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  • FIRST POST
    • catoutthebag
    • By catoutthebag 17th Mar 17, 6:20 PM
    • 2,137Posts
    • 477Thanks
    catoutthebag
    Partner checking dating site?
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 17, 6:20 PM
    Partner checking dating site? 17th Mar 17 at 6:20 PM
    I met partner two months ago and we were official a month ago. Met via quite an expensive dating site. She subscribed for a whole year and met me within a couple weeks.
    I asked out right if she still had a subscription or checked the site now. She said she checked it a couple weeks ago out of 'arrogant curiosity' since she'd had a few messages, but assured me / swore (maybe with not as much gusto as i would have done), that she didn't reply to any.
    We like each other, we seem happy together, and I've no reason to believe otherwise (we spend a lot of time together or she's busy with her work life etc).
    Is it a case of letting it lie? It only bothers me if the thought came into my head (ie now).
    I don't want to press her further etc and she doesn't seem.the devious type and was honest with me as far as i can tell.
    Is there anything else i could or should do? Maybe suggest switching off email notifications?
    Seems odd to subscribe straight away for that amount of time, most do 1,3 months
Page 2
    • Carl31
    • By Carl31 18th Mar 17, 7:59 AM
    • 1,916 Posts
    • 4,255 Thanks
    Carl31
    if she had anything to hide, when you said 'have you checked the site lately?', surely her lie of an answer would have been 'no'

    I see the fact shes been straight up and honest about the fact she has, as the innocent truth, OK she had a look, I proobably would too, but it means nothing to her, dont beat yourself up
    • zagfles
    • By zagfles 18th Mar 17, 9:05 AM
    • 12,103 Posts
    • 10,047 Thanks
    zagfles
    Comparing Facebook and a paid-for dating website is like comparing an apple and an elephant.
    I may have got this wrong but I thought the whole idea of registering on a dating website was to find a partner.

    Having friends and relatives comment on your photos is very different to going back into a dating website to see who may be interested in you.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    No it isn't. It's not like she re-registered or continued paying a subscription, she'd already paid for a year. It's not a crime to want other peoples' opinions about yourself even if you're in a relationship. Some people here do seem to be really insecure.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 18th Mar 17, 9:32 AM
    • 17,346 Posts
    • 44,176 Thanks
    Pollycat
    No it isn't. It's not like she re-registered or continued paying a subscription, she'd already paid for a year. It's not a crime to want other peoples' opinions about yourself even if you're in a relationship. Some people here do seem to be really insecure.
    Originally posted by zagfles
    But it's not just 'other people's opinions'.
    It's people who were (or maybe even are) potential partners.

    Some people here do seem to be really insecure.
    Originally posted by zagfles
    Except perhaps if they have a very insecure partner.
    Originally posted by zagfles
    That's twice you've mentioned insecurity when quoting my posts.
    I don't know who you're directing that to but if it's me and my partner - you couldn't be further from the truth.

    However, I do agree that the OP appears to be very insecure.
    One of his other threads said as much.
    • zagfles
    • By zagfles 18th Mar 17, 9:46 AM
    • 12,103 Posts
    • 10,047 Thanks
    zagfles
    But it's not just 'other people's opinions'.
    It's people who were (or maybe even are) potential partners.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    It's strangers on a website. If she has no interest in meeting them then what's the problem?
    That's twice you've mentioned insecurity when quoting my posts.
    I don't know who you're directing that to but if it's me and my partner - you couldn't be further from the truth.
    Sorry it's definitely not personal and I can't even remember that other post, I just respond to what I see written. It's just a general sense I get on this board that posters seem to be very insecure.
    However, I do agree that the OP appears to be very insecure.
    One of his other threads said as much.
    Which is why he should be helped to overcome it and try to have faith in his new partner, instead of being encouraged to throw in the towel and give in to his insecurities.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 18th Mar 17, 9:51 AM
    • 17,346 Posts
    • 44,176 Thanks
    Pollycat
    IWhich is why he should be helped to overcome it and try to have faith in his new partner, instead of being encouraged to throw in the towel and give in to his insecurities.
    Originally posted by zagfles
    Oh believe me, I - and other posters - have tried to help the OP.
    Here's one example:
    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5602213
    • zagfles
    • By zagfles 18th Mar 17, 10:07 AM
    • 12,103 Posts
    • 10,047 Thanks
    zagfles
    Oh believe me, I - and other posters - have tried to help the OP.
    Here's one example:
    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5602213
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    So what are you doing now then? Just having fun with him?
    • davidwood123
    • By davidwood123 18th Mar 17, 10:15 AM
    • 425 Posts
    • 1,053 Thanks
    davidwood123
    Bit of advice OP. If you carry on acting the way you are she'll be off regardless.

    Just take things slowly and one day at a time.

    * Just read your other post. You're the problem.
    Last edited by davidwood123; 18-03-2017 at 10:17 AM.
    • ognum
    • By ognum 18th Mar 17, 10:16 AM
    • 4,467 Posts
    • 6,713 Thanks
    ognum
    Cat
    You are really feeling pretty vulnerable about this aren't you. Your posts on other issues appear that you are a young, confident go getter.

