wishful thinking" on my part some of their behaviour seemed to suggest otherwise, that's all.

    Funnily enough they were in work this morning. Completely ignored him i.e. turned my back to him etc whilst tying up loose ends.

    Was talking to another colleague about something that needs resolving at work and life in general and Mr X came up to the both of us and joined in the conversation.

    Made a point of giving him no eye contact and not responding to his input and for the first time in ages I actually felt in control of the situation.

    Whilst part of me would've liked the outcome to have been different I'm glad, in a way, it's turned out like it has done.

    Given what happened to me in the past (see above) I'm too messed up in the head for anything serious anyway. Even thirteen/fourteen years later I could stand in a hot shower for hours on end and scrub myself with a wire scourer and bleach... and I'd still feel dirty
    It's not your credit score that counts, it's your credit history. Any replies are my own personal opinion and not a representation of my employer.
    • Rowanmoon
    • By Rowanmoon 21st Mar 17, 7:08 PM
    • 5 Posts
    • 18 Thanks
    Rowanmoon
    20aday I am so sorry to hear that you had such a horrible experience when you were younger. I hope you can find some support to help you deal with your feelings around what happened to you.
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