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  • FIRST POST
    • catoutthebag
    • By catoutthebag 17th Mar 17, 6:20 PM
    • 2,122Posts
    • 477Thanks
    catoutthebag
    Partner checking dating site?
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 17, 6:20 PM
    Partner checking dating site? 17th Mar 17 at 6:20 PM
    I met partner two months ago and we were official a month ago. Met via quite an expensive dating site. She subscribed for a whole year and met me within a couple weeks.
    I asked out right if she still had a subscription or checked the site now. She said she checked it a couple weeks ago out of 'arrogant curiosity' since she'd had a few messages, but assured me / swore (maybe with not as much gusto as i would have done), that she didn't reply to any.
    We like each other, we seem happy together, and I've no reason to believe otherwise (we spend a lot of time together or she's busy with her work life etc).
    Is it a case of letting it lie? It only bothers me if the thought came into my head (ie now).
    I don't want to press her further etc and she doesn't seem.the devious type and was honest with me as far as i can tell.
    Is there anything else i could or should do? Maybe suggest switching off email notifications?
    Seems odd to subscribe straight away for that amount of time, most do 1,3 months
Page 1
    • IAmWales
    • By IAmWales 17th Mar 17, 6:26 PM
    • 796 Posts
    • 1,680 Thanks
    IAmWales
    • #2
    • 17th Mar 17, 6:26 PM
    • #2
    • 17th Mar 17, 6:26 PM
    I met partner two months ago and we were official a month ago. Met via quite an expensive dating site. She subscribed for a whole year and met me within a couple weeks.
    I asked out right if she still had a subscription or checked the site now. She said she checked it a couple weeks ago out of 'arrogant curiosity' since she'd had a few messages, but assured me / swore (maybe with not as much gusto as i would have done), that she didn't reply to any.
    We like each other, we seem happy together, and I've no reason to believe otherwise (we spend a lot of time together or she's busy with her work life etc).
    Is it a case of letting it lie? It only bothers me if the thought came into my head (ie now).
    I don't want to press her further etc and she doesn't seem.the devious type and was honest with me as far as i can tell.
    Is there anything else i could or should do? Maybe suggest switching off email notifications?
    Seems odd to subscribe straight away for that amount of time, most do 1,3 months
    Originally posted by catoutthebag
    Trying to control her after a month. Wow.

    You need to chill out or stay away from relationships until you can do so.
    • catoutthebag
    • By catoutthebag 17th Mar 17, 6:39 PM
    • 2,122 Posts
    • 477 Thanks
    catoutthebag
    • #3
    • 17th Mar 17, 6:39 PM
    • #3
    • 17th Mar 17, 6:39 PM
    Trying to control her after a month. Wow.

    You need to chill out or stay away from relationships until you can do so.
    Originally posted by IAmWales
    I love trolls, go back to your little troll hole. And man up and post with your own account..I can see your IP

    Oh. No one's trying to control anyone. Intelligent people (that negates you little one), can see this is an advice-sought posting.
    • zagfles
    • By zagfles 17th Mar 17, 7:07 PM
    • 11,850 Posts
    • 9,807 Thanks
    zagfles
    • #4
    • 17th Mar 17, 7:07 PM
    • #4
    • 17th Mar 17, 7:07 PM
    I love trolls, go back to your little troll hole. And man up and post with your own account..I can see your IP

    Oh. No one's trying to control anyone. Intelligent people (that negates you little one), can see this is an advice-sought posting.
    Originally posted by catoutthebag
    While the PP is clearly a troll, probably one that's been banned before (who would sign up to a money saving site and post that as their first post and within 6 minutes of yours?), they do have a point even if they made it in a over confrontational way.

    You've only been together a month. There are two possibilities. She was doing out of nothing more than "arrogant curiosity" as she says. Or she's not sure and wants to keep looking. Whichever, what do you have to gain by making suggestions as to how she deals with her account? If she wants to keep looking, she will. If she doesn't and is just curious, you could put her off you if you act as if you don't trust her.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 17th Mar 17, 7:23 PM
    • 16,616 Posts
    • 41,669 Thanks
    Pollycat
    • #5
    • 17th Mar 17, 7:23 PM
    • #5
    • 17th Mar 17, 7:23 PM
    Well, you live and learn.
    I've never heard the phrase 'arrogant curiosity'.
    Can you please enlighten me, OP.
    • fizz
    • By fizz 17th Mar 17, 7:29 PM
    • 688 Posts
    • 1,371 Thanks
    fizz
    • #6
    • 17th Mar 17, 7:29 PM
    • #6
    • 17th Mar 17, 7:29 PM
    I love trolls, go back to your little troll hole. And man up and post with your own account..I can see your IP

    Oh. No one's trying to control anyone. Intelligent people (that negates you little one), can see this is an advice-sought posting.
    Originally posted by catoutthebag
    Sorry but this is so funny. You have been seeing someone for a whole 2 months and you are concerned that they are still looking at sites?

