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    • Andrew Ryan 89
    • By Andrew Ryan 89 12th Mar 17, 11:08 PM
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    Andrew Ryan 89
    Is it important to have a life of your own?
    • #1
    • 12th Mar 17, 11:08 PM
    Is it important to have a life of your own? 12th Mar 17 at 11:08 PM
    So I thought of this thread after a discussion with a friend of mine. Last year he came into some money as he was made redundant, something around £7k, and pledged to use it to start his own business as he was fed up working in the corporate environment.

    During that time, I was with him when another friend of his called and asked if he wanted to join them in Ibiza for the week to celebrate a birthday. In typical fashion, without thinking he said yes and literally got up, packed his bags and headed for the airport that evening. When he came back he was showing of all these pictures of him drinking stupidly expensive champagne and went on about how much of a good time he had.

    Not going into details, he's been through enough that he deserves to let his hair down whenever but I was scratching my head puzzled as the week before he was talking about using his money to help his struggling mum and start a business, but now he had blown all his money and had no job.

    Anytime someone ask him out somewhere he always says yes. Even when he has a prior arrangement he will somehow try to merge the two or go to both. He's a fantastic guy and every one loves him and his quirks.

    Broke and jobless, we are having a deep conversation about a number of things and I brought up the conversation about his spending in Ibiza. He felt no way about it, justifying that his friends also went and spent thousands on champagne. Paradoxically, he also was emotional by the fact he was not in a position to help his mum out and or start a business but mentioned a friend invited him to go to Thailand for 3 months and he was going.

    I told him that he needs to carve out a life for himself. All his friends that were in ibiza with him all went back to their jobs, wives and children and every time an opportunity comes up for him to do something with his life (relationship, money and family) he inevitably throws it down the drain, especially as he goes on about not having the aforementioned.

    It's getting to a point where everyone around him is getting married, having children, buying properties or getting on with a career. I just fear that 10 years from now all he's going to be over reliant on others for any ounce of happiness or self worth

    Sorry, I know it's a long post and I hope it makes sense. What are your thoughts?
Page 2
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 13th Mar 17, 5:50 PM
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    Poor_Single_lady
    I'm not sure I understand. The man came into some money, talked about options, went to Ibiza and then spent more if HIS money going to Thailand for 3 months.
    I'm not sure why this is a problem and to be honest I'm a bit jealous.

    Are you trying to get people to say that he is wasting his life and the only way to live is to get married and have lots of babies.
    We are all different and I'm not sure this thread even rings true.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 13th Mar 17, 6:05 PM
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    Poor_Single_lady
    OP please loosen up, start having some fun and stop taking life so seriously.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • OldMotherTucker
    • By OldMotherTucker 13th Mar 17, 6:42 PM
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    OldMotherTucker
    Do you know what? If I came into some money, I'd blow some of it on the trip of a lifetime!!

    Life is short and you'll never please everyone else with your choices. Someone will always think you should have been more thrifty/less impulsive or be around to remind you that you should have done something differently but when you're old and infirm, past having any fun whatsoever, wouldn't it be great to look back and think "Hey, I had some fun!'

    I've a failed marriage but 3 great kids. I had to sell my house (everything I'd worked for) but my kids have great memories. I've had a crappy illness all my life but I'm still in the game.

    Why strive to be 'conventional' or 'sensible' in life - we're a long time dead!
    Should have joined Borrowmydoggy.com
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 13th Mar 17, 6:50 PM
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    gettingtheresometime
    OH will shortly be the age his mum was when she died far far too young.

    We went on a wonderful holiday recently to celebrate & yes we probably could have had an equally enjoyable holiday somewhere far cheaper but it was what he wanted to do.

    OP marriage & having kids isn't for everyone you know
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - the Argos Card!
    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 13th Mar 17, 9:14 PM
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    Bath cube
    I agree with primrose. This friend of yours is living in the moment which is alright for now. But 10 or 20 years later what then?. If he wants the life of a beach bum or cad it's ok when he is young but when he gets to middle age or if he is lucky enough to enter his twilight age he will be a washed up and full of self pity do you really want to carry the can for him then?. Be his friend by all means but not his fall guy. I wish you all the best in your decisions.
    • meer53
    • By meer53 13th Mar 17, 9:24 PM
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    meer53
    I agree with primrose. This friend of yours is living in the moment which is alright for now. But 10 or 20 years later what then?. If he wants the life of a beach bum or cad it's ok when he is young but when he gets to middle age or if he is lucky enough to enter his twilight age he will be a washed up and full of self pity do you really want to carry the can for him then?. Be his friend by all means but not his fall guy. I wish you all the best in your decisions.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    Wow, thats a huge assumption to make ! He might be a millionaire when he gets to middle age, he might not, it's his business, no-one elses, he can spend his money how he likes, if the OP is a true friend, he'll be there for him whatever comes his way.
    Last edited by meer53; 13-03-2017 at 9:26 PM.
    • boliston
    • By boliston 13th Mar 17, 10:41 PM
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    boliston
    ......