    You talk about your age, your lack of debt, your savings, your home so I am guessing (and of course it is only a feeling) that relationships are the place in your life where things have not been quite so good?

    You need to jump on anyone who questions you makes it all the more clear you are fragile in this relationship. I am guessing it has taken you a while to find this perminant relationship and you are worried about it slipping away.

    My advice, for what it's worth, is to step back and watch and listen. Dont question there is no need , the answers will become apparent without you jumping in with both feet.

    She will either look and walk away or look and get out of your relationship you appearing demanding and insecure will not help. I appreciate you don't admit to feeling insecure but simply posting the question validates this as does your need to slap everyone on here down.

    So deep breathe carry on with life and let things evolve naturally, if she is deep down unhappy with the relationship then no amount of you clinging on will make any difference.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 18th Mar 17, 10:21 AM
    • 17,346 Posts
    • 44,176 Thanks
    Pollycat
    So what are you doing now then? Just having fun with him?
    Originally posted by zagfles
    No, I'm not.

    I think - until he gets all his paranoia, jealousy and insecurity issues sorted out in his own head - he isn't ready for a relationship.
    He's looking for things to go wrong, he's - as I said in my post on his other thread - over-thinking things.

    Hence my advice.
    • davidwood123
    • By davidwood123 18th Mar 17, 10:33 AM
    • 425 Posts
    • 1,053 Thanks
    davidwood123
    No, I'm not.

    I think - until he gets all his paranoia, jealousy and insecurity issues sorted out in his own head - he isn't ready for a relationship.
    He's looking for things to go wrong, he's - as I said in my post on his other thread - over-thinking things.

    Hence my advice.
    Originally posted by Pollycat


    Things always go better if you just sit back, calm down and enjoy the ride
    • justme111
    • By justme111 18th Mar 17, 11:00 AM
    • 2,750 Posts
    • 2,638 Thanks
    justme111
    She is not a partner . She is a girlfriend.
    • annandale
    • By annandale 18th Mar 17, 11:36 AM
    • 635 Posts
    • 1,555 Thanks
    annandale
    This is the girl who was "the one" a few weeks back. People tried to advise at that time to slow things down.
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 18th Mar 17, 2:03 PM
    • 12,508 Posts
    • 16,704 Thanks
    Gloomendoom
    She is not a partner . She is a girlfriend.
    Originally posted by justme111
    No, she's a partner. It's official don't you know.

    Not sure where you officially register partnerdom though. Probably the same place that you get trolls' IP addresses.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Last edited by Gloomendoom; 18-03-2017 at 5:13 PM. Reason: Schoolboy grammar fail
    Advice; it rhymes with mice. Advise; it rhymes with wise.
    • justme111
    • By justme111 18th Mar 17, 2:20 PM
    • 2,750 Posts
    • 2,638 Thanks
    justme111
    This is the girl who was "the one" a few weeks back. People tried to advise at that time to slow things down.
    Originally posted by annandale
    What requisites will they ask for registration I wonder
    • usernameisvalid
    • By usernameisvalid 18th Mar 17, 2:22 PM
    • 288 Posts
    • 727 Thanks
    usernameisvalid
    No, she's a partner. It's official don't you know.

    Not sure where you officially register partnerdom though. Probably the same place that you get troll's IP addresses.
    Originally posted by Gloomendoom
    It's only official when you update your FB status
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 18th Mar 17, 4:54 PM
    • 22,775 Posts
    • 87,587 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    Is this the person who you logged onto a dating site almost as soon as you met her to check whether she'd been logging on since meeting you roughly 8 weeks ago? And the one where you were fretting about her maybe not wanting to move to where you live within about 4 weeks?

    That's really not a healthy way to go about things. You might say that all you want is a relationship, but that's actually pretty scary when you combine your descriptions of paranoia, insecurity and checking up on her almost immediately. It's too much, too soon.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • tensandunits
    • By tensandunits 18th Mar 17, 5:25 PM
    • 814 Posts
    • 1,220 Thanks
    tensandunits
    The perils of internet dating. It seems to me that people almost become commodities on these dating sites, and potential suitors (often commitmentphobes or men looking for a bit on the side) look through them like they would a catalogue. "Don't like that one", "This one's ok, but prefer someone thinner" and so on. Maybe I am a bit old fashioned, but i'd recommend meeting people in real life.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 18th Mar 17, 9:39 PM
    • 1,076 Posts
    • 1,097 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    I met my now husband on a dating site. We both signed up and paid for 6 months up front as there was a deal going. I know after we became exclusive he continued to receive notifications that he had matches / messages because he never cancelled the subscription. I can understand why it might be tempting to check out of curiosity, as you say, for self esteem. What kind of people like you / what do they say etc. If you had been together a year and she renewed the membership that would've been worrying, but 8 weeks? Its probably just curiosity. Take care not to act too suspicious or needy, its a real turn off.
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