    Think you need to have a chat with them rather than posting on a forum and just ask the question...it's good to talk:

    fizz.x
    20p Savers Club 2013 #17 £7.80/£120.00
    • zagfles
    • By zagfles 17th Mar 17, 7:30 PM
    • 11,850 Posts
    • 9,807 Thanks
    zagfles
    • #7
    • 17th Mar 17, 7:30 PM
    • #7
    • 17th Mar 17, 7:30 PM
    Well, you live and learn.
    I've never heard the phrase 'arrogant curiosity'.
    Can you please enlighten me, OP.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    It's not a phrase just an adjective followed by a noun. I read it as something like "checking if people fancy me for no other reason than a boost to my ego"
    • catoutthebag
    • By catoutthebag 17th Mar 17, 7:31 PM
    • 2,122 Posts
    • 477 Thanks
    catoutthebag
    • #8
    • 17th Mar 17, 7:31 PM
    • #8
    • 17th Mar 17, 7:31 PM
    Well, you live and learn.
    I've never heard the phrase 'arrogant curiosity'.
    Can you please enlighten me, OP.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    It's not for me to enlighten, i didn't use the term?

    But sounded like self explanatory, a bit of self validation i guess. I understand she's been rejected in the past / suffered with low esteems at times, despite being extrovert and confident, there's vulnerability beneath the veneer
    • Cherry Gale
    • By Cherry Gale 17th Mar 17, 7:34 PM
    • 354 Posts
    • 508 Thanks
    Cherry Gale
    • #9
    • 17th Mar 17, 7:34 PM
    • #9
    • 17th Mar 17, 7:34 PM
    I presume it just means taking a self-esteem boost from the messages. I'm sure she's not the only one to have done it. It doesn't seem to be a threat to your young relationship: who would prefer the opening gambit if someone on a dating site over the partner they've been growing to like in real life? Only someone who had their doubts anyway.
    I agree with Zagles, you've everything to gain by trusting her in this.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 17th Mar 17, 7:50 PM
    • 16,616 Posts
    • 41,669 Thanks
    Pollycat
    It's not a phrase just an adjective followed by a noun. I read it as something like "checking if people fancy me for no other reason than a boost to my ego"
    Originally posted by zagfles
    Then if I were the OP I'd dump said person as it sounds like they want approbation from persons other than him.

    It's not for me to enlighten, i didn't use the term?

    But sounded like self explanatory, a bit of self validation i guess. I understand she's been rejected in the past / suffered with low esteems at times, despite being extrovert and confident, there's vulnerability beneath the veneer
    Originally posted by catoutthebag
    As above.
    I wouldn't want to have a relationship with someone who needed self validation.


    Nasty.
    Please reconsider whether you wish this post to remain.
    Last edited by Pollycat; 18-03-2017 at 8:08 AM. Reason: quote deleted as now removed from thread
    • fizz
    • By fizz 17th Mar 17, 7:52 PM
    • 688 Posts
    • 1,371 Thanks
    fizz
    2 months or 2 years, exclusive is exclusive, thicko.

    Ps check my post, we did talk, illiterate pleb.
    Originally posted by catoutthebag
    Well, I concur to your superior intellect and your vast relationship experience I will trip-trap off this thread as I'm not a compliant, exclusive, illiterate pleb troll

    fizz.x
    20p Savers Club 2013 #17 £7.80/£120.00
    • zagfles
    • By zagfles 17th Mar 17, 8:24 PM
    • 11,850 Posts
    • 9,807 Thanks
    zagfles
    Then if I were the OP I'd dump said person as it sounds like they want approbation from persons other than him.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    So what if she does? It's pretty much the same as when people update their profile picture on facebook and get loads of comments like "beautiful" or "still looking good" etc from relatives or friends - people they have no interest in romantically and vv.