    It's getting to a point where everyone around him is getting married, having children......
    Originally posted by Andrew Ryan 89
    This made me laugh out loud!

    You talk about spending 7k in ibiza as bad yet you go on to list two of life's biggest money sucking "black holes" in the same post.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 14th Mar 17, 7:32 AM
    • 17,625 Posts
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    Pollycat
    I agree with primrose. This friend of yours is living in the moment which is alright for now. But 10 or 20 years later what then?. If he wants the life of a beach bum or cad it's ok when he is young but when he gets to middle age or if he is lucky enough to enter his twilight age he will be a washed up and full of self pity do you really want to carry the can for him then?. Be his friend by all means but not his fall guy. I wish you all the best in your decisions.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    Nobody knows what will happen in 5 years or 10.
    He may have been hit by a double decker bus or he may have won the lottery.

    Why isn't it OK to live the life of a beach bum when you're middle aged - if that is what he wants?

    Maybe when he's in his twilight years he may look back and think 'Hey! I've had a really good life'.

    How this person lives his life now is only going to be an issue for the OP if his friend comes a-knocking for handouts.
    And the OP can always so 'no' if that happens.

    As with the majority of posters, I think it's none of Andrew's business.
    • suki1964
    • By suki1964 14th Mar 17, 8:58 AM
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    suki1964
    Andrew, being married with a kid on the way hasn't made you happy so why advocate it for a friend ?

    If I didn't have responsibilities and 7k fell in my lap, I'd be off like a shot, travelling and partying like there was no tomorrow and wouldn't be content till every last penny was spent on just having a good time
    • ognum
    • By ognum 14th Mar 17, 3:35 PM
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    ognum
    Gosh Mr Ryan, yet again a post that is so much more about you than your friend.

    I always wait when you start a topic then read it later and as usual you have said your thing and not come back to comment on the replies you have.

    I can tell you are young but your really are rather sanctimonious and egotistical. You do believe you can tell you wife, family and friends how they should live their lives be it work,rest or play you know it all.

    Then you wonder why you are not invited to weddings, parties, birthdays etc.

    Time for some major reflection on yourself Mr Ryan. Time to stop looking at others and condemning their actions. Time to sit down and work out what would really make you happy because you certainly aren't happy now. You may think you have it all, house, car, nice watch, wifey, baby on the way BUT ask yourself why you are not happy.

    Peaceful introspection needed Mr Ryan.
    • ttoli
    • By ttoli 14th Mar 17, 7:51 PM
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    ttoli
    I'll bet that deep down , He is far happier than you appear to be, For the record I dropped everything 12 years ago, quit a good career , sold up and moved to an island in the sun, most of my friends who at the time thought I was mad , now wish that they'd done it too before being tied down with mortgage, kids etc . Does your friend know that you are posting this ?? , I rather think not !
    • toniq
    • By toniq 14th Mar 17, 8:36 PM
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    toniq
    You should have asked for an invite to Ibiza.
    HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!! HAPPY HAPPY JOY! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!! HAPPY HAPPY JOY!

    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 15th Mar 17, 8:10 AM
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    Poor_Single_lady
    OP you are like the boy who cried wolf. You're all like- let's have a discussion, what do people think - and then you just clear off!
    It's up to you but isn't it only polite to come back and contribute to some of your threads.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 15th Mar 17, 8:41 AM
    • 1,934 Posts
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    arbrighton
    Does your friend know that you are posting this ?? , I rather think not !
    Originally posted by ttoli
    Perhaps more to the point, does the friend exist?
    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 15th Mar 17, 8:42 AM
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    arbrighton
    OP you are like the boy who cried wolf. You're all like- let's have a discussion, what do people think - and then you just clear off!
    It's up to you but isn't it only polite to come back and contribute to some of your threads.
    Originally posted by Poor_Single_lady
    He doesn't seem to like it if people disagree with him....
    • Andrew Ryan 89
    • By Andrew Ryan 89 15th Mar 17, 1:13 PM
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    Andrew Ryan 89
    I wonder if you're a tiny bit jealous of the freedom he has to go out and enjoy himself OP.

