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    • MXW
    • By MXW 13th Mar 17, 6:51 PM
    • 453Posts
    • 215Thanks
    MXW
    Commitment phobes
    • #1
    • 13th Mar 17, 6:51 PM
    Commitment phobes 13th Mar 17 at 6:51 PM
    Long story, I've recently posted on here about my relationship ending.
    In a nutshell, we were seeing each other last year, got on really well, then out of the blue, he just left my house on my birthday with no explanation, ended things the following day, saying he had been on his own too long and his feelings had changed for me.
    Fast forward 5 months, he contacted me again, saying he wanted us to try again, he was much more confident this time round, (he said) told me when he ended it the first time he was scared, and he thought his head was going to explode.
    We started seeing each other again, things couldn't have been better, not a cross word in all the time we had been seeing each other.

    I had a bit of a strop about something (first time) and he's ended things again, saying literally overnight that his feelings have changed for me???

    The last text he sent me said he had lived alone for a long time, and he knew how to look after himself....Then he blocked me and cut me out of his life.

    In total, this is the 3rd time he has done this, and it has left me upset and bemused.

    It sounds ridiculous, but he is a good person, and couldn't have been more loving and caring....Then bam, his personality changes!
    I've made no attempt to contact him through any routes, but just wondered if anyone has experienced this themselves, or if they have done it to someone, and why they did it.

    He has been living alone for about 15 years, and apart from a couple of short relationships many years ago, I'm the first person he has had a relationship with in many years.

    It went from us having a great time and enjoying each others company (and him constantly telling me that I've brightend up his life, and he thinks about me all the time) to literally cutting me out of his life overnight.
Page 2
    • 20aday
    • By 20aday 19th Mar 17, 6:57 AM
    • 1,995 Posts
    • 828 Thanks
    20aday
    I think that he struggles with commitment because of his divorce. I think he would like commitment, but he's scared of it.

    In terms of talking about the future.....I never did, because I was mindful of what had happened in the past. Any talk of the future was down to him.

    I do think that you are right though, he's lived on his own for a long time, and to a certain degree has become selfish. I have also been single for a long time, but I have children, so I am used to putting other people first on a daily basis.
    Originally posted by MXW
    I can understand why he'd be wary given he's divorced... but similarly he also needs to realise that sometimes you have to conquer your fears and whilst life doesn't always work out as you'd planned not everything is going to end up in heartache and tears.

    In terms of me I've been single for the last five years and have gotten to doing pretty much what I want, when I want. I've even worked a lot to try and avoid meeting people.

    Because of the other thing that happened to me it takes a lot for me to really trust people and someone came into my life within the last 12 months that's made me re-evaluate the situation.

    Whilst I've come to the conclusion nothing is ever going to come of it (which saddens me as I'm down in the dumps when they completely blank me but I light up inside whenever they smile at me/acknowledge me!) it's made me realise just because one person has caused me 'permanent' damage not everyone is like that person.

    It sounds to me as if you've got to give and you've had a lucky escape; I appreciate you have children but you also have to put yourself first too OP.
    It's not your credit score that counts, it's your credit history. Any replies are my own personal opinion and not a representation of my employer.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 19th Mar 17, 7:22 AM
    • 7,470 Posts
    • 25,207 Thanks
    Primrose
    Commitment is easy enough in the good times but total commitment means signing up for the difficult times as well and having the courage to face all kinds of possibly challenging and unknown circumstances in the future.
    Your Ex wasn't prepared or able to do this so you can only count yourself as fortunate that he decided to disappear off the scene now when he did rather than leaving you in the lurch at a potentially difficult and challenging time of your life when you were perhaps in crisis. That would have been a real double whammy to grapple with.
    • MXW
    • By MXW 19th Mar 17, 2:35 PM
    • 453 Posts
    • 215 Thanks
    MXW
    Commitment is easy enough in the good times but total commitment means signing up for the difficult times as well and having the courage to face all kinds of possibly challenging and unknown circumstances in the future.
    Your Ex wasn't prepared or able to do this so you can only count yourself as fortunate that he decided to disappear off the scene now when he did rather than leaving you in the lurch at a potentially difficult and challenging time of your life when you were perhaps in crisis. That would have been a real double whammy to grapple with.
    Originally posted by Primrose
    I've heard along the grapevine that he's working away for the foreseeable future...It wouldn't surprise me if it was just the excuse he needed to end things, so he didn't have to explain being away for so long. He brought the subject up of working away up when he ended things....Said it wasn't fair on me or him. I pointed out that him working away had never been an issue (which he couldn't deny), although the length of the contract was longer than normal.

    Think he just thought it was easier to end things, then explain that he would be working away for some time. He avoided the (perceived) confrontation.
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