    Makes them feel good, doesn't harm their relationship. Except perhaps if they have a very insecure partner.
    • springdreams
    • By springdreams 17th Mar 17, 9:03 PM
    • 3,552 Posts
    • 31,288 Thanks
    springdreams
    2 months or 2 years, exclusive is exclusive, thicko.

    Ps check my post, we did talk, illiterate pleb.
    Originally posted by catoutthebag
    Wow !!! How rude
    Smiles are as perfect a gift as hugs...
    ..one size fits all... and nobody minds if you give it back.
    Originally posted by squeaky
    ☆.。.:*・° Housework is so much easier without the clutter ☆.。.:*・°
    SPC No. 518
    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 17th Mar 17, 9:12 PM
    • 1,932 Posts
    • 1,783 Thanks
    arbrighton
    Yes that's true. Since it was mentioned a couple weeks ago in conversation, i have not once asked her since (for the two morons that 'thanked' a dual poster troll - lmao), so I'll continue to trust her as I've done. As you imply, what will be will be.
    Originally posted by catoutthebag
    But you clearly don't trust her or this post wouldn't have happened
    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 17th Mar 17, 9:14 PM
    • 1,932 Posts
    • 1,783 Thanks
    arbrighton
    2 months or 2 years, exclusive is exclusive, thicko.

    Ps check my post, we did talk, illiterate pleb.
    Originally posted by catoutthebag
    Not helping yourself by attacking responders

    Waiting for the attack on me now.

    My intelligence? My Literacy?
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 17th Mar 17, 11:06 PM
    • 9,084 Posts
    • 11,365 Thanks
    hazyjo
    If I'd paid a lot for a year too, I'd feel obliged to look too! But I understand why you're not impressed. It's not nice for the other party. Is there a way she can pause her account and reopen it if she needs to?

    Not saying you won't live happily ever after, but at least she won't feel obliged to check as she's paid for it.

    Suppose it's a bit like having a packet of biscuits open yet saying you'll start a diet. You put it off starting until you've finished the whole packet! Ahem... I'm probably not helping...

    Jx
    2017 wins: Opera tickets; film preview; lipstick; Ideal Home Show tickets + afternoon tea & bottle of Champagne; 2 cases of NKD; notebook; bath rack; books; film Premiere; Broadchurch DVDs; lipbalms
    • mgdavid
    • By mgdavid 18th Mar 17, 2:22 AM
    • 5,159 Posts
    • 4,331 Thanks
    mgdavid
    She's almost certainly twigged what you are really like and is getting another lined up before quitting.
    A salary slave no more.....
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 18th Mar 17, 7:43 AM
    • 15,502 Posts
    • 38,857 Thanks
    FBaby
    Is it a case of letting it lie?
    Letting what lie? That she still goes to have a look but doesn't reply? How did you find out that was the case unless you too went and had a look and noted she'd been active recently?

    She is probably still going on it out of habit. It's amazing how logging in becomes part of your life, very much like this site is for many of us. The fact that she paid for a year subscription probably impacts on it too.

    Of course, there is also the possibility that she doesn't think you are her perfect match, staying with you on the basis of 'let's see how it goes and if we can make something out of it', but thinking that it is likely not to work out long term and therefore still looking for better options.

    To be fair, your even thinking of suggesting to her that she could turn her email notification would raise a bit alarm if I were her and probably makes me want to log in even quicker to look for an alternative that doesn't show signs of control issues.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 18th Mar 17, 7:50 AM
    • 16,616 Posts
    • 41,669 Thanks
    Pollycat
    So what if she does? It's pretty much the same as when people update their profile picture on facebook and get loads of comments like "beautiful" or "still looking good" etc from relatives or friends - people they have no interest in romantically and vv.

    Makes them feel good, doesn't harm their relationship. Except perhaps if they have a very insecure partner.
    Originally posted by zagfles
    Comparing Facebook and a paid-for dating website is like comparing an apple and an elephant.
    I may have got this wrong but I thought the whole idea of registering on a dating website was to find a partner.

    Having friends and relatives comment on your photos is very different to going back into a dating website to see who may be interested in you.
    • Pop Up Pirate
    • By Pop Up Pirate 18th Mar 17, 7:51 AM
    • 770 Posts
    • 1,810 Thanks
    Pop Up Pirate
    Only together a couple of months? So you're still in the honeymoon period of a relationship.

    If that were me, and my partner admitted to viewing his date profile out of curiosity, I'd say Goodbye and move on before wasting any more time.

    If she can be checking out potential 2 months in, then she isn't right for you.
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