    He may get fed up with the lifestyle eventually but provided he's paying his way then good luck to him.

    Incidentally if he blew all the £7000 on champagne in Ibiza, what's he living on?
    Originally posted by maman
    He is living with his mum.

    Just to clear up a few things as I think others have got me wrong on this (my fault in the OP). I am not being judgmental in anyway. My personal belief is that if you are happy with your life, your are a success. Some people don't want children or marriage, some people do. Makes no difference. Some people are more care free etc.

    During my conversation with my friend, he would always tell me about the things he wants in life (a partner, meaningful job, support his mother etc.) and is upset that these things are not in place. My point was, for all the short-term hedonistic pleasures he puts a lot of time, effort and money in to but long term he doesn't. Again this is not a problem per se. His friends do the same but have something of their own life to go back to (career, partner, children or simply just happiness/selfworth by themselves).

    This is quite difficult to explain in writing but the question I am asking is is it important to have a life foundation that is personal to you? Keep in mind that in the OP I am asking the question and not claiming to know it. In terms of the thing that gets you up every morning, is it a problem if that is literally just friends and the recreation that you do with them?
    • spirit
    • By spirit 15th Mar 17, 1:19 PM
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    spirit
    There's no right or wrong answer Andrew.


    what's right for one person isn't necessarily so for someone else.


    Live and let live.
    Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 15th Mar 17, 1:20 PM
    • 17,625 Posts
    • 44,860 Thanks
    Pollycat
    He is living with his mum.

    Just to clear up a few things as I think others have got me wrong on this (my fault in the OP). I am not being judgmental in anyway. My personal belief is that if you are happy with your life, your are a success. Some people don't want children or marriage, some people do. Makes no difference. Some people are more care free etc.

    During my conversation with my friend, he would always tell me about the things he wants in life (a partner, meaningful job, support his mother etc.) and is upset that these things are not in place. My point was, for all the short-term hedonistic pleasures he puts a lot of time, effort and money in to but long term he doesn't. Again this is not a problem per se. His friends do the same but have something of their own life to go back to (career, partner, children or simply just happiness/selfworth by themselves).

    This is quite difficult to explain in writing but the question I am asking is is it important to have a life foundation that is personal to you? Keep in mind that in the OP I am asking the question and not claiming to know it. In terms of the thing that gets you up every morning, is it a problem if that is literally just friends and the recreation that you do with them?
    Originally posted by Andrew Ryan 89
    Andrew
    I think you're being a bit specious with your comment ^^^^ in bold.
    I told him that he needs to carve out a life for himself. All his friends that were in ibiza with him all went back to their jobs, wives and children and every time an opportunity comes up for him to do something with his life (relationship, money and family) he inevitably throws it down the drain, especially as he goes on about not having the aforementioned.

    It's getting to a point where everyone around him is getting married, having children, buying properties or getting on with a career. I just fear that 10 years from now all he's going to be over reliant on others for any ounce of happiness or self worth

    Sorry, I know it's a long post and I hope it makes sense. What are your thoughts?
    Originally posted by Andrew Ryan 89
    Why did you feel it necessary to tell him he needs to carve out a life for himself if you're not being judgemental and criticising his lifestyle?
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 15th Mar 17, 1:25 PM
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    fairy lights
    In terms of the thing that gets you up every morning, is it a problem if that is literally just friends and the recreation that you do with them?
    Originally posted by Andrew Ryan 89
    No, why would that be a problem?
    I'm still not really sure what you're asking.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 15th Mar 17, 1:32 PM
    • 7,996 Posts
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    tea lover
    In terms of the thing that gets you up every morning, is it a problem if that is literally just friends and the recreation that you do with them?
    Originally posted by Andrew Ryan 89
    As opposed to what? What sort of purpose would you count as 'worthy' enough..... curing cancer maybe, or developing unlimited free energy?

    This guy sounds like he's enjoying life - surely that's more of a success than someone dragging themselves in to a job they hate every day just for the sake of the money.
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